Vol 129 - BartCop on Meet The Whore
How many times have you seen an ambush on the Sunday
How many times have you screamed answers at the television?
Have you ever wished it was YOU they were fucking with?
I went to the Meet the Press transcript website, downloaded
Russert's moronic, childish questions and had Tim drill me the way
he drilled hapless White House employee John Podesta this morning:
Sunday Morning, September 20, 1998
Meet the Whore, with Tim Russert
Mr. RUSSERT: BartCop, welcome to MEET THE
MR. BartCop: You're not going to start with a stupid question,
MR. RUSSERT: Newsweek magazine has a new
...a new poll, 40 ...per - 6 percent,
...4-6, nearly 1 out of 2 Americans say the president
should consider resigning.
MR. BartCop: Well, Tim, that's easy for you to say.
Time magazine shows only 29 percent calling for his resignation.
I think the public stands with the president.
MR. RUSSERT: If that number ever gets beyond
what will that mean to the White House?
MR. BartCop: Well, it's not going to happen, Tim.
Americans know how close they are to a Fascist, religious-Jihad takeover.
Clinton is doing the job and the American people want him to continue.
I think they're going to stick with him.
MR. RUSSERT: We were out with The Wall
Street Journal all week
talking to thousands of Americans, a sampling
of American attitudes.
Only about 10 percent believe the president has
good ethical, moral values,
is a role model for children or tells the truth.
That's a huge mountain to climb, to reclaim moral
MR. BartCop: Tim, that's a chicken-shit ambush and you know it.
Ask anyone, "Are your morals higher than THAT guy's," and they'll say
How stupid are you, Tim? You spent a week with the Whore Street Jouranl
asking "fair" questions like that about President Clinton?
MR. RUSSERT: What should Americans expect
when they see the video
of his grand jury testimony tomorrow?
MR. BartCop: I think they should expect to see their toilets
vomit in disgust watching this hate-crime take place. This entire witchhunt
in the most expensive porno film ever produced. The Republicans have
that oral sex is the perfect topic for the supper table, and that sickens
People may question the motives of the scumbags who brought this salacious
and irrelevant privacy-gangrape into every home in America.
Trust me, Po' Kenny Starr could teach Larry Flynt about porno.
MR. RUSSERT: So you predict a backlash
against the Republicans?
MR. BartCop: Does Howdy Doody have a wooden dick?
MR. RUSSERT: Republican congressmen who
seen the video
describe it as a president who is defiant, angry
MR. BartCop: That blank look on your face tells me you think
question buried in that last piece of partisan bullshit. I've already
Republican gutter-wallowing as a salacious gangrape of privacy.
You want me to answer your question differently each time you ask?
MR. RUSSERT: Let me show you some video
from January 26th, which
started this whole discussion. This was the president
(Videotape, January 26):
PRES. CLINTON: But I want to say is one thing to the American
I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
MR. RUSSERT: Such conviction. And, yet,
it wasn't true.
MR. BartCop: Eat me, Einstein. He admitted that over a month
What reason would you have to run that tape again and again like a
other than you're grasping for a headline, you cheap-shot prick?
MR. RUSSERT: But you acknowledge when he
said, "I did not have
sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky," he misled
MR. BartCop: For the 700th time, YES! YES! YES!
What do you have to gain by staying in that rut? How many
of times does Clinton have to apologize before you press whores get
MR. RUSSERT: On January 17 - let me show
you what he said under oath,
because it's important. He said, "I have never
had sexual relations with Monica
Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her."
So he also misled that court proceeding.
MR. BartCop: There you go again. Yes, Tim, and we also landed
a man on the fucking moon.
We had a war in Vietnam, a hostage situation in Iran, and Elvis is
Can you stop playing Mr. History and talk to me like an adult?
MR. RUSSERT: But if he lied to the American
people on January 26 and he said
the same thing under oath on January 17, why
can't the White House just acknowledge
the president lied under oath? He said the same
MR. BartCop: Tim, when was the last time you masturbated?
Tim, tell your television audience, when you masturbate, do you think
Do you swear? Are you telling the truth to the American people, Tim?
What if I told you I had a witness who says you like young boys?
We need to hear from you sooner, rather than later, Tim.
MR. RUSSERT: But, I mean, it's not just
me. Senator Daschle said,
"I'm impatient with hair-splitting over legal
Why can't the White House just come forward?
MR. BartCop: You're just being a dick. Maddog Starr is coming
with a Supreme Court on the take, an Attorney General who's afraid
the majority, and a party of whores owned by Big Tobacco and
...and Tim Russert thinks he should just confess to everything?
