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Volume 1126 - America the Bulldozer

Please visit our sponsors

 Friday   Aug 1, 2003 


"You know, let me let me talk about al Qaeda just for a second. I -- I made the statement that we're
  dismantling senior management, and we are. Our people have done a really good job of hauling in
  a lot of the key operators: Khalid Sheik Mohammed, Abu Zubaydah, Ramzi ahh -- Ramzi al Shibh,
  or whatever the guy's name was."
      --Dubya,  Jul. 30, 2003     Attribution

 Isn't it funny when it tries to think?.

"Those names hurt my brain..."

 Exxon Mobil Profits Jump 58 Percent
  Ain't nothing like owning a crooked president

  Click  Here

 The world's largest publicly traded oil company said it earned $4.17 billion,
 or 62 cents per share, up from $2.64 billion, or 39 cents, a year earlier.
 Revenue rose to $57.17 billion from $50.80 billion a year ago.

 How can this be?
 The oil companies say they're just "passing on the costs" of Clinton's "anti-business legislation."

 Our boys are dying in the desert so the oil companies can get richer.
 Profits are up $1.5 billion at Exxon-Mobile and we have - call it 250 dead young men.

 By my good Catholic math, that works out to $150,000,000 per family destroyed.


"I think this is the worst government the US has ever had in its more than 200 years of history.
  It has engaged in extraordinarily irresponsible policies not only in foreign policy and economics
  but also in social and environmental policy. This is not normal government policy. Now is the time
  for (American) people to engage in civil disobedience. I think it's time to protest - as much as possible."
    -- George A. Akerlof,  US Nobel Laureate Slams Bush Gov't as "Worst"

"Find this guy, cut his tongue out, shoot him in the head,
  kidnap his daughtrers and bring his wife to me on the double.
  I'll give her some justice Texas-style..."

 Hunting Bambi' Safari Was a Hoax 

  Click  Here

 A promoter who offered to take men on "Hunting for Bambi" safaris in which they could
 hunt down naked young women with paintball guns admits that it was a hoax and now
 faces misdemeanor charges, the mayor said Friday. Burdick found himself in the crosshairs
 of women's groups after he told a Las Vegas TV station that he was selling reservations to
 men willing to pay $5,000 to $10,000 to hunt down naked women in the desert. .
 (Of course, it's just the kind of thing the godless liberals would do, they said.)

 Even tho talk radio declared this "the ourage of the century," I didn't run it because the
 numbers didn't add up.  They said the girls got between $1000 and $2500 to run around
 naked in the 114 degree Vegas heat while toothless perverts shot at them with paintballs
 that traveled at speeds of 1200 MPH.

 I'm no gun expert, but I think a 1200 MPH paint ball could kill you.  Plus, they said after
 the "kill," the men would drag the women *by their hair* back to the starting point.

 But if you're a semi-attractive girl, you can make $2500 in Vegas without getting shot
 or dragged by your hair in the 114 degree heat.  Plus, if you're a guy in Vegas with
 $5000 or $10,000, there are lots more fun things you can do than shot gals with paint.

 But at least it gave the Nazi blowhards another wild charge to accuse Clinton of.
 After all, had he not messed with Monica, we'd still be the "moral nation" we were
 when Red Ink Reagan was selling weapons and hostages to the Iranians.

Poppy Bush,      Bechtel Group,      George Schultz,      Adnon Khashoggi,
Halliburton,     Saddam,  ABC,   The Carlyle Group,     Donald Rumsfeld
Lee Hamilton,     Hezzbollah,  CBS,    Kennyboy Lay,    Adolph Hitler
  Manuel Noriega,   The Oakland Crips,  NBC,   Osama,   Eugene Hassenfus
Oliver North,   Fox News,   Brown & Root,    Prescott Bush,    Union Bank
John Poindexter,    Dr Pepper/Seven Up,    Dick Cheney,     Air Cargo Inc
James Baker,     Clear Channel,   The RNC,    Reinhard Gehlen,    KorAm Bank,
The Wylie Brothers,    Herbert Walker,    Merrill Lynch,    MBNA Corp,
Enron's Board of Directors,    Enterprise Rent-A-Car,    Credit Suisse First Boston

...and so many more

These are the people and companies who profit when
the Unelected Fool fabricates reasons to go to war.

