Vol 102 - Rush, Porno, Gingrich, Lesbian

Sorry about the title.
They said hits on my website would jump 400 percent if
I had buzzwords in the title for search engines to grab.

Crazy Rush Quotes

"The fact that Clinton HASN'T pardoned Susan McDougal
PROVES ...that... that ...this president is hiding something."
      --The Giver of Shade, Radio show, August 27

(I ask, can Clinton BE any more guilty than that?)

This just in...

Early reports from the Indianapolis Republican 500 indicate
the ticket in 2000 might be Gingrich/Uncle OJ Watts.


The GOP might run Snoot/Uncle OJ in 2000.

RL-LNW Announcement:

Ladies and Gentlemen,
If the Republicans even begin to drop the slightest hint,
that they're considering the possibility that they
might entertain the notion that it would be conceivable,
that they may start to anticipate the very idea that they
might give preliminary consideration to the suggestion
to the wild hair that they're going to run Snoot/Uncle OJ
as the presidential ticket in the year 2000,


as Ediotr of America's premier, anti-dittosheep, newsletter,
I, BartCop, do hereby declare that subscription rates will
immediately become $39.50 per month, with a 3-year minimum
paid in advance, credit cards accepted.

From the SABUTAI News Network

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. (AP) - Quotes From The Republican Summit

Quayle: I am an outsider.

Lamar: I'm more outsider than YOU!

Quayle: Am not.

Lamar: Am too.

Forbes: It's time we start acting like Republicans.

Tenn Tuxedo: Are we fooling ourselves?
                         Or just jerking off?

Gov. Bush: Agreements can be broken.

Lamar:  Hey, Jr., did you learn that from your Read-My-Lips Dad?

..but the weekend's highlight was from an Oklahoman.

O.J. Watts: I do not seek to be the presidential nominee of
                   the Republican Party in the year 2000. I do not seek to
                   be the vice presidential candidate in the year 2000.

The crowd jumped to its feet and roared with approval.

Friday, Rush BRAGGED that the term "feminazi" was listed
in a "college" edition of a Webster's Dictionary.

I assume "feminazi" is one who STRONGLY believes in feminism.
Last time we looked,
Webster defined a "feminist" as "one who believes in equality for women."

That would seem to leave out the GOP, the KKK, Promise Keepers.
Catholics, Iranians, Iraqis and most readers of the Bible.

Be proud, Rush.

From: TDepalma@aol.com

Subject: You newsletter

Rush is the most compassionit man in America.
Every bit as important as our founders he
and Dr. Laura are helping us come to our senses.
Its just comman sense sir.
Talk radio and Foxnews to the rescue!
Get over your bitternss Rush is a great guy.

Tony DePalma

PS- the wizard of ahhhs thing was sawful.

At the University of Texas, black enrollment in their medical
school dropped from twenty students to four.

At the University of San Diego, it dropped from three to zero.
At Southern Cal, it fell from nineteen to one.

The trend continues all over America.
This is due to the rollback of Affirmative Action programs.

The Republicans meant what they say about helping blacks.

At the GOP,
race-baiting is Job #1.

From USA Today

James Rogers, 41, from Clarksburg, W.Va. was convicted of selling
blueprints of the FBI fingerprint complex in Virginia. An FBI agent,
posing as a Middle East nut, paid $50,000 for the plans.

Rogers was convicted of providing resources to terrorists under
the new anti-terrorist laws that went into effect after the OKC
bombing that make it a crime to knowingly provide weapons or
explosives to anyone planning a terrorist attack.

Sound familiar?

Your Ediotr was able to contact Ollie North for a statement.

North said "I'm glad that stupid law wasn't in effect during the 'Decade of Greed.'"

Reporter: Mr. Dole, after 35 years in Congress, how does it feel to not have a job?
                 Does retirement feel good?

Bob Dole: I think so...

According to Dr. Laura Von Schlessinger...

The Gallup Poll asked 1200 people to rate the honesty of various
professions. They were asked which professions were either
"mostly honest" or "completely honest."

