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Volume 1145 - Manly and mundane

Please visit our sponsors

 Tuesday   Aug 26, 2003 


"Arnold Schwarzenegger--Finally, a candidate who can explain Bush's position on
  civil liberties in the original German.  Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans
  are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi,
  he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all."
      Bill Maher

 GAO: Cheney stifled energy probe 

  Click  Here

 The General Accounting Office said it was impossible to tell how much energy companies or industry
 groups may have influenced the task force's 2001 report because Cheney withheld important records.

 Administration officials did not account for much of the money spent on the task force and could not
 remember whether anyone took official notes during the 10 Cabinet-level meetings the group held in 2001.

 Meanwhile, Cheney was showing his oil buddies maps of Iraq's oil fields.
 Was there an auction?
 Is that why 9-11 had to happen?
 They needed a reason to invade Iraq and steal that oil.

 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the world's energy supply?
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the world's mightiest military?
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the world's biggest economy?
 Would evil men let 9-11 happen to control the money missing from the Treasury?


"Bush is on a 35-day vacation, after having had his annual physical,
  and it turns out his cholesterol is now lower than his approval rating."
     -- Dave

 The Air Is Thick With Lies
  Very powerful stuff from Jimmy Breslin

  Click  Here

 I got on another street and One Tower blew up. Again, the air was black with a pulverized 110-story building.

 I did not feel well for two months. I never said anything because I was too embarrassed. A couple of thousand
 had died. So many others were scorched and broken and maimed. I had no right to open my mouth, I thought.
 Besides, from the first day, the EPA had announced that air was remarkably clean. Work on. Breathe on. You're fine.

 They lied. They lied because the administration did not want people not going to work. They lied the first week
 and they lied the week after that and they have lied every day of the past two years to the people of this city.

 Christine Whitman was the EPA head until recently. I wasn't disturbed that her education was a jump horse school,
 but I thought she was better than standing up and doing what she was told by George Bush's White House, telling
 lies to a public who had to breathe this air. Turns out she isn't much of a human being.

...but I love frisking a negro.

 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!

 Hey Monkey!

 Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...

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"We're heading parallel to this little river and I'll show you the headwaters of the river.
  It's spectacular.   Can you envision me sitting here, on the rock, writing some poetry?"
   -- America's monkey, claiming he can write complete sentences, on his ranch in Tejas

 U.S. Troops forced to use Iraqi AK-47s
  Our troops don't have enough rifles - watch them blame Clinton

  Click  Here

 The soldiers based around Baqouba are from an armor battalion, which means they
 have tanks, Humvees and armored personnel carriers. But they are short on rifles.

"We just do not have enough rifles to equip all of our soldiers. So in certain circumstances
  we allow soldiers to have an AK-47," said Lt. Col. Mark Young, commander of the
 3rd Battalion, 67th Armor Regiment, 4th Infantry Division. .

 No doubt they'll blame Clinton for this - but if our boys don't have enough rifles,
 why are they sent into a war zone? Just like with Somalia, the Bushes never give
 our troops the tools they need to attack and remain safe.

"We can't afford more rifles because my friends need another tax cut."

 Reasons for calling Bart a liar

  Click  Here

 Bart, Im so old that I remember the concept of courts interpreting law instead of making shit up.
 If you have a problem with the electoral college say so, but if you state that Gore won that election
 when he actually tried to steal it, your a liar.

 I'm not a big fan of the electoral college, but we all knew the rules going in.
 I got some news for you, Sunshine - Gore won Florida.

 The only way he didn't win Florida is if they stopped counting the votes and let
 one candidate's brother and his girlfriend make a completely impartial decision.


 I thought your fans might find this helpful, and the 'ditto heads' could get an education

 Subject: Audio Resources on Civil Liberties

 Just as Attorney General John Ashcroft is touring the country promoting the 'Patriot Act,'
 we've posted audio of terrific national speakers on civil liberties from the July 25-26
 Conference - "Protecting Our Civil Liberties: The Core of Democracy"

 A photo gallery of speakers with links to their talks and interviews from the conference
 and related resources is available at

 Hear alternatives to John Ashcroft's vision for America.

* Frank Serpico (exposed corruption in NYPD and champion of civil liberties);
* Christopher Pyle (Mt. Holyoke College Constitutional Law professor who blew
   the whistle on US Army spying on civilians in the 70's);
*C. William Michaels (legal expert and noted author of "No Greater Threat - America After
   September 11th and the Rise of the National Security State");
*Bill Newman, ACLU attorney and advisor to the national Bill of Rights Defense Committee;
*Mahsa Khanbabai, attorney and expert on theeffects of post-9/11 actions on immigrants;
*Irvine Sobelman, co-founder of the Bill of Rights Defense Committee,
*Sut Jhally, professor of communication at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, and founder
  and executive director of The Media Education Foundation in Northampton. (audio of Mr. Jhally coming).

