Vol 226 - Worn

 July 15-16, 2000


 I'm awash in e-mails asking for "my daddy's founding father's speech."

 There's no time to go back and check everything, but from the amount of letters,
 I gather somehow I said BartCop's daddy wrote a "founding father's" essay.

 This is not the case.

 My father was writer, I've mentioned the where and when before,
 but never did I claim he wrote about the birth of a nation.

 He wasn't that kind of writer...

 Isn't it time somebody did something about Landover Baptist Church?

  Click  Here

 From: P53W@aol.com

 Subject: (no subject)

 Rish is not a liar.........Bill is......


 This is the second bidness mag to come up with "Dubya Did It" scenario for
 higher oil prices. (The first being Barron's; they ran an Alan Abelson piece
 entitled 'Petro Plot' a few months ago.)

 Here's an election-year conspiracy theory to chew on


 Quite a nice summer so far, no? Decent weather, not too much heat and
 humidity (at least on the East Coast). Good time to stoke up the barbie, throw
 back a few cold ones, and devour a platter or two of singed animal carcass.
 Maybe a couple of cobs of corn from the roadside stand and a big gob of slaw.
 Good baseball on the tube, too. And how about those the Williams sisters at Wimbledon?

 So why the long face? Oh, that. Yeah, just sticking the gas nozzle into an SUV
 these days tends to put a damper on any summer trip, even in this sizzling,
 near-full-employment economy. A $50 tab at the end of the weekend on your almost
 maxed-out MasterCard can turn any goodtime Charlie or Charlene into a grouch.

 Well, you could blame it on those folks in charge in Washington who allowed
 gasoline prices to get out of control before they began to take any action.
 That would be Bill Clinton and his sidekick, Al Gore. The same Al Gore who
 wants to run the country from the Oval Office for the next four years. Sort of
 makes you wonder, doesn't it?

 FAMILY TIES. But keep wondering for a moment. What's most curious about this
 minor gasoline crisis? The timing, right? What pol in his right mind would manufacture
 a spike in gas prices during the summer driving season, with the party-hearty expansion
 still in its infancy and the budget-surplus projection now bumping $4.2 trillion?

 So here's a conspiracy theory for you:

 People in high places have created a sudden spike in gasoline prices that puts
 spend-happy consumers in a sour mood.

 And who benefits the most if a nation of angry summer drivers heads into the fall elections?
 Would it be George W. Bush?

 Oh, sure, you could argue that the Bush family's ties to the oil industry run
 so deep that W. could be hurt as much as helped by raging prices at the pump.
 But Bush is already delivering the second part of this one-two petrol punch by
 positioning himself as the right person to jawbone down $2-a-gallon gas.

 "I would work with our friends in OPEC to open up the spigot,
  to increase the supply," he said on June 27.

 "Use the capital that my Administration would earn, with the Kuwaitis or Saudis,
  and convince them to open up the spigot."

 A conspiracy theorist could make the case that the oil industry is where W.'s father
 made millions, and the Texas governor has certainly done his part to keep prices inflated.

 A conspiracy theorist could further argue that OPEC would like a friendly Bush face
 in the White House. That might be why, despite recent moves to raise oil-production quotas,
 overall the cartel been slow to react to the pleading of the worried Clinton/Gore Administration.

 The Bushes are famous for always remembering to write thank-you notes.

 This time, a conspiracy theorist could argue, the high price of gasoline is one
 giant thank-you note back from Big Oil and the Arab states whose bacon old
 George pulled out of the fire 10 years ago during the Gulf War.

 Yes, it's a conspiracy theory.
 But while you're chewing on it, throw a couple more hot dogs on the grill.

 Is George Magazine pro-GOP?

 I just read their newest issue where they referred to Uncle OJ Watts as
 "the highest-ranking black person in the GOP."

 While that's no-doubt technically true, wouldn't it be more accurate to
 state the truth, and remind readers he's the ONLY black person in the GOP?


 arguing for his health care proposals on This Whore with Sam & Cokie,
 came up with a great idea to reduce the costs of medicine for the elderly.

 He said, "the power of group purchasing" would reduce the cost of drugs.


 What ever happened to "rugged individualism?"

 Suddenly, we're saved by "the power group purchasing?"
 Who wrote this speech, Hillary Clinton?

 Group purchasing?

 ...isn't that what they have in Canada?
 ...isn't that what the GOP calls "socialized medicine" in off-election years?
 ...isn't that what the GOP calls Stalinist/Leninist Marxism in election years?

 The group bands together to reduce the burden on the individual?
 Isn't that the opposite of capitalism?