By the way, Tim, are you Catholic by any chance?
MR. RUSSERT: Why, yes. I almost became
a priest, why?
MR. BartCop: ...just a hunch.
MR. RUSSERT: Is lying under oath an impeachable
MR. BartCop: If it is, Reagan and Butch belong in prison.
MR. RUSSERT: So when the American people
see the president's video
tomorrow, they will not conclude that he lied
MR. BartCop: I don't believe so. The money-driven press will
SAY he did,
but the people know what a lying sack of nuts you all are.
MR. RUSSERT: Let me turn to another issue
which confronted the White House this week...
MR. BartCop: Yeah, ...go ahead ...stump me, Timmy.
MR. RUSSERT: ...Henry Hyde and articles
MR. BartCop: Yeah, Ha ha... Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
MR. RUSSERT: Let me go through a few dates
for our viewers. On March 19,
Salon magazine had a party here in Washington
and Sid Blumenthal attended.
The next day, he brought reporters from Salon
magazine to meet the President.
An April 24, Blumenthal said, "Salon has engaged
in enterprise journalism,"
kudos for that particular publication. On April
25, at the White House
Correspondents' Dinner, the president joked,
"Where's the table for Salon magazine?" at this
MR. BartCop: Will you ever get to the point?
MR. RUSSERT: On August 5, Salon published
this "The Clinton camp's hunt for
dirt could extend to Henry Hyde, the man who
will be holding impeachment hearings,
knowledgeable sources told Salon. The theory
Who among them is pure enough to cast judgment
on the president's private life?
The theory is that if...."
MR. BartCop: Could I get a coke or maybe a shot of vodka?
MR. RUSSERT: Six weeks after that, Salon
published this article about Henry
Hyde alleging that he had an affair some 30 years
ago. Was Sidney Blumenthal,
in any way, shape or form, involved in putting
out negative information about Henry Hyde?
MR. BartCop: "Any way, shape or form?" That's Limba talking.
Did he write your script? Is that why these questions seem so stupid?
These are timely questions - if
it's August 18, Timmy.
But it's not - it's September 20th - got any current questions?
Who knows what Sid told somebody? What do you want to do?
Charge Sid with "illegal intent to tell the truth about a scumbag?"
With this Supreme Court, I guess I better be careful making jokes like
Personally, I'm glad somebody blew the whistle on that hippo-crit.
Why should he be Clinton's judge if he's a goddamn homewrecker?
MR. RUSSERT: The FBI is going to investigate
in this matter.
Will you provide White House phone logs from
Mr. Blumenthal to the FBI?
MR. BartCop: No, but I can provide pictures of Henry Hyde's hooker.
MR. RUSSERT: Will there be...
MR. BartCop: Will there be an end to these stupid, Limba-esque
MR. RUSSERT: So to your knowledge, has
Sidney Blumenthal ever
spread stories about Henry Hyde to anyone?
MR. BartCop: Sid has a mouth between his nose and his chin. He
uses that mouth to communicate with others. It's my opinion that he
Mr Hyde's name, as has every person in Washington. Koresh, you ask
as well-defined as Paula Jones's attorneys.
MR. RUSSERT: Let me show you another news
MR. BartCop: Christ! Another clip?
You got any munchies or a snack bar or anything nearby?
MR. RUSSERT: This is from the most liberal
magazine in the country, The Nation.
"Three members of the media confirmed that Sid
Blumenthal, had been spreading
these stories. They heard him do it. He said
Sid told him about the same-sex orientation
of a member of Starr's staff and a third said
he was present for a conversation in which
Sid made such a comment to a third person.
One of these sources, as well other people
who know Sid, described him as fascinated by
sexual gossip, that he recycled his defense
of the Clintons." That's serious.
MR. BartCop: I have a source who decribes you as a sissy-mamma's
I've heard that from several sources, ...and that's serious.
MR. RUSSERT: The Secret Service says there
was an incident where Monica
tried to enter the White House. She was told
by the Secret Service that the
president was seeing another woman at that time.
MR. BartCop: You say "seeing another woman?"
Why the hell was it necessary to whore that phrase into the mix?
You're hoping to leave the impression that Clinton was busy having
You're not a very decent human being are you, Mr. Russert?
MR. RUSSERT: She got upset and called the
White House. The president asked
that no record be made of this incident. The
Starr report contains other information...
MR. BartCop: Tim, that's not information; that's horseshit allegation.
What if Monica said she was from Mars, Tim?
