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"At some point during the 1990s, the skinhead
movement opened its membership to female impersonators.
Why does the right promote characters Like Ann "thrax" and the Savage Wiener? Because so many
left-center types won't fight back. Until they do, there'll be more of this kind of crap.
-- Lance Peppers
"Bush and his national security adviser did not entirely read the most authoritative prewar assessment of
U.S. intelligence on Iraq, including a State Department claim that an allegation Bush would later use in
his State of the Union address was "highly dubious," White House officials said yesterday.
"The president was comfortable at the time, based
on the information that was provided in his speech,"
the official said. 'The president of the United States is not a fact-checker.'"
First, this monkey can't read anything. As governor, he was given
reports from the Texas Parole Board before
each execution and instead of reading them, he would ask the delivery boy, "What does the report say?"
The delivery boy would say, "It says he's guilty, Sir," and then Bush would go back to his Nintendo.
Why should he expected to behave any differently now then he has
behaved all his adult life?
"Saddam was 45 minutes from launching his nukuler missles at New York.
There was no time to read no damn reports..."
Here's a letter I sent to Representative Fortney "Pete" Stark after
hearing about the incident in Chambers on Friday.
Subject: Re:Incident in Chambers on Friday
Dear Representative Stark,
I just read with delighted glee about your
run in with Representative McInnis.
I have always said there are only a few rules in life, and number one is, "Don't take shit from anyone."
The second one is, "Do the right thing",
which goes hand in hand with the first sometimes, most notably this
Keep it up, do not let them get away with this kind of partisan horseshit that they have been pulling.
As a former Bay area resident, and a graduate of UC-Berkeley College of Engineering, I know that there are
more people out there rooting for you, than there are calling for your censure.
I never got around to printing this story, probably, but did you
know Strom Thurmond,
once of the most bigoted assholes in the Party of Bigots, had a baby with his parent's black maid in 1925?
This was 40 years before they had civil rights, and Strom
was schtupping one, right in his own house.
That "baby" is now 78, if still he/she is still alive.
But wait, was that sex or rape?
In 1925, was it legal to rape someone who had no civil rights?
...the hypocritical son of a bitch is currently in Hell, Section 144, Bungalo 6.
It appears Terminator III is officially a dog.
Sure, it made $127 million in three weeks, but that can't cover
the costs of making it.
They say washed-up, has-been Arnold was paid $20M or more, and in 3 weeks,
the weekend take is down to $9M.
Of the movie, Roger Ebert called it "...dumbed
down for the multiplex hordes."
Since Arnold is washed up in Hollywood, he needs a new job.
"I vill bee Caleefornya's gubbernur."
Note: If this picture offends you, please write to Arnold,
Tell him California needs a dignified governor, not some bad actor with no discretion.
Now and then, scrolling thru the mail, I'll see a message from
weeks back from a guy asking
for his login name because he's either a subscriber or contributed a lump sum a while back.
If you're one of these people, contact
Maybe put "subscribe" in the header - I'll watch for those.
We want you to be in the member's section.
If not for you contributors/members/subscribers, I'd still be at the car lot, with Vic the Nut.
I heard some of the Idiotic
savage Weinerboy Saturday.
You know him, the guy who enjoys sex with the dead?
He started out saying he doesn't go to the dentist.
He said he hates to hear the sound of the drill, so he onl;y goes every several years
when he has a major problem. He said "I'd rather lose all my teeth than hear that drill."
That's a pretty responsible thing for a "hero to millions" to say on the air.
Then he went into a nonsensical rant, claiming the "Number One"
target of liberals is the SUV.
Well, sure, the SUV is partly responsible for our last two wars in the Middle East, but they
certainly aren't MY Number One target - but let's talk about them for a minute.
I can solve a whole lots of Middle East problems, but my ideas
are rejected out of hand because people
are certain the Invisible Cloud Being wouldn't like them - so the murders continue, day after day.
I don't understand why people, in the year 2003, are willing to sacrifice their children to this Invisible
Cloud Being who doesn't even exist, and I've stopped trying to figure out their illogical insanity.
