POLITICS - SARCASM -
FINE TEQUILA - VEGAS
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J M Marshall
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"A few short years ago Clinton was exhaustively
and publicly investigated, and wound up getting impeached
because he tried to cover up an affair with Monica. Currently we have abundant evidence that Bush routinely
lied about Iraq having WMD and having links to Al Qaeda. Lying about Monica didn't kill anybody.
Lying about Iraq has resulted in the death of Iraqis and Americans. So why isn't Bush getting investigated?"
--David Steinberg, Letter to the Editor, Boston Daily Globe
"I never once lied about anything that wasn't about oil."
After a final day of online fundraising that netted more than $700,000, Howard Dean closed the second quarter
of the presidential fundraising year atop the Democratic field. Meanwhile the early money leaders -- Kerry and Edwards
-- battled to keep up, the campaigns said yesterday.
Dean will report more than $7 million raised
in April, May and June. That's more than double the amount
he raised in the first quarter of the year and reflects a surge of online donations in the past 10 days.
They say Dean has a real advantage over the others in that, the
feds will match every
contribution he gets up to a maximum of $250, and Dean's average contribution is $67.
If I understand the setup (ha ha
- what are the odds?) he'll be getting much bigger checks
from the feds than the other Democrats. Dean seems to have caught fire.
Plus, he's raising most of his money from the internet. That tells
me Dean is smart AND
he's forward-thinking, perhaps ready to take America into the future, not back to the fifties.
"Part of me likes Coulter's iconoclasm, panache,
smarts. But you still have to draw
the line somewhere; and, in my view, she damages conservatism as much as Michael
Moore damages liberalism. It's one thing in spirited debates to lose civility at times;
it's another thing to make a lack of civility your fundamental modus operandi."
--Andrew Sullivan, Coulter Dissected
Andrew Sullivan, gay and HIV positive without a condom, a self
is doing all he can to protect and shield the party that thinks gays should be put into ovens..
gets life in prison for spitting
So crazy, it could only happen in Oklahoma or Carolina
Click Here Now with working link!
"An Oklahoma man arrested on suspicion of beating his wife faced year in prison and a fine.
But when he spit in an arresting officer's face, he got a life sentence instead, e
"Hey Dude, what are you info?"
"I murdered two cops, how about you?"
Subject: Scottish oil (and you have more fact checkers than Fox news)
The Scotts do have access to North Sea Oil.
I know because my brother in law works for
and spent about 18 months in Abderdeen Scotland, working on North Sea Oil.
So, Bush is begging for a land war in Asia?
Oh, that's right.
He's never read a history book.
"The state of American politics is sickening.
That was the biggest lie in America -- to put me up there
with bin Laden and Saddam and say I voted against homeland security! I volunteered 35 years ago to
go to Vietnam and the guy I was running against got out of going to Vietnam with a trick knee! I was an
author of the homeland security bill, for goodness' sake! But I wasn't a rubber stamp for the White House.
That right there is the epitome of what's wrong with American politics today!" "
--Max Cleland, Political Veteran
Republicans say Max Cleland is not
a real war hero, and he not a patriot,
because he had the gall to come back from Vietnam having lost both legs and an arm.
If he'd deserted his post to do cocaine,
Jim Beam and Mexican hookers,
and lost about sixty IQ points, he could've been elected President as a Republican.
in Iraq injure eight more U.S. troops
Eight tired, frustrated and vulnerable troops 'earn' a trip home
An Army truck hit an explosive west of Baghdad on Thursday injuring six U.S. soldiers, and assailants
in the capital wounded two other American soldiers in separate attacks, U.S. military officials said.
The violence comes a day after America's
Monkey President openly dared Iraqi guerillas to "Bring it on,"
as though he were some goddamn masked wrestling steroid freak on TBS. How many more men will be
injured or killed in an attempt to make this "president" appear to be some kind of war hero?
Hi, I'm a tardigrade and
I'm voting Bush next year
because I want a tax cut, too.
