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Volume 1148 - Trigger

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 Mon-Tues   Sept 1-2, 2003 


"We're ready to lay down our lives. Thank God for Judge Roy Moore."
   -- a publicity-hungry Jerry Layne, a Chattanooga preacher in Montgomery, AL

 Hey Drama Queen - nobody's life is in danger.
 You just made that up to scare the stupid people.
 Lay down his life...  what horseshit from a liar who wants to steal your money!
 Hey Jerry, why aren't you in Chattanooga, stealing money there?
 Oh, it's because there are more TV cameras in Montgomery?
 And more cameras means more money from the stupid?

 Bush caught lying again, press ignores it - again 
  White House Alters Webpages About Iraq Combat

  What they said on May 1, when the cock o' the walk was strutting his package on the Lincoln:

 Then the war blew up in their faces, and they said "We never said what we said."

  Click  Here

 When the White House published the text of and photos from Bush's speech announcing the supposed end
 of the Iraq attack, the headline read: "President Bush Announces Combat Operations in Iraq Have Ended."
 But on Tuesday, 19 Aug 2003, the Cursor website noticed that the headline had been changed to read:
 "President Bush Announces Major Combat Operations in Iraq Have Ended."
 The word "major" had been added to protect his lying ass.

 Since the press's job is to protect the Unelected Jackass, they'll never tell you this.
 And since the Democrats are too polite, too scared and too stupid to fight back,
 you won't be hearing this from them, either.  Why won't anybody else mention this?

 And we wouldn't know about it without  and the quick eye of Reef the Dog.
 We're being lied to every day by a crooked administration and a press on-the-take.

 If you think more Bush lies should be uncovered, please consider a donation to

Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
 PayPal to  or snail mail a donation to
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 We will stay after the never-elected, lying bastard and we'll expose his profit-making lies


"Despite my best intentions, a bicycle accident stopped me from posting yesterday. When I should
  have been writing, I was in the E.R. No serious damage done, but my right arm is in a sling and my
  left hand is bandaged -- so the typing tends to go slowly.  (Just before the crash, I thought I glimpsed
  a tall, pasty-looking man in a Fox News baseball cap throwing sand on the bike path, but that could
  just have been wishful thinking.)
    -- Joe Conason's Journal

 ha ha

 "a tall, pasty-looking man in a FOX News cap?"

 Joe, was he wearing black bra, panties and stockings?

"I'm a cowardly whore."

 Religious Group to Musclehead: 'Come Clean' 

  Click  Here

 Californians for Moral Government is calling on Musclehead to set the record straight over a
 1977 interview in which non-thinker discussed taking part in an orgy and using marijuana.

 Oh God, the group sex with animals we can forgive, ...but he smoked pot?

 If I only had a staff...

 Clint Eastwood (R-Wontgothere) wrote an editorial in the Carmel Pine Cone
 that it didn't matter of Musclehead had sex with a horse!

 Right after USA Today wrote a big thing on how "silent" Hollywood was on Musclehead,
 Clint wrote in The Cone that "it wouldn't matter if Arnie had had sex with a horse,"
 Wherever he is, Paul Harvey just got wood.

 Musclehead should "come clean and fully repent and repudiate the years of sexual promiscuity,"
 whined the Rev. Louis Sheldon, a without-peer religiously-insane wacko ...and my new best friend.

 ha ha

 What do you think's going thru Maria's mind right now?
 Either Maria volunteered for "Hillary duty," which is some vastly formidable shit,
 or power-hungry Musclehead told her, "I promise, dere's notting in my paaast."

 ha ha

 Poor Maria, she married a dog...

 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!

 Hey Monkey!

 Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...

 Laci Peterson Buried

  Click  Here

 People magazine (of all places) has a report that the baby might have been born.
 That might make the time of her murder a few weeks later than Christmas Eve.
 If so, that would further complicate the state's case.

