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Volume 1129 - God's Orders

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 Wednesday   Aug 6, 2003 


"A candidate [like Howard Dean] who was opposed to the war against Saddam,
 who has called for the repeal of all of the Bush tax cuts, which would result in an
 increase in taxes on the middle class, I believe will not offer the kind of leadership
 America needs to meet the challenges that we face today.
    -- Joe Lieberman, also known as Bush Light

 Arianna Huffington to run for CA Gov

      Thanks to Mindpilot

  Click  Here

 5. Under what scenario would a candidate like Arianna actually win?

 Under three conditions:

 (1) The Democrats offer up only Davis, and refuse to list any credible, marquee Democrat as one of his potential replacements;
 (2) The GOP fields three or four major candidates at the same time;
 (3) Liberals and progressives field only one, big-name populist like Arianna as a potential replacement for Davis.

 Under that scenario, if Davis is recalled, Arianna would likely garner a 20 percent plurality over the divided GOP candidates.
 She would be sworn in as governor soon after.


"After pulling together the information in the 9/11 Report,
 it is understandable why Bush is stonewalling.
 It is not very difficult to deduce what the president knew, and when he knew it.
 And the portrait that results is devastating."
    John Dean, Attribution

 Mars Approaches Earth
 Closest in almost 60,000 years

  Click  Here

 Mars is coming as near to Earth this month as it has in almost 60,000 years. Its closest pass will come on Aug. 27
 at 5:51 a.m. EDT, when Mars will be less than 34.65 million miles away. The last time it came nearer was around
 Sept. 12 in 57,617 B.C. when Mars came about 25,000 miles closer, at a distance of 34.62 million miles from Earth


“A lot of people are angry at America. Look how many people they killed.
 Today I saw some people breaking this monument, but there were men and women
 who stood there and said in Arabic: ‘Screw America, screw Bush.’ So all this is not a simple situation.”
   --Iraqi businessman Jarrir Abdel-Kerim  Attribution


 Subject: You really are quite a pathetic loser

 Oh, BartCop, BartCop --- what a complete, dumb, little leftist sap you are.

 Haven't you figured out yet that your income is totally dependent on advertisements
 placed in your moronic magazine by the very Capitalists you profess to despise.

 You live, work, and play directly off the abundance generated by Capitalism,
 yet you expect us to loathe the very same system which makes us all free and prosperous.

 You really are quite a pathetic loser.
 Reverend Tremble

 Rev, it's always great to hear from a fan.
 Why do you think I'm against capitalism?

 Guessing what you might've meant, I'm against a rich person who
 makes extra money by lying for a network, a party or a cause.

 Subscriber help

 Can't get in?   Click  Here  to reach Sam

 If you should be in the members section, write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by
 2Checkout,  PayPal  or  snail mail.  She'll fix you up.

 Students, teachers, retired, military

 If your e-mail address ends with .edu  you can get members priviliges for just $5 a month.
 If your e-mail address ends with .mil  you can get members priviliges for just $5 a month.
 Still working on that AARP thing...

 Is membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight budget?

 I wonder how we could police an A.A.R.P. discount, too?
 The Social Security and "fixed income" people might like 
 Have a question, a sound file or a comment?

  Email Bart

The "great" and "powerful" King Smirk


"The last time a Rhodes scholar from Arkansas announced against an incumbent
  named Bush who had just won a war in Iraq, he did okay. And he declared in October."
     --Josh Margulies, co-founder of the Draft Wesley Clark movement, responding to conventional
        wisdom that says Clark is too late to the party to raise funds and build support Attribution

 Iraqis get rules for US payouts

  Click  Here

 American forces yesterday laid out the stringent limits under which Iraqi civilians will be able
 to claim compensation from the United States for death or damage caused by the occupying forces.

 The spokesman was unable to say if any payments had been made for loss of life, but said such claims
 would be paid at a local rate.

"I hate to say it, but the value of a life in Iraq is probably less than a life in the US or UK," he said.

 Petitions you might want to sign

 This one's against the crimes of Jeb Bush

 This one's against the crimes of King Smirk,
 America's most prolific serial killer.

 Subject: Bart, What about Car Dealers?

 Hey Bart.  I know you are a busy man, but how about a little tutorial on your site
 about how not to get shafted by car dealers?   Didn't you used to work in a car lot?
 I almost bought a new car recently but for some reason, it didn't feel right.
 How can I tell when a car dealer is trying to rip me off?  (His lips are moving?)

 You must have INSIDE INFORMATION on the way these guys wheel and deal.
 Provide yet another important service from the Bartcop website...

 Share the wealth!

 Great King Rat

 GKR, that's a great question.
 I know very little about cars, but I know a lot about the used car business.

 A car lot buys a car for $2500 and spends $500 fixing it up.
 Then they put a $5995 sticker on it, giving them room to come down..

 Something very important to keep in mind is that the Blue Book is almost worthless.
 The Blue Book says a 95 Chevy full size pickup might be worth $4000, but a car lot
 in Oklahoma can't even find one for $6000.  They sell for closer to $8000.