 Against all enemies, foreign and domestic...
    by James Higdon

  Click  Here

"In a national election - for congressmen and presidents.  The world is divided according
 to two types of people - leaders and followers.  It doesn't make any sense for the followers
 to be able to vote.  They're followers for a reason.  Only people who are employed as
 managers ought to be able to vote."

Mick Rasley
...had the courage to put money up when nobody else would

Please visit our sponsors

  Someone made a claim...
 (That's what I'll type in the search engine if/when it happens)

 Truth be Told
  I don't know if this is real or just wild claims, but I thought
  it'd be smart to document the claims in case they come true

  Click  Here

 4. Russia told Hussein one month before the war to remove all WMD to Syria and told Hussein
 to make many tapes to be played after. Iraq transported all the WMDs to Syria to be buried in
 Beka Valley in Lebanon.   They did it at night so as not to be detected by Israeli or US satellites.
 It didn’t help. The satellites were able to detect where soil had been disturbed and put back so
 the exact location is known. It will come out during elections in the US.  Debka first called it.

 Larry Flynt runs for Cal Governor 

  Click  Here

 US scraps nuclear weapons watchdog
  Another back-to-the-50s, Leave-it-to-Beaver trip from the Unelected Pinhead

  Click  Here

 A US department of energy panel of experts which provided independent oversight of the development
 of the US nuclear arsenal has been quietly disbanded by the Bush administration, it emerged yesterday.

 The decision to close down the national nuclear security administration advisory committee - required by law
 to hold public hearings and issue public reports on nuclear weapons issues - has come just days before a
 closed-door meeting at a US air force base in Nebraska to discuss the development of a new generation of
 tactical "mini nukes" and "bunker buster" bombs, as well as an eventual resumption of nuclear testing.

 That's what we need - more nukes.
 He wasn't elected, so how can he re-write so many laws that make his friends rich?


"Condi Rice is an honest and fabulous person.
  America is lucky to have her service. Period."
    -- President (sic) Pinhead, rpoud he found a sellout to join the team

 This is how the monkey thinks:
 Anyone who has had an oil tanker named after them is "good people."
 And if we're "lucky," why didn't Condi tell the truth about those wild "yellowcake" claims?
 And if we're "lucky," why did she blame the CIA, then the Brits for her on-the-job lies?

 From: Paul in Austin

 Subject: Dying from 'Illness' and 'Possible Suicides' and 'Accidents'

  Click  Here

 First of all, what type of illness are so many of these young, fit, military people dieing from?
 I would bet in most cases that it would be heat stroke and that means that these guys aren't
 even getting the benefit of having either water or decent supervision.

 The possible suicide cases really bother me.  These poor souls knew that they'd been sold
 down a river by the Chimp in command and his band of idiot thieves.

 With a wild, but very possible follow up.

 Let's put GI loss of life in Iraq in a statistical context
  We can lose hundreds more ans still have good statistical context, no problem

  Click  Here

 Russia lost well over 3,000 dead every day in World War II.
 Traffic accidents kill 116 people every day in America..

 You see, America?
 Just shut the hell up about all the dead soldiers and thank your lucky stars that God sent Bush
 to use his infinite wisdom to smite those that God told him need smiting, no matter how many brave men die.


"I'm optimistic about the future and I believe you'll see more jobs created,
  and that's going to be good for the country."
    --the SOB who's going on ANOTHER month-long vacation starting tomorrow.

 George, you say, we'll see "more jobs."
 How many "more jobs" would that be?    400?