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“The end of the Roadmap is a cliff.”
   --semi-Colin Powell, on Middle East peace  Attribution

 The 1911 Triangle Factory Fire - NYC

  Click  Here

 In NYC on September 11, 2001, over 3000 people died unspeakable deaths the likes of which the city
 had not seen since the great Triangle fire of 1911. They are not so different, these 2 events nearly a century
 apart. It is the behavior of power that has changed. Back then people grieved for a few weeks, then the
 collective sorrow of the city gave way to anger and a determination that this kind of senseless tragedy
 would never again happen in their city. They would do whatever necessary to stop it. A thorough,
 4-year investigation (albeit one outraging hostile business interests) forged ahead with the help of leaders
 like Bob Wagner and Al Smith, producing an ocean of information and a raft of reform legislation.

 Click  Here  for more

"Regulations snuff out capitalism...
  ...and there's no reason to investigate 9-11 because
  Clinton's zipper wasn't involved so there's no crime."

 Another thing...

 Think what that Bush idiot has done to our armed forces.

 Who wants to sign up now for an "Army of One," knowing that idiot might send you
 into a 130-degreee furnace for 18-24 months while your kids are busy growing up?

 Who will want to be in the Reserves, knowing you'll be sent to wherever there's oil
 so you can die needlessly for that never-worked-a-day-in-his-life, punk-ass loser.
 You ready to die so Bush can enrich his super-rich friends further?

 Who's Losing Iraq?
  by the NYWT She-Thing Dowd

  Click  Here

 With Iraqis in Najaf screaming, "There is no order! There is no government! We'd rather have Saddam than this!,"
 we had one more ominous illustration that the Bush team is out of its depth and divided against itself.

 You can't conduct a great historical experiment in a petty and bickering frame of mind.
 The agencies of the Bush administration are behaving like high school cliques.

 When he wasn't meeting secretly with energy lobbyists, Mr. Cheney was meeting secretly with Iraqi exiles.
 The Iraqi National Congress leader Ahmad Chalabi and other defectors conned Mr. Cheney, Rummy and
 the naïve Wolfowitz of Arabia by playing up the danger of Saddam's W.M.D.'s and playing down the prospect
 of Iraqi resistance to a U.S. invasion.

 Bitch, please!
 Cheney wasn't duped by anyone. All you have to do is remember Bart's Law #2.
"Any time a person or entity makes a "mistake" that puts extra money in their pocket,
 expect them to make that same "mistake" again and again and again."

 Cheney's crew has made tens of billions, maybe more, from this war.
 And you want us to believe that Cheney was duped into making billions for himself?

 Subject: Ms. Dowd

 Now that GW Bush's presidency is officially the worst in history, how well do
 you sleep as you recall your columns covering the 2000 election?

 In retrospect, should you have perhaps spent more time discussing what a waking nightmare
 Dubya's presidency might be instead of exhaustively analyzing Al Gore's earth tones.
 In this way, aren't you one of the biggest Bush Pioneer's?

 Just asking.

 Stan, excellent point.
 She's whining about Bush now, but she helped elect him with her wild lies and outrageously unfair attacks
 on Bush's much more qualified opponent. She was getting Rove's faxes just like Russert was - and printing
 them word for word, just like Mr. Rove instructed her to do. Instead of blowing the whistle and confessing,
 she's cowardly denying her past and playing the role of cheap opposer, which isn't selling. she's all, "Look who they elected," when she played a key role in Bush's rise to power.

 Tiger loses with a flourish 

  Click Here

 Tiger Woo  's run of cuts made was in serious jeopardy Saturday when he bogeyed four of the first
 seven holes to drop to 3-over for the Deutsche Bank Championship. At that point, he was two shots
 on the wrong side of the cut line.   Woods began on the back nine where he has had mixed results.
 He has played the back nine in 2-over, totaling seven bogeys, through 36 holes. He bogeyed the par-4
 12th and then Nos. 14-16.   A birdie at the par-4 17th stopped the bleeding and helped him turn the corner.

 Once considered a great golfer, Eldrick finds himself consigned to "stopping the bleeding."

 ha ha

 I think the BartCop Hex might have more power than the Invisble Cloud being.
 Some people say Eldrick is the best golfer of all time, but when did his big losing streak start?
 In July 2001.   Eldrick came to Tulsa Oklahoma and they treated him like a king.

 The mayor said we had to have all the street construction done and cleaned up so Tiger
 would be impressed with this stupid little republican cowtown.  Tiger was God's gift to golf,
 kinda like W is God's gift to America, and I was 'f-ing A' fed up with it.