But here's my plan, one that's guaranteed to solve a whoooooooole lot of problems.
First thing we do is tell Israel we're cutting them off financially
in ten years. In that ten year period,
we offer to move every Israeli (to western Oklahoma) who wants to see their children grow up
For those people who prefer the Sacred Sand over their kid's lives, they're cut off in ten years.
Also during that ten years, we slowly and incrementally raise
the price of gasoline to $5 a gallon.
That price is good at every gas station in every state in America, backed by the US government.
At that price, we can afford to pump oil out of wells in Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana and Colorado
and maybe even Prudhoe Bay in the summer when tankers can get to it.
Then we tell Saudi Arabia to eat their oil, drink their oil, and
shove it up their asses.We don't need
their oil anymore, and we pull ALL our troops out of the Middle East. Within weeks, the Arabs will
overrum what's left of Israel and the people who chose death over living in Oklahoma.
Now, the Palestinians have no more Boogeyman America
doesn't have to spend billions every year
protecting Israel, and we stop paying Eqypt billions to not have their asses kicked by the Israeli Army.
"But Bart, that won't work.
The Invisible Cloud Being will be angry.
People would rather their children die
violently than leave the Sacred Sand.
Are you crazy, Bart?"
...Sorry, I wasn't thinking.
Nevermind, let the senseless, 2,000 year murder spree continue.
Forget I brought it up.
Subject: I beg to differ
I don't agree with you about your solution
to the Middle East--but your suggestion that the Jews
all move to Oklahoma was kind of chilling beyond that.
Talking about a land where nobody blows themself up is chilling?
I know you live there, Bart, and all, but--what
was the name of Oklahoma before Oklahoma?
What did the United States government do
to Indian nations and tribes from the Dakotas to the Pacific Northwest?
Forced them to move to Indian Territory--Oklahoma. And then opened up Oklahoma to white settlers too.
You speak the truth.
I have no problem with the truth.
Would you offer the Jews a nation in Western
Where they can rule themselves, pass their own laws, bow to no outside force?
Or give them a reservation?
I have to pick between those two?
I'm talking about moving the people, not their government.
If they want to stay in Israel, that's OK with President Bart.
But we would no longer send them money or our soldiers after ten years.
Pizza parlors never blow up here, and the corn is fantastic!
would have ripped his skin off!
Pundit Pap for July 20, 2003
It was at this point that Tony confronted Bremer with the lack of electrical power -- Bremer said it's getting
better -- and the continually mounting body count of Americans -- to which Bremer spun wildly about "victory"
and "minimal casualties" and "collateral damage."
(That was a notable answer, in that Bremer answered
on cue with not one, not two, but three key spin points --
the last two of which neatly distract from the troublesome fact that some seven thousand dead Iraqi civilians may
be the cause of so much anti-American resentment.)
by the She-Thing of the New York Whore Times
"What we are witnessing is how ugly it can get when control freaks start losing control. Beset by problems,
the Bush team responds by attacking those who point out the problems. These linear, Manichaean managers
are flailing in an ever-more-chaotic environment. They are spending $3.9 billion a month trying to keep the lid
on a festering mess in Iraq, even as Afghanistan simmers. The more Bush officials try to explain how the president
made the bogus uranium claim in his State of the Union address, despite the C.I.A. red flags and the State
Department warning that it was "highly dubious," the more inexplicable it seems. The list of evils the administration
has not unearthed keeps getting longer — Osama, Saddam, W.M.D., the anthrax terrorist — as the deficit gets
bigger ($455 billion, going to $475 billion).
After 9/11, this administration had everything
going for it. Republicans ruled Congress. The president had
enormously high approval ratings. Yet it overreached while trying to justify the reasons for going to war.
Even when conservatives have all the
marbles, they still act as if they're under siege.
Now that they are under siege, it is no time for them to act as if they're losing their marbles."
Subject: 224 dead volunteers VS 3000 murdered civilians
The 224 died proud and fighting heroically
But YOU would rather there be another 3000 U S civilians murdered instead.
You are a non-thinking, Bush-following monkey.
Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11.
What are you, stupid?
