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Quotes
"Arnold Schwarzenegger--Finally, a candidate
who can explain Bush's position on
  civil liberties in the original German. 
Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans
  are not, because he is actually quite
liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi,
  he wouldn't have any credibility with
conservatives at all."
      Bill Maher
 
  Excerpt:
 The General Accounting Office said it was
impossible to tell how much energy companies or industry
 groups may have influenced the task force's
2001 report because Cheney withheld important records.
 Administration officials did not account
for much of the money spent on the task force and could not
 remember whether anyone took official notes
during the 10 Cabinet-level meetings the group held in 2001.
 
 Meanwhile, Cheney was showing his oil buddies maps of Iraq's oil
fields.
 Was there an auction?
 Is that why 9-11 had to happen?
 They needed a reason to invade Iraq and steal that oil.
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the world's energy supply?
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the world's mightiest
military?
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the world's biggest
economy?
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the money missing from
the Treasury?

Quotes
"Bush is on a 35-day vacation, after having
had his annual physical,
  and it turns out his cholesterol is
now lower than his approval rating."
     -- Dave
 
  Excerpt:
 I got on another street and One Tower blew
up. Again, the air was black with a pulverized 110-story building.
 I did not feel well for two months. I never
said anything because I was too embarrassed. A couple of thousand
 had died. So many others were scorched
and broken and maimed. I had no right to open my mouth, I thought.
 Besides, from the first day, the EPA had
announced that air was remarkably clean. Work on. Breathe on. You're fine.
 They lied. They lied because the administration
did not want people not going to work. They lied the first week
 and they lied the week after that and they
have lied every day of the past two years to the people of this city.
 Christine Whitman was the EPA head until
recently. I wasn't disturbed that her education was a jump horse school,
 but I thought she was better than standing
up and doing what she was told by George Bush's White House, telling
 lies to a public who had to breathe this
air. Turns out she isn't much of a human being.
  
...but
I love frisking a negro.
 
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
Hey Monkey!
Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...
Please visit our sponsors
Quotes
"We're heading parallel to this little river
and I'll show you the headwaters of the river.
  It's spectacular.   Can you
envision me sitting here, on the rock, writing some poetry?"
   -- America's monkey, claiming he
can write complete sentences, on his ranch in Tejas
 
  Excerpt:
 The soldiers based around Baqouba are from
an armor battalion, which means they
 have tanks, Humvees and armored personnel
carriers. But they are short on rifles.
"We just do not have enough rifles to equip all
of our soldiers. So in certain circumstances
  we allow soldiers to have an AK-47," said
Lt. Col. Mark Young, commander of the
 3rd Battalion, 67th Armor Regiment, 4th
Infantry Division. .
 
 No doubt they'll blame Clinton for this - but if our boys don't
have enough rifles,
 why are they sent into a war zone? Just like with Somalia, the
Bushes never give
 our troops the tools they need to attack and remain safe.
 