 So I put the big hex on Mr. Perfect, and he's never been the same.
 Sunday, he was so far back on the Leaderboard, he's not even listed on it.

 Subject: Clinton's Church Burning Memories "Lie"

 Hey Bart,
 From #1147 you mention that site that ranks presidential lies.

 The Clinton lie about having memories of Arkansas church burnings
 when he was a boy is most likely not a lie at all.

 Mark H

  ...just two days later the Democrat-Gazette published the result of its own research
 and found that no fewer than four black churches had burned in Arkansas during Clinton’s youth,
 one right in his home town of Hot Springs.

"What if he governs as well as he acts?"

The newest Entertainment Weekly says they're moving forward
with production on Terminator 4.  Do you think Musclehead is
just doing a little publicity for that film with this run for office?

(Would California really put a brainless man in office during a crisis?)

Look for Anold to "selflessly" pull out of the race to make room
for "the one man who can save California - Tom McClintock."

 Subject: Soaps


 On my favorite soap opera, One Life to Live, my favorite character, Roxy Balsam
 accused someone of betraying her by calling him "Benedict Rumsfeld"!!!!


 I know that sounds like a little thing, but that one line took more courage
 than they've shown on SNL or any "topical" comedy!


 Barry's back
  Bonds homers in first game back, forced to leave game

  Click  Here

 Barry Bonds looked up and pointed toward the sky, just as he does after every home run.
 But this was no ordinary homer. His heart told him so.

 Overwhelmed by emotion after connecting in his first game back following his father's death,
 Bonds had to leave the game with an accelerated heart rate.

"The emotions just went through me, I felt lightheaded and couldn't stop my heart rate from racing,"
 Bonds said. "After the home run I couldn't breathe. That's never happened to me."

 Update: Bonds Hospitalized

  Click  Here

 Barry Bonds was hospitalized Sunday night because of exhaustion following his father's death.
 The Giants said Bonds was taken to a nearby hospital as a precaution and would remain overnight.
 A spokesman said the slugger was still "likely" to play Monday in Phoenix.

 Monday, he got out and got the game-winning hit.

 Subject: Smart investing

 In these times of economic uncertianty - what is a good investment?
 A lot of people thought that buying Enron stock with Bush as president had to be
 a sure thing.  Hard to find a good pick these days. But - with the rising cost of gasoline
 it makes me wonder if there's a company out there who's making four digit gas pumps
 that are capable of charging over $10.00 a gallon.

 Maybe I could get in on the ground floor and get rich!

 Marc Perkel

 Reminder: The head of Diebold, the company who sells the "GOP wins" voting machines
 told Republicans in a recent fund-raising letter that he is "committed to helping Ohio deliver its
 electoral votes to the never-elected in the first place fraudulent King Bush next year."

  Click  Here

 I think Carson Kressley should critique fashion at the Emmys this year.
 Right now, he's one of the funniest people on TV.

 Isn't everyone tired of hasn't-been-funny-in-ten-years Joan Rivers?

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 Charles Bronson   1921-2003

 If you're a kid, you might not know the name.
 If you've ever seen a black & white TV, you might remember him from Roy Rodgers, Alfred Hitchcock,
 Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Travel, The Twilight Zone, The Untouchables, Bonanza, Combat, The Virginian,
 The Big Valley starring Barbara Stanwyck, Rawhide, The Fugitive, The FBI with Ephram Zimbalist Junior!

 Not to mention Breakheart Pass, the Death Wish movies, Hard Times, The Valachi Papers and The Dirty Dozen.
 Plus Battle of the Bulge, The Sandpiper, and The Great Escape!  He dug sixteen tunnels, just with his face!
 (Homage to Tim Thomerson)

 On top of that, our first cat, Smoke, did an impression of Charles Bronson.
 He'd be sitting there, and you could say, "Smoke! Gimme some Charles Bronson,"
 and he'd look up and do his eyebrows like Charles Bronson - it was a hoot.

 If I was trying to sell you something, I'd be telling you that Bronson and the love of his life,
 Jill Ireland, were once again together and happy in Heaven, but that would be a heartless handjob.

