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 Tommy, Tally and I finished and uploaded .

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 (Warning: This is my sampling remix of his professional work)

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Election 2004
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Eric Alterman
Church of Reality
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Project 60
Smirking Chimp
Vegas Report
Sam's Takethewheel
Isaac  in Africa
Whining from Bart

  In Today's Treehouse...
Senate Gives BFEE $400B 
New Bush Dummy
Bush Dishonors the Fallen
Taliban Rebuilding
Geragos Fumes Over Tapes
Eddie Izzard 
Judge Bars Diaz Nudes
New GDP #s = Recovery?
Tom Daschle - Step Down


Quote of the Day

"As we stand here today, many of al Qaeda's
  known leaders have been captured or killed. 
  Those still at large are living in fear -- because 
  we're on their trail." 
    --Dick Cheney,   Attribution

 Living in fear?  Living in fear of what?
 These religio-crazies murder themselves.
 With what are we scaring them?

Support Bartcop.com PO Box 54466 , Tulsa, OK 74155PayPal to bartcop@bartcop.com

Volume 1209 -  Rampageous

Great Christmas Gifts

 Wednesday,  November 26, 2003


"The President and I will be proud next year to bring our message to voters in Ohio and all across America.
  The President came to Washington three years ago determined that he wanted to solve problems, rather than
  simply pass them on to future generations. We were determined to seize new opportunities for reform, rather
  than get bogged down in some of the old debates that had stood in the way of progress."
    --Dick Cheney,  Attribution

  Hey Dick, if any of that is true, explain why you turned the Clinton Surplus into a Valdez-sized debt.
  Our grandchildren will be paying for your precious tax cuts decades from now.

 Senate OKs $400B Payment to BFEE

  Click Here

 The Senate gave a $401.3 billion giveaway to the Bush Family Evil Empire.
 The bill authorizing the defense programs  gift put it directly in President Pinhead's pockets.

 Democrats joined Republicans in the 95-3 vote, despite their objections to the BFEE.
 They stressed that Bush might give some to military contractors his father owns.

 But the bill was opposed by Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., who said it "transfers vast,
 unchecked powers to the Defense Department while avoiding any break with the
 business-as-usual approach to increasing defense spending."

 "Is $400 billion enough, Dubya?   Could you use $600B, instead?"

 Since there is no accounting for any of this money, why did the Democrats
 pretend to fight the $87B for Iraq if they were going to give Bush an extra
 $400B just a few days later?  Can we get new Democrats in Washington?

Bush ventriloquist dummy

(Does not come with Unka Dick's hand up its ass)

Saw it on Buzzflash.com

 In case you're wondering, I censored Boondocks today.
 Aaron McGruder is a certified genius, but every comedian goes places
 where I wish they wouldn't, and that's where Aaron started going this week.

 Not sure why, but he's running the "soiled underwear on the kitchen table" series,
 and since we're all about to eat some turkey I thought we'd let that series fly by us.

 Subject: The Death Penalty

 I'm against the death penalty for these snipers, but purely for economic reasons.
 I can't bear the thought of spending millions of dollars to put these scum through long,
 drawn out sentencing and appeals (which are absolutely necessary, by the way).

 We should just lock them up and throw away the key.
 Killing them won't bring anyone back or undo what they did;
 even though they should be killed, those assholes are simply not worth the trouble.
 They'll probably get killed in prison anyway.

 Matt C


 "You don't realize until it's you. All these people just losing their family, their sons."
    --Oransteen Reed, saying the deaths in Iraq did not hit home until she lost her nephew,
       Staff Sgt. Eddie Menyweather, who died fighting in  Iraq ...for what?    Attributtion

 How many times have they changed the reason we "had" to invade Iraq?
 First it was to save America from Saddam's nukes.
 Then it was to "free" the Iraq people - from what, electricity and running water?
 Then it was to "promote" democracy in the region.
 Now it's to bring all the terrorists to one central location so we can kill them all.

 What will it be next week?

 Bush Dishonors Fallen Soldiers
 The Bush Administration says it respects the killed soldiers and their families.
 What the Administration respects is winning the next election.
  from Veterans Against Iraq War    www.vaiw.org

  Click  Here

 The Bush administration says its ban on ceremonies honoring the dead is intended to prevent
 invasion of the privacy of families during a time of grief. Excluding military honors is one less thing
 for families to worry about, it says. The administration claims that it's trying to save family members
 the burden of feeling obligated to attend base homecoming ceremonies.

 The truth is that the White House is obsessed with not associating President George W. Bush with
 slain American troops so close to the 2004 presidential elections. Bush worries that it will harm the
 already poor image of his occupation of Iraq as a supposedly bloodless "piece of cake" for the United States.