 We've also posted photo albums of the entire conference.

 MP3 audio may be downloaded for replay for non-profit use only, with attribution.
 Contact us if you require higher bit rate audio for radio replay.

 Next up: Photo-journal and media coverage of recently completed 8 stop, 3 state tour on 'depleted' uranium
 with Doug Rokke, Ph.D., former head of US Army DU project after the Persian Gulf War. We've posted
 his Nagasaki Day address (go to homepage - - and are working on dates for fall DU tour.
 Groups from over 10 states are seeking to post events on 'depleted' uranium.)

 Charles Jenks, attorney at law
 President of the Core Group
 Traprock Peace Center

 No Truth in Fox Trademark

  Click  Here

"The words "fair and balanced" can be used to describe a few good things in this world:
 The Encyclopedia Britannica; the open phones show on C-SPAN. The average American newspaper
 on a very good day.  Fox News - with its gladiatorial line-up of conservative talk show hosts sucker-punching
 strawman opponents nightly and calling it discussions of issues - is not fair and balanced."

 VCR Alert - Tonight - The finals of the 2003 World Series of Poker

 from The Poker Room at Binion's Horseshoe in Las Vegas - on ESPN tonight.

 You should learn by watching the pros, especially if you expect to be in a Hold 'em tourney some day. (cough)
 It's mostly like regular poker, but the betting is from a whole other world.


 I like your page, but would you please go easy on religion?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on your homophobia?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on Tiger Woods?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on the "pink tutu" bit?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on your bad language?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on American guitarists?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on your Shirley obsession?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on your never-ending ego trip?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on Smirk being stupid?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on the Catholics?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on Israel?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on the Palestinians?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on the Ten Commandments?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on the Bush twins?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on your poker obsession?
 I like your page, but would you please go easy on everything you write?

 A big fan

Spot - at Tina's place

 Subject: The financial costs of an illegal war


 There's anger about the lies,  about the U.S. casualties, the innocent Iraqi casualties,
 the failure of diplomacy of this administration and hatred and distrust we are breeding
 throughout the world because of this incompetent chimp.  And all rightly so.

 But the money!!  Jeebus christ, Bart, 4 billion a month with no end in site.
 It's mentioned but where is the outrage??  I showed an accountant friend of mine that site
 that runs the ongoing total of the cost of war, and she was flabbergasted.

 What we could do with the hundreds of billions we will throw away on this.
 People should be tearing these inept monkeys limb from limb over this.

 Mark H

 I'll bet we could give every senior free prescription drugs for what that Illegal Idiot
 has thrown away just so he could massacre Baghdad and steal that Iraqi oil.

 If only the Democrats would do their jobs...

 More stickers have arrived

 Get yours, then send in a picture of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

 The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.

 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or Joe Conason's new book.

......   #4 at

 Send in your sticker pics - win valuable prizes.

 Sidebar:  Joe's book must contain some mighty dynamite.
                 It has certainly scared the pants off the blowtorches that spew Nazi hate on radio and cable TV

 I just finished Joe Conason's Big Lies, and have to tell you, it was fucking brilliant.
 It was a well articulated, factual, logical savage beat down on the Republican nutbags running this country
 Joe's a good man swinging a big hammer.
 This is a great book.

Bush action figure in bed with Osama and Saddam's legal now in Texas


"Bush is on to something when he argues that the United States and Israel face a common enemy
  in the Middle East. However, insight is not the same as good news; if Bush is correct, then the
  United States can look ahead to years, if not decades, of conflict in the area...Bush says that
  America will "persevere" in Iraq, population 24 million. But the Israelis have been "persevering"
  in an area that's a fraction of the size and population for 36 years now - and we see the violent and
  tragic results of their perseverance every few days. In other words, if we are as persevering as
  the Israelis, and if the Iraqis are as persevering as the Palestinians, then the Anglo-Americans
  could be fighting in Iraq for 36 years themselves."
    --James P. Pinkerton,   Iraq Could Become U.S.'s West Bank and Gaza

 A New Front in the "Culture War"
    by Gene Lyons     August 20, 2003

  Click  Here

"If you do not support our president's decisions," it seems "you are a traitor."

 The TV pundette Coulter's alleged "best seller"--its place on the New YorkTimes Book Review's list is marked by a
 symbol indicating bulk purchases, meaning some ideological sugar daddy's buying them up--makes an even more
 sweeping condemnation. Ever since FDR died, it seems, "[w]hether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating
 for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America....They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter of
 America's self-preservation, the difference is irrelevant. Fifty years of treason hasn't slowed them down."