 A lot that finances its own cars means the owner is constantly playing poker.
 You try to get your $3000 from the customer as a down payment, but so few people
 have $3000 to put down - so you gamble.  We had a $1000 minimum.

 So if a customer misses his first payment, you hire someone to steal back your car.
 That means the customer paid $1000 to drive that car for a month.
 If a customer puts down $3500, you're already a winner.

 From the customer's point of view, bring someone along who knows cars.
 It might help to take the car to a mechanic, but a car like the one I described
 is usually a $18K car with 80K miles on it, so any mechanic can find a hundred
 problems with it.  Listening to a car is important, too.

 Also, they have a service called Carfax - insist on one of those reports.
 It'll tell you how many owners the car has had, if it's been wrecked, it's insurance history etc.

Click to visit
"Yeah, they fired me at WLS.
But I'll take the lemons and make lemonade."

Marty's E! page
Arnold pulls his gop-sponsored stunt tonight on Leno - I'm not watching
Turner Classic Movies features Robert Mitchum all day & night
Peter, Paul & Mary at the Lincoln Memorial
Shazia Mirza, female Moslem stand-up comic
Boston's first 'mob flash'
Rutger Hauer will visit 'Smallville'
Dick Ebersole (the ex-Mr. Susan St. James) paid Carly Simon $50,000 to find out who was so vain.
Etta James to be honored in Temecula
Fans don't toss Keith Richards panties
The Kennedy Center honors were announced - but, where's Paul McCartney?
He was supposed to be 'honored' last year but begged out for a wedding.
Paul Simon took his place...
Hiroshima - 58 years ago
Heidi Fleiss testifies in tears
Lynyrd Skynyrd cancels tour
'Gigli' is so bad theater's averaged fewer than 10 viewers per screening
And, the Giant Panda at the San Diego Zoo is pregnant with twins



"If I may comment, Reverend Falwell, the fact is, is that this church is making its own decision.
 They take the Bible seriously also. They don't need you to interpret it for them. This so- called
 sin of homosexuality didn't make the top ten.  Frankly, you don't represent represent mainstream
 Christians, you represent extreme Christian fundamentalism. We should never forget there was a
 time that this country burned witches at the stake. Fundamentalism is bad in any form."
       --Elizabeth Birch of the Human Rights Campaign, giving Falwell the red-ass on Crossfire,


 The Mack did a lot of good things last weekend.
 He wallpapered Mrs Bart's dining room with black accoustical tile.
 He hooked up a bad-ass processor of some sort.  I suppose it processes something.
 He got the mini-disc working and he made my AM radio listenable.

 It took him a while to fix it, but he's one of those guys who will think about something
 for a long, long time and eventually the answer pops into his head.   He even reads the
 directions on new electronics.  Not me - I plug it in and then curse at it for not working.
 So we'll have more Pigboy severe beatings in the coming shows.

 Also, I forget how much I've said on which page, but Tommy Mack has agreed to
 turn knobs and brings some much-needed professionalism to 

 That last show, Number 9?   It only took less than three hours to speak it into a mic,  but then it
 took me ten days to do the post production on the three parts...  The Mack is ten times faster than
 Ol' Bart with the post production software.  When he's working his magic, his hands move faster
 than Ann Coulter's when she's watching her TIVO of Bush in a flight suit on the USS Lincoln.

 Also, we expect the Mack-era to produce such quality, we're naming the next show Number One.
 The "just kidding" shows will then become Practice One, Practice Two, etc

 He's also going to "less Okie up" the show - that has to be good.

 At Least 827 American Wounded 

  Click  Here

 The number of American wounded is 827 since Operation Iraqi Freedom began.

 Unofficial figures are in the thousands. About half have been injured since the president's
 triumphant appearance on board the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln at the beginning of May.
 Many of the wounded have lost limbs.

 The figures are politically sensitive. The number of American combat deaths since the start
 of the war is 166 - 19 more than the death toll in the first Gulf war.

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 Mister Perfect hits fan, causes 3 stitches

 GRAND BLANC, Michigan (AP) --John Yates has two gifts from Tiger Woods:
 a golf glove autographed by the golfing giant and three stitches courtesy of an errant shot.

 Woods' approach at No. 7 during the final round of the Buick Open on Sunday sailed
 to the right and bounced off Yates' head, cutting him, before landing in the greenside bunker.

 The spectator was on his back, his head bleeding, when Woods came over to apologize.
 "I'm so sorry," Woods said, leaning down to shake Yates' hand. "Hang in there."

 Woods asked if help was on the way. Tournament marshals assured him it was.
 Woods, who wound up making birdie, returned to give Yates the glove and a ball.

 Reached later by telephone at his home in Grand Blanc, Yates said he didn't need
 medical assistance beyond the stitches.

 In fact, he was in a joking mood.

 "I helped him out because my head knocked it back toward the hole," said Yates, 52.
 "He birdied the hole, I guess. I didn't see it. It's my most memorable moment in golf."

 Lies Of False Prophets

  Click  Here

 So ask not for whom Dictator Chimp smirks for - he smirks at you while ripping you off,
 crushing your human rights to liberty while stealing your hard-earned cash tax to build bombs
 that kill children in lands your children cannot find on a world map and you will enjoy while
 he rapes your mind with lies of false prophets on television tube.