 We've lost million of jobs because you said the super rich weren't rich enough,
 and now you're promising "more jobs" will be created in the future?

 Your daddy tried this same crap and the voters fired him the first chance they got.

 Subject: pre-emptive strikes

 How does our invasion of Iraq differ from the bombing of Pearl Harbor?

 They attacked a military base and we attacked a civilian population.

 Pam G


"With regret, those my father trusted, whom he had put his absolute confidence in and whom he
  had considered on his side — as I understood from the newspapers — betrayed him."
    --  Raghad (swear to Koresh) Hussein, Saddam's daughter, on why Baghdad fell so quickly

 Hey lady, he executed anyone who told him bad news.

 BTW, have you ordered your Baghdad Bob DVD yet?

 Bush Order on Iraq Oil Must Be Investigated

  Click  Here

 Executive Order 13303, issued on May 22, 2003, claims to be essential to Iraqi reconstruction efforts.
 A cursory reading of the Order indicates that its real purpose is to protect oil companies by giving virtual
 impunity for any activities undertaken relating to Iraqi oil. Under this Order, an oil company complicit in
 human rights violations, or one that causes environmental damage, would be immune from lawsuits.
 The language of the Executive Order is so broad that it might as well have been written by lawyers
 for Halliburton, ExxonMobil and ChevronTexaco.

 If I read this right, that means any oil executive can order his extra pretty secretary who is assisting
 him with his Iraqi oil skimming to give him oral sex right now and accept her promotion - or she can resign,
 and he's immune from any lawsuit over it?     President Pinhead is a dream come true for these oil bastards.

 Subject: Uday and Cousay...?

 Who knew they spoke pig Latin in Iraq????

 Pam G

 ha ha

 Pam, I need you on my writing staff...

 Bush and the Saudis, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g
   by Greg Palast

  Click  Here

 Well, well, well. President George was in one hell of bind this week when it turned out
 that that Saudi Arabia funded Al Qaeda, not Iraq. Realizing we'd invaded the wrong country,
 Bush did the honorable thing: he's come out against gay marriages.


 Sam Dent has agreed to help wrangle subscribers who haven't gotten passwords.

  Click  Here

 If you are a subscriber who can't get in, or you have sent a snail mail donation in the past,
 write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by 2Checkout, PayPal or snail mail.
 She has my phone number - she can call and get you a login and password right away.

 I got some feedback on  Show 9-3.
 Someone suggested this would be a good  clip to excerpt:

 Click  Here  to listen to four minutes of  BartCop Radio 9-3

 As always, it contains a language warning level of red.

 Students and teachers

 If your e-mail address ends with .edu  you can get members priviliges for just $5 a month.

 Is membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight student budget?


 I wonder how we could police an A.A.R.P. discount, too?
 The Social Security and "fixed income" people might like  
 We old folks speak the same language.

 August 1, 1943
 A big day in World War II for Democrats

  Click  Here

 In a little noticed incident in the Solomon Islands, a small patrol boat on picket duty is
 reported lost and probably sunk. The boat was PT-109 commanded by Lt. John F. Kennedy.
 Later it would be learned that the boat was cut in half by the Japanese destroyer Arnagiri.
 Kennedy pulled most of the crew from the burning wreck and managed to keep the men going
 until they were rescued 8 days later.

 Sixty years later after JFK showed extraordinary bravery under enemy fire,
 America would be forced to endure an appointed deserter as president,
 a man whose stupidity was only exceeded by his selfish greed.

 The Buzzflash interview w/Smoking Joe Conason

  Click  Here

 Certainly Tom DeLay knew (that Gingrich was having an affair) and I think members of the House Republican
 Caucus knew, too, because Callista Bisek was a Republican staffer. She worked for one of the House committees.
 That’s how Newt met her. So everybody knew, and they were willing to sort of countenance this, let this go by.
 A great moralist like Tom DeLay didn't care that his leader was having this illicit affair right, you know, on the Hill.
 And so I do think it has to do with power. I think it has a lot to do with their will to achieve power.