Find the search box and type in "weapons of mass destruction"
Hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button rather than the search button
Read resulting error message
"I've never seen anything like that anti-Cleland
ad. Putting pictures of Saddam and bin Laden next to
a picture of a man who left three limbs on the battlefield? It's worse than disgraceful, it's reprehensible."
--John McCain, less Nazi than most, Political Veteran
"McCain is pro-breast cancer, and sold out his POW buddies in Hanoi.
He's not a real war hero - at least not like me."
Hitler, bin Laden, Saddam. Noriega, Islamic Jihad,
plus the ones we missed because Bush Sr. pardoned them
before they had a chance to tell their stories in court
Subject: Dear Newsweek
I give you a “down arrow” in Conventional
Wisdom this week for publishing the misleading commentary by the
“Daughter of War”, as the warmongering liaison between the mayor of New York City and some 9-11 families
calls herself. It only serves to perpetuate the myth held by the majority of Americans that Saddam was behind 9-11
when no intelligence indicates this.
The media should be striving to bring us
the truth, not perpetuate jingoistic, dangerous myths. I find it
not awe-inspiring, that so many of our pliable military youth carry momentos of the World Trade Center as if the
invasion of Iraq were a legitimate response to 9-11. Maybe they should have been next door in Saudi Arabia
from which came the mastermind, 3/4 of the attackers, and much of the funding! Our devastation of Iraq and
its people are nothing to be proud of. It did nothing to protect our freedom and way of life, unless our way of
life is invading other countries. If there is a just God the US will pay for its militarism.
Whine on, vulgar Pigboy
Rush was squeeling up a storm on his Wednesday
He still can't get over the fact that the court struck down laws against oral sex.
One of Rush's many talents is he can take
an issue like this, his wanting more armed
federal guards inside your bedroom, and talk about that same crazy idea for days and days.
He repeats himself constantly, on the belief
that every word he utters is so important, that
nobody in his audience of 4,000,000 monkeys can stand to miss out on a single Nazi idea of his.
His never-ending rant yesterday was about
how horrible it was for Bush's personal judges to have
the right to overrule the will of America's citizens. It's Rush's belief that America wants and needs
more armed federal troops patrolling your bedroom, to ensure that nothing happens that might
outrage the public, as though the public had a right to be in your damn bedroom in the first place.
Can you see the irony?
We're all niggers on the Bush Plantation.
Our warmongering overlords were appointed over the
will of the people, which Rush loved with all his heart. But now that the same group has ruled in
favor of fewer armed federal troops inside your nedroom, the vulgar Pigboy thinks the judges have
gone too far, and voted their opinion rather than doing what Rush thinks the Nazi right want.
Hey Vulgarro, remember Dec
Bush's personal judges decided, on a whim, that they'd rather the fella with fewer votes and the
funny Florida ballot-handling should be appointed so they ordered the ballot counting stopped.
Rush thought Bush's personal court was well
in their rights then, but he doesn't think that anymore.
How conveeeeeenient it is for Rush to cheery pick which rulings were legal and which ones weren't.
Bartcop still alive
My arm has been hurting for 6-7 weeks.
I'm a sissy on pain, and a long-ass, nagging pain just doesn't fit into my plans.
It's my first impression that the silly anti-tennis-elbow brace
is a placebo.
After seven weeks of pain, I greedily chose to get the pain relief lydocain/cortizone shot,
so I called the Doc. They greeted me with, "You owe us money!" so I told her about
my dot.com startup troubles and the patience it takes to grow one.
I never liked shots.
I asked Doc Sharif how many shots I would need.
He has Clintonian skills.
He said, "There's only one shot,"
so my Catholic C-Prompt said to myself, "Maybe there is a God?"
Then he said, "...but I'll need to 'pepper' your elbow."
Pepper? ... Pepper?
If it's not on some Black Angus New York strip steak or some freshly
picked Bixby corn, who cares about pepper?
I quickle ascertained that I was about to become be the victim of multiple stabbings.
I've been doing twice-a-year bloodtakings for cholesterol, (Last reading, 180 - thank you...) so I kinda got
used to watching a stunted metal plow ripping thru my sensitive veins for blood tests.
