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Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Quote of the Day
"You can't read a newspaper
"When they say they served with Kerry in Vietnam,
really mean is that they were in Vietnam at the same time.
Kind of like how Snoopy served with the Red Baron"
--Jon Stewart, on the Swift Boat Liars Attribution
Leak Allowed al-Qaida Suspects to Escape
Whose side does Bush work for? Ours or Al Qaeda?
...senior officials said Tuesday that some al-Qaida fugitives escaped after news reports
revealed the arrest of Osama's computer expert who was cooperating with investigators.
Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan, a 25-year-old
Pakistani, was nabbed in a July 13 raid in Lahore.
His capture was a signal victory for Pakistan, a key U.S. ally in the war on terrorism. He led
authorities to a key al-Qaida figure and sent e-mails to terrorists so investigators could trace them.
But on Tuesday, two senior officials expressed
dismay that the arrest of Khan made it into the
media too soon - reported first in American newspapers on Aug. 2 after it was disclosed to
journalists by U.S. officials in Washington. "Let me say that this intelligence leak jeopardized our
plan and some al-Qaida suspects ran away," one of the Pakistani officials said on condition of anonymity.
Kinda Sleazy Rice acknowledged Sunday that
Khan's name had been disclosed to reporters in
Washington "on background," meaning that it could be published, but the information could not be
attributed by name to the official who had revealed it.
The Pakistani officials
said that after Khan's arrest, other al-Qaida suspects
abruptly changed their hide-outs and moved to unknown places.
...because Bush wanted to
rain on the Democrat's convention.
Why isn't anybody pissed off about this?
Why is Bush helping Al Qaeda get away?
Whose side is Bush on?
Subject: Bush's intelligence
My wife was laughing about how our four-year-old
pronounced "calculator" as "cacalator."
I immediately asked him to pronounce "nuclear." He got it right the first time.
The wife got the message and no words were necessary.
"There's a difference in philosophy, when you
think about it...That's why you've
got to be careful about this rhetoric, 'we're only going to tax the rich.'
You know who the... the rich in America happen to be the small-business owners.
That's what that means."
--Dubya, lying again. Kerry said he'd tax people making over $200K a year.
I have a very small business, and I can't even spell $200K Attribution
Demands Najaf Militants End Fighting
Please, can 't you people just be reasonable and stop the violence?
NAJAF, Iraq - U.S. forces adopted a new tactic Tuesday in their sixth day of battles here,
sending patrols armed with loudspeakers into the streets to demand that militants loyal to a
radical cleric drop their arms and leave Najaf immediately, ...or face death.
The call, broadcast in Arabic from American
vehicles, added a psychological component to
the U.S. offensive. It came as U.S. helicopter gunships had just swissed a tall building 400 yards
from the gold-domed Imam Ali Shrine with rockets, missiles and 30 mm cannons - one of the
closest strikes yet to what is one of the holiest sites in Shia Islam.
Plumes of thick, black smoke rose from the
building, which serves as a hotel for visitors to the shrine.
Witnesses said insurgents were firing from inside it and that U.S. forces returned fire.
much just been patrolling
and flying helicopters all over the place,
and when we see something bad, we blow it up,"
said U.S. Marine Maj. David Holahan, describing Bush policy in the Middle East.
Pictures from Iraq
I wish I knew the story behind this little guy.
How far is he from home?
Why is he waving to the infidels who invaded his country?
Will we still be in Iraq when he learns to carry a gun?
"I'm telling you, when you start asking the
question, can you read and write
and add and subtract, all of a sudden, people start learning better."
--Too stupid to be a greeter at Wal-Mart Attribution
"May I help me, ...I mean help you?"
Formats for 2004
I didn't read ahead on this, ..cause I thought I'd be sick
The Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD) announced formats for its 2004 debates.
Dates and sites for these debates were announced on November 6, 2003 as follows:
First presidential debate:
The candidates will be seated at a table
with the moderator in the first and third presidential debates
and in the vice presidential debate. The second presidential debate will use the town meeting format
in which undecided voters, selected by the Gallup Organization, will question the candidates.
This is an incredibly bad idea. Accepting this format only
They'll stack the crowd with Freepers and suddenly it's a Springer Circus.
Each debate will last for ninety minutes, start at 9:00 p.m. ET, and take place before a live audience.
The first presidential debate will focus
primarily on domestic policy, and the third presidential debate
will focus primarily on foreign policy. The town meeting debate and the vice presidential debate will be open to all topics.
Each debate will have a different single moderator to be selected by the CPD.