For some reason, pharmacists came in first with 62 percent.
Second, was CLERGYMEN, with 56 percent.

So... 44 percent of clergymen can't be trusted?


It would seem my impression of organized religion
is not a singular one.

From the Can't-Be-True Department...

Rush said people ask him "all the time" how he'd handle
various child-rearing hypotheticals, such as...

"What would you do if your son wanted to get an earring?"

Rush said "I'd buy him a dress and MAKE HIM WEAR IT."

Isn't that awful?

Rush would handle this problem just like his daddy did.
Poor Rush had to wear that goddamn dress until he left home.

Rush's Daddy, the judge that was so powerful that he got Rush's
college-era sodomy charge reduced to "following too close,"
dealt with young Rusty in a crude, Republican manner.

No wonder he hates women.
No wonder he's so goddamn petty and vengeful and screwed up.

Well, Rush's practice hypotheticals paid off.

Rush's teenage step-daughter wants a "tongue ring,"
also known as having her tongue pierced.
If you heard Thursday's show, you know this is true.

Rush's reply was "No. Next question," which is what you'd expect.

Why speak to your daughter?
Why explain yourself?
Why bother to share your thoughts and experience with her when
you can dismiss her wishes with a smirk and a snotty remark?
Feedbag, if you were my dad, my name would be Eric or Lyle.

Marta, however, sided with her daughter.
Her daughter.

So, it's my guess she's now the proud owner of a pierced tongue.
Is there any doubt who wears the pants at Limba Manor?

I asked around and they say the number one reason a person
gets their tongue pierced is to enhance oral sex.

A friend of mine named Jason told me he once had oral sex with
a woman with a pierced tongue. I asked him how it compared to
"regular" oral sex, and he said it was "scary and distracting."

"But," he added, "my lesbian friends say it's THE BEST!!!!"


Now... I would never attack an innocent teenage girl,
even if she was Rush's daughter, even though Fat Bastard
personally called Chelsea Clinton "The White House dog."
I won't even give out his daughter's name or school.
We at RL-LNW have too much class for that.

One other thing...

Rush said his step-daughter CALLED to ask for permission.
Why didn't she just ask in person?
Doesn't she live with Marta and El Grande Puerca?

From where was she calling?
Did they send her off to some boarding school?
Did Rush throw her out of the house?
Does Rush just hate kids?
Or is it because she might be a lesbian?

Besides, if Rush's step-daughter IS a lesbian,
and has pierced an internal organ with a stainless-steel stud
to enhance her lesbian lover's pleasure during oral sex,

..is it any of our business?

From: randshodgdon@mindspring.com

Subject: Is this a joke ?

Are your rantings and ravings on this page a joke,
or are they your real thoughts ?

(You caught me. I have "fake" thoughts.)

Either way, I don't see how you can call Limbaugh a Nazi.
Nazi stands for National Socialist, and the last thing
Limbaugh is is a socialist.
Do you even listen to his radio show?

Just curious,

(Scooter, look up "fascist" in a Limba-sized dictionary,
and tell me that definition isn't Rush to a "T,"  ..or maybe an "N.")

This just in...

CNN reports that a coup has taken place in Heaven.

Details are sketchy, but it appears the same faction of rogue
angels that first brought Satan to power eons ago has once
again snuck up behind the all-knowing, omnipotent God and
wrestled power from Him.

More details as they become available.

Funny... even in Heaven,
you have to watch your back.

Congradulations to Tony Snow

Friday, the 28th, while substituting for Rush on hate radio,
Snow rewrote the laws of science and math - no small feat.

Snow said polls showed Rep. Joseph Kennedy in Massachusetts
"losing 3-to-1" to his Republican opponent for Governor.

Since the lowest numbers ever recorded for Joe Kennedy are 34%,
that gives his opponent a whopping 102% of the vote.

So, the "pie" now has at least 136 percent in it.

Remember Tony Snow's motto:
"Accuracy and Fairness - We're the Fox News Network!"

Great Political Quotes
 From the Baltimore Sun...

