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Volume 1117 - Cracks in the Armor

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 Weekend    July 19-20, 2003 


"I'm glad I left congress under my own terms..."
    -- Joe Scarborough, now a whore on Fox News

 Mr Scarborough, you are a liar.

 You were forced to give up your congressional seat because they found a dead girl in your office
 and you knew any political opponent would ask how she died. Certainly Jeb Bush wanted you gone,
 because he had a hand in covering up the cause of her death by hiring an out-of-state, discredited
 coroner to whitewash the details of how that woman died.

 Thaty coroner ruled that the healthy, athletic women died standing up,
 then hit her head on the desk when her lifeless body crashed to Earth.
 I wouldn't weant to try to defend that horseshit, either.

 Mr Scarborough, you are a liar.

 House Melts Down - Violence, Arrests, Threats
  Crazed Repubs call cops when Dems walk out, "Fruitcake" allegations made

  Click  Here

"The House put on a partisan spectacle Friday, with a Repub chairman calling in police, one member
 calling another a "wimp" and a "fruitcake" and Dems accusing the GOP of running roughshod over the Constitution.

 "He's threatened to have us arrested," said Charlie Rangel (D-Draft) said of  Bill Thomas (R-Pig Party).

 Rep. John Lewis, a civil rights figure before joining Congress, said, "I never thought, as a member of
 Congress, that I would be threatened with arrest in the library of the Ways and Means Committee.
 I thought that was a safe place to meet."

"It's our way or the highway, you punks..."

It's very rare we give a toon three stars.

 Kobe Bryant in deep, deep trouble

  Click  Here

 Kobe Bryant was charged Friday with sexually assaulting a 19-year-old woman in a case
 bound to tarnish the career of one of the NBA's biggest superstars.

 24-year-old Bryant faces four years to life in prison if convicted on the single felony count.
 The local DA said Bryant used "physical force" and caused "sexual penetration or intrusion."
 The Lakers star acknowledged that he "made the mistake of adultery" with the woman.

 As I said on Radio Show 8, if she's got his DNA, he's in deep, deep trouble.
 Kobe, you'd better rustle up every dime you can and get Johnny Cochran.
 I predict Kobe will be found guilty, and his sentence will be closer to "life" than "four years."

 Since it's his word against hers, what really happened is not the issue. The only thing that matters
 is what the evidence seems to say.  If you've ever watched Law & Order or CSI, you know they
 use clock terminology to describe brusing on the woman's vagina. If the bruises are at twelve oclock,
 that indicates consensual sex, wheras bruises at six o'clock means force was used against her.

 Added later:
 Kobe didn't get Johnny Cochran, he got Pamela Mackey... who's Pamela Mackey?
 At his Friday night press conference, Mackey appeared to me a young woman.
 Kobe - this is the rest of your life we're talking about.

 How is it possible that Pamela Mackey is the BEST lawyer for a multi-millionaire like you?
 They say she's a great lawyer, but Kobe, you need a GREAT lawyer.
 You need Cochran or Jerry Spence or Roy Black.
 You need a million-dollars-a-month lawyer, why don't you see that?

 Kobe, you need a great attorney - almost as badly as Scott Peterson needed one.

 Added still later:
 Dr Henry Lee made a point on Nancy Grace Live - he says the woman was in Kove's room for 45 minutes,
 and in that time, a pay-per-view movie was purchased. His point, and I think it's a good one, was that if
 Kobe ordered an Adam Sandler movie, that's one thing. But if he ordered the Pam and Tommy tapes,
 and the two of them watched Pam's sword-swallowing act for a half hour, a jury's going to draw conclusions.

 Remember, I'm not saying rape is OK if a porno movie is involved.  This has NOTHING to do with
 Kobe being guilty or innocent.  From now on, this is only about what conclusions a jury is likely to reach.

 Added even later:
 I'd like to get deep into this story.
 I'm looking for a point man or woman to follow this story like a bloodhound.
 Granted, it would be a commitment that could last a year or more, but it's possible that days or weeks
 could go by without any new developments. It might be best to have an LA person, but that's not required.
 I imagine this can be followed thru the LA Times and you know CNN and FOX will be all over this story.
 FOX especially, because a large black man is accused of raping a cute little blonde, so FOX will play up
 the "all blacks are oversexed criminals" angle like there's no tomorrow.

 You will have your own column on
 It's not absolutely necessary, but knowing html and having your own page would be a plus, . I say that because
 there will be links to public records, such as the actual indictment and witness lists that are already online.
 Knowing the legal system would be a plus, too. When they say "voire daire" is next Friday, you won't
 have to look those terms up to know what they mean.

 So, the perfect candidate would be an LA-based news junkie with html skills, maybe even an attorney or
 law student who follows basketball and has the stick-to-it qualities that a major project like this demands.

