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Volume 1139 - President Notsosmart 

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 Tuesday   Aug 19, 2003 


"When fascism comes to America, they'll call it Democracy."
   --Will Rogers, as seen on

 Blair aide says war reasons were false
  Chief of Staff: "Nothing to demonstrate an imminent threat from Saddam"

  Click  Here

 The dossier on which British Prime Minister Tony Blair justified war against Iraq contained
 no proof of any threat from Baghdad, according to an e-mail from a top Blair aide.

"The document does nothing to demonstrate a threat, let alone an imminent threat from Saddam,"
 Blair's chief of staff and long-time confidant Jonathan Powell wrote to a senior intelligence official.

"This pisses me off and when I'm mad I kill people.
  Don't forget, I can legally murder Brits, too..
  The Democrats gave me that power."

 Dueling Quotes

"Frankly, what irritates me the most are these blow-dried Napoleons that have their own agendas.
  General Clark is one of them that is running for president. He's questioning the plan and raising doubts.
  I think they would serve the nation better if they would just comment on what they see and what they know,
  rather than putting their own agenda forward as an expert."
   -- Tom Delay, the little bug man from Texas

"I'm nuts about personal slurs..."

"Tom Delay's got it exactly backward. It's upside down. I am saying what I believe. And I'm being drawn
  into the political process because of what I believe and what I've said about it. So it's precisely the opposite
  of a man like Tom DeLay, who is only motivated by politics and says whatever he needs to say to get the
  political purpose. When our airmen were flying over Kosovo, Tom DeLay led the House to vote not to
  support their activities, when American troops were in combat. To me, that's a real indicator of a man
  who is motivated not by patriotism or support for the troops, but for partisan political purposes."
   -- Wesley Clark,

 U. Mich. Consumer Sentiment Stumbles

   Click  Here

 U.S. consumer sentiment fell unexpectedly in August, market sources
 said on Tuesday, as Americans weigh a lukewarm economic recovery
 that has clear hot spots but has yet to show its staying power.

 Hell, I've never even heard of 'consumer sentiment' before, but I'm not surprised
 that it fell under the bumbling mismanagement of the Unelected Greedmaster.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:  August 19, 1943
 After three days of heavy fighting, the Soviet Southwest Front breaks
 through the German defenses on the Mius River line.

 General Jeschonnek, Chief of Staff of the Luftwaffe, commits suicide
 after being criticized for the Peenemunde and Schweinfurt raids

 Question for Mark Morford

Q: How much feedback/mail do you typically get after a column is published?

A: All depends on the column. A particularly pointed anti-Bush anti-war column
     will get me gobs of sneering hate mail, mostly from the delirious, hardcore psychopatriots
     at or or, et al, where they post chunks
     of my column in their discussion forums, along with my e-mail address, and encourage each
     other to flame me, usually in the cutest sort of monosyllabic, ragingly homophobic, horribly
     syntaxed, misspelled sort of way. Makes me proud to be an American. My girlfriend loves
     the anti-SF gay-bashing they aim my way, I might add.       Attribution

  Read Mark's great columns at

 Gambling with Nancy Grace

  Click  Here

 Then she accused Geragos of somehow rewiring his mind to deny to himself that Peterson was guilty.
 She made a big production out of this, saying that if some evidence were to somehow creep into his brain
 that Peterson was guilty, his brain would find a way to reject that without letting the thought connect with his
 conscious intellect.  Whew, Nancy, do you kiss your Steely Dan with that foul mouth?

 VCR Alert - Tonight - The finals of the 2003 World Series of Poker

 from The Poker Room at Binion's Horseshoe in Las Vegas is on ESPN tonight.

 You should learn by watching the pros, especially if you expect to be in a Hold 'em tourney some day. (cough)
 It's mostly like regular poker, but the betting is a whole other world.

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 Bob Schieffer:  "I've seen some estimates that it may cost up to $50 billion to fix this. Who's going to pay that?"