That means they'll be FOX News bastards.
The moderators job in the first and third
presidential debates and the vice presidential debate will be
to introduce and change topics, to ensure that the participants have equal time, and to encourage some
direct exchange among the candidates. The moderators will select all topics and questions.
This is an incredibly bad idea. Accepting this format only
Why can't the candidates debate man-to-man? They know what subjects are important.
In the town meeting debate, the town meeting
participants will pose their questions to the candidates.
The town meeting participants will review their questions with the moderator (Brit Hume, who will
green light pro-Bush questions and bury the questions about WMDs) before the debate for the
sole purpose of avoiding duplicate questions. (and protecting Bush)
The moderators will have discretion to ask follow-up questions in all debates.
That means Brit Hume will press Kerry for details, pretending
Kerry didn't answer the question
will accepting any crap Bush says as a full and complete answer. Kerry doesn't want to win?
Brit Hume will be all over Kerry with, "So why did you lie to America?" while FOX Fave Bush
will get the never-ending, "Well done, Mr President" grab on the ass after each non-answer.
First presidential debate: Fox
Vice presidential debate: ABC
Second presidential debate: NBC
This article failed to get into more specifics,
such as are they going to play that silly game
where they count the seconds until Bush is off the hook, then make it illegal to go back and
make Bush answer the questions that he ran out the clock on?
I warned Kerry that the election would be
won or lost with the debate rules.
Gore ran rings around Smirk, but Smirk kept weaseling out with those time limits.
Kerry seems to want to be "Gored" and that's not good
...but why did we invade Baghdad?
Subject: What would Rove do?
Kerry needs to steal a page out of Rove's play book.
During the Repuke Convention, he should
go to Baghdad and talk to the troops.
Its time for Democrats to grow some balls and start fighting these Fascist bastards.
Joe, good idea, but Bush might order Kerry shot out of the Baghdad
"Bush is making America look and feel very
horrible around the world.
He doesn't represent the heart of America."
-- Carlos Santana, in Billboard, Attribution
to just walk away
Iraq is free to torture anyone they want now
He watched as men in plainclothes beat blindfolded and bound prisoners in the
enclosed grounds of the Iraqi Interior Ministry. He immediately radioed for help.
Soon after, a team of Oregon Army National
Guard soldiers swept into the yard
and found dozens of tortured Iraqi detainees. Nearby, the soldiers counted dozens
more prisoners and -- metal rods, rubber hoses, electrical wires and bottles of chemicals.
The soldiers disarmed the Iraqi jailers
and administered first aid and radioed for instructions.
But in a move that frustrated and infuriated the guardsmen, superior officers told him to return
the prisoners to their abusers and immediately withdraw. It was June 29 -- Iraq's first official
day as a sovereign country since the U.S.-led invasion. The tortures were "legal."
Welcome to Bush's vision of a democratic Iraq.
"Now, only the bad people in Iraq get tortured..."
Used with permission :)
Wallace handcuffed, Arrested
Disorderly Conduct? He's 86 - who did he beat up?
3000 Is World's Best-Dressed Man
Damn, I was hoping to win that title...
Vaccine Could be Just Two Years Away
Promising results from trials involving birch pollen
leads with 67 percent in Illinois
They sent Keyes to Illinois to be slaughtered
Vote may be as screwed at the 2000 vote
Provisional Ballots Raise New Questions
... just three months before what looks to be another extremely close presidential election,
states don't agree about how to count these ballots. Some localities are worried they won't
have time to tally them, and voting rights advocates fear many won't be counted at all.
Under the new law, anyone who claims to
be registered in the jurisdiction where they try
to vote but whose name is not listed must be given a provisional ballot. If the voter's
registration information is verified later, the ballot is included in the total for the election.
No one knows how many provisional ballots
will be cast in November, in part because only
about half the states allowed such ballots or something similar in 2000. It will easily be tens
of thousands nationwide. In Los Angeles County alone, 44,000 were cast in the March primary.
But verifying voter eligibility and hand-counting
the ballots takes a long time. Some states,
by law, give counties just days to finish. That has election administrators contemplating a
nightmare scenario: What happens if the number of provisional ballots is bigger than the
apparent margin of victory on Election Day? The outcome could hang in doubt while
election officials rush to beat the clock.
Now - with the election less than
90 days away - now they look into this. The Democrats
should have started working in this around Christmas 2000. The GOP is happy to muddy up
this mess because they have the media on their side. Someone will think of a cute "Sore Kerryman"
mantra and the media will echo it and repeat it and try their best to drum Kerry out of the White House.