This was different.
Shortly after the "pepper," talk,.the first needle tea-bagged me.
That's OK, I'm a man. I can take a little prick.
(I threw that in for my stalkers, who are masturbating to each and every paragraph of bartcop.com
Do you know how many e-mails I get per day from tragi-wankers who live and breathe bartcop.com?)
I mean, I guess in some weird way I'm flattered, but they really need to spend more time with their families
and my Tom Delay really, really, really needs to be the last thing on their minds..
So, the first shot goes in with a nasty
prick. I expected that.
The second shot, just guessing, went right thru the part that's causing all the stinging pain.
When an 11-on-the-pain-scale, bolt of lightning hits me, I'm not the type to scream..
I let out a slight, "NNnnnnnngaow" (Seriously, two capital n's)
Longtime readers might recall that time I broke my pinky toe on
an ottoman leg.
That was a whole different kind of pain - a dull, throbbing nuisance, but certainly not panic-inducing.
So I'm sitting there, and the second my brain hit that high
jump pain bar, I felt blood start to rush out of my head.
I knew I was going into a major dive and there was no stopping it. By now, Doc Sharif is on shot 4, and I don't care,
but I know I'm going to be unconscious in the next few seconds to I told Sharif, "I'd better get on that floor before I fall."
This reminds me of Dim Son.
He was watching football and eating pretzels, ...and choked on them, ...and passed out and hit his head?
When you're about to faint, trust me, you get notice. I knew for a good 30-40 seconds that I wasn't going to make it.
That's 30 seconds Bush had to stumble towards the room Pickles was in and wave his hands wildly and point to his throat.
At the very least, he could've sat down like I did, and avoid the tomoatoe* sized blooper on his face.
I don't think we were told the truth about that any more than we were told the truth about Iraq..
It was certainly a first-time experience. I was laying there,
it was extra creepy.
As I teetered (first time I ever used that word) on the brink of consciousness, the room seemed to get
darker and the son of a bitch was spinning like a Bill O'Reilly FOX Special on Jesse Jackson.
As I lay there (only geeks know lay, lain, laid, layed) time flashed
by me like Spock in "City on the Edge of Forever."
Doc Sharif didn't seem too startled by my reaction to,... perhaps, ...the sharpest pain I've felt in 30 years
Now and then, he'd say, "You OK?"
I'd I'd lie, "Yeah, I'm getting stronger by the second."
My forehead broke out in a sweat, and I felt like I might get sick, but that never happened.
Eventually, I gambled that I had the strength to stand so I sat
up, then turned over and I made it back in my chair.
Doc Sharif looks at me and says, "Christ, ...you're white." Yeah, I was whiter than Clarence Thomas.
He said, "Well, ...take a few minutes
and I'll see you next time." After a few minutes, I felt better,
so I left.
Ten hours later, when my memory calls up reminders of that needle prick, I'm still a little light-headed.
I never thought I could feel that kind of pain from an elbow.
It was spooky to go from zero pain to metaphysical pain certitude in less than a second.
Oh, and I asked him about consulting a chiropractor - he said
he thought that was a great idea.
He said if my arm is still aflame in two weeks, he'd set me up. He says they do wonders with heat, ice,
a certain kind of massage and electrical stimulation. That's good news, because I doubt I'll ever have
another shot in my elbow. .. I'm still a little dizzy...
Bart, you wrote,
> "I'm a sissy on pain, and a long-ass, nagging pain just doesn't fit into my plans."
Dang, you ARE a sissy. This is the
reason why men don't have children, and REALLY shouldn't be going to war.
Case in point: When I was a pre-teen, my mother started taking me to the doctor to see what was going on with me
- in order to be diagnosed, I had to get bloodwork done on a regular basis.
We're talking over 12 vials at a time, a
few times a month. Not 1-2 times a year. To make it worse,
I am going to attempt to give birth to this little boy at the end of next month using NO DRUGS at all.