 Subject: Donation


 Thanks for what you do!!!


 Taliban Rebuilds while Bush steals Iraq oil 

  Click  Here

 The President's declarations that the challenges in Afghanistan are over is not only misleading
 to the American public, but a direct affront to the 10,000 U.S. soldiers at risk there. Just this
 weekend, five U.S. soldiers were killed in a helicopter crash north of Kabul. A day earlier,
 two U.S. soldiers were injured in a Taliban rocket attack, and a soldier lost his leg in a land mine
 explosion, and just last month two CIA officers were killed. The Taliban problem has gotten so bad
 that the U.N. is pulling staff out of parts of the country10, and Germany's ambassador recently
 said it threatens the country's efforts to form a democratic government11.

 "Hey! Oil makes the world go 'round - so screw you!"

Marty's Entertainment Page
November Sweeps ends tonight
More 'Queer Eye' on NBC tonight
Richard Pryor special on Comedy Central Sunday night
Scorsese wants Statue of Liberty opened to public, again
Ringo Starr is NORAD's honorary Santa tracker this year
This year's official White House Christmas card
Sean Penn, Iraq, & Phil 'the ex-Mr. Sharon Stone' Bronstein
Michael Wolff says PBS 'took a dive'
The 'Queer Eye' sound track album
Turkey & gravy soda
Meat Loaf update
'Buchanan & Press' cancelled by MSGOP
The Dewey Decimal Hotel
Republican family values with Glen (DWI) Campbell
Congressional 'compromise' & 39%
Corleone, Sicily
Tori Spelling's getting married
And more republican family values from Kneel Bush

 Geragos Fumes Over Secret Taping
  Attorney and client taped discussing case

  Click  Here

 Geragos called the news conference following revelations that he and Jackson were secretly
 videotaped while flying on a private jet to Santa Barbara last week for Jackson's surrender.
 Geragos claimed in a lawsuit filed against XtraJet that the charter company covertly installed
 two cameras in the plane's cabin. Jackson's attorneys won a temporary restraining order
 against XtraJet, barring any release of the tapes.

 The cameras "were recording attorney-client conversations and then somebody had the unmitigated
 gall to shop those tapes around to media outlets in order to sell them to the highest bidder," he said.

 Separately, FBI spokesman Matthew McLaughlin said agents went to the headquarters of XtraJet.
"We're currently assessing if a federal violation has occurred," McLaughlin said.

 The tapes' existence came to light when representatives of XtraJet showed it to several news organizations,
 saying they had found two videotapes and wanted to know whether it was legal to distribute or sell them.

 Is attorney/client privilege still on the books?
 I know they took that away from Clinton in their hardon to impeach.
 Did the Crooked Whore Court take that from everybody or just Clinton?

 By the way, I called XtraJet at 877-987-2538 and had this conversation.

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 Anyone flying XtraJet should understand that their conversations might be taped
 and released to the highest bidder, so watch what you say on XtraJet.

 Subject: Jon Stewart's impersonation

 He's imitating Henry Grossman, the ticket agent for
 MTA Metro-North Railroad at Croton-Harmon Station, N. Y.

 Andy & June

 ha ha

 On-the-fly comedy jets Eddie Izzard to top 


  Click  Here

"Squirrels eat with both hands," he says, holding his tight like cupped paws,
"and then they look up, wondering if they left the gas on."

 Izzard (Is-ard) is riding a comic wave of his own invention. Without backup writers, scripts or
 a plan worthy of the name, he has rocketed from counterculture kook in London to international
 big deal on the strength of his motormouth, timing, nerve and intelligence. On top of that, he's funny.
 Had he lived a century earlier, he'd have been serious competition for Buster Keaton.

 Not since Richard Pryor was young has a comic so enthralled the brainy. Pryor channeled his neighborhood;
 Izzard channels the world, sliding up and down the evolutionary ladder and dipping into history to examine the odd bits.

 Three things to say about Eddie Izzard:
I hate English humor more than I hate country music, (but not as much as I hate the Dallas Cowboys)
Eddie is a transvestite, meaning he may show up in a dress, pearl earrings and full make up.
Comparing anybody to the great Richard Pryor is like comparing your band to the Beatles.

 Ther first time Tommy Mack was flown to Tulsa, he said, "Have you ever heard of Eddie Izzard?
 He's great, and I brought a DVD of his to play you, it's called, Dressed to Kill."

 I explained to Tommy that I didn't do English humor, and so watching his DVD was out of the question.


