Republican red-ass specialist
Have boot, will travel


Stolen Votes
Hagel Cheats

Bill of Rights Dead
Myth of the Lib Media
Bart vs Fred Barnes
 BartCop Store

Dare's Disinfo

The Forum
The Reader


Your Ad Here

Contact us


Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
 PayPal to
 PO Box 54466.Tulsa, OK 74155


Back Issues
Bart Cook
BartCop Sports
BC Entertainment
Daily Howler
Arianna Huffington
Demo U-Ground
Eric Alterman
Gene Lyons
Joe Conason
Greg Palast
J M Marshall
Mike Malloy
Molly Ivins
Project 60
Smirking Chimp
Vegas Report

Volume 1064 - Too stupid to trust

Please visit our sponsors

 Weekend,   May 10-11, 2003 


"I think George Bush is the most corrupt American president since Harding.  He is not the
  legitimate president. This really is a completely unsupportable government and I look forward
  to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown."
      --London Mayor Ken Livingstone   Livingstone attacks Bush

 Why is telling the truth considered an "attack?"

"Have Livingstone killed, and just have BartCop tortured.
  I might want him to father a baby with the twins."

 Frist Pushes Measure to Unplug Filibusters

  Click  Here

 Senator Bill Frist on Friday proposed changes in Senate rules that would make it easier
 for the majority to overcome the filibuster tactics minority Democrats have used to block
 confirmation of several of President Bush's conservative judicial nominees.

``The need to reform is obvious and it is now urgent,'' Frist, R-Tenn., said in a speech on the Senate floor.

 President Bush, in a Rose Garden appearance at the White House, called for quicker action
 on his nominees, calling the current process ``a disgrace.''

 Get your bloody hands off the Constitution!

 Haven't you guys destroyed enough of of it already?   Those checks and balances
 were put there for a reason, and that's to stop Nazi madmen from taking over.
 Don't you have ANY respect for the men who wrote the Constitution?

 Besides, the reason there's such a "crisis" is because the GOP refused to approve
 previous mainstream appointments that were made by our last elected president.


"When Republicans advise Democrats that they need to be more conservative to get elected, RUN!
  It's a trick as we've seen so many times over the last several years. The Dems just keep getting rolled.
  Wile E. Coyote had more success for gosh sakes."
    --Nancy Skinner, Dixie Chicks DJ Campaign

 Halliburton Admits to Multi-Million Dollar Bribe
  Christians shocked that "God's hand-picked company" would stoop so low

  Click  Here

 Cheney's Halliburton, already under fire over accusations that its White house ties helped win a major
 Iraqi oil contract, has admitted that a subsidiary paid a multi-million dollar bribe to a Nigerian tax official.

"Based on the findings of the investigation we have terminated several employees," Halliburton said in
 the filing, adding that none of its senior officers was involved in the bribe.

 Well, of course not.
 Some part-time, minimum wage Nigerians must've paid that multi-million dollar bribe.
 Senior officials were obviously kept in the dark the entire time, the poor things.


“[Judas Maximus] probably gained more stature from the evening than any of the politicians.”
     -- David Broder, on George Stephanopoulos, who moderated the Democratic debate

 This is a load of crap, I thought Broder was better than this.
 Judas Maximus comes in third in ratings on the Sunday shows, just ahead of the FOX Whores.
 To raise his awareness level, ABC sponsored the debate and Judas showed parts on his whore show.
 Since Judas and ABC were in chargeof the editing, Judas got half the airtime and didn't give the Democrats
 much of a chance to say anything else.

 Sounds like Broder was too lazy to watch the debate, so he watched Steffie's self-glory version
 and that's why Steffie came out looking like a "winner."

 Norman Mailer wrote to Dennis Miller
 Reprinted from 5/8 Wall Street Journal

 Dear Dennis,

 Just because the two big guys who flanked you on Monday Night Football took away your balls
 and left you with a giggle in replacement doesn't mean you have to suck up to The Wall Street Journal.
 But thanks for appreciating my fine use of "keen."