Crazy? Hell yeah. But that's how tired I am of needles being poked into me - and I CERTAINLY
don't want one in my back, thankyouverymuch.
But at least you don't strut around pretending
to be some macho asshat,
goading everyone into more fighting and more death.
Once again, my unclear writing has given off a different picture
than I intended
It wasn't the shot that made me faint, the stabbing of the nerve-string of fire in my arm did it.
It was all physical and out of my control - it's not like I saw blood and passed out..
Punk arrested for war crimes
My comments on
the Bev Harris claims started a small storm at Demo Underground,
where they treat Bev Harris like I'd treat Shirley Manson if we ever met.
I asked if somebody could point me to her past work - I hope to
get some replies.
I got into their forum and was uncharacteristically nice, even to the people who wrote,
"Fuck Bart" and "He's such a dick."
I did two other things, too: I promised that if Harris has
what she claims to have,
I would crawl on my hands and knees to kiss her feet and apologize on this page in giant red letters.
I also bet some smart guy $100
(to the American Cancer Society) that Harris can't pull this off.
Of course, he won't take my bet. He'd be crazy to bet that Bev's BIG scoop will bring down the Illegal Fraud.
This is a bet I'm certain to win, guaranteed to win, but boy, I'd sure like to write that check to the ACS.
I'd sure like to see some of Bev's PAST WORK, which means
don't write and tell me you think
Bev's a nice person who would always be upfront and accurate about her upcoming big scoops.
Thursday update - Bev apparently runs blackboxvoting.com,
which is linked on this page.
I'd never visitied that site, and had no way to connect Harris to it.)
Also, a reader's comments:
This is a personal email and I ask that it not be printed.
Let's get this out of the way, first.
Surely, you meant to say, "Please don't identify me in any way."
You can't send an e-mail this hot and expect me to ignore it.
...we'll call you Bevfan.
Click to Visit
Rate Jumps to 6.4 Percent, a Nine-Year High
Bush says "This is all Clinton's fault," and his personal media are backing him up
The nation's unemployment rate shot up to 6.4 percent in June, the highest level in more than nine years,
in an economic slump that has cost nearly a million jobs in the last three months. Businesses slashed 30,000
jobs just last month, with cuts heavily concentrated on factory assembly lines, the Labor Department reported.
The 0.3 percentage point increase from May's 6.1 percent rate was the largest month-to-month rise since 9-11.
Nine years ago, Clinton inherited the worst economy in sixty years - and he repaired it.
But Bush's billionaire friends wanted to buy some bankrupt companies,
and Bush knew what to do.
First, he gave away $11,000,000,000,000 to his super-rich oil buddies, and that caused the horrific
stock crash that has thrown millions of people out of their jobs.
Lucky for Bush, the Democrats are "too polite" to mention any of that in the race to replace him.
Thirty 30 months into the illegal Bush occupation, bustling, thriving
companies that were worth a billion dollars
when Clinton left office were being bought for as little as $100,000 because Bush was successful at crashing
the economy which created "buying opportunities" for the billionaires.
"Bush has been a great president,"
declared one billionaire CEO after another.
Bush is expected to win re-election
promotes Whitewater deputies
Liberals angry (but silent and polite) as Starr aides tapped for posts
Despite President Bush's campaign pledge to heal the country's divisions over Clinton-era controversies,
the administration has been doling out top legal posts to former deputies of Kenneth Starr and other
conservative lawyers who helped fuel the Clinton impeachment effort.
The president is reportedly set to offer
a seat on the nation's second most important court to Associate
White House Counsel Brett Kavanaugh, an author of the "Starr Report" on Clinton and Monica.
Kavanaugh, who would be at least the fourth Starr deputy to be nominated to the federal bench.
If the Senate Judiciary Democrats weren't
a bunch of Bush-kissing, bean-eating Nancy boys,
they could send Bush a letter promising to filibuster to death every nomination he brings if he
continues to appoint these men who would destroy our right to choose our leaders.
Hey, everybody. It's Steve, the resident BartCop sports geek.