People who pay attention know that Iraq had nothing to
do with 9-11.
Granted, Bush has used "Saddam" and "the terrorists" in the same sentence 1,000 times,
but that was to get broad support for a ratings-driven war so Bush could steal Iraq's oil.
Are you really THAT stupid, Bart ??
This is not a zero-sum game.
This is REAL WAR.
You either kill or get killed.
True, one of us is extremely unaware of the facts about this unnecessary
If Bush had said "Ecuador" and "the terrorists" in the same sentence 1,000 times,
would you want another 227 brave men to die there, too?
Let me educate you: The hijackers were mostly Saudis, but
Bush's Daddy works for the Saudis,
so there's no way Bush would invade the home country of the hijackers. The Bush family makes millions
of dollars whoring for the Saudis - so they are invasion-proof while an oil man is in the White House.
Wrap your stupid mind around THAT, asswipe
You are BEYOND stupid.
You are a certifiable IDIOT.
GOD!, but it must hurt to be YOU !!!
The part that hurts is knowing I have an IQ of 64, but for some
reason, sometimes I'm
the only one who seems to make any fucking sense, as displayed in my exchange with you.
One other thing?
I'm no dove, I just don't want those men dying for no reason.
The sting of losing those soldiers would be much less if we were attacking the enemy, but we're not.
Those men are dying to make money for Bush, Cheney, Halliburton, Carlyle etc
So good luck blindly following the stupidest crook in the history
of American politics
Subject: Great Web Site
Thanks so much for the great web site.
Your site is the first thing i read every night.
I have a question for you. Everyone always says that they give Bush good marks for fighting terrorism,
but on 9-11 the whole country was reeling and he was nowhere to be found, that is after he sat and
continued to read stories to the second graders after he was informed that we had been attacked.
I do not personally think that that is handling
I want to know just why no investigation has taken place yet as to why no fighters we sent up when
it is standard practice that when a plane veers off its' normal flight path within minutes the planes are
supposed to be in the air to find out why.
Thank You again for a great site.
Janice, the good puppy media is protecting this Unelected Fraud.
He is their boy, they created him. They gave the monster life
...and he's done a horrible job of fighting terrorism.
I read that Gart Hart met with Condi Rice FIVE DAYS before 9-11
to urge her to tell her baby-siting charge
that the anti-terrorism plan he and Rudman worked up needed to be put into motion, but Condi replied,
"Fuck off, Monkey Business, we know what we're doing." (My words)
Bush took ANOTHER month-long vacation to talk to the Crawford
cows after the FBI and CIA told him
something BIG was about to happen concerning Al Qaeda and airplanes. Then Bush took another nap.
After 9-11, Bush swore he'd bring his old partner Osama to justioce,
"or bring justoce to him.",
But when he couldn't find him, he said, "Nevermind, he's of no concern to me."
..and the we-love-Bush American media let him off the hook.
The morning of 9-11, the can't-think knucklehead continued to
read that damn caterpiller story to the kids,
then later changed his tune and said, "Right away, I knew we were under attack."
Of course, the media and the Democrats refused to call him on this or any of his broken promises.
The truth is, Bush ran like a senate Democrat that day. When America
desparately needed a president,
probably more than at any time since the Civil war, we had to turn to thew mayor of New York because Bush
was shaking too hard to get in front of a damn camera. Now, they're about to release a movie of lies,
telling us how "John Wayne" the little coward was that day.
Blair is in BIG TROUBLE in England, because England has a free
We have a nothing but a useless whore press, bought and paid for by the B.F.E.E.
The media continues to prop up this miserable excuse for a president.
The White House is doing all they can to block the 9-11 report.
The Democrats allowed Bush to appoint
the biggest whitewasher of our times, Lee Hamilton, to tell history how brave Bush was on 9-11.
...and they went with Hamilton only after "Bloody Hands" Kissinger refused the job because it didn't pay enough
The Democrats make me sick to my f-ing stomach.
They remind me of a weak mother who looks away while her pervert husband rapes their nine year old daughter.
The timidity of the scared bunny Democrats disgust me,
...almost as much as the blood-thirsty, never-worked-a-day-in-his life bastard some call "President."