 She died 15-20 years ago and now he's gone.
 They're not getting together in the afterlife.
 They're not starring in Heaven's Fall Schedule.
 They were two corporial beings whose bodies could no longer sustain them.
 Sad to say, they are gone.

 Life is a bitch.

 You get old, then you die, and that's only if everything works out perfectly.
 That's why I say you gotta have a good time TODAY!

 Today is cash money - enjoy it.
 Tomorrow is a check from someone you just met.

"Completely dense" FOX viewers buy Franken book
  "Too stupid" to realize he was mocking them, says a source. (Parody)

  Click  Here

 Preliminary sales figures and exit interviews at area book stores over the past week
 indicate that millions of FOX News viewers are too stupid to realize Al Franken's
 new book is mocking them.

 What BartCop Advertising Did for My Blog

  Click  Here

"With just a few days of  advertising (and just a small ad) I went from
  about 150 unique readers per month to almost 2000 (and there is still a week to go in August)."

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 It doesn't cost to advertise on  - it pays.

 Poor Dennis Miller...

 Now that he's a Nazi, he sits in for other Nazi's on vacation.
 Friday, he sat in for the Hannity pig, telling the same old, stale jokes from a year ago.

 Then he was on Hannity and Sellout a few hours later, telling the same stale jokes.

 Then he was on Bill Maher a few hours after that - yep, telling the same stale jokes.

 FOX, the GOFP and the White House are doing all they can to help him get work,
 but without new jokes, even the right will eventually reject him.

Ain't this the damn truth?
When "Bring 'em on" bombed the UN building,
they said Bush "cut short" his important golf game.

"Cut short" is different than "stopped."
"Cut short" means he was on six and played to nine,
then he went to see how many of his lackeys had been murdered.
I don't like this cowardly man-child, and I don't mind saying it.

 John Kerry creeped me out on Meet the Whore with Tim the B.F.E.E. employee.

 get transcript (lame-ass NBC can't have a transcript ready 14 hours later?)

 Whore: Let me quote you: "This president is appallingly stupid and all my colleages agree."

 Kerry: Tim, I disagree with the president's policies.

 Hey John, if you said it, either explain it, stand by it or apologize for saying it.
 Be a man, stand up and say what you mean. Why can't anybody talk straight anymore?

 Whore: You and Dubya are both Skull and Bones members. Tell me about that.

 Kerry: I can't! it's a secret!  (laughs)

 What kind of bullshit is this?
 You'd put your loyalty to the Skull and Bones before your run for the presidency?
 That's too much like a religion for me. If Kerry has "secrets" that he can't reveal about
 the secret club he's in with the Unelected Moron, I don't want him to be my president.

 I have no idea if this Skull and Bones is dangerous or just a circle jerk, but if Kerry would rather lose the
 presidency than break his sacred pledge to some weirdo society then I'm glad we found out now because
 I'm not supporting some frat-boy secrets bullshit.  Does Kerry have a brand on his ass from this secret club?
 There are rumors of gay sex requirements to get in the stupid club. If that's true, President Kerry could be
 blackmailed, which is apparently the case right now because he's unable to explain himself. "I can't talk
 about it - it's a secret" is horseshit and that cost Kerry my vote.

 Kerry lost major ground with me yesterday.

 Bush sues to increase pollution in California
  But the press calls him 'the environmental president'

  Click  Here

 The federal government is backing a lawsuit before the U.S. Supreme Court that seeks to overturn a
 California clean-air agency's attempt to curb pollution from buses, taxis, trash trucks and other fleet vehicles.

 Just like with Enron, Bush is punishing the state for not voting for him by turning loose
 his corporate muggers to dirty up the air so they can make an extra nickel.


 "If Zoey Bartlet is dead, I'm gonna blow the hell out of something."
   -- John Goodman, (D-Linda Tripp*) as acting president on West Wing

 Goodman said he was just in the premier, so I guess they resolve this.