 So I agreed to watch five minutes, with the understanding that we'd turn it off soon after.
 But I'll be damned if Eddie Izzard isn't one of the funniest people on this whole planet.
 We watched the whole thing and my sides hurt from laughing when it was over.

 Reminder: This was English humor, which I do not do.

 Tommy was woefully unable to explain the transvestite thing to my satisfaction.
 If it's not a sexual thing, why wear a dress?

 If you say, "People can wear what they want," yeah - fine.
 That means you might wear a dress twice a year to prove you can,
 but would you wear a dress to work if it might cost you your job?

 I have nothing against transvetities, I just don't understand it. If a white man woke up and put on
 black skin and then complained that he was discriminated against, I'd say, "Don't do that."

 But Eddie Izzard is one funny m-effer.
 One thing I really like is that he's much smarter than me - most comics aren't.
 Eddie gives history lessons throughout every stand-up I've seen him do.
 I learn more history laughing with Izzard than I did in school.

 I hope Eddie makes a lot of money.

From our good friends at Fauxnews.com

 Judge bars sale of nude Cameron Diaz photos
  I think more judges need to read bartcop.com

  Click  Here

 A judge Tuesday barred a photographer from selling topless photographs of actress Cameron Diaz.

 Superior Court Judge Alan B. Haber granted a permanent injunction against sale of the photos and
 also banned photographer John Rutter, of Venice, from either possessing or publicizing them.

 Rutter, 41, faces a criminal trial on charges that he tried to extort $3.3 million from Diaz by
 threatening to sell the pictures. Rutter's apartment was raided and authorities seized the photos,
 which are being kept in a safe deposit box.

 Since I'm old and more wise than when I was young, I'm going to bet this is just another example
 or horribly incompetent writing from some uneducated mook over at the once-dependable AP.

 Remember the Jennifer-changing-into-a-swimsuit episode of WKRP?


 The weasel photographer put a hidden camera in the model's dressing room and got
 pictures of Jennifer nude, but very importantly, against her will. That's an invasion that
 should cause a judge to put your scumbag ass in prison for a few years..

 But if you gave your boyfriend permission to tape you like Paris Hilton,
 or if you took off your clothes on a beach in Europe like Jennifer Aniston,
 or if you posed for pictures like Madonna or Vanessa Williams or hundreds others,
 you have no reasonable expectation that those pictures to remain buried forever - especially
 if you "make it."  You're wasting the court's time and the taxpayer's money.

 I'll bet you five-to-one Diaz wants those pictures back not because she is naked,
 but because they made her appear in a less-than-flattering light, so they go to court?

 ...besides, the judge ruled against "sale of the photos, either possessing or publicizing them."

 Did you see a "Do not upload," in that judge's order?

 Besides, doesn't every man in the world with a modem already have those pictures?


 I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying the instant, worldwide distribution of sounds, text and pictures
 is now a fact of life and pretending that situation doesn't exist is little more than a self-assisted handjob.

"I think it was a mistake"
  Retired General now free to speak the truth

  Click  Here

 The retired American general who headed the first occupation government in Iraq
 said they made major mistakes, including disbanding the Iraqi army, putting too few
 troops on the ground and failing to explain the goals of the war.

 Jay Garner, in his most critical comments yet, said that the series of mistakes began
 when they did not act quickly to maintain law and order and preserve the buildings
 needed for the government ministries.

"If we did it over again, we probably would have put more dismounted infantrymen
 in Baghdad and maybe more troops there," Garner said in a BBC interview.

 New GDP Reading Fuels U.S. Recovery Hopes 
  I'm starting to chafe from all the BFEE/American media handjobs

  Click  Here

 The economy in the third quarter galloped ahead faster than an initial estimate, which was
 already the swiftest in nearly two decades. That burst, along with a surge in consumer
 confidence, raised hopes for the recovery's staying power.

 Stop it!
 That's not true.

 It didn't raise anyone's hopes, (except maybe for Russert, the Pigboy and Coulter) especially not Wall Street's.
 The Dow was up a C-H, while the Nasdaq actually lost ground.

 The broadest measure of the economy's performance, gross domestic product, increased at a (this poor,
 uneducated AP writer means "an,") 8.2 percent annual rate in the July-to-September quarter,  even better
 than the 7.2 percent rate estimated a month ago, the Commerce Department said.

 The new GDP reading embraced by President Cowboy as "proof" of the effectiveness of his disasterous
 administration's economic policies represents the strongest growth since the first quarter of 1984, when the
 economy surged at a 9 percent pace. The new estimate is more than double the 3.3 rate in the second quarter.

 Somebody better tie me to a chair because I'm about to go off!