"How can the GOP be angry because Clinton cut the deficit in half?
 How can they be angry because Clinton cut the size of government?
 These are things Republicans stand for, and if a Democrat
 did it, then in my view, that Democrat is a good Republican."

-- Marc Perkel
Producer of RL-LNW


Can we all agree, democrat and republican, to slap the next
person who says "he talks the talk and walks the walk?"

I don't care WHO says it next...

That next person gets a whippin'.

Snoot was on the Tonight Show again.
Hey, Snoot!
Where were the pigs and goats this time?

His office was asked if Snoot was doing talk shows to
rehabilitate his image. Swear to Koresh, they replied:

"Absolutely not. Rehabilitating Snoot's image is an ongoing process.
 You just don't go on a tour and think it will be fine at the end of the day."

After his Hollywood appearances, Snoot and Mrs. Gingrich,
(I forget - which wife is he on?) will travel by car to
that hotbed of conservativism Pigeon-Forge, Tennessee.
Snoot is VERY big with the corn-cob crowd.

And while on vacation, Snoot is writing yet ANOTHER book.
This one is called "Lessons of Leadership."

ha ha

The most hated politician in America is going to explain
to his better-loved peers how to be a leader?

ha ha

His publisher, Harper Collins, says Snoot will "sprinkle"
the book with the lessons he's learned in office.

I can't wait to read this book.
What will lesson Number One be?

Don't fuck with Bill Clinton?

Congrats to Ringo Starr for getting an "illegal football game"
indictment against former Sec. Mike Espy.

Check out this big-brain explanation from Tod Lindberg,
Editorial Page Ayatollah for the Washington Times:

"The indictment that Special Prosecutor Donald Smaltz obtained
from a grand jury Wednesday paints a picture of a thoroughly
corrupt Clinton Administration official," he said.

"Either Espy went to the Cowboy football game - or he didn't.
 Either Tyson paid for it - or he didn't.
 That's either illegal - or it's not," he said.

"Some might call this trivial, but we're dealing with health and safety issues, here."

"Illegal football tickets" is a safety issue?

"The last thing anybody wants is a cavalier prosecution."
-- Tod Lindberg, edit-boy for the Moonie Times

I'd like to apologize for the corrupt Clinton Administration.
I, BartCop, had NO IDEA the corruption reached this level.
...tell me, does Washington DC have the Death Penalty?

The last Cabinet secretary to be indicted was Caspar Weinberger in 1992 for selling
goddamn airplane-killing Stinger missles to Iran's Islamic Jihad and fucking HEZBOLLAH.

When you compare "illegal football tickets" to selling weapons to terrorists,
it's easy to see how evil this Arkansas bunch really is.

Great GOP Quotes

"I'm right, you're wrong, and that's all there is to it."
-- Fatty Feedbag Limba, on every subject there is

A "Jimmy Hoffa" wants to clean up the Teamsters.


Isn't that one of Vern Koresh's Seven Seals?

From: Swampcheez@aol.com

Subject: Young and brainless

Just listen to yourself now, and compare to your thoughts
of +20 years you will be ampalled remember I told you so

(I'm being criticized by a ditt named Swampcheez?)

From the Can-They-Have-It-Both-Ways Dept.

Dan Quayle and the right-wing go on and on about the
importance of having a two-parent family to raise a child.
Kids need a father-figure, to grow up with a proper balance.


If a kid from a broken home is arrested for shoplifting,
Republicans say "throw the book at the mother-fucker.
He, alone, is responsible for his actions."

Great Moments in GOP History

Reagan: Lt. Col. North, tell me about Iran-Contra.

North:   No.

Reagan: As your Commander-in-Chief, I ORDER YOU to
               tell me everything you know about Iran-Contra.

North:   You can go straight to Hell, Grampa.
              I ain't telling you shit...

             ...but I'm still a big-time GOP hero!

From:  ryanliles@worldnet.att.net

I am assuming you are a liberel you may not be,
but you sound like one I understand you wanting to
make your point But I don't understand your need to
convince people by insulting them.