 It's possible this could turn into something, too.  Isaac Peterson and Christian Livemore have both won
 writing awards since they've been contributing to  You could be scooped up by as bigger
 website (aren't they all?) or even a cable network if your stuff is factual and full of insight. Larry King,
 Nancy Grace, Greta, Hannity and Chamberlain will be on this like Rush on a black woman
 so owning a VCR might be helpful, too.

 Steve the Sports Dude is going to decide who this important post will go to.
 Actually, we could use a point man or woman on Scott peterson's case, too.
 Hell, we could use a point man on the Democrat's race for the nomination, three.  is growing, and we want you to be a part of it.
 A half a million people will read your work each month, so we need somebody good!
 So send an e-mail to Steve so we can get started.

 Get involved!

 Cheney Energy Task Force Documents
 Feature Map of Iraqi Oil Fields

  Click  Here

 Judicial Watch, the public interest group run by the certainly insane Larry Klayman, said today that
 documents turned over by the Commerce Department, under the Freedom of Information Act contain
 a map of Iraqi oilfields, pipelines, refineries and terminals, as well as 2 charts detailing Iraqi oil and gas
 projects, and “Foreign Suitors for Iraqi Oilfield Contracts.”   The documents are dated March 2001.

 If I had a staff, or the time to get into this, I'll bet a case could be made that Cheney planned to invade
 Iraq six months before 9-11, and then Osama made all his dreams come true.  It appears Cheney fought
 the release of these documents because they prove Cheney was actively selling the Iraqi oil fields to the
 same crooks who were gouging California to the tune of $500M a day

 But don't think this is a crime - selling another country's oil fields and then being happy about 9-11.
 It's not illegal to stage a fake oil war to steal, then sell oil fields gotten thru the deaths of American soldiers.
 No, it could only be a crime if Clinton's zipper was involved, so the B.F.E.E. will skate again.

 You into rare coins?

 Metallica's Claims Patent on Chords E and F
  Insane Lars loses all mental control, turns into Larry Klayman

  Click  Here

 It ain't easy being rock's most litigious band.
 Earlier this week, reports of Metallica's latest lawsuit surfaced, this one against a Canadian band
 for trademark infringement over the heavy metal band's branded E, F chord progression.

 Lars & Co., who have found themselves in court battling everything from lipstick and perfume to
 tires and Napster, were widely criticized for this latest legal nitpicking.

"How pathetic," chimed in one critic on the Encyclopedia Metallica Website,
 echoing a sentiment similar to those found on several message boards.

 Problem is, the lawsuit is a fake, concocted by the singer of the Canadian band, Unfaith.

 ha ha

 I believed it, didn't you?
 Lars is such an complete idiot and greed wort, I'll believe he's this stupid all day long.
 Lars is the crazy animal who wants to imprison Metallica fans under the R.I.C.O statutes
 for "illegal listening" to his once-great band's songs.

 Lars, take a Pamprin!
 He's so greedy, he's gotta be a Republican

 Subject: We invaded the wrong country?


 i just read this from reuters news service:

 VIENNA, Austria, July 18 - U.N. inspectors have found enriched uranium in environmental samples
 taken in Iran, which could mean Tehran has been purifying uranium without informing the U.N. nuclear
 watchdog, diplomats said.

 The diplomats, who asked not to be named, said initial analysis showed enrichment levels possibly
 consistent with an attempt to make  weapons-grade material and high enough to cause concern at the
 International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA).

 Three members in the axis of evil, and these morons invade the only one that did not have nukes!
 Christ, instead of using intelligence, they could have picked the names of Iran, Iraq, and North Korea
 out of a hat and had a 67% chance of finding WMDs .

 Let's forget about the lying.  let's start talking about massive, unabated from day one incompetance
 being the basis for impeachment.   You suck at your job, you get fired.

 Richard Z

 If you, the reader, sent in an audio file that
 I haven't yet used, could you re-send it?

 Plus, a few people sent is bartcop jingles and stuff that was super-professionally done,
 but I haven't heard from you - let's do some more!
 Also, if you "do" audio files, we should probably find a way to barter you in to a free subscription.

 For instance:
If somebody regularly watched and taped The Daily Show, I would make you a member
     if you sent in small MP3s of Jon's best ninety seconds.
same for Dave and, possibly.. Jay
Bill Maher's show is coming back soon, and often has good stuff
Maybe even the enemies - Dennis Miller, vulgar Pigboy, Hannity, O'Reilly. Laura the Unloved?
If you sometimes listen to these shows, why not tape them, send the best clips in
    and become a "made man" in the member's section?

 What a failure this idea was.

 I guess:
nobody owns a VCR
nobody watches Jon, Dave, Jay or Bill.
nobody knows how to make an MP3
nobody wants a free subscription to the members section
nobody gives a flying shag

 ...but that's OK, I'll attempt to grab what I can.