 
"We
can't afford more rifles because my friends need another tax cut."
Reasons for calling Bart a liar
  Excerpt:
 Bart, Im so old that I remember
the concept of courts interpreting law instead of making shit up.
 If you have a problem with the electoral
college say so, but if you state that Gore won that election
 when he actually tried to steal it, your
a liar.
 I'm not a big fan of the electoral college, but we all knew the
rules going in.
 I got some news for you, Sunshine - Gore won Florida.
 The only way he didn't win Florida is if they stopped counting
the votes and let
 one candidate's brother and his girlfriend make a completely
impartial decision.
Bart,
I thought your fans might find this helpful, and the 'ditto heads' could get an education
Subject: Audio Resources on Civil Liberties
 Just as Attorney
General John Ashcroft is touring the country promoting the 'Patriot Act,'
 we've posted audio of terrific national
speakers on civil liberties from the July 25-26
 Conference - "Protecting Our Civil Liberties:
The Core of Democracy"
 A photo gallery of speakers with links to
their talks and interviews from the conference
 and related resources is available at   
http://traprockpeace.org/civil_liberties_July_03/civil_liberties_audio.html
Hear alternatives to John Ashcroft's vision for America.
* Frank Serpico (exposed corruption in NYPD and
champion of civil liberties);
* Christopher Pyle (Mt. Holyoke College Constitutional
Law professor who blew
   the whistle on US Army spying on
civilians in the 70's);
*C. William Michaels (legal expert and noted
author of "No Greater Threat - America After
   September 11th and the Rise of the
National Security State");
*Bill Newman, ACLU attorney and advisor to the
national Bill of Rights Defense Committee;
*Mahsa Khanbabai, attorney and expert on theeffects
of post-9/11 actions on immigrants;
*Irvine Sobelman, co-founder of the Bill of Rights
Defense Committee, bordc.org
*Sut Jhally, professor of communication at the
University of Massachusetts at Amherst, and founder
  and executive director of The Media Education
Foundation in Northampton. (audio of Mr. Jhally coming).
We've also posted photo albums of the entire conference.
 MP3 audio may be downloaded for replay for
non-profit use only, with attribution.
 Contact us if you require higher bit rate
audio for radio replay.
 Next up: Photo-journal and media
coverage of recently completed 8 stop, 3 state tour on 'depleted' uranium
 with Doug Rokke, Ph.D., former head of
US Army DU project after the Persian Gulf War. We've posted
 his Nagasaki Day address (go to homepage
- http://traprockpeace.org - and are working on dates for fall DU tour.
 Groups from over 10 states are seeking
to post events on 'depleted' uranium.)
 Charles Jenks, attorney at law
 President of the Core Group
 Traprock Peace Center
 http://traprockpeace.org
No Truth in Fox Trademark
  Excerpt:
"The words "fair and balanced" can be used to
describe a few good things in this world:
 The Encyclopedia Britannica; the open phones
show on C-SPAN. The average American newspaper
 on a very good day.  Fox News - with
its gladiatorial line-up of conservative talk show hosts sucker-punching
 strawman opponents nightly and calling
it discussions of issues - is not fair and balanced."


 
from The Poker Room at Binion's Horseshoe in Las Vegas - on ESPN tonight.
 You should learn by watching the pros, especially if you expect
to be in a Hold 'em tourney some day. (cough)
 It's mostly like regular poker, but the betting is from a whole
other world.
Bart,
 I like your page, but would you please go
easy on religion?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on your homophobia?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on Tiger Woods?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on the "pink tutu" bit?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on your bad language?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on American guitarists?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on your Shirley obsession?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on your never-ending ego trip?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on Smirk being stupid?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on the Catholics?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on Israel?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on the Palestinians?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on the Ten Commandments?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on the Bush twins?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on your poker obsession?
 I like your page, but would you please
go easy on everything you write?
A big fan
 
Spot - at Tina's place
Subject: The financial costs of an illegal war
Bart,
 There's anger about the lies,  about
the U.S. casualties, the innocent Iraqi casualties,
 the failure of diplomacy of this administration
and hatred and distrust we are breeding
 throughout the world because of this incompetent
chimp.  And all rightly so.
 But the money!!  Jeebus christ, Bart,
4 billion a month with no end in site.
 It's mentioned but where is the outrage?? 
I showed an accountant friend of mine that site
 that runs the ongoing total of the cost
of war, and she was flabbergasted.
 What we could do with the hundreds of billions
we will throw away on this.
 People should be tearing these inept monkeys
limb from limb over this.
 Mark H
 
 I'll bet we could give every senior free prescription drugs
for what that Illegal Idiot
 has thrown away just so he could massacre Baghdad and steal that
Iraqi oil.
 If only the Democrats would do their jobs...
 
 
 
 Get yours, then send in a picture of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)
 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 bartcop.com
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155
OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.
The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.
 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or
Joe
Conason's new book.
Send in your sticker pics - win valuable prizes.
 Sidebar:  Joe's book must contain some mighty dynamite.
                