Slow sports month? Only if you're an isolationist.
There's Wimbledon, soccer, and some bicycle race about to start in France.
Check out BartCopSports and I swear to you, more analysis
of the Tour de France than you ever thought possible.
Oh, and I used Wimbledon as an excuse to post pictures
of the Russian tennis babes. I'm not above that.
Click to Enter
I read a sports story about Anna Kournakova.
She's been a pro since 1996, and has never won a major tournament,
yet she's one of the most popular female tennis players in history
It was a puzzle, but then I saw a picture of her with a lollypop.
Do not Click
Here if you're Catholic,
because I'm pretty sure you can go to Hell for this.
Subject: clear channel
What's the best way to pre-empt a genuine, strong-willed liberal talk show network?
Create a watered-down alternative. Stock
it with voices like Alan Colmes.
Underfund and underpromote it. Prove there's no money to be had in the market niche.
Even the threat of such a network of talk
shows will dry up potential capital,
as the risk of entry to the market is much higher with competition like Clear Channel.
This will make it harder to create a genuine alternative.
Human Rights For All?
by Arianna Huffington
The suddenly fashionable humanitarian justification for the war in Iraq is nothing more
than yet another White House deception designed to cloak the fact that the original
justification -- Iraq as an imminent threat -- hasn't panned out.
Which is just too darn bad for the long-suffering souls of Congo and Liberia.
Remember that dittohead who married my neice?
I asked him if he'd like to get in on some online poker.
He said, "Talk to me in a few months, I got laid off."
I wrote back, "Another victim of the Bush economy?"
Great Bush video
Subject: My subscription to Bartcop Radio
Dear Bart and Crew
Just bit the bullet and subscribed to Bartcop
Its only 10 bucks a month and I appreciate the work you folks do.
It was hard to read Bartcop and not some how support the site.
Good luck with not only the site, but also
the radio show.
Keep the hammer swinging and the corn growing.
a Texan named Britt
Britt, thanks for that.
I'm on my way to Bixby to get some fresh-picked corn today.
The day after the Crawford Cowboy
said "Bring them on," they brought it on.
Humvee, engulfed in flames, came under attack in Baghdad earlier today.
The vehicle was hit by a rocket propelled grenade while on patrol.
But Bush doesn't want you to focus on the dying, brave men in Iraq.
He wants to play cowboy with Liberia, instead.
"Because of our failed national media, there
is now a significantly greater proportion of Moron-Americans
here than Moron-Brits there. The brains of a majority of the American people have been addled by the
relentless assertion by the mainstream media throughout 2000 that George W. Bush is "honest and trustworthy."
--Media Whores Online, back online!
Welcome back, gang.
I have received a $10,000 cash donation in the mail
The bad news? It says El Banco de Mexico on the bill
...while Democrats hide
Subject: Unemployment is over 6%:
Business has cut jubs for the 5th straight month.
930,000 jobs lost since March.
Thanks for the tax cuts Smirk!
...yet, the American media says Bush is the greatest president
"No poor man ever hired me..."
Hey asshole, you've never been hired for any job but Texas Governor.
Our first ever "must have" store stuff.
Deficit mugs and shirts!
Give to your snotty GOP brother in law.
Prove what a genius Clinton was.
Show him what a working president can do.
Make your ditto-monkey friend feel shame!
Click to own
"In 2000, the media hounded Al Gore over alleged
So why does it give Bush a pass when he doesn't tell the truth about
life-and-death matters like Iraq and tax policies?"
--Eric Boehlert, Goofus Al and Gallant George
Subject: I think a correction
Okay, I am not one of those nasty types,
so, I am not trying to hammer you. Today (7/2/2003), on the radio
show you were talking about sports. You said something about a Florida State University quarterback who got
into some trouble with the law. I am not sure exactly who you said, but I think the guy you were talking about
was Adrian McPherson, and that wasn't who you said (going from memory). I am not trying to bash, just trying
to help out. Your message is too important to get bogged down on little sports things, so I am not screaming.