 Where was Bill Bennett? Does anybody believe that Bill Bennett didn't know about Newt Gingrich?
 I don't. I don't. And if he said he didn't know, he’s a liar. If Bill Bennett said, "I never knew this about Newt
 until it came out in the Washington Post in 1999," I'm telling you right now he’s lying.

Marty's E! page
Fresh BAGnews
Mike Ditka is the new face of impotence
The Wright Brothers carved in butter
Tasmanian Devils are dying
Fleetwood Mac extended their tour
Genetically engineered poplar trees
A new dance record for the Guiness Book
And, the Smithsonian has been exhibiting a fake bar of gold


 "F" Bob Hope

 (This is from a formally sane guy.
  I guess the alcohol has finally taken over.)

 Fart Plop,

 FYI, Bob Hope was booed in Da Nang, as well as some of his other stops during
 this country's last cruise through a Quagmire, dipwad. You're too damn full of yourself
 to KNOW anything, just like our precious little prince pretzelbreath you go with your gut, huh?

 But I gotta admit, sometimes you're pretty good for a pathetic egomaniacal Shirley Manson stalker anyway.

 Excelsior, Rev Dave

 And here's the redacted stuff from the first missive you ignored (you really need a history lesson,
 your celebrity worship is misplaced with Bob Hope-you may as well be clebrating Nixon, ya damn foo'):

> WoooHooooo USA! USA! We're #1! Remember My Lai! Wounded Knee! Sand Creek!

> And remember those poor Canadians who were bombed to kingdom come by the amphetamine-crazed
> killers of the United States armed forces. Support those troops, indeed. Bring 'em home to 'murika where
> they can go berserk and shoot up their schools, neighborhoods and workplaces, that's what I say.
> We're #1 in that kinda stuff too, and don't you forget it. (Hey, here's an idea. Let's get us a used
> Chevy Caprice and cut a hole in the trunk and then... oh nevermind)

 Yes, little bartie-boy, to quote the late great Frank Zappa:
 You're an asshole, you're an asshole, you're an asshole.

 Dude, my crimes are respecting Bob Hope, who might have been the last
 decent Republican, supporting our military and liking Shirley Manson?

 What happened?
 You used to be a good guy...

 Have a question or a comment?

  Email Bart

 Petaluma, I miss you


"George W. Bush is the son of privilege who can screw up as much as he wants,
 and he still gets to go to Yale. And he still gets the easy job. And he still makes
 the easy money. And there is always somebody there to open the limousine door.
 That’s it. That’s not complicated. Everyone knows that’s how it works."
    --Smoking Joe Conason in the Buzzflash,com interview

 The Kobe Bryant  page is up.

  Go to BartCop Sports,   then look on the right for the link.

 Davis Recall page is up.

  Go to Davis Recall

 We still need a Scott Peterson point person.
 I know that in the dozens of people who read this page, there's gotta be somebody who

...likes a good whodunit...
...wants their own regular column on
...wants to be discovered so he/she can write for a real web site.
...realizes that their opinions are just as important as Nancy Grace's opinions...
...wants to become famous! (cough)

 Contact us -

 Put something clever like "Scott Petersen" in the header
 First reply gets the job.

You cartoonists out there?
I could use a hundred of these...
(with diff slogans, of course...)

 Subject:  Another vacation?

 I just read that Monkey boy is going on another month long vacation.
 Did anyone add up his vacation days for this year?
 I think it has been 12 weeks total for this year.

 Three months out of seven off is pretty good.
 And this did not include all the fundraisers done on Working time.....

 I get to work and not take vacation, He gets to vacation and not work!
 How out of wack can the situation get?