Fud's cat

Read about it in BartCopSports!

Click to Enter


"I believe this, that a fornicator, an adulterer, a heterosexual who is not loyal to his wife,
  is disqualified from being a pastor or a priest or a bishop. And, for the same reason,
  I believe that anyone else, a homosexual or anyone who violates scripture, cannot be a leader.
      --Jerry Falwell, (R-Serial liar) on Crossfire

  So Jerry, if you really believe that, why did you vote for Bush?

 The only television commercial Al Gore needs...

"Hi. I'm Al Gore and I'm running for re-election."

"Did you know that four years ago, I received the most votes in Florida?"

<video of Republican riot that stopped the recount>

"Did you know that four years ago, I received the most votes in America?"

<video of George Bush clowning or otherwise making a fool of himself>

"So why is George Bush your president today?"

<video of George Bush relaxing in Crawford>

"Because moneyed interests in Washington decided you needed a change is leadership."

<video of George Bush's wide-eyed stare as Scott Card whispers the news of the 9/11 attacks into his ear>

"Because some people thought there was no difference between Republicans and Democrats."

<video of homeless people>

"I ask you - is this leadership?"

<video of Bush pumping his fist and saying "Feel's good.">

"Is this?"

<video of Bush climbing out of the jet on the USS Lincoln, cut to him
 standing in front of the Mission Accomplished banner>

"Is this?"

<cut to video of Enron, Adelphia, Tyco, Worldcom, rolling blackouts,
 fast photo montage representative of the disastrous Bush administration>

"I'm Al Gore, and I'm running for re-election."

<cut to Gore>

"Let's return Democracy to America."

written and directed by Jeff Crook

 Dude, get the boys at  to produce it.

 Cubans spell trouble for Bush
   by Prince of Darkness Bob Novak

  Click  Here

 What inflamed pro-Bush Cuban Americans in south Florida is that the US negotiated with Castro
 to impose 10-year prison sentences. This sudden agreement between Washington and Havana could cost Bush a second term.

 President Bush's Cuban-American friends consider this a de facto trial, resulting in incarceration by a police state.
 If Cuban voters stay home next time, Florida will almost surely be won by Bush's Democratic opponent.

 If we opened the gates to Cuba, Castro wouldn't last 1 year.

 Britney Spears, MTV, McDonald's, red Camaro convertibles, MP3s, the internet,
 not to mention employment, electricity, The Playboy Channel -- Castro wouldn't stand a chance.

 Transcript of Radio Show 9-3
  We thought we'd take a stab at this, see if it had any value

  Click  Here

 5 human beings, ‘5 women as sex slaves in his underground bunker was sentenced in Syracuse
 to18 years to life in prison.  John  Jamalsky, 68, 68, pleaded guilty last month to kidnapping 5
 women and girls and holding them for up to 3 years each from 1988-2003.’

 That’s 15 years worth of sex slaves. So, he got 18 years to life. Now why do I bring this up?
 No, not for the thrill of talking about sex slaves, but do you know, if he had had an ounce of
 marijuana, he could’ve gotten life?

 Raping 5 women for 15 years, is nowhere near as bad as possessing an ounce of pot.
 So, they caught this guy with 2 ounces, rounded up some more pot, but they caught him
 with 2 ounces of pot in his wheelchair and he got life in prison for 2 ounces of pot. [sigh]
 How is this possible?

 This.. is.. stupid!

 Subject: the veep...

 Dear Bartcop:
 Straight up bro, you fucking rule. The Vice-President of the United States of America was in my town on Monday.
 The son of a bitch didn't even stop by to say hello. Go figure. Anyway, I penned a little tribute to the evil bastard
 and I thought I would share it with you.

 Don Nash

 and of course

 de facto dick
 one insufferable little prick
 smug oil man
 takes what he can
 whenever he can
 what do you think happened
 to wyoming
 a once beautiful place
 but now
 it's a disgrace
 by the likes
 of halliburton and
 of course
 de facto dick

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"Gray Davis has asked the state supreme court to delay the October recall vote
  because he says that’s not enough time to put on a fair election. Let me tell you
  something, if we don’t need a fair election to pick a president of the United States,
  we don’t need one to pick a governor of California....
    -- Leno

 Neocon Coup at the Department d'État
  by the She-Thing at the New York Whore Times

  Click  Here

 The scene was reminiscent of last August in Crawford, when Mr. Bush dismissed press "churning"
 that the administration was on the verge of striking Iraq, saying, "When I say I'm a patient man,
 I mean I'm a patient man and that we will look at all options and we will consider all technologies
 available to us, and diplomacy and intelligence."

 We all know how that turned out.

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  250 252

  How many more are we willing to tolerate?

 Note: Believe this figure.
 It's from

 Call the

You have two minutes to rant away.

 What do crop circle investigators "researchers"
 and neocon Iraq-hawks have in common?

  Click  Here

"Dick Cheney diligently tracks down that Uranium from Africa."

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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