Dude, that story wasn't about sports at
all. It was about a man who could've earned a Limbaugh-sized
without being a whore, but instead he threw it all away for $3640. ...and sex wasn't involved!!
If he was thrown off the team because he
couldn't get some coed with a skirt out of his mind, I'd say,
"There goes another one." But he gave up probably tens-of-millions of dollars for $3540.
...good e-mail, Dude
The cost of Bush's bloody Iraq folly
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A Katharine Hepburn quote
Iggy Popp & the Stooges at Coachella
'Laugh-In' now on DVD
No merger for SAG & AFTRA
Jack Osbourne talks about rehab
FCC's new ownership rules finally issued
Annika Sorenstam selling KFC (George Costanza was fired)
New rules for Oscar voters
Clear Channel launched a new, free (fair and balanced?) magazine
Rachel Hunter withdrew her divorce petition
And, Stone-Age Aboriginal Art found in Australia.
by Molly Ivins
Congratulations to the Supreme Court on its 6-3 decision in the Texas sodomy law case and to all those,
including the gay rights groups and the American Civil Liberties Union, who have fought so long and hard
to rid the legal system of this manifest injustice. The Sunday chat shows featured a number of curious contentions
over this legal decision: It was interesting to see rank bigotry against gays trying to disguise itself as a legal argument ...
Justice Scalia's intemperate outburst --
he said the Court has signed on to "the so-called homosexual agenda" --
brings up the question: What the heck is the homosexual agenda? I hear people on the right talk about it all the time,
but as I far as I know, gay groups have not signed on to any master plan or series of proposals. Has anybody seen one?
There are a lot of gay Republicans: I should think all the gays would have a hard time agreeing on an agenda. I suspect
the "homosexual agenda" is like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. "
"I was only gay for a few hours - to get into the Skull & Bones..."
Fight back with BartCop Radio
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Building into a powerhouse - - - good!
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Help build bartcop.com into something the media can't ignore and can't dismiss.
Margaret Carlson has written an ugly
We think it goes back to a choice:
MARGARET’S CHOICE (PART 1)!
saw it on dailyhowler.com
Margaret Carlson’s new “book” really isn’t one. Although you’d never know it from reading the jacket,
or from reading the six fawning blurbs-on-the-back, Carlson’s new volume—Anyone Can Grow Up—is
really a collection of columns from Time, stitched together with a few short original chapters. The first—
“Personal or Family Matters”—is the longest new chapter, at 26 pages. Carlson also offers 18 new pages
about George Bush, and ten new pages on Bill, Hill and Al. Most of the book is those tired old columns,
held together by these new, scripted thoughts.
And Carlson is brilliantly scripted. Was
HRC surprised in August 1998, when her husband fessed up about
his affair with Lewinsky? All pundits know the Hard Pundit Law: They are required to mock this fool notion.
But Carlson was already spinning the point one month before Living History appeared! The Clintons headed
off for a Martha’s Vineyard vacation shortly after the president confessed. Mrs. Clinton seemed angry and upset.
But then, as all Clinton-haters must do, Carlson explains just how fake it all was:
Margaret Carlson has become another Dennis Miller.
I have a special place in my heart for back-stabbing, turncoat traitors.
Perhaps we've witnessed the birth of Judessa Maximus?
You have two minutes to rant away.
The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled last Tuesday that Web loggers,
website operators and e-mail list editors can't be held responsible for libel
for information they republish, extending crucial First Amendment protections
to do-it-yourself online publishers.
This won't affect us here at bartcop.com
All we ever speak is the truth.
Have a good time today - that's an order.
Use this portal and they'll throw bartcop.com four cents.
Click to Order
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2003, bartcop.com
Sexy brain Shirley
Shirley - call me, just to say "Hi!" Leave a two-minute
I'll play it for your fans at bartcop.com Maybe say some nasty things about George Bush.
As far as I know, Shirley, our politics are identical.
is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy bastard.
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
Please call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool - and I'll catch you on your next American tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of quality
Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)
Hey, if Spike can do it, why can't I?