 Subject: Your website


 <much snippage>

 ...that's why I love your site.
 Because you provide the easy way for them to get informed.


 ha ha

 Politics for Dummies?
 I'd be honored.

 Y'know, as funny and true as that is, isn't it amazing that none of the smart Republicans
 will agree to some friendly give-and-take in a live chat room with The Dummy, where
 wild claims and wacky exaggerations could be recorded, checked and verified?

 Top Ten Ways Bart is similar to Joe Conason

 10. Neither can find a GOP gasbag willing to debate.

  9.  ...

 Much to Joe's relief, ...that's all I can think of.

  ha ha

 Ann Coulter

  Click  Here

 She calls herself a constitutional attorney, but she regularly demonstrates her hostility to constitutional
 ideas such as rule of law, due process and the right to life and liberty.

 Simply put, Coulter is a homicidal maniac. I can think of five instances in which she has ­ openly and in no
 uncertain terms ­ called for or whimsically wished for the death of certain people:

*She recently acknowledged the military service of John Kerry and Gray Davis in the Vietnam War,
  wishing they had been killed in action by friendly fire.

 Regulation-Haters Spreading More Lies
   by Smoking Joe Conason

  Click  Here

 While Kenneth (Kenny Boy) Lay may no longer be in a position to raise money and conceive
 policy for George W. Bush and Tom DeLay, other influential executives remain eager to fulfill his role.
 Among them was Anthony J. Alexander of Ohio’s First Energy Corp., the firm whose failing transmission
 lines near Lake Erie seems to have kicked off the blackout. As a deregulation enthusiast and loyal Republican,
 Mr. Alexander raised more than $100,000 for the Bush-Cheney campaign in 2000, thus earning distinction
 as a "Bush Pioneer."

 Activists buys home near Bush compound

  Click  Here

 A few months ago, a Dallas peace activist bought a house near the Bush's ranch so
 that hundreds of demonstrators trekking into Crawford have a place to gather and
 voice their dissent of the Iraq war and other issues.

"People thought it would be nice to have a place in Crawford that embodied the
 consciousness of peace, rather than the consciousness of war," said Lucas,
 a 60-year-old woman with a gray ponytail.

"The rest of the world thinks very lowly of our country because we are arrogant,
 exploitative and thoughtless in the destruction that we do to another country
 when we go after whatever it is that we want from them." .

 Subject: Friendly critique

 Hey Bart,

 Thanks for the stickers - we got them a couple days ago.
 We'll be sure to put them in good spots.

 In Volume 1143, you had a piece about the Palestinians declaring the truce over after Israel
 killed one of their leaders.  You said that was pretty ridiculous, since Israel was responding
 to a suicide attack that killed 20 people on a bus.  However, if I recall correctly, the bus bombing
 was in response to an Israeli attack that killed three or four Palestinian leaders the week before.

 Now, I don't have any allegiance to one side or the other in this conflict.  I'm sure the previous
 Israeli attack was in response to something else the Palestinians did, which was in retaliation for
 something the Israelis did, which was revenge for something the Palestinians did, etc...all the way
 back to 1948 (or 1548, or 1148, or 548 for all I know).

 At this point, neither side is clean.


 Todd, I agree with that, but as far as I know, Israel doesn't target children.  This isn't directed at you,
 this is directed at the religiously-insane person who's about to write and say "Israel kills kids with rockets,"
 which is probably true, but I put that word in bold and underlined it for a good reason.

 Palestinians use kids to kill other kids.
 Israel doesn't do that.

 Both sides would rather have war than peace, to please the Invisible Cloud Being.
 This is just like Abraham, offering to sacrifice his child for Yahweh.
 Religion is always the problem.

 Connecting the Dots
  saw it on

  Click  Here

 I spent the weekend pondering what I heard at the ITAA/E-voting secret phone conference Friday.
 I then went and did a little checking into names and people and came up with some interesting facts
 and even more interesting questions.

 1) The Elections Systems Task Force was the major lobbyist for the Help America Vote Act (HAVA).
  The ESTF's main purpose was to get congress to foot the bill for e-voting machines ($3.9 billion) and
  moving the country away from an auditable system, to a system that has no credible auditibility.

 Questions: How much money did these companies spend getting HAVA enacted? Who got the money?

 2) The ESTF was comprised of Northrop-Grumman, Lockheed-Martin, EDS and Accenture.
  These companies all have major government contracts, most with the Defense Department.