 Subject: Thanks

 Thanks for the plug, man!
 I just reset my hit counter a few days ago (90% of it was me refreshing the page to see my changes).
 So when I logged in yesterday to check up, I see 200+ hits and I'm like "What the Fuck?!"
 Sure enough, my #1 referrer was

 Blogging's kinda fun, I gotta say.
 Hell, I don't know if it'll make a difference - there's already a million
 political opinion sites out there - but it feels good to shout into the void!



"If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam and it's clean, he has nothing [no WMD],
  I will apologize to the nation, and I will never trust the Bush Administration again."
    --  Bill 'Shut Up' O'Reilly on "Good Morning America," March 18, 2003

 How many months or years are you going to give Bush to find something?
 Bill, it seems your word is no good.

 And why are you afraid of Joe Conason?
 I've met him - he's a very nice, well-mannered and courteous man. need to be afraid of him.

 I'm who you need to be afraid of.  I don't have any of Joe's manners.
 Now and then, I f-ing launch and just go off on some poor dude like yourself..

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 Subject: Kerry on Meet the Press

 Dear Mr. Russert,

 Too bad that you aren't as thorough, prepared, and ready to attack when it comes to George W. Bush.
 Your colors are showing, Tim.  Why are you rolling over and playing dead for GW?

 GW is NEVER put under such a microscope. We all know what would happen to him if you interviewed
 him in the manner in which you interviewed Senator John Kerry:  GW would wither and babble.
 But of course, we know you would never do such an interview.

 Kerry stood his ground well against your abuse
 I did notice that you did not mention Clinton's Crotch.
 A slight improvement.

 I imagine if Kerry were elected (that is if the 2004 election turns out to be Fair and Balanced),
 you'd start mentioning Kerry's Crotch.



"It's almost never the economy in this country that people vote on."
  -- George Will, senior Bush whore at ABC, spinning like a tornadoe*

 As the graph clearly shows, Chippy the Chimp is over a hundred points smarter than George Will.
 [This isn't an allegation, this is scientific proof.]  This proves that if George Will suddenly became
 106 points smarter, he would still be out-gunned by a tree-climbing monkey and that's a fact, Jack.

 What does George Will say in his prayers every night?
"Thank you God, for creating Fred Barnes."

 We finally saw Bowling for Columbine

 It was OK, but thought I would like it more than I did.
 Was Moore still under Nader's influence when he made this?

 Parts were great, parts seemed very student-film.
 I dislike Charlton Heston quite a bit, but ambushing an old man isn't that cool.

 Plus, Moore felt is was very important to attack Clinton - can't figure out why.
 At two points, he made a big deal that on the day of the Columbine shootings,
 Clinton had our boys giving Slobo the biggest pounding of that war.
 Is Mike so left-wing that he believes bombs shouldn't be used to stop genocide?

 On another point, he made sure to ridicule Clinton for bombing the "aspirin factory."
 Does he think Clinton intentionally wanted to bomb an aspirin family?
 What would be the point?

 Mike's modus operadi seems to be that he always goes a little too far,
 like with this film, with Heston, with K-Mart and his Oscar's acceptance speech..
 I'm glad he got K-mart to stop selling handgun bullets, but ambushing that lady
 with those Columbine kids was - going too far.

Marty's E! page
'Disinfotainment Today' by Michael Dare
Jerry Lewis telethon broke a record
Gwenyth Diana Rigg & Prince Charles
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution apologized for the kissing picture of Madonna & Britney
A Rotterdam prescription
David Blaine grossed out the British press corps
PBS & the Hollywood Blacklist
And, Snoop Dogg lost some bodyguards


 Michael Moore
 Bowling for Columbine

  Click to Order

 Al Franken
 Lies and the Lying Liars at FOX

  Click to Order       #1 at

 Reminder:  This is a thought I had watching Bowling for Columbine.

 In the 1980s, the B.F.E.E. was selling arms to Saddam to fight Iran,
 and we secretly (and illegally) sold arms to Iran to fight Saddam.

 The B.F.E.E. was making tons of money from both sides of that war,
 and now Bush is whining that Saddam gassed his own people?

 They made billions selling weapons to both sides, and they made mega-billions financing Saddam's downfall.


 Boy, this B.F.E.E. knows how to make a buck. All it takes is the willingness to break the law, subvert the
 constitution and murder severeal thousand innocent people, but hey - a profit was made!