 At long last, ...Dennis Miller
  I've been wanting a piece of Miller since he became Bush's loyal Nazi

  Click  Here

 Christ, Dennis - that reference is from goddamn 1939!!
 Your dad wasn't even a teenager way back in 1939.
 Who's your target audience these days, retired, rich, Enron executives in Brazil?

 Dennis - POP QUIZ!
 What's more likely?
 Pulling a Republican's camel thru the eye of a needle or you having any credibility
 outside of the GOP and FOX News for the rest of your unfunny career?

 Joe Conason's Journal
 Spy vs. spy: Tenet fingers a Bush security official.
 How high up the White House chain of command will the fingerpointing go?

  Click  Here


"I don't question my vote to go to war."
    -- Joe Biden (D-Pink tutu) and Bush shoe licker on Tim the Whore's "I love Dubya" show

 Letter to the Editor

 Boeing can do something about unemployment

 I'm amused by Boeing Chief Executive Officer Phil Condit's comments criticizing Washington's
 unemployment insurance system. Perhaps if his company didn't systematically lay off so many
 of its local employees, Boeing wouldn't find it so problematic?

 Lisa L

 From: Andy

 Subject: Your Clinton worship

  Click  Here

 You know one of the two things I dont like about your site is your slavish fidelity to Bill Clifton.
 ...he is the original pink tu tu Democrat.

 ha ha

 Don't miss this one...

 White House bragged on Bush's SotU speech 
  He's such a commander with deep wisdom, as he checks his SotU speech.

  Click  Here

 Sitting at his desk in the Oval Office, President Bush reviews the
 State of the Union address line-by-line and word-by-word.

 They like to call him John Wayne, hero in charge with a commanding presence, but when he gets caught lying,
 when 245 brave men are dead, they're forced to admit that Bush is just a common street monkey, mouthing words
 written by his adult handlers, smarter people who actually understand the words written to Bush to speak.
 Remember the classic Dubya quote, "I could never run for high office because I'm basically a media creation?"

 That was the last time the can't-think monkey told the truth.

Click Brit Hume's crown to visit

 Three more U.S. Soldiers Killed Sunday in Iraq 
  That's three more dead since Friday, four in you count

  Click  Here

"Two soldiers were killed and one was injured in an ambush Sunday when their convoy
 came under rocket-propelled grenade and small arms fire in Iraq, the U.S. military said.

 The deaths brought to 151 the number of American soldiers killed in action
 since the start of the war. (Protecting Bush, they won't tell you thre REAL figure is 247).

 Also Sunday, a U.S. soldier was killed and two others injured when their vehicle crashed
 near Baghdad, according to a statement from U.S. Central Command in Tampa, Fla.

 The good puppy press continues to use funny language to mask the real figure so people
 will support this illegal and stupid war. How many more hundreds will die for Bush's lies?

 Have a question or a comment?

  Email Bart

More proof that Clinton was the best president we've ever had.
ZERO military deaths, surpluses, peace and prosperity, and hope.

...but he had sex, so we had to crucify him.


"...our military requires more than good treatment. It needs the rallying point of a defining mission.
 And that mission is to deter wars - and win wars when deterrence fails. Sending our military on
 vague, aimless and endless deployments is the swift solvent of morale."
   --The Idiot, before he illegally seized power and destroyed Iraq and our military    Attribution


 The only reason Dennis Hastert was appointed Speaker of the House is, after Newt Gingrich was caught
 cheating on his wife, after Bob Livingston was caught cheating on his wife, the GOP had to find somebody
 in their ranks who had not cheated on his wife, because they were in the middle of impeaching Clinton for
 cheating on his wife, so they had to dig deeeep, deeeep within their party to find a no-name puppet to be
 Tom Delay's personal tool, someone whose every move could be manipulated, because Delay, like the others,
 had cheated on HIS wife and the GOP at the time couldn't afford to have THREE of their top members
 seen as scumbags since they were impeaching Clinton for behavior they, themselves had committed.

Would you have sex with this?
Nobody else would, either,
so he became Speaker.

 Friday night, CNN ran video of a US soldier in Iraq saying
 the men in his unit were talking about shooting each other
 to get a trip home because they felt anything was safer than staying in Iraq.

"If they desert, I'll shoot them myself..."


 I need a California attorney who can make an arrest warrant in Temecula, CA go away.

 If you know a guy who knew a guy who's uncle used to be a lawyer in Indiana - that's not what I need.

 I need a lawyer who can contact the Riverside County courthouse in Temecula, CA
 who can determine if this warrant is valid and current and if so, make it disappear.

 BCR might have to make a trip to LA, (Pokerfest?) and should I get pulled over for some reason,
 a warrant check might present a problem, and Ol' Bart being put in a cage is not part of the plan.