Would you be digging for the "Clinton sells satellite technology to
Jeses Christ, Tim Russert.
I remember when you were a man of dignity, a man of stature, and now
so in-bed with Limba and the kook squads - have you lost your mind?
Do you even remember the old Tim Russert?
MR. RUSSERT: That the Secret Service, in
fact, did not file a report
based on an incident involving Miss Lewinsky
and December 2?
MR. BartCop: That's not what you said, Liar!
You said that the president ORDERED that, and that's pure horseshit.
Besides, you're citing a LACK of a report to PROVE that a incident occured?
What year did you graduate from EIB University, Timmy?
MR. RUSSERT: The president did not suggest
to Ms. Betty Currie, his secretary,
to communicate to the Secret Service that someone
might be fired?
MR. BartCop: First, Eat me with that tone of voice, Cubby.
I'll come across this desk and teach you some manners with my
own goddamn hands if you try to take that tone with me again.
MR. RUSSERT: All right. Then let me show
an exact comment from the Starr
report and get your reaction to this. "According
to Secret Service, Ms.
Currie" - that's Betty Currie, the president's
secretary - "
MR. BartCop: Yeah, ...I know...
MR. RUSSERT: ...Betty Courie sometimes
tried to persuade them to admit Monica
to the White House without making a record of
it. There's clear evidence that Monica
was in the White House on days for which no records
MR. BartCop: Ha ha,
you're a nut, Tim.
You say "There's clear evidence that no evidence
Ha ha, you're a nut, Tim.
MR. RUSSERT: Are you concerned that the
Secret Service was misused by the
president to facilitate his relationship with
MR. BartCop: Great question, Mr. Spence.
Am I concerned? No.
Let me guess: Were you once a tough-as-nails prosecutor, Timmy?
And what if they did? What if you could prove that they facilitated
relationship with Tony Blair? Or Yassir Arafat? Or Yeltzin?
What makes you think it's YOUR goddamn business who helps the president?
What if you get a chickenbone caught in your throat as you're scarfing
free food at a White House dinner? Should the Secret Service facilitate
the removal of that chickenbone? Or should they watch you die?
MR. RUSSERT: On August 17, when the president
addressed the nation, there
was much criticism. A few weeks later, the president
himself said, "I was not contrite enough."
What happened on the 17th? Why did he take the
tone he did?
MR. BartCop: Well, you see Tim, there's a money-driven press
that will lose millions
per week if this story ever goes away. It's the job of whores like
yourself to keep
rerunning and retreading old news, like those first stupid questions
you asked me about
the events back in August. If Meet the Whore and Face the
Whore and The Capitol Whores
and The McLaughlin Whores moved on to important topics, they'd
We can't have that, now can we?
MR. RUSSERT: The president told you that
he never had sex of any kind,
which turned out not to be true. Did you ever
think of quitting?
MR. BartCop: Tim, it's none of my fucking business who Clinton
has sex with.
I know this is a shocker, but it's none of your fucking business, either.
The press has
turned this consensual affair into the Topic of the Century. Bill Clinton
has been forced
to open his sex life to can't-stop-masturbating enemies who hate free
MR. RUSSERT: Will he ever resign?
MR. BartCop: No.
MR. RUSSERT: Never?
MR. BartCop: Eat me, Deafboy. I answered your stupid question
Why do you keep asking the same question twice?
Did you think, ha ha
...did you think, ha ha
...you were going to trap me?
MR. RUSSERT: Do you think he'd...
MR. BartCop: Don't make me have to fuck you up...
MR. RUSSERT: Do you think he'd accept censure?
MR. BartCop: He'd accept censure like he'd accept tomorrow's
If it's raining, he'll wear an overcoat.
MR. RUSSERT: You don't expect the Congress
to go forward with impeachment hearings?
MR. BartCop: I'd like to see 'em try...
Let the House proceed at their own peril.
Sid says he's got another 240 Scumbags to expose.
MR. RUSSERT: Mr. BartCop, we thank you
very much for sharing your
views this morning on MEET THE PRESS.
MR. BartCop: You're lucky you got out of this in one piece, Sparky...
MR. RUSSERT: Coming next, Republican Senator
John Ashcroft says, "Resign."
MR. BartCop: Can I stay around and debate that punk Ashcroft?
He's one of the biggest perverts in Congress, always demanding
details about what Clinton might've done with Monica.
I'd like to put the BartCop quiz to his lying ass.
Get him out here, I'm ready to HAVE me some Ashcroft...
MR. RUSSERT: If it's Sunday, it's Meet