Why are the Democrats so desperate to lose?
Why are we so afraid of winning?
"We can only have one president..."
Subject: Quote from Gee Duhmbo
> "I'm not going to be satisfied until everybody
who wants to work can find a job."
> --America's nightmare who killed 3 million jobs with his tax cuts to the rich,
This is what pisses me off the most, the
qualifier that he throws in there - "everybody who wants to work."
This is a myth and a stereotype handed down to him from that piggish vulgarian Rush Limbaughoxycontinjunkie.
It explains away unemployment by assuming that most of the unemployed people in this country don't have jobs
because they simply don't want to work.
"Well," as the Church Lady used to say, "isn't that conveeeeeenient!" I was out of work the first half of this year,
and the time off was much needed, granted, but I really wanted to get back to work and put food on my family.
It's in my blood, I have worked since I was 14 and I still have a few years to go before I can buy that island near Tahiti for my retirement.
I'm glad to say that (a) I am working now, and (b) unemployment checks helped me keep somewhat afloat while
I was looking for work, as well as not having to cancel my subscription, so you could say that bartcop.com is partially
subsidized by the government. ;^)
Every time I heard the Monkey say this I just wanted to bitch-slap my TV so hard he would feel it in Washington.
He won't be satisfied until he rules the world and then throws it away like a broken toy the day after Christmas.
Reading Bartcop kept me sane while I was unemployed, or at least off the street corners.
Thanks for letting me rant, and keep swinging that hammer.
Jeff in Seattle, longtime subscriber
Democrats to Reject Goss Nomination?
Democratic senators, in unusually tough statements about a fellow lawmaker, warned that
Goss would be an unacceptable choice because of what they described as his partisanship.
Even some Republican senators said the confirmation battle would not be worth it.
Bush nominated him anyway.
Administration officials said the White
House calculated that the president could not lose:
Democrats would either cave when faced with a fight, or Bush could accuse them of
obstructing CIA stability at a time when the nation is under threat of a terrorist attack.
Are the Democrats really going to put up a fight?
Or will they cave in to Bush like all the other times?
Subject: Kerry and hecklers
Did you catch Kerry on C-SPAN at a recent
yard party? He was heckled.
But you know what he did and I LOVE this! He called the heckler up to the front,
asked the heckler why he was heckling and gave the heckler the microphone.
The heckler stammered, blushed, gave Kerry
the microphone back and left.
Of course, the media ignored this.
Of course the media ignored that because it made Kerry look good.
Clinton used to do the same thing, and he always won because he's damn hard
to out-argue, plus he looked reasonable and generous by giving the heckler a voice.
"Hecklers should be tortured..."
"I would still be picking cotton if the country's
moral principles had not
been shaped by the Declaration of Independence. Obama "has broken
and rejected those principles-- he has taken the slaveholder's position."
-- Alan Keyes, behind Barack Obama by 50 points in the polls Attribution
"Keyes should look to members of his own party
to see if that's
appropriate if he's going to use that kind of language."
--Barack Obama, pointing out that there are NO elected GOP blacks in DC Attribution
Why would the pro-slavery GOP send a brother to Illinois to be lynched?
men don't wear costumes
by Gene Lyon
Republicans countered with as vicious a smear against Kerry as we've seen since - well,
since the last time George W. Bush ran against somebody with a higher Testosterone Quotient:
the 2000 South Carolina primary, when little gremlins hinted to suggestible Moron Americans
that John McCain's years as a Vietnam POW had left him psychologically unfit, and, oh, did you
know he had a black child? (An adopted daughter from Bangladesh.) As "The Daily Show's"
Jon Stewart put it, maybe they had him confused with Strom Thurmond.
Thanks in part to McCain's lingering anger,
the so-called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth succeeded
mainly in reminding voters of the 2000 smear. A Real Man, particularly one who'd taken a playboy's
leave from his own National Guard duties back in the day, would renounce such tactics. Not Bush.
Subject: I call BS on your treatment of Ted Rall
As a fan of Ted Rall, I must call bullshit
on your labeling of him as "helping Bush"
- just because he wasn't in total praise of Kerry. Then, by that logic, your calling of
Democrats as "pink tutus unwilling to win", however true that might be, is exactly
the same as "helping Bush". But we know that's plainly a stretch of logic; likewise,
saying Ted Rall "helps Bush" is exactly the same bullshit.