 Koresh - where to start?
When the economy is hemorrhaging a quart of blood per hour, when you reduce the quart
     to a half quart, you don't get to jump up and scream, "The patient is cured!"
     It only means you're getting better at stopping the bleeding.
If the economy is "surging back," why is Wall Street afraid to bet on it?
    They had confidence when Clinton was in charge, and they went "all in" on America then.
The strongest since 1984?  Gee, who was president then? Red-Ink Reagan was.
    Yes, Reagan pulled the same handjob that Bush is pulling, and the press backed him up, too.
    If you crash the economy, you don't get credit for the "miraculous comeback" half way thru.
    If Bush triples the Dow like Clinton did, (which would be up to 33,000) I'll vote for the bastard.

 Say your company buys 1000widgits a day to convert to profitable ultra-widgits
 When the owner's idiot son took over, he crashed ultra-widgits production to 10 per day.
 Three years later, the owner's idiot son raises production to 30widgits a day.

 Do you scream what a genius the monkey is for "tripling" production of widgits?
 Or do you wonder why the board of directors is happy losing 970widgits per day?

 Jesus Christ - stop screaming about what a paradise Bush has brought us!
 We're down 970 widgets per day, and the American press is LOVING this Unelected Moron.

 Would somebody please challenge me on my numbers or my most excellent analogy?
 My teeth need sharpening.

 Not to mention the 435 factory workers who were killed because the owner's idiot son
 says all those OSHA laws were just "socialism run amock" and "shackles on production..."

 America - wake the F up!

 The owner's idiot son is going to ruin this whole town!

 From yesterday's issue:

> Question

> When you watch Jon Stewart (Comedy Channel 11 PM Mon-Thurs) can you tell who he's "doing"
> when he sticks his chin out, stretching his neck while adjusting his tie and doing an old, Jewish man's voice?

> Is he doing Louie Nye?
> Is he doing Myron Cohen?
> Is he doing some uncle of his that we don't know?

> I think Johnny Carson used to do the same character.

 We'll probably disagree on this - dozens wrote to suggest Rodney Dangerfield or Woody Allen,
 but I think Jon's doing Carson doing Art Fern and his Tea-Time Movies.

 I have some Art Fern in the audio archives.
 Maybe I can dig some out.


''Robert's loss is the hardest thing I believe I will ever have to face.
  He was so full of life and promise and now that life and promise is gone.
  I know I will never see him again, hold him, hug him, hear his laugh and see that beautiful smile.''
    --Tammy Wise, mother of Spc. Robert Allen Wise, who died in Baghdad   Attribution

 How many hundreds of families,
 how many thousands of families will go through what Tammy Wise is going through?

 ...and why?


Click to Enter

 Subject: Church closings

 Hey, Bart!
 The church closing thing is a little more complicated than you set forth.
 You've got to remember, the poorer people are, the more generous they tend to be.

 Charitable giving (as a percentage of income) goes does down as income goes up.
 The big time church fund raisers don't do it $1,000 at a time: they take it $10 at a time
 from the people who can least afford it and use the money to air condition their dog houses.
 Jim Scott

 Jim, I confess (I'm Catholic) that when I wrote that, I had a certain Tulsa church in mind.
 The Asbury United Methodist Church, which I understand is not Catholic, is building
 the biggest church I've ever seen and I'm old enough to have seen them all.

 The church building currently under construction is 250,000 square feet.
 Plus, it's being built at 67th and Mingo, which is the prime of prime real extate in Tulsa.
 They claim 2500 families worship (at the current church) each week.  They are expanding
 as fast as they can build. They are raking in millions of tax-free dollars, maybe per week.

 How can they do that?
 Simnple - they allow their clergy to marry, so they have no child sex scandals (that I know of.)

 If the Catholics wanted to make more money, and build multi-million dollar new churches,
 they could pass the "zero tolerance" sex-with-kids policy - but noooooooooooooooooo.
 They refuse to do that.
 Apparently they prefer sex with kids to millions of dollars.

 Why aren't the Catholics outraged?
 Why is the guy without faith one of the few voices to raise the question?

Click to visit

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq

 Last issue it was.. times  433  ....this issue it's  times 434

 Eight more Americans lives snuffed out by the disaster of Bush stealing the White House.
 Soon - we'll be at 500, and then 800 and then 1000.

 Will the Democrats be willing to fight for their country next November?
 Or will they just hand it to Bush on their knees, like they did in 2000 and 2002?

      I'm a serious president.

 Total deaths since President Giggle and Kill said, "Bring 'em On":  228  229

 From:  http://lunaville.org/warcasualties/Summary.aspx

 Plus, at least  2401  2442  wounded for Bush's illegal oil grab.
 Many of them are missing arms, legs, eyes and their memories from head wounds.