It has certainly scared the pants off the blowtorches that spew Nazi hate
on radio and cable TV
 Bart,
 
 I just finished Joe Conason's Big
Lies, and have to tell you, it was fucking brilliant.
 
 It was a well articulated, factual, logical
savage beat down on the Republican nutbags running this country
 Joe's a good man swinging a big hammer.
 
 This is a great book.
 RZ
Bush action figure in bed with Osama and Saddam
 
...it's legal now in Texas
Quotes
"Bush is on to something when he argues that
the United States and Israel face a common enemy
  in the Middle East. However, insight
is not the same as good news; if Bush is correct, then the
  United States can look ahead to years,
if not decades, of conflict in the area...Bush says that
  America will "persevere" in Iraq, population
24 million. But the Israelis have been "persevering"
  in an area that's a fraction of the
size and population for 36 years now - and we see the violent and
  tragic results of their perseverance
every few days. In other words, if we are as persevering as
  the Israelis, and if the Iraqis are
as persevering as the Palestinians, then the Anglo-Americans
  could be fighting in Iraq for 36 years
themselves."
    --James P. Pinkerton,  
Iraq
Could Become U.S.'s West Bank and Gaza
 A
New Front in the "Culture War"
    by Gene Lyons     August 20,
2003
  Excerpt:
"If you do not support our president's decisions,"
it seems "you are a traitor."
 The TV pundette Coulter's alleged "best
seller"--its place on the New YorkTimes Book Review's list is marked by
a
 symbol indicating bulk purchases, meaning
some ideological sugar daddy's buying them up--makes an even more
 sweeping condemnation. Ever since FDR died,
it seems, "[w]hether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating
 for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always
against America....They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter
of
 America's self-preservation, the difference
is irrelevant. Fifty years of treason hasn't slowed them down."
Subject: Your website
Bart,
<much snippage>
 ...that's why I love your site.
 Because you provide the easy way for them
to get informed.
 Nardo
 
ha ha
 Politics for Dummies?
 I'd be honored.
 Y'know, as funny and true as that is, isn't
it amazing that none of the smart Republicans
 will agree to some friendly give-and-take
in a live chat room with The Dummy, where
 wild claims and wacky exaggerations could
be recorded, checked and verified?
Top Ten Ways Bart is similar to Joe Conason
10. Neither can find a GOP gasbag willing to debate.
9. ...
Much to Joe's relief, ...that's all I can think of.
ha ha

 
  Excerpt:
 She calls herself a constitutional attorney,
but she regularly demonstrates her hostility to constitutional
 ideas such as rule of law, due process
and the right to life and liberty.
 Simply put, Coulter is a homicidal maniac.
I can think of five instances in which she has  openly and in no
 uncertain terms  called for or whimsically
wished for the death of certain people:
*She recently acknowledged the military service
of John Kerry and Gray Davis in the Vietnam War,
  wishing they had been killed in action
by friendly fire.
 Regulation-Haters
Spreading More Lies
   by Smoking Joe Conason
  Excerpt:
 While Kenneth (Kenny Boy) Lay may no longer
be in a position to raise money and conceive
 policy for George W. Bush and Tom DeLay,
other influential executives remain eager to fulfill his role.
 Among them was Anthony J. Alexander of
Ohio’s First Energy Corp., the firm whose failing transmission
 lines near Lake Erie seems to have kicked
off the blackout. As a deregulation enthusiast and loyal Republican,
 Mr. Alexander raised more than $100,000
for the Bush-Cheney campaign in 2000, thus earning distinction
 as a "Bush Pioneer."