Look, Ted Rall teeters into the extremes quite a bit, but goddammit, he says what
needs to be said: Like you, only he says what even YOU refuse to say.
(Say... isn't that a Ted Rall icon on the same page?)
Anyways, I'm very sure that he's quite oriented to the defeat of Bush as the rest of us.
He just refuses to put the truth through a filter, is all.
Rall seems to hate the military, Kerry, Clinton and Bush.
This cartoon makes Kerry out to be a raving lunatic, unfit for
Have I ever called Kerry a raving lunatic, unfir for office?
Ted seems to need attention, so he delights in pissing off everybody.
Hunting of the President
Order your copies from the BartCop Bookstone
Bush Blunder: A Mole Made Public
by Joe Conason
Leaking Mr. Khan's name enhanced nobody's safety - with the possible exception of certain Al Qaeda
members warned of their own impending capture when they read the morning newspapers. For within a
few days, Reuters reported that following his arrest, Mr. Khan had been "turned." A computer expert
picked up in Lahore, he was said to be helping the authorities break up terrorist cells in Britain and the U.S.
Security officials in London are still enraged
because the Khan leak from Washington forced them to act
too precipitously, rushing to arrest 13 suspects in broad daylight raids across Britain the next day. No doubt
the C.I.A. officials whose high-tech tracking efforts led to Mr. Khan's capture felt similar frustration. In a
war against terrorist groups that have proved nearly impossible to penetrate with human agents, the loss of
such a well-placed turncoat could prove tragic.
There is no question about who perpetrated
the leak. On Aug. 8, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice
admitted that the administration had disclosed Khan's arrest to The Times "on background." Experts around
the world are still astonished by this reckless decision.
Dedicated to Mike Malloy's "Flying Monkey right."
Marty's Entertainment Page
Subject: Pfc Hammer
It's a shame we get more military service from a cat, than we got out of our president
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"The gay community's agenda is the greatest threat to our freedom that we face today.
Really? A greater threat than Al Qaeda or George Bush?
Why do you think we see the rationalization
for abortion and multiple sexual partners?
That's a gay agenda."
--Tom Coburn, (R-Jesus Twin) from Oklahama, Attribution
This is Oklahoma logic at it's best.
Hey Tom, you're a doctor (who his GOP challenger claimed has performed abortions).
Tell mw, Dr Coburn, how many abortions will a typical gay couple have in a lifetime?
And how can you scream at them for "multiple partners" if you won't let them marry?
Like always, the GOP's answer to gays is to "knock it off."
I have an idea, Dr Coburn - why don't you mind your own fucking business?
Subject: Reason for Tiger's decline
Found the following in an article on the Curse of Celebrity-Athlete couplings:
Pete should offer a sympathy call to Tiger
Woods, who is engaged to model Elin Nordegren
and currently is colder than Ashton Kutcher's movie career. ( ha ha ) Tiger's dad called this one
a few years back when he told TV Guide, "Let's face it. A wife can be a deterrent to a good golf game."
But Tiger went ahead and shacked up with
the Swedish seductress, and all of a sudden his swing is off.
Uh-huh. He's been living with Elin since 2002. He hasn't won a major in 25 months. You do the math.
See, it's not Tiger's fault!
Unless he met her that week in Tulsa in 2001, it's the BartCop Hex.
Kerry & The Electras
See, listen to Kerry's band from 1961
Get a copy of the album Kerry recorded in 1961 with his schoolmates at St. Paul School in New Hampshire.
The album has been re-released on CD and is available now via PayPal - $14.00 + $2.00 shipping
Subject: Re: Alan Keyes
I am an African -American living in Illinois
and a huge fan of Barack Obama. I live in a very
Republican part of East Central Illinois -- Champaign. It is even amazing in such a Republican area
of this state how excited the electorate is about the candidacy of Mr. Obama. I saw Mr. Obama
speak last week at a rally at the University of Illinois. The crowd was large and electric. So of course
the Illinois GOP would stoop to such a low and bring in their GOP candidate for hire -- Alan Keyes.
The GOP and Keyes want to turn this campaign
into a farce. He has been on television sweating profusely,
babbling on and on and trying to start a fight about the debates. Keys says ' Obama doesn't want to tussle with him.'
Keyes is obviously nuts and as soon as his novelty show gets old -- maybe the Chicago media will get tired of covering his tired story.
The Illinois GOP thought that they were
going to bring in this Carpetbagger, split the back vote ( like we will
for anyone just because he is black) and make a good showing for the GOP chairwoman who wants to be Governor
- Judy Barr Topinka ( who was one of the few GOP individuals in this state that USED TO have some Black support).