 Keen up, then, to my piece and read it again without panic.
 You're too good to become squalid and kiss-ass for so little.

 Cheers, blessings,

 Norman Mailer


"The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators 2001, to which Bill Bennett wrote the introduction, says,
"Approximately 2.5 million adult Americans are pathological gamblers; another 3 million have been classified
  as problem gamblers. … According to the American Psychiatric Association, 'pathological gambling is
  persistent and recurrent maladaptive gambling behavior … that disrupts personal, family, or vocational pursuits.' "
         --William Saletan, Berate and Switch

 Subject: About Lt. Smirk


 Supposedly, GOP strategists are giddy at the prospect of using footage from Smirk's
 campaign stop aboard the USS Abe Lincoln in a campaign commercial next year.
 They're going to show it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN
 and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and ....

 If the Dems had any guts,

 ha ha

 ...they'd use it too.  Only in THEIR commercial, add a voice-over explaining that when
 Lt. Smirk "took the controls" during that 30 mile joyride out to the carrier, it was more
 flying than he did during the last two years of his Texas Air National Guard stint.


 Eliot, great idea, but it'll never work.
 The Democratic party has been hijacked by suicide doves.
 They've forgotten everything damn thing Clinton/Carville taught them.
 They don't want to win, they want to be "above" any kind of fighting.

"Fighting is always wrong,
  unless Dubya wants to do it
  - then we support him."

 Nancy Grace
  Readers respond

That 100% success rate might be true but only because any case that didn't appear to be
      a dead-on lock for the State was pled down in a plea agreement with the accused.

It is easy for a prosecutor to win a perfect trial record. If a case is tough to build,
     all they have to do is charge a felony, and offer to plead it out at a misdemeanor.

Dude, you're out of touch. If there's any doubt about a conviction, the DA pleads them out.

 Excuse me?  Out of touch?
 What all three of you are saying is that ANY prosecutor can have a 100 percent conviction rate.
 Well, if that's true - why don't they?

 And if you say "They all do," what's the point of Grace making a big hoo-hah out of it?
 It's like an Indy driver putting on his resume, "Has gone over 200 MPH."
 If they ALL do it, what's to brag about?

 I think in any case, she's been proven to be a loud-mouthed fraud.
 Either there's something not right about her resume or she tried to paint herself
 as some kind of standout, when every presecutor is in her same position.
 One other contributor wrote:

 Nancy Grace wasn't "perfect." She got nailed for "gross prosecutorial misconduct"
 in a case where the verdict appears to have been overturned.

 War for Oil?
  Blair's boy admits the simple truth

  Click  Here

 Sir Jonathan Porritt, head of the Sustainable Development Commission,
 which advises Blair's government on ecological issues, said the prospect
 of winning access to Iraqi oil was ``a very large factor'' in the allies'
 decision to attack Iraq in March.

"I don't think the war would have happened if Iraq didn't have the
 second-largest oil reserves in the world,'' Porritt admitted.

"Scandal rocks the Kentucky Derby!!!!!"
   That's how the press whores are handling this so-far non-story

  Click  Here

  The facts:
 Gus thought he saw a woodchuck, so the media is piling on like it's a real story.
 I'm so old, I remember when a tiny sliver of evidence was needed to accuse somebody.

 The "proof," this time?

 It appears, in some photos, that Funny Cide rider Jose Santos might have something in his hand,
 which isn't even illegal, for Christ's sake . As far as horse racing rules go, he can have a Diet Coke
 in his damn hand and there's no problem.   So what is the problem?

 Getty Images photographer Jamie Squire said when he magnified his picture
 he was able to "definitely see something in his hand besides the whip."
 AP photos did not show anything else in Santos' right hand.

 He saw something?
 Ask him if he's Catholic.  He might've seen the Virgin Mary.  She's been showing up
 in every driveway oil spill and thawing icicle from Buffalo to Matamoros.