 Is Smirk trying to "take over" 1/7 of the economy?
 With Stalinist/Leninist/Castro economics?

 Why is Smirk suddenly a Maoist?
 Did Some Young Moon make a deal with the Chi-Coms?

 ...and what was Smirk's daddy's cut?


 Trouble for the Religio-Crazies

 Click  Here

 McCain Loses Bet

 The K-Drag Sunday Edition says probable presidential contender John McCain
 will join Uncle OJ Watts (R-Tom) in, of all things, a bus tour.

 It won't be called The Straight Talk Express, like McCain's earlier bus tour.
 This one is billed as Bus con Negro el Piloto, or "Bus with Dark Driver."

 Details, including who approved the bus's name, remained sketchy,
 and no specific dates or cities have been announced.
 Also, there was no word on how the tour would be financed.

 As far as approaches to the press, the two couln't be more far apart.
 McCain spent hours on his bus answering reporter's questions during
 the first phase of his grab for the presidency.

 Watts, seen as a traitor to his family and his people by most Americans,
 didn't even bother telling Oklahoma reporters about the upcoming trip

 Smirk Says: Let 'em Eat Cake

 Click  Here

 Off Topic

 You younger kids might not know who Casey Kasem is.
 I don't know if he's still on the air, but he used to do the Top Forty
 Countown of pop hits on the radio each week.

 This is a sound file, I guess it was an outtake.
 When Casey gets upset, it sounds a lot like when BartCop breaks his toe.
 You might even say he uses the language most Americans use.

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 I've got handful of these...

Good Stuff at www.thecrackpot.com


An Iowa City woman reported a recurring dream in which
The Case Against Hillary author, Peggy Noonan, admitted that the book was 'crap.'

The woman stated that Noonan told her she churned it out 'because the Clinton-hating
chumps will buy anything -- and it's not like I can write for Ronnie anymore.'

 O'Reilly and the Big, Big Lie

 Bill O'Reilly, Truth's Public Enemy #2 at the Fox Whore network,
 had some crazy man on to talk about Rosie O'Donnell and guns.

 I've never heard anything this wild before,
 and it went unchallenged by the "fair and honest host."

 Click  Here

 Did that really happen?
 Rosie actually said, "All guns owners in jail?"

 I don't believe that.
 As stupid as Rosie O'Donnell is, she didn't say that, did she?
 If she really said that, I might have to join the NRA just to make a point.
 If that idiot Rosie wants Ol' BartCop in jail because I have guns,
 maybe it's time we all joined the NRA.

 ...but I/m not worried because I assume it's just more Fox "honesty."

 Meanwhile, just seconds later...

 O'Reilly Finally tells the Truth

 Bill O'Reilly, who Laura the Unloved says, "makes me wet,"
 stumbled into the truth while attacking Rosie O'Donnell's "partisanship."
 (Hold onto your ass. You never heard anything like this before...)

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 Can you believe your ears?
 O'Reilly defines propaganda  as "giving your opinion without having
 anybody there to balance it out and say, 'maybe that's not true.' "

 Listen to what O'Reilly said one more time:

 Click  Here Again

 O'Reilly says
 "It's dangerous when propaganda takes over the national airwaves."

 Hey, Bill!
 Every Democrat with an AM radio agrees with you!

 ha ha

 O'Reilly got caught telling the truth,
 and you just heard the evidence with your own goddamn ears.

 O'Reilly says people like the vulgar Pigboy are "dangerous propagandists."

 ha ha

 True Tales of Chinaco

 Click  Here

 Love Walks Out

 "I had an ugly D.C. flashback recently while trying
   to buy a tasty Whopper at a Manhattan Burger King."
         - Ann Coulter

 Full Story

 Tell us, Ann.
 Is a Whopper more tasty than Big Mac?

 ha ha

According to my server logs,
this is the number one downloaded picture from  bartcop.com

 Cokie Defends Smirk's Colonias

 Click  Here

 Really, Cokie?

 Is what you just said true?

 400,000 people in New York lives with chickens in the yard?
 400,000 people in New York state have no plumbing?
 400,000 people in New York live like this?

Why are you apologizing for candidate Smirk?

Why didn't you ask Smirk about the Colonias?
Why didn't you give him a chance to answer for this?
Why didn't you ask him to explain?
Why did you wait until he was gone to bring the subject up?
Does Disney want Smirk to win?

Remember, Smirk was a Disney fund-raiser for years,
raising millions of dollars to bring Disney movies to Texas locales.

Is this payback?

...that would make Disney and ABC News whores,
and Koresh knows that's not possible...