Activists buys home near Bush compound
  Excerpt:
 A few months ago, a Dallas peace activist
bought a house near the Bush's ranch so
 that hundreds of demonstrators trekking
into Crawford have a place to gather and
 voice their dissent of the Iraq war and
other issues.
"People thought it would be nice to have a place
in Crawford that embodied the
 consciousness of peace, rather than the
consciousness of war," said Lucas,
 a 60-year-old woman with a gray ponytail.
"The rest of the world thinks very lowly of our
country because we are arrogant,
 exploitative and thoughtless in the destruction
that we do to another country
 when we go after whatever it is that we
want from them." .
Subject: Friendly critique
Hey Bart,
 Thanks for the stickers - we got them a
couple days ago.
 We'll be sure to put them in good spots.
 In Volume 1143, you had a piece about the
Palestinians declaring the truce over after Israel
 killed one of their leaders.  You
said that was pretty ridiculous, since Israel was responding
 to a suicide attack that killed 20 people
on a bus.  However, if I recall correctly, the bus bombing
 was in response to an Israeli attack that
killed three or four Palestinian leaders the week before.
 Now, I don't have any allegiance to one
side or the other in this conflict.  I'm sure the previous
 Israeli attack was in response to something
else the Palestinians did, which was in retaliation for
 something the Israelis did, which was revenge
for something the Palestinians did, etc...all the way
 back to 1948 (or 1548, or 1148, or 548
for all I know).
At this point, neither side is clean.
 Todd
 
 Todd, I agree with that, but as far as I
know, Israel doesn't target children.  This isn't directed
at you,
 this is directed at the religiously-insane
person who's about to write and say "Israel kills kids with rockets,"
 which is probably true, but I put that
word in bold and underlined it for a good reason.
 Palestinians use kids to kill other kids.
 Israel doesn't do that.
 Both sides would rather have war than peace,
to please the Invisible Cloud Being.
 This is just like Abraham, offering to
sacrifice his child for Yahweh.
 Religion is always the problem.

 
  Excerpt:
 I spent the weekend pondering what I heard
at the ITAA/E-voting secret phone conference Friday.
 I then went and did a little checking into
names and people and came up with some interesting facts
 and even more interesting questions.
 1) The Elections Systems Task Force was
the major lobbyist for the Help America Vote Act (HAVA).
  The ESTF's main purpose was to get congress
to foot the bill for e-voting machines ($3.9 billion) and
  moving the country away from an auditable
system, to a system that has no credible auditibility.
Questions: How much money did these companies spend getting HAVA enacted? Who got the money?
 2) The ESTF was comprised of Northrop-Grumman,
Lockheed-Martin, EDS and Accenture.
  These companies all have major government
contracts, most with the Defense Department.
Question: Why are defense contractors mucking about in our voting process?
 
How did Ann Coulter get free fries for life?
 
...the old-fashioned way!
 Sam is here to help you get in the Members section.
 If you haven't been notified by the automated system of your
login and password,
 send Sam another e-mail and she'll get you in.  She works
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Quotes
"Bush's ranch time signals voters who don't
own tuxedos and didn't go to Ivy League schools
 that he has something in common with
them. So he wears grubby jeans, a battered cowboy hat
 and scuffed boots and drives a pickup
around his land. Aides describe his days as filled with
 manly and mundane activities, always
with Secret Service agents nearby." 
    --Judy Keen, on her knees for Dubya for USA Today
Marty's
E! page
Bill Murray on Dave Letterman
'Disinfotainment Today' by Michael Dare
Anna Kournikova at NASDAQ
Rolling Stone's top guitarists
Arnold Stang (Is he still alive?) on Musclehead
Julianne Moore got married
Carson Daly has a record label
And a camel trader
 
click
 Michael Moore
 Bowling
for Columbine
 Al Franken
 Lies
and the Lying Liars at FOX

 
  Click to Order      
#1 at Amazon.com
Bart,
 You know what the biggest charge the republicans
make against Davis?
 That he inherited a surplus and now has
a deficit.
 And they do this with a straight face.
 Even Arnold.
 Bruce Y
 
 True, and to make it worse, Enron's rape and Bush's tax cuts caused
much of it.
 I just read that crooked energy traders stole $40B from California's
budget.
 Without their crimes (aided by Bush) CA would now have a $4B
surplus.
 But the media won't report that and they refuse to hold Bush responsible
 for inheriting a hueueueuege surplus, then plunging
us into our worst debt ever.
 When Bush says he inherited a bad economy, the press agrees, even
though
 Bush said we could afford his tax cuts because Clinton's economy
was so damn strong.
The press will never call Bush on anything.
 Meanwhile 40 states are teetering on the verge of bankruptcy,
but somehow,
 it's all the fault of Gray Davis and Bill Clinton.
 