 Question: Why are defense contractors mucking about in our voting process?

How did Ann Coulter get free fries for life?

...the old-fashioned way!

 Sam is here to help you get in the Members section.
 If you haven't been notified by the automated system of your login and password,
 send Sam another e-mail and she'll get you in.  She works hard, that Sam.

 Subscriber help

 Can't get in?   Click  Here  to reach Sam

 If you should be in the members section, but aren't, write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by
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 Is membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight budget?


"Bush's ranch time signals voters who don't own tuxedos and didn't go to Ivy League schools
 that he has something in common with them. So he wears grubby jeans, a battered cowboy hat
 and scuffed boots and drives a pickup around his land. Aides describe his days as filled with
 manly and mundane activities, always with Secret Service agents nearby." 
    --Judy Keen, on her knees for Dubya for USA Today

Marty's E! page
Bill Murray on Dave Letterman
'Disinfotainment Today' by Michael Dare
Anna Kournikova at NASDAQ
Rolling Stone's top guitarists
Arnold Stang (Is he still alive?) on Musclehead
Julianne Moore got married
Carson Daly has a record label
And a camel trader


 Michael Moore
 Bowling for Columbine

  Click to Order

 Al Franken
 Lies and the Lying Liars at FOX

  Click to Order       #1 at


 You know what the biggest charge the republicans make against Davis?
 That he inherited a surplus and now has a deficit.

 And they do this with a straight face.
 Even Arnold.

 Bruce Y

 True, and to make it worse, Enron's rape and Bush's tax cuts caused much of it.
 I just read that crooked energy traders stole $40B from California's budget.
 Without their crimes (aided by Bush) CA would now have a $4B surplus.

 But the media won't report that and they refuse to hold Bush responsible
 for inheriting a hueueueuege surplus, then plunging us into our worst debt ever.

 When Bush says he inherited a bad economy, the press agrees, even though
 Bush said we could afford his tax cuts because Clinton's economy was so damn strong.

 The press will never call Bush on anything.

 Meanwhile 40 states are teetering on the verge of bankruptcy, but somehow,
 it's all the fault of Gray Davis and Bill Clinton.

 Race Jokes with Rush Limbaugh

"Why do Jews have big noses?

  ...because air is free.

 For more, listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm EDT

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"It's time to return Al Franken to the obscurity that he's normally accustomed to."
    --Fox News whore Irena Steffen, announcing the end of the Fox lawsuit

 ha ha

 You idiots made Franken's career!
 You made him a full rung higher on the ladder than he was.
 You made his book the Number One book in America.

 ha ha

 Could you come after me next?

 Battle continues for veteran home from war 

  Click  Here

"Vannessa Turner's war ended in May, when she collapsed in 130-degree heat,
  fell into a coma, and nearly died of heart failure.

 Now, after more than a month recovering in Germany and Washington, she spends
 her days brooding over how she and her 15-year-old daughter are suddenly homeless,
 sleeping on friends' couches and considering moving into a shelter.

'I almost lost my life in Iraq -- and I can't get a place to live?'' said Turner, 41, who Army
 officials say is the first known homeless veteran of the war in Iraq. ''Yeah, I'm a little angry.
 Right now, not having a home for my daughter is the greatest burden in my life.''

 Though Army officials said they're trying to help, Turner, still wearing a leg brace and
 limping from nerve damage in her right leg, blames the service for not doing more.

 When she went to the Veterans Administration Medical Center in West Roxbury after coming
 home last month, officials there told her she had to wait until mid-October to see a doctor. When
 she asked the Army to ship her possessions from her unit's base in Germany, where she lived with
 her daughter for more than a year, they told her she had to fly back at her own expense to get them
 herself. And when she sought help to secure a veterans' loan for a house in Boston, she said
 mortgage brokers told her her only real option was to move to Springfield or Worcester.

 The Army acknowledges ''mistakes were made."

 Help, she said, only came after the Ted Kennedy intervened. For example, she said, the Army
 refused to fly her brother and sister to Germany to bring her daughter home. Then the senator's
 office called and suddenly a flight was offered.  ''Was that a coincidence?'' Turner said. ''I don't think so.''''

 We can NOT screw these brave men and women who put their lives on the line for their country.

 The Illegal Idiot is the worst of them, posing for pictures dressed as one of them while scheming
 to cut their benefits, the son of a bitch. Thank Koresh for men like Senator Ted Kennedy.

 I heard that Hannity bastard railing against the Kennedys yesterday, talking about how they
 had everything handed to them. Yeah, they lost Joe Jr in WWII and lost John and Bobby
 (and maybe John Jr.) to rifle-toting motherless sons of bitches working for the B.F.E.E..
 Meanwhile, the Unelected Bastard never worked a day in his lazy-ass life.