 Spencer Abraham: "Ratepayers, obviously, will pay the bill because they're the ones who benefit."
    --exchange on the August 17 Face the Nation, talking about the power grid that worked fine under Clinton

 Bob, if you weren't on the B.F.E.E. payroll, you might've asked,
"Will the president's close friends reap billions in profit from this, just like the war?"

 You're a whore, Bob, now get out of here.

 More stickers have arrived

 Get yours, then send in a picture of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

 The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.

 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or a copy of Joe Conason's new book.


 Send in your sticker pics - win big prizes.

 Is the Bush tax cut fair to all income levels?

 Very fair/pretty fair              20 %
 About right                              7 %
 Pretty unfair/Very unfair      69 %


 Is Matt Drudge lying about his hits?

 Drudge claims he gets over three million hits a day. But when I went there to see if
 the She Thing at the New York Whore Times's column was worth printing, a pop-up
 appeared which said I won a prise because I was the 1000th visitor to his site.

 Subject: Wesley Clark - very impressive

 Hi Bart,

 Did you see Wesley Clark on CNN?
 This guy would be unbeatable against Bush.

 His impeccable background alone, when contrasted with the non elected idiot,
 will expose Dubya for the AWOL, hypocritical, self-serving bastard that he is.

 Now I've seen that he is a cool, quick thinking and sincere person who is ready to attack the neo-cons.
 This is the voice we've been yearning for!   I have joined the movement to draft him, and I would like
 to encourage you to check it out, and promote him on your site.

 Kind regards


 No Work, No Homes

  Click  Here

 After the economic meeting, Mr. Bush said, "This administration is optimistic about job creation."

 It's too bad George Akerlof wasn't at the meeting. Mr. Akerlof, a 2001 Nobel laureate in economics,
 bluntly declared on Tuesday that "the Bush fiscal policy is the worst policy in the last 200 years."
 Speaking at a press conference arranged by the Economic Policy Institute, Mr. Akerlof, a professor
 at UC Berkeley, said, "Within 10 years, we're going to pay a serious price for such irresponsibility."

"Find this cock-sucker and break his legs..."

 Have you seen  the video  of Ralph Nader getting pied?

  Click  Here

 Hey, it's NOT funny!

 The Catholics got a twofer Sunday night.

 On The Sopranos, Carmella's uncle died, so they all had to attend the funeral.
 After the ceremony, they slipped the priest an envelope with cash in it.
 Would the priest have done the service without the gratuity?

 An hour later on The Restaurant, business was slow so the head ego-run-amock boy
 has a priest come down to the place and bless the silverware, the bar and the meatballs.
 Besides a free meal and all the wine he could drink, you know he got an envelope, too.

 I guess I'm the only one in America who sees that as sleazy.
 I mean, if business is bad, you rent a priest to voodoo on the place to drum up business?
 If that voodoo really worked, wouldn't everybody do that?
 It's cheaper than running ads...

 I'll bet there are people reading this who gave a priest money to bless their car.
 Do you really think your car is safer?   Because the priest blessed it with tap water
 that he turned into Holy Water with a wave of his hand?

 I know I'll never convince the believers, and I'm just making you angry, so I'll stop now.

 For now, on my laptop, I have no sound, so we can't do radio until I get my computer back.

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"Fox News is striking back by putting the demonizers on notice that they will be held
  responsible when they ...launch defamatory personal attacks on Fox personnel.
     --Whore O'Reilly, chief TV propaganda spinner for the Nazi right


 Mr. O'Reilly, can I ask a favor?
 Could you please define the language that, if printed on a web site, would make you sue me?
 I'll pay your filing fees, I promise.