I guess what I would like to know is:
Why do you have to resort to insults?


Ryan, you DO understand this is a Rush Limba magazine, right?

Asking RL-LNW about insults is like going to the Kentucky Derby
and asking why the horses are there.

From:  JTRAINER@webtv.net  

SUBJECT: One of us has a problem.

I am an African American male and am am Rapublican.
Saying Republicans and the KKK are the same is comicle.
Abraham Lincoln was a rapublican who fried the slaves.

No, you dumbass.
He freed the slaves.

The ones that owned the slaves were demacrates.
We owe our freedom to the rapublicans, not to the liberals.

The KKK are not christians.
Neither is anyone who sticks up for the immoral gays.
If you have a bible read Romans 1:24-32.
That should clear that up also!!!!!!!!


Joshua, I agree with your first sentence.
I assume you're down with people who "sticks up" for blacks,
but you don't like those who "sticks up" for gays?


How do you feel about those who "sticks up" for the homeless?
How do you feel about those who "sticks up" for the poor?
How do you feel about those who "sticks up" for the blind?
How do you feel about those who "sticks up" for Catholics?

As a black man,
isn't it a bad idea to join the crowd that wants to put a leash on minorities?

From: ZZZOOOYYY@aol.com

Subject: What kind of idot are you????

Hey man,

You sure do right alot of crapola!!!!!
I hope you get alot of money for it.
You're wasting alot of time on something that
maybe 10 people believe in.

Ten people elected Clinton?

If you plan on changing jobs to being a writer or something,
think again.....you better stick with you day job.

Trust me, any aspirations I had as a writer were
swept away by a tornado back in Volume 100.

Have a Nice Life!!!!

(My life is terrible. See Volume 94)

Brad Nickell@aol.com

P.S.: something a great writing scholar taught me.....
"Big and fancy words are a sign of stupidity.
This is because the speeker has to to hide his lack of
ability behind words that were invented for idiots."

Have I been using too many big words?
Most people say I write at a fourth-grade level.
And you say my words are "big and fancy?"

Let me guess: Is your "great writing scholar" from Indiana?


I hate you liberal guts.
Your nothing.
Rush has far more charactr than you.

Dale Robertson in Bismark

Blast From The Past


10. Liddy speaks 5 languages.
     Rush grunts when he sees food.

9. Liddy is a pilot, an attorney and former White House lawyer.
    Rush is a walking handjob.

8. Liddy takes calls and faxes from democrats.
    Rush has a "sheep only" policy.

7. Liddy has never tried suicide-by-food.

6. Liddy hasn't had 2 wives reject him.

5. Liddy has a black belt in martial arts.
    Rush slurs the innocent to death.

4. Rush's ass was too dirty to join the Army.

3. Rush doesn't have the balls to debate.
    Liddy regularly has liberals on.

2. Liddy apologized for his "best & brightest" screwup to Secretary Donna Shalala.
   The Lying Whore said "That's HER problem."

And the number one, biggest difference between the Lying,
Nazi Whore and Liddy is......

1. The Lyin' King would never get in a fair fight.

From: ptrblood@yuba1.yubacoe.k12.ca.us

Subject: Jesus, I have a long address

We the people need to to things done to fix this country.
The best thing that would happen is if Saddam or some other
nut got thru the air defenses of Washington DC and
obliterated it it off the face of the earth!!!!

Peter Blood

Petey - you're a Ryder truck away from being that nut.

From:  Steven.Bruno@Lawson.com

Subject: LOser

you remind me of of why americans are known as stupid around the
world we'd be better of of if you mooved to another country

I have no plans to moove.

From:  BRHardy@aol.com

Subject:  Your web site

Let me know if you wood like some fee English lessens.
You could certianly use them.

p.s. your wizard of ahhhs sucked really bad.

From: drdean@interaccess.com

Your facts are slightly skewed:

>You said:
>Rush has 4 million listeners per day, out of 270,000,000 people.
>RL-LNW has up to 51,366,000 documented readers. Do the math.)