 
"Why do Jews have big noses?
  ...because air is free.
 
 
For more, listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm EDT
Please visit our sponsors
Quotes
"It's time to return Al Franken to the obscurity
that he's normally accustomed to."
    --Fox News whore Irena Steffen,
announcing the end of the Fox lawsuit
ha ha
 You idiots made Franken's career!
 You made him a full rung higher on the
ladder than he was.
 You made his book the Number One book in
America.
ha ha
Could you come after me next?
 
  Excerpt:
"Vannessa Turner's war ended in May, when she
collapsed in 130-degree heat,
  fell into a coma, and nearly died of heart
failure.
 Now, after more than a month recovering
in Germany and Washington, she spends
 her days brooding over how she and her
15-year-old daughter are suddenly homeless,
 sleeping on friends' couches and considering
moving into a shelter.
'I almost lost my life in Iraq -- and I can't
get a place to live?'' said Turner, 41, who Army
 officials say is the first known homeless
veteran of the war in Iraq. ''Yeah, I'm a little angry.
 Right now, not having a home for my daughter
is the greatest burden in my life.''
 Though Army officials said they're trying
to help, Turner, still wearing a leg brace and
 limping from nerve damage in her right
leg, blames the service for not doing more.
 When she went to the Veterans Administration
Medical Center in West Roxbury after coming
 home last month, officials there told her
she had to wait until mid-October to see a doctor. When
 she asked the Army to ship her possessions
from her unit's base in Germany, where she lived with
 her daughter for more than a year, they
told her she had to fly back at her own expense to get them
 herself. And when she sought help to secure
a veterans' loan for a house in Boston, she said
 mortgage brokers told her her only real
option was to move to Springfield or Worcester.
The Army acknowledges ''mistakes were made."
 Help, she said, only came after the Ted
Kennedy intervened. For example, she said, the Army
 refused to fly her brother and sister to
Germany to bring her daughter home. Then the senator's
 office called and suddenly a flight was
offered.  ''Was that a coincidence?'' Turner said. ''I don't think
so.''''
 
 We can NOT screw these brave men and women who put their lives
on the line for their country.
 The Illegal Idiot is the worst of them, posing for pictures dressed
as one of them while scheming
 to cut their benefits, the son of a bitch. Thank Koresh for men
like Senator Ted Kennedy.
 I heard that Hannity bastard railing against the Kennedys yesterday,
talking about how they
 had everything handed to them. Yeah, they lost Joe Jr in WWII
and lost John and Bobby
 (and maybe John Jr.) to rifle-toting motherless sons of bitches
working for the B.F.E.E..
 Meanwhile, the Unelected Bastard never worked a day in his lazy-ass
life.
Yeah, the Kennedys are selfish, they haven't given very much...

Dear Mr. O'Reilly:
I have a list of suggested talking points for your next show.
1. Besides testicles and facts, what does Joe Conason have that you don't?
2. Ann Coulter: Yellow-bellied Nazi uberkvetch or psychopathic misanthrope?
3. Fox 'News': Oxymoron or official GOP propaganda tool?
 4. Speaking of tools, how did you convince
Roger Ailes to go ahead with that idiotic lawsuit?
     Perhaps you could have
Al Franken on as a guest to help you explain it.Well, I know your
     mail-reading lackeys
have a lot of fatuous fan letters to go through, so I'll end this on a
friendly
     note by saying I hope
you choke on a Polk award.
Yours truly
 John H.
 Las Vegas
Quotes
"In the short run, the United States has enough
force to make up the rules as it goes along,
  as it did when it went into Iraq. But,
as the Iraq case shows, the cost of defying the rules
  and the international community is
steep. Even megapowers need friends. The Lone Ranger
  always prevails in the movies. In the
real world, there are a lot more Indians." 
    --Max Castro,     America's
double standard infuriates rest of the world 
Football's around the corner, the pennant races are heating up,
Mr. Perfect tries to fight off the BartCop Hex,
It's beginning to feel like fall...
Check it out at...
 