 Portland, Aug 21st

 Bellevue, Aug 22nd

 Tacoma, Aug 22

 Seattle, Aug 23rd

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Marty's E! page
Disinfotainment Today'  (part 1) from Michael Dare
Updated the 'WTC films' page
Daniel Barenboim in Morocco
Conan O'Brien's 10th Anniversary
TV ratings for the PGA are down 41%
(Because Mr Perfect can't sink a two-foot putt)
Iggy Pop & The Stooges reschedule Detroit
Roseanne Barr's new show has been canceled
Jethro's 'Beverly Hillbillies Mansion & Casino' in Carson City, NV
Andrea Thompson returns to acting in '24'
Seabiscuit's saddle
Scott Weiland got 3 years probation
And, the Enola Gay



"Schwarzenegger's team wants to triple our property taxes,
  which goes to show you, don't send a liberal to do a tax-fighter's job,"
   -- Bill Simon (R-Pixiedust) the bitter loser to Gray Davis last time

 Subject: Ask questions

 Where are the weapons of mass destruction?
 Where is Bin Laden?
 Where is my 401K?

 How did a huge governmental surplus become a huge deficit in two years?
 During the campaign, why did George Bush say he was a great uniter?
 Why did the reasons we went to war with Iraq change after the troops landed?

 Where were Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft and members of Congress during the Vietnam War?
 Where are their kids during this war?
 Was there a plan for postwar Iraq, or is it trial and error?

 Where have 2 million jobs gone over the last two years?
 How many people died during Clinton's "lie?"
 How many have died during Bush's "truth?"

 How can they say they are for the military, yet cut veterans' benefits?
 Why were we told the 2003 tax cut would benefit all families, then find out
    -- after it is passed -- that 20 million would not benefit?

 Why isn't the full report released on the 9-11 attacks?
 Why aren't the names of those who sat on the Bush/Cheney Energy Panel released?

 Why is it wrong to ask questions?
 Why do I feel we have gone back to the 1950s' secret, paranoid, McCarthyism atmosphere?

 Why will I, a retired military vet with two boys serving overseas -- or any American
 -- be called an un-American, yellow-bellied liberal for asking these questions? Why?

 Greg D


 Just saw a commercial for Bowling for Columbine video on Jon Stewart.

 Y'know, ...Stewart's a Jew I could vote for.
 (Don't write - it's a joke!)

 Musclehead's 16-year old rape victim?

  Click  Here

 The 'actor' began his affair with Gigi Goyette when she was only 16 (that makes it statuatory rape)
 -- and even made love to her in the very same hotel where he was staying with "Dateline" star Maria.

 Hi, Bart!

 I can't believe your birthday is Sept. 12th.
 My beloved grandmother's was that day and so is my favorite aunt's and my godson's.
 My grandmother lived to be 99 and she was a kick!
 She LOVED to gamble!!
 We used to have to pry her away from the machines so she would eat something.
 She loved to party, too!
 All my very favorite people are born on September 12th!!
 Happy 50th, Bart!



"Actually, major military operations. Because we still have combat operations going on.
  It's a different kind of combat mission, but, nevertheless, it's combat, just ask the kids
  that are over there killing and being shot at."
     -- President Notsosmart, in an interview with the AFRTS, interrupting the questioner when asked about
         his pilot strut on May 1 of, as the journalist put it, "the end of combat operations",   Attribution

 "Just ask the kids that are over there killing?"
 I'll bet he had an erection from just saying those words.


 I saw a pic of Jillian in todays edition.
 I was watching her show "Good Day Live" (although I HATE Fox).....and they were talking about Arnold.
 She said that there was a website with a picture of him with a naked girl on his shoulders and her bolders
 hanging down around his ears. She said that she was not allowed to give the name of the website on air.
 I had seen that picture (and emailed it to all my friends) on your site.

 I wondered if she was talking about you!

  "Hasta la vista, Gray Davis!"

 Harry Hamlin starred in a "political thriller" mini-series on NBC about 10 years ago.

 It was "Fortunate Son" and it turned out to be prescient.
 In the series, (as always, this is the way I remember it) Hamlin was a flawed pervert,
(His flaw, NBC's sex hook to make people watch, was that he enjoyed surprise anal sex with women.
 He surprised his secretary with that one night - if memory serves...
 I remember it being totally salacious, with the taken girl pleading, "No!...not ...there...")