Subject: Monkey at the controls
The NBER says the recession ended in November
Since then, the Dow Jones went down 800 points, and unemployment is up 1%.
I bet the NBER's members are cashing in on Dumbya's tax cuts.
When the economy is good, there are no bargains for the super-rich.
"The BBC said Sunday that David Kelly, a Ministry of Defense scientist whose suicide intensified a fierce debate over
whether the government inflated claims about Iraqi weapons, was its main source for the story that enflamed the dispute."
"Having now informed Dr. Kelly's family, we can
confirm that Dr. Kelly was the principal source" for a radio piece in which
reporter Andrew Gilligan quoted an anonymous official as saying the government had exaggerated claims of Iraqi weapons.".
"The BBC believes we accurately interpreted and
reported the factual information obtained by us during interviews with
Dr. Kelly," the statement continued. "
Subject: Joe Conason book signing
For your New York city readers:
September 5, 2003 - Joe Conason, author of Big Lies.
Click to Order
7:30 PM. Barnes & Noble
Upper West Side, 2289 Broadway (at 82nd).
Tell Joe "Bart says hey!"
I'll bet he won't pose with a sticker, though...
Click O'Reilly to visit fauxnewschannel.com
"That Ken Lay, the former chairman of Enron, enjoyed a long and close relationship with George Bush senior
is a well-known fact. What isn’t so well known is that George W. Bush also benefited from a close relationship
with Lay. No one supported the younger Bush quite like Lay. Enron executives contributed more than $2 million
to George W. Bush’s political campaigns since 1999, earning Lay an open door to the governor’s office.
Lay was also Bush’s number one choice for
Treasury Secretary. A study authorized by Henry Waxman reveals
that Enron had 112 known contacts with the Bush administration in 2001. This figure does not include 73 disclosed
contacts between former Army Secretary Thomas White and his former colleagues at Enron. (Rummy recently fired White.)
Have a question or a comment?
Email Bart email@example.com
I went to Bixby Saturday to get more just-picked corn
They had a brand new variety called "Temptation."
Damn, every new strain seems to be better than the last.
If medical science determined drug laws instead of religious superstition
they could be cross-breeding pot like they do corn, and each generation of plants
would be better and tastier than last year.
More old business
At out first Saturday poker game, (partypoker.com,
'BartCop's pvt room' 9 PM Central)
we had more people than would fit in the room. Last Saturday, I was the only one there.
I think my feeding-shark style of play scared everyone off. I
even let them win a few hands,
keeping a sharp eye on individual chip totals to see who needed a boost the most, but perhaps
they felt threatened or overmatched, and didn't want to risk a second encounter.... (cough)
I hate when that happens...
You've heard that crap, "When one door
closes, another one opens?"
That's hardly ever true, but it was Saturday night. Since I had no
victims players, I joined
a partypoker.com tournament, and that's where the real action is. When we played in the
private room, we played 50 cent/dollar limit so nobody could get hurt. The bad news is nobody
gets bluffed out over a dollar, so it was pretend poker.
But in the tournaments, it works like when the BIG boys play.
You buy in for a mere $6 dollars, and they assign you $800 worth of chips.
Then, when it's your turn to bet, a scrollbar appears.
You can bet $30, $100, $400 worth of fake chips or bet the entire
ranch any time it's your turn.
THAT is poker.
Winner of tournaments win free poker cruises, so I can't wait to take my free cruise.
Thanks to everyone who didn't show up :)
Subject: Wally George, etc.
Thanks for letting Dennis Miller have it.
He's worse than Bob Woodward; I couldn't believe Bob had turned BFEE,
but his timing was right if nothing else. Maybe Dennis caught something from
Annthrax Coulter, they seemed to be hitting it off.
Note: Did you see those two cuddling
on Bill Maher's Show a few months back?
I thought I was gonna hurl chunks, right in my La-Z-Boy.
It reminds me of a "Night of the Living
Dead" sequel where people die and come back
as zombies looking for brains. You're page is still great and so is your radio show.