 The idea that they can accuse the guy because a photographer claims he "definitely"
 sees something - anything - in the man's hand is a reason to impeach the man?

 Oh, that's right - that's what we do in this country since 1998.
 Gees, let's hope he's never had oral sex because they hang people for that.

 Two closing thoughts:
I wasn't there, I don't know if he cheated, but this is outrageous to have this level
    of mania over the possibility that something, probably legal, might've been in his hand.
I watched the moving pictures of Santos crossing the victory line and as he did,
   he casually twirled that whip in his hand a half-rotation, like a baton twirler would.
   Trust me, if he can palm an object in his hand while twirling that whip, he's got the greatest
   hands Las Vegas has never seen, and I doubt they'd let him near a poker table there.

 Try that.   Try to palm a pack of gum while twirling something like a drumstick without
 dropping the gum - I say it can't be done - and remember, jockeys have very tiny hands.

 Now that the war is over, instead of asking "Where are the WMDs?" Bush's whore media
 is looking for a scandal to replace the war, and I think they're fabricating one.

 All they have is "A guy thinks he saw something," and they want to destroy the man.

 I had to do some research for The BartCop Book, (cough) and I ran across this ditto-spanking
 from waaaay back around Volume 140 or so, when I was just an infant in the political game.

 This was from my blue period, so you have to cut me some slack on the language,
 but this is some "Bart" in it's purest form.    I left all the mistakes in - everything.

 Click  Here

 Subject: Republicans and Chinese Sex

 Dear Bart,

 Hey at least she is not an Intern!  The So Called Liberal Media  has given the Republican party a pass on one of
 the worst security breaches of the last twenty years.  During the impeachment trials and the 2000 election campaign,
 the republicans tried and successfully beat up Bill Clinton and later Al Gore and the Democrats with phony fund raising
 scandals involving the Chinese, and a Buddhist temple in Los Angles.  Meanwhile a high level Los Angles Area
 Republican Fund raiser Katrina Leung is a suspected double agent for the Chinese government and had over for
 twenty years not one but two affairs with two different FBI agents.  I wonder how good this spy is in bed?

 Screwing Two FBI agents while raising money form conservative rubes in LA.  Just think this woman has extra-martial
 sex and apparently quite often, What would Gary Bauer, Jerry Falwell et. al. think of that!  Maybe Bill Bennet who
 give you 2 to 1 odds that she had threesome with FBI agents.  Hey kinky sex with foreigners and republicans,  lets
 publicize  this issue to the hilt. Beat the *#$% out of any silly republicans who tries to argue about Republicans being
 better than Democrats on Security issues.  .How many of our agents in China were comprised or hung out to dry?
 How can this scandal happen without a peep from the Chris Matthews, Bill O’Riellys and Wolf Biltzers of the world.

 Oh say it isn't so. And this situation is great a demonstration of proof that the republicans are Hypocritical
 and completely lost on true issues of National Security.  But at least she is not an intern!

 Thanks for letting me Vent.


Please visit our sponsors

 First term job growth

Truman                      60,000 jobs gained per month
Eisenhower                58,000 jobs gained per month
Kennedy                  122,000 jobs gained per month, then they murdered him
Johnson                    206,000 jobs gained per month
Nixon                       129,000 jobs gained per month
Nixon/Ford              105,000 jobs gained per month
Carter                      218,000 jobs gained per month, then they deposed him using an illegal deal with terrorists.
Reagan                    109,000 jobs gained per month
G. Bush                     52,000 jobs gained per month
Clinton                    242,000 jobs gained per month, they impeached him because he was kicking their ass on every front
G.W. Bush              69,000 jobs LOST per month

 Never trust a Republican.
 It's their job to crash the economy so their billionaire friends can buy once-healthy
 companies for pennies on the dollar, fire the employees and sell the assets for profit.