 This was Tittilation City ten years ago...
 These days, hotties brag about it on Howard Stern.

 So, Harry Hamlin is this wacko, fake candidate for senator or president - whatever - and his
 handlers hired a really good sharpshooter to graze him while he was making a speech on live TV .

 Everything worked as planned.

 Towards the end of his speech, he had maybe 30 seconds to finish - and a shot rang out.
 It hit him in the arm or shoulder and he fell, all bloody with his white, starched shirt, to the ground.
 His "surprised" secretary told him he wasn't hit that bad - and to stand up and finish his speech.

 Like whichever Rocky film you like the most, Hamlin struggled his bloody-ass to the microphone,
 and said something about, "America's enemies cannot stop me from telling God's honest truth,"
 and he collasped and the EMS people took him away ...and his approval rating soared to almost 90

 Isn't that where we are today?

 That horseshit back in May - with the Monkey in the pilot's costume on the Lincoln?
 Was that anything other than another pre-arranged, press-enabled truth-mugging?

 Another thing that pisses me off - every time we get a TV report from Crawford.
 The lying press whores are always positioned so the viewer sees a tractor and a barn behind them
 as Bush's good little volunteer puppy files his "Bush is great" story for the networks.

 Karl Rove must be standing there, saying, "No, camera HERE and reporter HERE!"
 They're trying to pretend the Kennebunkport billionaire is some Texas rancher, and he's not.

 Why acn't at least one reporter - out of the 40 or so that are there - have the balls to say,
 "The White House has positioned us, I suppose, so you can see Bush's tractor."

 How can every reporter be a willing sheep for the BFEE?
 I'll bet helen Thomas wouldn't stand in front of the damn tractor.
 Was Helen Thomas the last honest reporter in the WH press corps?

 Subject: Clark vs Monkey


 General Clark smacked Mr. Rove's pet monkey

"...but I'm not a monkey - I'm a man..."

 Subject: 9-11 Phone Calls from Plane

 Am I missing something?  Everyone seems to be concentrating on
 whether or not a call could be placed from a cell phone during a flight.

 If I were trying to call someone, I would just pick up that phone
 staring me in the face from the back of the seat in front of me.

 Hey, good point, hasn't been addressed here, from what I remember.
 Sure, if Mom gets a call from her son on a plane, she might use "cell phone"
 to describe it, but she wouldn't really have anyway to know for sure - would she?

 Would the terrorists have had the knowledge, forethought,
 or even the capability to restrict the phones?


 They apparently knew more about cell phones on planes than you and I

 I heard somewhere that passengers were almost instructed to call loved ones.
 It would be damn tough to make a clandestine phone call with four armed gunmen watching.

Football's around the corner, the pennant races are heating up,
Mr. Perfect tries to fight off the BartCop Hex, and Ted Williams' head
is in a lobster pot.  It's beginning to feel like fall...
Check it out at...

Click to Enter

 What's up with Ted Rall?

  Click  Here

 He's attacking Howard Dean, calling him "another Clinton" - oh my God - not another Clinton!
 Jesus, if this country ever needed "another Clinton" it's right now.
 Possibly worse, he's hiding behind the words of others, which is kind of a Rush trick.
 This way, he can say lots of nasty things without ever saying any nasty things.

But as Vermonters tell anyone who's willing to listen, the former governor they call "Ho-Ho..."
According to Vermonters...
"He's moved sharply left," says John Nobody of some rightie think tank...
Dean's supporters don't believe what they're told. They hear what they want to believe,
     and Dean provides the strident vagaries that fuel their self-delusion...

  Wow - Ted says Dean supporters aren't too bright, and they're delusional, too.

"If he gets the nomination, he'll run back to the center and be more mainstream," predicts a Republican..

 Well of course he's going to do that - every elected politician has done that.
 You play to youir base in the primaries and play to the country in the general.
 Ted doesn't know this?
 ...and why is Ted going to Republicans to get nasty quotes about Dean?