 Maureen Dowd

 Back from vacation with a fresh batch of hate.

 Click  Here

 Celebrity Mail

 As you know, nothing galls me more than the anti-family smut that Hollywood
 churns out these days. Do you remember a few years back when Courtney Love
 was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in that trashy movie
 The People vs. Larry Flynt?

 I was dumbfounded. She "acted" like a drunk--which she was; she "acted"
 like a drug addict--which she was; and she "acted" like a slut--which she is.
 So why, I asked, is that acting?

 Ronald Reagan, however, played roles in which he "acted" honest--which he wasn't;
 he "acted" smart--which he wasn't, and he "acted" like a war hero--when in reality
 he did everything in his power to avoid real service.
 Now THAT'S acting.

 Courtney Love was just being herself, and she got to go to the Oscars,
 while Ronald Reagan did some of the greatest acting in movie history by
 convincingly playing honest and good men, and all he got was a few free
 nights with that Davis broad who used to service the sound effects crew.

 Shame on you, Hollywood.
 Shame on you.


 Michael Medved

This is the most accurate cartoon of the last four months.

 July 14, 2000

 VCR Alert - Al Gore on Meet the Whore this Sunday
   Gore hasn't beat up a press whore in a long time

GOP Convention Will Be a Trip To Oz
 by Tamara Baker

      She hits hard for a girl!

  Click  Here

 See this paragraph?

 The Waco jurors reached their decision after 2½ hours of
 deliberations on the same day they heard final arguments from
 both sides about the botched raid and the fiery conclusion.

 For years, the vulgar Pigboy has been screaming that Billy Dale,
 (the White House travel office employee who offered to plead guilty
 to theft since $40,000 was found in his personal bank account)
 was "obviously innocent because the jury came back in just 3 hours."

 Nevermind that Dale stole the money and offered to plead guilty.
 Rush said he HAD to be innocent since the jury came back so quickly.

 Will that same Pigboy "logic" cover the Waco verdict?
 Not on your life.

 Two + two = four if it's a Democrat,
 but two + two = five if you're a Clinton-hater.

 He's always been that way.
 You see, Rush doesn't play fair.
 He doesn't have to, because he screens every call and he tells his lies
 while safely hiding behind his little urine-colored microphone.

 Notable fact: OJ's jury also only took three hours.


Brain Smasher: Fulfilling your desire to be licked up and down with laughter!

Frank Keating is the governor of Oklahoma where the state can put people to
death, but tattoos are illegal. Every month Frank goes off rooster cocked and
says something wild and crazy or a scandal in his administration breaks out.
It's like he has a Pez dispenser for these things!

The latest scandal to hit his administration is the finding of "Ghost employees"
who are apparently on the payroll of the state, but do little or no work.
Of course first thing Frank does is blame the "godless" snake-handling legislature,
whom are mostly Democrats. Blame and spin, Spin and blame, you know the drill.

Some of these ghost employees did exist. Many were labeled and fired;
however, some that were accused, came up with time slips, travel records,
affidavits from supervisors saying the employee did show and work.

The smell of political blood was in the air!
Never mind that ghost employees hired by republican legislators were not fired.
Why quibble with people who don't have five grand for the Keating honeypot?

It's ironic that Big Frank should be so interested in ghost employees.
Frankie was once a ghost employee himself!
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin.'

Check out articles in the "Knuckledrag World" of June 10, 17, and an August 9th, 1998
editorial, stating that Keating prior to his 1994 election, solicited several law firms in
Knuckledrag for a "ghost" position and actually found one in the law firm of Richard's,
Dewey, Cheatum & Howe! He apparently did no legal work! No billable records
could be found at the time that Keating did work for ANY client, yet the law firm
paid Keating $100,000.00 while he ran for governor!

A good gig if you can get it.

One of the partners left the law firm and when he went to get his cut of the partnership,
was aghast to find that part of Keating's payment had been charged to him. So the lie-yers
sued each other, and in August 1998 Judge Tom Thornbrugh held that Keating did NO work
and the departing partner was not liable for the expense.

Want more?
Got ethics?

Not only was Keating's ghost status unethical, it was in violation of several state and
federal laws. It exceeded the Oklahoma limit of $5000 allowable by law.

Guess what?
After Frank gets elected, he appoints Richard's son to the high paying position of
Knuckledrag district attorney. By the way, this is a violation of state laws and
the famous federal RICO laws. Can you say vice-pezidint?

In order to get all the facts, I sent out invitations to all the so-called ghost workers to
come to  bartcop.com  World Headquarters for drinks, dinner, and secret interviews.
(On Bart's tab of course and did I pack them in.)