Click to Enter
 If Bush steals another term,
 won't that guarantee we'll be at war until 2008?
 Bush's
American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  277
294
 Soon, we'll be at 300.
 How long before we hit 400?  Or 600?
The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.
Total deaths since the Oil-lusting Moron said, "Bring 'em On": 73+
 Perhaps 1,200 wounded.
 
Perhaps 1,200 wounded.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?
It's from http://lunaville.org/warcasualties/Summary.aspx
 Note: I talked to the Dude over there and he's trying to
get straight answers
 from the Pentagon - no, seriously - and he will post the
new figures when they come in.
In trouble?
 Call the 
 
918-493-1500
You have two minutes to speak your peace.
 One-handed
ice trays
 
 My ever-weakening arm has become an ever-bigger problem. 
It's curious how this works,
 but sometimes it's stabbing, sometimes it's dull,
sometimes it shoots, ...whatever.
 Sometimes, it moves from my forearm up ...into my backarm. 
I don't like this.
 So, I'm sitting there after Mrs Bart had retired for the night.
I was half-watching some old movie
 when something somebody said struck a chord and my mind cascaded
with funny material!
 So I raced to the computer to get this insightful and clever
and entertaining idea onto the page.
 
 I sat down in my "He So Bad" $90
Jetson's chair and reached for my mouse.
 As my hand reached for the mouse, I noticed it wasn't there.
 What I mean is, ...the mouse was there, but there was no hand.
 Jesus, I had no right arm!
 
 I looked down, and there on the floor was my right arm, without
any clothes on.
 I instinctively reached for my right arm, but my right arm wasn't
there to reach for anything.
 I was surprised how little blood there was - maybe bad circulation
was part of the problem?
 Much to my chagrin, my left hand is mostly useless!
 I grabbed my cell phone with my remaining arm and tried and tried,
and eventually,
 I was able to raise 911.
 Tulsa EMS responded like Dick Cheney did when his country called.
"We have other priorities right now..." 
so they said I should pack
 my fallen arm in some ice and really quick drive myself to the
hospital.
 Ok, I can keep my head that long, ...Koresh willing, ...so all
I gotta do is get some ice cubes
 and a trash bag and my arm that's on the floor and drive my bloody
self thru a dozen miles of
 intersections where the Okies STOP at green lights --  If
it wasn't true, would I keep saying it?
 So I'm in my kitchen, trying to recover from the fact that I've
lost my right arm, 
 I open the freezer atop the Bart-Fridge where I grabbed a tray
of ice cubes.
 Holding it with my strong and reliable left hand, my non-existent
right hand reached to twist the tray.
 Since I had no right hand, ...twisting the tray posed itself
as a difficult dilemma.
 I musta looked like Lucy at the Candy Factory trying to get ice
cubes out of a tray with one arm.
 I'll bet Jenna Jamison can't get ice cubes out of a tray with
one hand.
 Hell, I doubt Lance Burton could do it.
 
 Time went by and eventually I reach the ER where they successfully
reattached my arm.
 Doc Shariff says in a year, it will look like it never even fell
off.
 So they're sending me to the chiropractor.
 Let's hope he has a clue...


Have a good time today - that's an order.
Shopping
online?
Use this portal and they'll
throw  bartcop.com  four cents.
 
 
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
 Copyright
© 2003, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Shrl, I can't wait to hear your next album (they're recording now) and see you on tour!
 Hey, get well soon!
 Call me!
 Call  The
BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop
Member - for free!
 ha ha
 Then your enemies will fear
you!
 ha ha
 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint
on
your next American tour.
 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts
at humor.