 Chuck, my people in Washington tell me that's the only way Bush agreed to the job.
 He was content to play video games and execute poor, black men for the next twenty years.
 He only agreed to accept the presidency and the move to Washington if it was a job he could work 24/7,
 which, in Bush case,  means he'll be working twenty four hours a week, seven months a year.

 Poindexter's felonious ass fired

  Click  Here

 Wait, you can be a convicted felon and traitor to America and be put in charge of security,
 but if you have a stupid idea you get fired?

 Seems like your boss would have to be a crooked moron for that to happen...

 From the Heartland
   by Richard L. Fricker

  Click  Here

“Nowadays,” he continued,” everyone knows that the US is the world’s biggest polluter, and that with
 only 1/20th of the world’s population it produces a quarter of its greenhouse emissions.” Well, not everyone
 knows this; SenJim et al seem to have, without any confirmable data, missed the point completely.

 Sir John paints a rather grim picture of what’s in store for the planet. Of course SenJim and his industrial
 masters don’t have to worry, they’ll have all died off when the full impact hits.  These “Family Values”
 guys apparently do not include their grandchildren and great-grandchildren in the term “family.”
 Perhaps they figure the little buggers will just mutate and all will be well.

 Hex on Mr Perfect enters 26th month

  From Volume 500 - Swill Merchants, posted June 16, 2001

 "You might as well give the 101st U.S. Open trophy to Tiger Woods right now.
   Why should any other golfer even show up at Southern Hills in Tulsa  June 11-17?"
       -- Jill Lieber, USA Today sports reporter last week.

                         The BartCop Hex

 ha ha

 Maybe some enterprising reader could give us a total of major tourney's won
 by Eldrick (above) in the two year periods before and afterThe Hex was applied?

 Subject: ditto-monkey Ken Wright


 Good morning. I found your site through and it is, to say the least, quite good.
 Firstly, I will soon be using the services of one of your advertisers, Mick Rasley.
 And I most certainly will be letting him know that "Bart sent me!".

 Woo Hoo!
 A sale for Mick!

 I just wanted to drop you a quick note regarding your response to a fellow named Ken Wright.
 Your retort to his 'conservative ignorance' was akin to using a flame-thrower to kill a fly.

 Dude, I thought I showed restraint.
 You should see me go off on some monkey when I'm in a bad mood...

 These people make me want to vomit.
 We're tired of our party lying down while our government is pimped out to corporate America by the B.F.E.E.
 Thank you for being a beacon of light in the dark world of 'news' in the U.S.

 Brian from New Jersey

The Kobe site is up and running.
Baseball's headed towards the "trade deadline" though not really.
Lance just won his fifth Tour, how does he stack up against the all-time greats?
And the NFL won't hire black head coaches.
Read about it in BartCopSports!

Click to Enter


"I take personal responsibility for everything I say - of course..."
   -- The lying Pinhead, who said everyone else was responsible for his words.

 He would have gotten away with those bloody lies except Britain has a free press
 and Tony Blair's approval numbers are just three points higher than Ootie and Cootie

 At last count, 39 percent of Brits say Blair should resign for lying them into a war.
 But the American press keeps calling Bush "a decisive hero and a heroic commander."

 face it - the only free press America has left in the world wide web.

 Review - Sex and the City, Episode #79
                        "Lights, Camera, Relationship"

  Click  Here

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"Our coalition forces are taking the fight to the enemy in
  an unrelenting campaign that is bringing daily results."
     G.W. Bush press conference, July 30, 2003

"BAGHDAD, Iraq, July 31 - Two U.S. soldiers were killed and five were wounded
  in new attacks in Iraq, U.S. officials said Thursday, breaking a period of relative peace
  that had seen no U.S. soldier reported killed in combat in more than 48 hours."
    AP Wire, reporting the daily results

 Daily results?
 Yes, and it's more than some of us can bear...