 Yeah, the Kennedys are selfish, they haven't given very much...

 Dear Mr. O'Reilly:

 I have a list of suggested talking points for your next show.

 1. Besides testicles and facts, what does Joe Conason have that you don't?

 2. Ann Coulter: Yellow-bellied Nazi uberkvetch or psychopathic misanthrope?

 3. Fox 'News': Oxymoron or official GOP propaganda tool?

 4. Speaking of tools, how did you convince Roger Ailes to go ahead with that idiotic lawsuit?
     Perhaps you could have Al Franken on as a guest to help you explain it.Well, I know your
     mail-reading lackeys have a lot of fatuous fan letters to go through, so I'll end this on a friendly
     note by saying I hope you choke on a Polk award.

 Yours truly

 John H.
 Las Vegas


"In the short run, the United States has enough force to make up the rules as it goes along,
  as it did when it went into Iraq. But, as the Iraq case shows, the cost of defying the rules
  and the international community is steep. Even megapowers need friends. The Lone Ranger
  always prevails in the movies. In the real world, there are a lot more Indians." 
    --Max Castro,     America's double standard infuriates rest of the world 

Football's around the corner, the pennant races are heating up,
Mr. Perfect tries to fight off the BartCop Hex,
It's beginning to feel like fall...
Check it out at...

Click to Enter

 If Bush steals another term,
 won't that guarantee we'll be at war until 2008?

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  277 294

 Soon, we'll be at 300.
 How long before we hit 400?  Or 600?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the Oil-lusting Moron said, "Bring 'em On":  73+

  Perhaps 1,200 wounded.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 It's from

 Note: I talked to the Dude over there and he's trying to get straight answers
 from the Pentagon - no, seriously - and he will post the new figures when they come in.

In trouble?
 Call the

You have two minutes to speak your peace.

 One-handed ice trays
 My ever-weakening arm has become an ever-bigger problem.  It's curious how this works,
 but sometimes it's stabbing, sometimes it's dull, sometimes it shoots, ...whatever.
 Sometimes, it moves from my forearm up ...into my backarm.  I don't like this.

 So, I'm sitting there after Mrs Bart had retired for the night. I was half-watching some old movie
 when something somebody said struck a chord and my mind cascaded with funny material!
 So I raced to the computer to get this insightful and clever and entertaining idea onto the page.
 I sat down in my "He So Bad" $90 Jetson's chair and reached for my mouse.
 As my hand reached for the mouse, I noticed it wasn't there.
 What I mean is, ...the mouse was there, but there was no hand.

 Jesus, I had no right arm!
 I looked down, and there on the floor was my right arm, without any clothes on.
 I instinctively reached for my right arm, but my right arm wasn't there to reach for anything.
 I was surprised how little blood there was - maybe bad circulation was part of the problem?

 Much to my chagrin, my left hand is mostly useless!
 I grabbed my cell phone with my remaining arm and tried and tried, and eventually,
 I was able to raise 911.

 Tulsa EMS responded like Dick Cheney did when his country called.
"We have other priorities right now..."  so they said I should pack
 my fallen arm in some ice and really quick drive myself to the hospital.

 Ok, I can keep my head that long, ...Koresh willing, all I gotta do is get some ice cubes
 and a trash bag and my arm that's on the floor and drive my bloody self thru a dozen miles of
 intersections where the Okies STOP at green lights --  If it wasn't true, would I keep saying it?

 So I'm in my kitchen, trying to recover from the fact that I've lost my right arm, 
 I open the freezer atop the Bart-Fridge where I grabbed a tray of ice cubes.

 Holding it with my strong and reliable left hand, my non-existent right hand reached to twist the tray.
 Since I had no right hand, ...twisting the tray posed itself as a difficult dilemma.

 I musta looked like Lucy at the Candy Factory trying to get ice cubes out of a tray with one arm.
 I'll bet Jenna Jamison can't get ice cubes out of a tray with one hand.
 Hell, I doubt Lance Burton could do it.
 Time went by and eventually I reach the ER where they successfully reattached my arm.
 Doc Shariff says in a year, it will look like it never even fell off.

 So they're sending me to the chiropractor.
 Let's hope he has a clue...

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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                                  Conason  ......         McDougal      H Clinton                     Franken           ... Hightower         M Moore




 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shrl, I can't wait to hear your next album (they're recording now) and see you on tour!

 Hey, get well soon!
 Call me!

 Call  The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 ha ha
 Then your enemies will fear you!
 ha ha

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.

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