And how can antiwar types reconcile Dean's support for Bush's invasion of Afghanistan?

 Gee, could it be because Osama was in Afghanistan?  Is Ted so leftist that he's a dove on 9-11?
 Damn, that's scary-left, if you ask mel.  As good a writer as Ted is, he spent almost the whole column
 attacking Dean, with a little venom for Clinton and even some for Bush, but he never said who he was FOR.
 All we got was a list of people he doesn't like.  Is that good writing?

 He mentioned Kucinich without attacking him, maybe he's for Dennis - who knows?

 The Groping Governor
 Oversexed Arnie - is it the steroids?

  Click  Here

 When Arnold came to London in 2000, his behaviour led insiders to label him ‘the octopus’.

 When TV presenter Anna Richardson interviewed Arnold for Big Screen at the Dorchester Hotel,
 he asked her pointblank if her breasts were real. He then pulled her onto his knee, circled her nipple
 with his finger, squeezed it and announced: ‘Yeah, they are real.’

 And when Denise Van Outen interviewed him for The Big Breakfast, he slapped her bottom then
 brushed his arm against her breast. Afterwards, he smirked: ‘It was a handful. I never know if my
 wife’s watching. I’ll tell her it was a stuntman.’

 Subject: In the dictionary

 No kidding- 2002 edition of Webster's Unabridged has this entry:

 bush·wa,  noun.

 rubbishy nonsense; baloney; bull:
 You'll hear a lot of boring bushwa about his mechanical skill.

 Also, bushÆwah from its use in political rhetoric,
 the actual sense being lost; taken as euphemism for BULLSHIT]


 'Zsa Zsa Saddam' to Taunt Iraqi Regime Loyalists

  Click  Here

 Meet "Zsa Zsa Saddam," the U.S. army's latest ploy in the four-month hunt for Saddam.

 U.S. forces plan to put up posters around Saddam's hometown of Tikrit showing his face
 on Hollywood heroines and other stars in an attempt to enrage his followers and draw them out.

 As well as Saddam dolled up as a slinky Zsa Zsa Gabor, there is a busty Rita Hayworth Saddam,
 a grooving Elvis Saddam and even Saddam in the guise of British-born rocker Billy Idol.

For a liberal helping of world news and views,
visit,  and   get our beautiful bumper sticker!

 Subject: Atomic Anniversary


 We've just passed the anniversaries (Aug 6 & 9, 1945) of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
 Odd that at the same time that the Bush administration is discussing more nuclear (nukular?) testing and
 the development of more weapons of mass destruction, no one has pointed out the anniversary of first use
 of such weapons - and the ensuing horror.

 Americans are notorious for ignoring the lessons of history, but this?
 How can they ignore this and make plans to do it again?


 The reason we dropped that bomb, was to save lives because going building-to-building in Japan
 would kill - I heard Randy Humphries say this today, "well in excess of 140,000 soldiers."

 He seems to be saying that when you invade another country, sometimes people have pride
 and they fight for their land - they don't roll over like senate Democrats.

 We dropped a bomb to kill hundreds of thousands of innocent Japanese people.
 We did that to avoid what we're facing today in Iraq, except Iraq didn't attack us.

 Oh well, I'm sure Bush, our war hero, knows what he's doing...

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  267 284

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the Bloodthirsty Bully said, "Bring 'em On":  63+

  Perhaps 1,100 wounded.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 Note: Believe this figure.  The site is back up.
 It's from

 We were going to press when we learned of the massacre in Baghdad.
 We'll update the body count tomorrow.

In trouble?
 Call the

You have two minutes to speak your peace.

 Happy Birthday to the best President we ever had.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 On my favorite vocal cords?
(The story says "chords," but that's a mistake, right?)

 No wonder Shirley hasn't called yet.
 She was waiting until her voice was perfect to call.

 Shrl - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of painfully unfunny "humor."

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