The Chicago Sun Time's gossip columnist - Sneed - stated yesterday in her column that Keyes was now registered
to vote in this state - that would be difficult since you have to meet a 30 day residency requirement!
Well sorry Judy and Alan -- The Obama candidacy
brings hope for many in this state regardless of race, creed or color.
We are sticking with a guy that has integrity and yes... is an actually a resident of this state!
buy a napkin with the sweat of Elvis,
George Patton, Napoleon and Abraham Lincoln?
Plus, it's still wet!
If you hurry, you might get it for under $500
Send your bid, in cash, to PO BOX 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155
Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
932 dead American soldiers.
Drip, drip, drip - young lives go down the drain
Cory's comments about astrology being superstition
is patently false.
Science now offers explanations for people's behavior in relation to their birth and time of gestation.
The distance the earth is from the sun's
radiation during a person's gestation is completely relative
to that person's genetic make-up and their eventual "personality".
The real issue is how did ancient people
Please visit out sponsors
Subject: Bush vs McCain 2000
On the Daily Show this past Monday, President
Clinton made a remark about the
2000 GOP primary election between Geo. W. and John McCain.
I thought I herd Clinton say that Geo. W.
ran a commercial stating that while Sen. Mc Cain
was a prisoner in Viet Nam he was a traitor to his country.
This is true, I saw it myself.
Bush got those same "swift boat" liars to stand with him on a stage and say McCain was
a traitor to his fellow POWs and they said his years of torture made McCain mentally unstable.
There was also a remark about Sen. Mc Cain
adopting a child. Can you confirm any of this.
In Carolina in 2000, Karl Rove had their phone people call bigots
and ask, "Would you still vote
for McCain if you knew he has a black baby?" implying he got some crack whore pregnant "like Clinton did."
Truth is, McCain and his wife adopted a baby from Bangladesh.
The Bush's always play the race card - that's their
The Bush's play dirty - even for politics.
"I forgive you, George..."
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie host the Choice Teen Awards
Lenny to perform live, and surely a few more...
World Poker Tour is a repeat from Aruba.
Jon Stewart has America's worst actor.
(Did you see Maureen Dowd on his show last night?
She must've had some work done - she looked great.)
be on BartCop Radio?
If so, make the call.
Do you have an opinion?
Then listen for your call on...
You have two minutes to record your message.
"I favor the death penalty for abortionists
and other people who take life."
--Tom Coburn, (R-Jesus Twin) as crazy as they come, killing for Jesus Attribution
Today in History
• In 1860, the nation's first successful silver mill began operation near Virginia City, Nev.
• In 1909, the SOS distress signal was first used by an American ship, the Arapahoe, off Cape Hatteras, N.C.
• In 1934, the first federal prisoners arrived at Alcatraz
• In 1956, Jackson Pollock died in an car wreck in New York. Pickles Bush was not responsible
• In 1962, the Russians launched cosmonaut Andrian Nikolayev on a 94-hour flight.
• In 1965, rioting broke out in the Watts section of Los Angeles.
• In 1984, President Reagan joked that "We begin bombing Russia in five minutes."
A marine wrote to me, his name is Nathaniel K Luna CIV
Here's what he said:
Subject: Re: your site
sucks and so does everything you stand for
I hope you get to experience the third world life of someone
who is brutalized and has no rights
Wanting to give a break to our fighting men, I sent this back:
> Luna, put something coherent into words and I'll print it.
> I'm pro-military but anti-Bush.
> That's possible, you know...
What was his reply?
I fell as though your site easily cheats
and deceives people.
Webster's dictionary defines that as a SUCKER!
I appoligize your site is for suckers.
I offered him a chance to air his views, but apparently
name-calling is his best chance at winning the debate.
I hope you make it home safely...
"I keep hearing these Republicans trying to
dismiss the three injuries Kerry got in Vietnam.
You know, I didn't see Ann Coulter out there. I didn't see Rush Limbaugh out there. I didn't
see Dick Cheney, who got five deferments out there They turn their slime machine on John Kerry.
They did it to John McCain. They did it to me. Don't let them do it to John Kerry."
--Max Cleland, telling the Chickenhawks to go suck a trailer hitch Attribution
When will the rapes stop?
When will the tortures stop?
When will the looting stop?
When will the murders stop?
When will the invasions stop?
Use this portal
and they'll send bartcop.com
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com
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Shrl, call The BartPhone,
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That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.
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