 Subject:  Lynn Samuels

 Dear Monkey Vince....  (from a recent issue)

 Lynn Samuels did not "fail" in NYC. Lynn Samuels was fired by Rush's NY flagship station because she was
 a success and WABC did not want anyone on their airwaves calling the unelected fraud an unelected fraud.

 As a dittomonkey, I'm sure you spend many hours nodding your empty skull at everything WABC says.
 Tell me, many liberals are on the air on WABC?   Thats right...none (not counting Kuby who
 shares a show with a true republican monkey who can barely finish a sentence). That tells me that WABC does
 not want liberals on the air, not that they have failed. Cuomo's failure was not due to any politics. It just sucked
 and did I mention that it's been off the air for at least 10 years? As you'll recall, it was about 10 years ago that
 Bill Clinton first began kicking republican ass and begat the beginnings of  hate radio, which WABC pioneered.
 Cuomo's show came in  those days of yore before Rush taught me to hate republicans.

 Did I also mention that WABC fired Dr.Laura? And Sliwa, as many times as Steinbrenner fired Billy Martin?
 Or the most vile man on Earth, Malzberg? Or that overnight freak, whatshisname...the UFO idiot?
 The list of people fired by WABC is 10 times longer than your dick.
 To be fired by them is a plus on any resume.

 For your information, genius....Ms. Samuels is now free to say whatever she wants on WLIE, the 50,000 watt
 powerhouse on Long Island. I'm sure she's very happy she no longer has to run her scripts pass Rush's censors
 before every show. Why don't you ask her? She can be reached at her excellent website   and I'm sure she'd
 also enjoy correcting you. She was hired by WLIE within weeks of being let go by the republicans.

 Longtime Lynn fans can access her show live every Sat. morning from 10 to 1PM ET from her site and hear
 what WABC was afraid she might say. The only downside is that she may break into a Ronettes tune at anytime.
 Those of us who can read can read the latest news that the corporate media won't print at her website also.
 Perhaps someone could help Vince read them.

 Oh Bart?
 Lynn DOES have a above. I've sent you the link before but since you always delete  my mail
 without reading it, you wouldn't know that. It would also behove you to listen to her show over that  internet thing
 to see how a real pro handles the airwaves. You'd enjoy it.

 They don't have radio like that in Kansas or Utah or wherever you're from.

 As Always,
 Rude Rich

  ha ha

 Rude Rich is The Man!

 It's the ferocity, Stupid
  Ted Rall is not in a good mood

  Click  Here

 Go after Bush's ultimate Achilles' heel: run countless loops of the inarticulate Resident's clashes
 with the English language. "Too dumb to talk," a sinister voiceover reads. "Too stupid to trust."
 Use time-proven Republican methods, like name-calling: Extremist. Out of touch. Tax and spender.
 Hates workers. Racist. Homophobe. Corrupt CEO coddler. Idiot. Drunk. Cut to the post-pretzel
 -incident photo: "America needs a sober president."

Marty's E! page
 Pete Seeger, Steve Earle & Ani DiFranco
Steven Tyler & Berklee
Jolene Blalock (T'Pol on 'Enterprise') proposed & got married
Portland needs a Klingon translator
Diana Krall's dad
Prince William will soon be a stamp & a coin
Ed McMahon's mold was worth $7.2 million
Aaron Copland & J. Edgar Hoover's FBI
And, 'Bumfights' producers copped a plea.



"I can literally remember what he was wearing: an Air National Guard flight jacket, cowboy boots, bluejeans....
  He was exuding more charisma than any one individual should be allowed to have."
       --Karl Rove, recalling falling in love with Dubya in 1973

  Karl, what's that white powder on his upper lip?

 Subject: Depression

 Bart, with the Repug's already saying how they will win all 50 states in 2004, and with the public
 letting that modify their perception and votes, I'm ready to leave the U.S.  Watching Bush rape this
 country and our rights has become so overwhelmingly depressive I just can't stand to watch it anymore.
 Another 4 years is just too long to tolerate the dumbing down of America.