Just so you know, I don't mind the music
I had never heard Shirley sing, but she's great.
Keep up the good work Bart, you're doing just what you said you would.
"He's also the father of Rebecca De Mornay: although she doesn't have anything to do with him."
I always thought she was hot and still do.
She must've been from some recessive good gene, I've seen it happen before.
"When you're on the clock, you're not in your
normal rythym, that's for sure."
-- The "world's greatest golfer," offering excuses why he lost again
Tiger, you're no Ben Curtis, that's for sure.
Did I mention that I bought a fancy chair?
It's a Jetson's Buttercup 5000E, and it set me back $80.
I know what you're thinking - that's a damn lot of money to spend
on some chair.
But new ones go for $800 so I figure I got this one cheap - for ninety percent off.
As my good friend Tommy Mack foretold, "You'll be in that chair the rest of your 'career,'
so you might as well get a good, comfortable chair. Besides, I've sat in your chair, and it sucks."
My man, the diplomat.
(His forehead looks like that
because he's really smart.)
They wanted to stick me for a delivery charge, but I bluffed
them with my poker skills.
(Learn poker - in no time, your friends will fear you!)
I told them I can buy a Jetson's Buttercup in OKC for the same money, so I got free delivery.
So now I have the Cadillac of all chairs, and it rocks!
It swivels, too, and it adjusts up and down and you can even adjust the arms on it.
Mostly, tho, I did it because Dr Sharif says it would help my
elbow fracture and
he said it would probably make the all-but-gone headaches stay away, so I just had to do it.
In closing, ... (crowd chants 'Bixby corn')
while I was searching for a Jetson's chair graphic, I stumbled on this,
...and I read a little of it, ...and I'm not sure, ... but it's either
the very best
or the very worst writing I've ever seen on the wide, wide web.
It takes you right there, but that's only good if you want to go.
Sex talk is out the Wazoo, and let that be your first warning,
but I think everybody, male, female,
young, old, gay, not, should give this a glance. (Rude Rich won't like it...)
Hell, I'll bet bartcop.com needs a Culture Czar.
Bill Bennett is a lying whore, so we can't use him.
What we need is somebody honest, somebody we can trust.
bartcop.com is growing like a weed on Miracle Grow.
We need a Culture Czar to explain what the hell's going on.
I know just the person, too..
I read your comments on Bob Livingston.
He was elected to the position of Majority Leader with
the understanding that the affair would be publicly outed once he was Majority Leader.
He would then quit, announcing that his sexual affair gave him no choice but to resign his position.
This was done strictly to put pressure on Bill Clinton during the impeachment trial...
Delay had his nasty fingerprints all over it.
Bill was too canny for this sort of BS, however, and it didn't work.
Amy, why would Livingston agree to be nationally branded as a scumbag?
Also, I heard a different story.
I heard that Larry Flynt has tapes of phone calls between Livingston and his dominatrix.
They say a crying and hysterical Mrs. Livingston called Flynt and begged him not to
release those tapes and destroy her husband.
The sex-starved GOP has the kinkiest sex because they can't have normal sex.
I'd like to get deep into this story.
I'm looking for a point man or woman to follow this story like a bloodhound.
Granted, it would be a commitment that could last a year or more,
but it's possible that days or weeks
could go by without any new developments. It might be best to have an LA person, but that's not required.
I imagine this can be followed thru the LA Times and you know CNN and FOX will be all over this story.
FOX especially, because a large black man is accused of raping a cute little blonde, so FOX will play up
the "all blacks are oversexed criminals" angle like there's no tomorrow.
You will have your own column on bartcop.com
It's not absolutely necessary, but knowing html and having your own page would be a plus, . I say that because
there will be links to public records, such as the actual indictment and witness lists that are already online.
Knowing the legal system would be a plus, too. When they say "voire daire" is next Friday, you won't
have to look those terms up to know what they mean.
So, the perfect candidate would be an LA-based news junkie with
html skills, maybe even an attorney or
law student who follows basketball and has the stick-to-it qualities that a major project like this demands.