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  247 248

 Note: Believe this figure.
 It's from

Total since Bush's "Bring Them On" swaggering stupidity (7/2): 44
Total since the murders of Ootie & Cootie (7/22): 16

 Call the

You have two minutes to rant away.

 From: Jeff

 Subject: You are a hater

 Jeff, I'm always surprised when someone introduces themslves with a personal slur.
 Do you find that gratuitous personal insults causes people to like you more?


 I read your site now and then when I need to feel better about how the Republicans are doing.
 The intensity of your shrill, desperate, and hateful words always seem to rise when we are firing on all cylinders.

 Well, let's get started:
 Thank you for reading
 I figure about 30 percent of my readers are Republicans, but they're not all like yourself.
 Too bad you didn't have time to include an example of my, "shrill, desperate, and hateful words."
 I would enjoy going over them with you.

 My only concern is that with your constant references to things like the "October Surprise" and the thoroughly
 discredited story of Bush and the 14 year old girl's abortion, you must be so out of touch with reality that your
 paranoid fantasies are not an accurate barometer of what the left is really thinking.

 If you think October Surprise exists only in someone's imagination, you are ignorant of the facts.
 The Russians say it happened, the French say it happened, the Iranians offered Clinton proof
 and George Herbert Herbert Bush can't prove where he was for 2-3 days.

 Also, your assertion that the "thoroughly discredited story of Bush and the 14 year old girl's abortion,"
 is documented where?  Saying, "Everybody knows Bush wouldn't do that," isn't the same as proof.
 I'd enjoy seeing your proof on that.

 Besides, the girl was 15.   Gee, what do you think Bush is - a pervert and child rapist?
 Oh, ...I guess legally, he's both.

 Its interesting that you refer to your site as humor- there is very rarely anything funny, and most times
 I feel like I need to wear a dentist's face shield to keep the spittle from your mindless rants from hitting me.

 Well, that might explain your faulty assumptions. If you think every word you read here is funny
 or every word is dead serious, no wonder this all seems so confusing to you.

 This site isn't for beginners or children. This is for the trench-fighters who've heard it all before.
 It's also a humorous example of how any slow-witted Okie with a smart mouth and a cable modem
 can outwit the smartest people on your side, even when you guys tag-team and I drink tequila.
 It's not really your fault - you're just on the wrong side of most issues.

 Anyway, I am looking forward to November 2004.  Since your a big fan of Vegas,
 I'll bet you a bottle of Herradura Reposado (I hear that's good stuff- I wouldn't know.
 Tequila is for people with unsophisticated tastes)

 ha ha

 Now THOSE are fighting words.
 Whoever told you Herradura Reposado was the good stuff is incorrect.
 You think the Vegas Hard Rock sells $75 tequila shots because tequila drinkers have "unsophisticated tastes?"

 ...that Bush gets re-elected, we pick up two Senate seats, and we get 4 more seats in the House.

 Well, you'tre right - I am a gambling man, but I try to make bets I can win.
 So far, nobody on our side seems to want the damn job.
 Dean and Graham have made a few small ripples, but so far they don't really mean it.

 I can't wait to see the angry, hateful spew coming from you on November 3, 2004.
 I just hope your blood pressure hasn't gone through the roof and rendered you a vegetable by then.


 Jeff, you're right about that blood pressure thing.
 I get pretty mad when Bush gets our boys killed for no reason or erases some laws so his friends can make money.
 But nothing gets me madder than realizing he couldn't be doing it if our side had some fight in them.

 You know what keeps me going?
 I'll bet one day, maybe far, far in the future, Bush will be exposed for what he really is and really isn't.

 And that might cause some people in the future to wax back to just after the turn of the Millenium and say,
"What was the name of that IQ of 64 tequila guy in Oklahoma...?
  Seems like he predicted all this, even before Bush was appointed Pro-Consol for Life.
  I wonder what happened to that guy?"

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...

 I'll play it for your fans at
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)

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