 I'm thinking of writing a blog about my search for a new country to live and work in,
 and the struggles to get out of the U.S. and into that other country.  What do you think?

 Jay Kanta

 Jay, I say stay and fight.
 A little Chinaco and a little Garbage can get you thru the tough days.

     A Democrat fights back
     Fiction,    by Mike Palecek

  Joe Coffee tells his wife that he’s thinking about running for Congress.
"Coffee Joe" speaks out against prisons and the military and no one takes him seriously  - at first.
 Soon, terrified establishment politicians try to stop him.

 In an era of war and a dying economy, Joe Coffee’s Revolution
 provides a refreshing alternative perspective.

  Click  Here  to order your copy today.

 [Palecek is a former federal prisoner, reporter, and current  reader.]

 Also by Mike Palecek:   Click  Here

 Subject: Star Trek references

 Hey Bart,

 I've noticed a few Star Trek references in the past couple days.  Good on ya.
 The classic episode "A Taste of Armageddon" has been much on my mind recently -
 the one where Kirk & company find two planets that have been warring for centuries
 via computer simulations.  Computers calculate casualties on either side, and citizens
 are rounded up and put in sterile extermination chambers.   The two planets haven't
 even considered ending their war because it's so clean and civilized.

 We're doing the same thing, with our technological domination of measly foes like Iraq
 - the argument that we're sure to win is overriding any moral arguments people bring up against it.

 The military watches Star Trek too - they're worried that Al Quaeda might start speaking in Klingon.

 Click  Here

 jaQ Andrews

 Pearl and Dinah

 Saw Pearl Bailey do a duet on The Dinah Shore show Friday night on PBS

 It so totally ruled!
 They sang Mack the Knife, and Dinah sang the white lyrics and Pearl sang the "street" lyrics.
 Dinah would sing, "He had a knife," and Pearl was all, "The dude was holding a weapon?"

 To top it off, Pearl Bailey seemed to be channeling Queen Latifah.
 Pearl Bailey had some attitude.  I'm guessing nobody "F's" with Pearl Bailey.

 Check it out if you get a chance - it must've been 40 years ago, because it was in color
 and they were doing JFK and Jackie jokes, which I doubt they'd do so soon afterwards.
 But the inter-racial performance seemed so normal natural, and this was pre-civil rights.

 I guess Dinah was a Democrat.

 As I type this, 8:30 Sunday morning, Daschle is on Meet the Whore APOLOGIZING
 for the Bush warmonger not being able to find any hint of WMD in Iraq.

   <Sigh>  I love my Dubya

 Then he passed up a chance to criticize Top Gun Bush
 for playing dress up in mens clothing on the USS Lincoln.

 How can the Democrats possibly make a comeback
 while being led by a Bush apologist in the Senate?

 We can only assume Daschle is on the B.F.E.E. payroll like the press.

 Senator, please resign right now - don't wait another hour!!

 Return of the South's Finest Chocolate Web Site

  Click  Here

 The inept web gods have finally re-located the address for the South's Finest Chocolate.

 Simply put, (standing ovation) this is the best tasting chocolate there is.
 If you like the taste of great milk chocolate, this is the Chinaco of Chocolate Land.

 If I had a staff, they would've reminded me to push some SF Chocolate for Mother's Day,
 but whatever day it is, it tastes a little better when Mr. B pours some "Break Up" chocolate.

 I called and orded a shipment to tide us thru the summer.
 Order yours now - before summer's cruel heat gets in the way.


 Reminder:  hits are up 300 percent from a year ago
 and  advertising rates have been cut in half.

 What a country!

 Not only that, but radio ads start at $11 for 30-second, $21 for a minute.
 Great packages available, too, but only for a limited time.

 Announcement coming soon.

 Tina Fey of SNL just signed  $4M  contract to keep doing what she's doing.