 Then they got caught and stonewalled the investigation. When things got too hot, they pujured themselves.
 Bush the smarter finally pardoned everyone and the good puppy press went along because they got a Bar-B-Q.
 Years later, they got a second bite at the apple with Dim Son - with a little help from their old friend Osama.

 So the B.F.E.E. have continued their global crime spree at a much higher level.
 They've stolen so much money they could just retire, but not Dick Cheney.
 He was making millions with a cushy, no-stress job, and even with five heart attacks,
 he shucked his cushy millions-a-year job to grab mega-billions more.


"’s a Republican grab for power. They’re trying to buy what they couldn’t win...
 You have to remember how we got here, you know, it’s not an accident. Gray Davis
 was dealing with a power crisis when we weren’t even aware of it. We had rolling
 brownouts here and rolling blackouts. He was like a surgeon in a trauma center trying
 to stop the bleeding. He wasn’t trying to track down the perpetrator or the shooter.
 Now all the criticism has fallen on him and they’re saying 'well, why didn’t you go get
 the shooter?...It’s very clear now that the billings were Enron and all the other hustling
 of energy for California and they ripped us off."
   -- Martin Sheen on Craig Kilbornl

 Restored vision: Blind man sees 

  Click  Here

 After 43 years of blindness, Michael May can see again.
 He can play soccer with his sons, enjoy movies and, for the first time, gaze on
 the Sierra Nevada slopes he has expertly skied--sightless--since the late 1970s.

 [Doctors] began testing him just months after his cornea- and stem cell-implant surgery.
 The stem cells formed a protective layer over his new cornea to prevent clouding.

 Just guessing, but isn't this the same stem cell breakthru that Bush is blocking?
 In an effort to appease those who believe in the Invisible Cloud Being, Bush has stymied
 stem cell research, leaving people blind, and with Parkinson's, and with Alzheimers.

 God, next time you talk to Bush, after you give him the list of people and countries
 that you want bombed off the face of the Earth, could you tell him it's OK if scientists
 use stem cell technology to help others?


"George W. Bush surprisingly vulnerable to a challenge from his right. Issues: his soaring deficits;
  his preferential option for the rich; his sellout of conservative principle to embrace big government;
  his failure to protect America's borders and control immigration; his cave-in on the assault-gun law;
  his concessions to the gay Log Cabin Republicans; his refusal to put a stop to race preferences and
  reverse discrimination; his free-trade zealotry, which has helped to kill one of every eight manufacturing
  jobs in the United States while creating jobs in China; and, potentially the most explosive, his "quagmire"
  in Iraq. If U.S. soldiers are still dying from sniper fire and ambushes in Iraq in September of 2004,
  Bush could be vulnerable to the campaign slogan "Support Our Troops—Bring Them Home Now!"
      -- Pat Buchanan, Attribution

 The idiot son of an asshole

  Click  Here

 Subject: No thanks, victricat scum

  Click  Here

 Oh, I get it - Bobe wants a piece of me?  Is that what this is?

  ha ha

 It's been so long, I haven't had to de-monkey my boots in weeks.

baseball pennant races
football previews
stats in the BartCopSports labs.
world championships going on in track
Father Mushroom is a gambler
All this and more at...

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 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  285, 302 counting the injured who have since died.

 Soon, we'll be at 300.
 How long before we hit 400?  Or 600?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the frog-blaster said, "Bring 'em On":81+

  Perhaps 1,200 wounded.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 It's from

In trouble?
 Call the

You have two minutes to speak your peace.

 Four out of five dentists we talk to said the weekend issue,
 Vol 1147  The Kiss  was the best issue we've done all week.

 Click  Here  to read the weekend issue.

 Race Jokes with Rush Limbaugh

"Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
  He's black."

  Listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm Eastern
  The EIB network, the White spot on your dial.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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                                  Conason  ......         McDougal      H Clinton                     Franken           ... Hightower         M Moore


 Read the Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

Happy Birthday to Shirley.

 Shrl, I can't wait to hear your next album (they're recording now) and see you on tour!

 Hey, get well soon!
 Call me!

 Call  The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 ha ha
 Then your enemies will fear you!
 ha ha

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.

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