It's possible this could turn into something, too. Isaac
Peterson and Christian Livemore have both won
writing awards since they've been contributing to bartcop.com You could be scooped up by as bigger
website (aren't they all?) or even a cable network if your stuff is factual and full of insight. Larry King,
Nancy Grace, Greta, Hannity and Chamberlain will be on this like Rush on a black woman
so owning a VCR might be helpful, too.
Steve the Sports Dude is going to decide who this important post
will go to.
Actually, we could use a point man or woman on Scott peterson's case, too.
Hell, we could use a point man on the Democrat's race for the nomination, three.
bartcop.com is growing, and we want you to be a part
A half a million people will read your work each month, so we need somebody good!
So send an e-mail to Steve so we can get started.
Kobe update: They say his accuser tried to commit suicide
with pills two months ago because she
found out her boyfriend was dating behind her back. What better way to get back at him than
having sex with a very famous multi-millionaire athlete?
One talking head said that lone revelation "was a dream come true" for Bryant.
I need a California attorney who can make an arrest warrant in Temecula, CA go away.
If you know a guy who knew a guy who's uncle used to be a lawyer in Indiana - that's not what I need.
I need a lawyer who can contact the Riverside County courthouse
in Temecula, CA
who can determine if this warrant is valid and current and if so, make it disappear.
BCR might have to make a trip to LA, (Pokerfest?) and should I
get pulled over for some reason,
a warrant check might present a problem, and Ol' Bart being put in a cage is not part of the plan.
Also, I'm not asking for any pro bono here.
I won't enter the state of California without my paid receipt to you. Once you tell me this is
taken care of, if I'm jailed, I want you there in seconds to straighten these weasels out.
Please contact me firstname.lastname@example.org
Brooke Burns is on Craig Kilbourne tonight
Happy New Year from Baron Dave
James Brolin cast as Ronald Reagan
(He made a great Monkeyboy on West Wing)
30 years ago Bruce Lee died
34 years ago men were walking on the moon
Maria Cantwell thinks Jerry Springer would make a fine senator
Mikey Powell wants off the FCC
A review of 'Treason'
And, lots of links
American soldier body count
It now stands at 228.
Lance is a minute ahead!
There's also tons of baseball.
Check out BartCopSports!
And hey, drop Steve a line!
Get involved, send in your opinions.
Click to Enter
I need to write my review of the new Bill Maher Live.
It's the funniest stuff I've ever heard from Maher, and he might owe me some money
because a whole lot of his act sounds like he's been reading bartcop.com
Catch it on HBO.
By the way, the title of today's issue?
It was inspired by an X-Files repeat Mrs. Bart was watching.
Scully is obviously a scientist, (medical doctor) and she's the one who's
always telling Mulder to knock it off and get real with the little green men.
...but she's Catholic, so she's a Catholic scientist. That strikes me as funny.
She debunks the idea of life on other planets, but she buys into
the Invisible Cloud Being all day.
It struck me as funny.
You could snail mail $11 to
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
A month in the members section makes a great gift!
They can't stop us if we're subscriber-supported.
Help build into a powerhouse.
Click Here to subscribe.
The idea that anyone would find George W.
Bush sexually attractive makes me literally, physically ill.
George W. Bush's sexual appeal is comparable to month-old tuna salad that's been sitting in the
Florida sun with bugs crawling through it.
His murderous greed, his sociopathic selfishness,
and his psychotic hypocrisy is as sexually attractive
as that swarm of mutated horned worms that came out from under Spock's coffin in Star Trek III.
That fake Sak's Fifth Avenue flight suit
with the double-stuffed crotch was the last straw. Anyone who
still has an ounce of admiration or respect for the wartime-deserting drunk should be locked up and
have their brains sectioned. A cure for stupidity is desperately overdue.
Meanwhile, our kids continue to die for no damn reason while Dumbo takes another vacation.
You have two minutes to rant away.
Have a good time today - that's an order.
Use this portal and they'll throw bartcop.com four cents.
Click to Order
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2003, bartcop.com
Shirley - call The BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
Maybe leave a two-minute message...
I'll play it for your fans at bartcop.com
Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.
a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of quality
Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)