 Hey, I like Tina Fey, maybe more than I should, but she's the head writer of
 an damn unfunny show.  And they're rewarding her work with another $4M?

 I didn't mean for this to happen, but I ran across another monkey getting the red-ass.

 Hell, there could be hundreds of these, over 1064 issues, ...over 7 plus years.

 Here's this one:

 Click  Here

 I hope you have as good time reading it as I did administering it.

 Please, Lord, can't you send somebody to shut me up and put me in my place?

Paid for by a  reader


"It has been argued that the Israeli attack [on Iraq in 1981] was an act of self-defence. But it was not
  a response to an armed attack on Israel by Iraq. There was no instant or overwhelming necissity for
  self-defence.  Nor can it be justified as a forceful measure of self-protection. The Israeli intervention
  amounted to a use of force which cannot find a place in international law or in the charter . . .".
  I see no reason to change that judgement now.
      -- Letter from the British Foreign Secretary to the Chairman, Dec 2, 2002     Attribution

 ...but that was before Tony Blair took his bribe from the B.F.E.E.

 Did you know Reagan condemned the Israeli attack on Iraq's nuclear reactor in 1981?

 Ronald Reagan, the appeaser.
 Ronald Reagan, the Neveille Chamberlain of 1981
 Ronald Reagan, coddling the evil dictator, Saddam Hussein.
 Ronald Reagan, the peacenik, not man enough to take decisive action.
 Ronald Reagan, puppet of the anti-war hippies and communist sympathizers
 Ronald Reagan, too timid to stop terrorism, pretending he's a cowboy....

 ...and the Bush boy wants to be just like him, not his Daddy?

  Our search has ended, but we're going to milk this puppy like FOX did those horrid Bachelor shows.

  Big announcement Monday!


 It's time for Gamble II.
 I'm not happy with the delay of the premier of   and neither are you.

"Help is on the way!"
  -- Tommy Mack, professional studio recording engineer

 He lands Wednesday, so it would be nice to debut our first webcast in 10 days?     Or less??

 This whole   thing is going to work.

  I haven't mentioned this before, but I actually have decades of experience doing this - sorta.  When we owned the
 live rock club, when the best bands came to town, (think Del Castillo) we'd have them over for burgers, whiskey,
 and other stuff and then there was the entertainment.   Being happily married, I couldn't give them what they wanted,
 so I'd assemble 25-30 audio and video clips to play for them while they were chowing down.  Soon it became a tradition.
 They knew that when they came to K-Drag, Ol' Bart would have a shitload of funny and exciting media for them to enjoy.

 In the 2003 version of a party at BartCop Manor, you won't get burgers, whiskey, other, or laid, but you're going to get
 the best in current audio clips, plus some funny clips that go back to before when many of you were born.

 If this was an IPO, the smart people would rate it a "Mortgage-the-house buy."
 Have you ever heard of an IPO that started at $10?

  Click  Here   to get in on the fun.
 PayPal now accepts credit cards

 Call  918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to rant away.

 Did anything make you mad today?

Tell us about it!     918-493-1500

 George W Bush, suspended from duty
  Refused to take a physical that included drug tests - why?

  Worth the wait, even if you have a 56K dial up.

 You MP3 rangers out there?

 I need some transition snippets, the ones that say,
"Bart will be right back to open another can of whoop ass of some helpless ditto-monkey," or
"He has a hammer and he's not afraid to use it - Bart will be back after this,"  or
"I pity the fool who brings up 'Somalia' when Bart's in the house," ...stuff like that.

 Send your batches of snappy whatever-those-are-called to 

Shopping online?
Use this portal and they'll throw  four cents.

Search Now:
In Association with

Coming soon!........................
                                    Conason        ....      MCMiller           McDougal       Conason/Lyons       Huffington  ....      Palast                  Lyons

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,


 Maybe someday Shirley will call to say "Hi!" on the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be cool.

Privacy Policy
. .