 From:  http://www.antiwar.com/ewens/casualties.html
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 Scott Peterson

 According to People Magazine, one of Scott Peterson's attorneys is Pat Harris.
 Does that name ring a bell?

 (No fair using the bartcop.com search engine)


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 I suggest you sign up with PayPal.
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 they'll send $5 to make the hammer higher.

 Like most all websites, we operate on a shoestring.
 If not for the pittance we make from advertising....

 VCR Alert

 Since Thursday is Thanksgiving, CBS is moving Blockbuster Thursday to tonight.

 Survivor: A castaway with immunity loses it. That's never happened before - did they cheat?
 C.S.I. - a repeat about the Cat Lady

 Plus, let's hope the Cowboys lose during Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.

 November sticker placement contest!


 How to win:

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 bartcop.com  PO Box 54466  Tulsa, OK 74155
 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

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 Get yours, then send in a digital photo of where you put it.
 Click  Here   for the best November stickers

 Winner gets Joe Conason's book, Al Franken's book or your choice of  a subscription
  to Maxim Magazine   (Maxim has no nudity) or any similarly priced book or magazine.


 For the Ladies!

  Beefcake calendar of heroes!

 Ladies, send in your placed Bartcop stickers!

 Send sticker pics to  bartcop@bartcop.com


 If you have something important send it to Sam at sam@bartcop.com

 Can't get in the members section?  Sam can help.

 Tom Daschle: It's Time to Step Down as Minority Leader
  saw it on Buzzflash.com

  Click  Here

 "...when Daschle leads Democrats, it is most often in the wrong direction.

 He is, perhaps, the worst Democratic Minority "Leader" in modern history. He hands Bush and the
 Republicans more victories on a platter than they could ever have hoped for. Daschle is the perennial
 lout who continually grabs defeat from the jaws of victory. He blew an opportunity to cripple Bush and
 Cheney with investigations into their dirty business...

 Daschle's continued tenure is the most serious danger to any chance of success the Democrats might
 have in 2004 in all the congressional and senate elections and the presidency. Because he has allowed
 the Bush administration to define the terms of the debate in Congress, without a strong Democratic
 counterattack or proactive vision.

 I agree totally.
 Daschle is afraid to oppose Bush, yet he wants to lead the opposition?
 Please resign your post, Senator, the sooner the better.
 The stakes are too high to have a scared-ass pink tutu running the party of honest patriotism.

"Is it ever wrong to love someone?"

 How to prevent Diebold from rigging the 2004 election

  Simple - vote using an absentee ballot.

  If every Democrat in the United States did that, they'd have to hand count 51,000,000 votes.
  There would be a paper trail, and Diebold would be unable to rig the election for the B.F.E.E.

Something on your mind?
 Call the
Then  listen for your voice on...

You have two minutes to speak your piece.


 Just a reminder that we can affect the news.
 I emailed my local paper asking them if they could find out how many people
 are quitting AARP, since I can't get them to answer their phone or email.

 Next thing I knew, I was on the front page...

 AARP members cry foul over Medicare provision

  Click  Here

 Art Hadley checked out the AARP endorsement last week of the Republican plan to add a prescription drug benefit to Medicare.

 Now he's mad.

"I just sent them an e-mail, telling them I quit," Hadley, 53, said Tuesday. "I think it's pretty clear they don't represent me;
 they represent themselves and their insurance company, which stands to make millions off this deal."

 He isn't alone. Across the nation, thousands of AARP members have expressed concerns about the organization's endorsement
 of the legislation, and many have canceled their membership in the 35 million member organization that is the leading advocacy
 group for America's senior citizens.

 Corleone, Sicily eyes name change

  Click  Here

 What comes to mind when you hear the word Corleone?
 If you said Mafia, some people in the Sicilian town think
 that may be part of the problem and not the solution.

 Local lawyer Antonio Di Lorenzo began a signature drive on
 Tuesday to change the name of the hill town made famous by
 "The Godfather" books and films of the 1970s.

 "Have a good time today.
   It only gets worse from here."
   -- Molly Ivins

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 Use this portal and they'll throw  bartcop.com  four cents.
 If you spend $250,000 - they'll send bartcop.com $10,000.

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 Read the Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright 2003, bartcop.com

Show 20 might be ready today.

Show 19 is up and it's REAL

Professionally produced by a professional - Tommy Mack.
Everything is professional but the host.

 If your GOP workplace doesn't want you to see the truth, use these mirrors.

       Shirley is a Ladybug - who knew?

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.

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