 Also, I'm not asking for any pro bono here.
 I won't enter the state of California without my paid receipt to you.  Once you tell me this is
 taken care of, if I'm jailed, I want you there in seconds to straighten these weasels out.

 Please contact me

 Note:  We're pretty sure we have solved our hearing-the-radio problems.

 The files that are currently up, and we believe all future sound files will be instant-play files
 and even those with a 56K modem should be able to hear immediately with no trouble.

 As of now, if you can't immediately hear the files, e-mail us with your operating system, the name
of your ISP provider and your connection speed. We want everyone to hear 
 Also, I've heard from several people that they like to download the entire show and listen to it
 in their car on their long drive home, so we will also post downloadable MP3s.

Marty's E! page
Bill Maher is back 'fresh' on HBO - reruns tonight at 11pm (edt)
Nelson Mandela's 85th birthday party
The Dixie Chicks are joining 'Rock The Vote'
JFK's boxers brought in $5000 at auction
Van Morrison at Montreux
Peter Max to create a mural for Atlantic City's boardwalk
Martin & Lewis - Ricci and Gary, together for the first time
'Lulu' Osbourne, the chihuahua, was killed by coyotes
Elvis' tooth didn't sell at auction
Rupert Murdoch has bred again
David Hampton, the inspiration for '6 Degrees of Separation'
And, a bunch of links


 You Virginians might like Pleasant Living Magazine


"This is not a singular incident. There’s been a pattern of deceit throughout this administration.
  If the standard that was set by the House of Representatives relative to Bill Clinton is the new
  standard for impeachment, then this clearly comes within that standard."
      --Sen. Bob Graham (D-Just kidding)    Attribution

 Bush's American soldier body count
 It now stands at 227.

Lance climbs the big mountain.
There's also tons of baseball.
Check out sports at BartCopSports!

And hey, drop me a line!
Get involved, send in your opinions.

Click to Enter

 Letter to the Editor

 Tired of berating all 'liberals'
    by Dave S

 S. Minert is at it again, as he whines how liberals are incapable of leading, yet forgets to provide
 any evidence. ... He's not old enough nor wise enough to remember FDR or the record jobs and
 surpluses Clinton created.

 Aren't we all sick and tired of the beratement of anything "liberal" day after day, as if nothing else
 matters. If we believed them, President Clinton would be responsible for all that ails America,
 while Bush gets credit for all that's good.

 Not only is this utterly absurd, but it defies reality. Bush certainly has attempted to convince us of
 things that were not only exaggerated, but plagiarized, falsified and simply just made up. There is
 only one way to say it: He lied and thousands of plain citizens like you and me died. At least
 when President Clinton lied, nobody lost their lives, or life savings.

 The boilerplate response to anybody not in lockstep with this regime is that we're all Bush-haters
 and anti-American. I guess they know hate, since they're all Clinton haters, gay haters and haters
 of anything that infringes upon their holiness.

 But ya know what? If Bush didn't do the inexcusable things he does with such ineptitude and total
 disregard for human life, i.e. telling Iraq to bring it on, then getting a soldier dead, and many more
 wounded - that's really supporting our troops, huh? - maybe, just maybe, there wouldn't be any
 need to hate this man so much.

 But Bush is so insulated from the real world, he is incapable of grasping just how disastrous his
 attempt as a leader has taken our country: A path your children and your children's children will
 be paying dearly for.

 Bush mushroom cloud "Bring 'em on" shirts! exclusive!
Buy a shirt, support and show the world
that you know there's an illegal monkey in the White House.

 Rush Limbaughtomy - A Dittohead Recovery Site

Sign up for 30 days of 
for the low, low price of only eleven dollars.

You could snail mail $11 to
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Tulsa, OK 74155

include your e-mail address

A month in the members section makes a great gift!


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 Help build into a powerhouse.

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 Careful: The FB-eye may be watching 
  Reading the wrong thing in public can get you in trouble

  Click  Here

"Not the right answer. I'm nervous now, wondering how I must look: average, mid-20s, unassuming retail employee.
 What could I have possibly been carrying?

 Trippi's partner speaks up: "Any reading material? Papers?" I don't think so. Then Trippi decides to level with me:
 "I'll tell you what, Marc. Someone in the shop that day saw you reading something, and thought it looked suspicious
 enough to call us about. So that's why we're here, just checking it out. Like I said, there's no problem. We'd just like
 to get to the bottom of this. Now if we can't, then you may have a problem. And you don't want that."

 You don't want that? Have I just been threatened by the FBI? Confusion and a light dusting of panic conspire to
 keep me speechless.  Was I reading something that morning? Something that would constitute a problem?

 Call the 

You have two minutes to rant away.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...

 I'll play it for your fans at
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)

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