Rush has 4 million at any one time, 16 million per 4 hour show,

Rush has a four-hour show?

That is 80,000,000 per week.

Sixteen million x 4 = 80 million?

Much more than your minute 51.3 million EVER.
You do the math Einstein!!

I have over 61 million readers now, smartguy.


Dean A. Hoppencrack, DC
Alliance Chiropractic Center
Orland Park, IL

But, Dr. Hoppencrack, why not count the listeners per minute?
That way, Rush has 4.8 BILLION listeners.

Bw sure to see Doc Hoppencrack for all your chiropractic needs.

The Carol Howe Story

I'm going to give you the short version of this story.
All facts contained herein are true.

Remember during Maddog McVeigh's trial in Denver, his lawyer
tried to call a witness that he said would show that the
government KNEW about the bombing in advance,

KNEW it,

and yet "did nothing" to stop it.

Judge Matsch denied their request.
Since then, that same witness went to trial in Tulsa on
charges of conspiracy to bomb federal buildings.

Her name is Carol Howe.

She's your typical, less-government, white-separatist, gun-nut-wacko-bomber,
who was hired by the FBI as a snitch.
Once on the witness stand, she finally told the story she's been begging
to tell for the last two years. She had lots of things to say, but when pinned down
by prosecutors, she admitted she's only heard "murmurs" that a building,
possibly a building connected to the government, maybe in Oklahoma or Texas,
might be bombed by someone possibly in 1995 or 1996.

Fucking "murmurs" of a bombing.
Sometime, somewhere.

To the black-helicopter crowd, that's "proof."
Howe had a list of "possible bombing sites" on her when she
was arrested, plus they found a ton of explosives at her home,
so they charged her with conspiracy to bomb a federal building.

She claimed she compiled the list to give to the FBI.

When asked why she didn't give them the list, she said:
"I forgot."

Well, that's all the Oklahoma jury needed to hear.
The poor, sweet innocent bomberette just "forgot."

I must say it's my personal belief that the McVeigh trial was
moved to Denver because federal officials knew they'd never
convict McVeigh in an ultra-super-conservative backwards state
like ol' Knuckledrag Ooooooooooooooooooklahoma.

Jesus Christ, we sent Jungle Jim Inhofe to the goddamn SENATE!
We sent the Oklahoma Jesus Twins, "God Bless" Steve Largent and
"I-got-a-hardon-during-Schindler's-List" Tom Coburn to Congress,
along with "I'll-decide-the-prayers" Ernest Istook!

Plus, our "hero" is Dole-wannabe Sen. Don Nickels (R-Bonehead)
These assholes want April 19th to be a goddamn holiday!
Lord, get me OUT of this state!

Federal officials knew all McVeigh would have to do is take the
stand and say "Klinton and Reno are Koming for our Kids" and an
Oklahoma jury would let him walk, so the feds insisted the trial
be moved to a semi-normal place like Denver.)

But wait, it gets worse...

In last Sunday's Tulsa World, a Letter To The Editor called
bomberette Howe "a hero who trusted her federal government
but was betrayed by them." The letter was written by her boyfriend.

That's not too unusual, right?

True love can make things appear different than they really are.
The odd thing about the boyfriend is NOT that he's a former
KKK Grand Wizard.

No, we expect that.
This is Bedrock, Oklahoma.

The odd thing is that the boyfriend is the pastor of


Get me OUT of this backward state!

As our talking ass says, "I'm NOT making this up!"
..at least the boyfriend isn't Catholic.

So, the wacko-religious right has joined forces with
the maddog bombers to "save" America from Bill KLinton!

As you might've guessed, it only took a couple of hours
for the jury to acquit Ms. Howe on ALL charges.

So, to re-cap, Mcveigh's secret witness heard a "murmur"
about an upcoming bombing somewhere, sometime,
and that somehow makes Klinton/Reno guilty
and she's backed up by the former Imperial Grand Wizard
AND organized religion.

..and the Oklahoma jury said "ditto."

Now that she's free, Ms. Howe wants to go into politics.

Gee, I wonder which party will embrace her?

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