A major ruckus ensued trying to keep order among all the irate workers.
BartCop flies out of his office and does his best "Perry White, Editor of the Daily Planet"
imitation with the hair, cigar, and the "Peacemaker" pointed right in my face.

"Smasher, where the hell are all these workers that are suppose to be here?
Accounting says you said I okayed drinks and dinner for 50 people!
You know damn well I never signed no chit," says the livid Perry White BartCop.

I give him my best Pulitzer Prize make up a story smile and sweetly say, (In
Southern accent), "Why Bart, I knew you would sign for dinner, besides the
people are here in the office, in the hall and filling the reception hot tub."
I wave my arms out knowingly and expansively!

The "Peacemaker" inches closer to my forehead. "Is that a naked woman you
have carved on the barrel of the gun," I say cautiously?

"Don't F*** with me Smasher. You know I have bad conventionitis.
Now, for the last time, where are all the workers?" says Perry the Menace.

Then it dawns on me. Brain Smasher says this in Sotto Voce:



How is Houston's air today?

According to the USA Today, page 16A, the air is unhealthy!

Please, Smirk, if we elect you, can you make all of America look this way?

We don't want that yucky Gore clean-air & water bullshit for sissies.

 From: Nmmeeks@aol.com

 Subject: Re: Reagan Administration Indictments


 According to Haynes Johnson's book,
 "Sleep-Walking Through History: America in the Reagan Years" (1991, Doubleday),
 the number of indictments, convictions, and official investigations totaled 138 (p. 184).

 You will note by the publication date, this was in 1991.
 I would suggest that the numbers eventually increased.


 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Is the Reformer With Results actually just a Phony with Photo-Ops?

 The Dallas Morning Whore today reports that as many as 90 percent of the poor
 children in Texas who were eligible for free or reduced meals did not receive
 them last summer. In all, the News says, more than a million poor kids who
 qualified for federally funded summer nutrition programs went unserved.

 Of course, Bush is the man who said there was no hunger in Texas.

 He's also the man who poses for photo ops with minority children every day.
 But apparently as a Governor he has allowed a million of those children to go hungry.

 Shame on you, Governor.

 And shame on the national media whores for falling for the
 Bush photo-ops and not looking at the real Bush record.

(Ediotr's Note: I may have added two words to Mr Begala's fine report)


Mailbag Short

Manhattan is alot like the TV show Survivor.
They are both islands and everyone is surprised Rudy hasn't been voted off yet.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "People vote issues, I've always said that."
            --  Pigboy, second hour

 So, if we can believe the vulgar Pigboy, (snicker)
 that means Clinton won over the voters in 1992 and 1996
 because he was on the right side of all the important issues.

 The Poor Pigboy.
 He has no idea what he's saying anymore...

 ...and Marta, why do you continue to let Rush
 make a fool of himself this way - every day?

 This Just In...

 From: angie_anthony@repulzel.com

 Advisory jury rules government  not at fault  in Branch Davidian raid

 WACO, Texas (CNN) -- A five-member advisory jury on Friday found the federal
 government was not to blame in the deaths of some 80 Branch Davidians in the
 1993 siege of the religious sect's compound outside Waco.

 The verdict came in a $675 million wrongful death lawsuit filed by the
 surviving sect members and family members of those who died.

 Full  Story

 From: Duprass@aol.com

 Subject: Ruby Ridge and Waco Timeframes

 August 21, 1992 -- seige at Ruby Ridge
 November 1992 -- Clinton first elected
 January 23, 1993 -- Clinton sworn in
 February 28, 1993 -- initial BATF raid on Waco compound
 March 12, 1993 -- Reno sworn in as AG
 April 19, 1993 -- final government raid on Waco compound

 I, too, would LOVE an investigation into why they didn't grab Vern, sorry,
 David, when he was in town -- they had a warrant for his ass, why didn't they grab him?

 Waco -- brought to you by the guys who bungled Ruby Ridge.
 And Reno had the cojones to accept FULL responsibility for Waco.
 FULL responsibility.
 No one in Washington does that!


 Mikey, she not only accepted FULL responsibility, but she was innocent!
 How could she be up-to-date on the effects of every gas in the ATF arsenal?
 She trusted her (read Bush's) FBI people and they apparently lied to her.

 Also, your first line proves something hueueueueuge:

 Smirk's Daddy gave the order to have Randy Weaver's mother murdered,
 but you'll never hear a conservative admit that.

 From: clell_harmon@email.msn.com

 Re: your photos of Philly's finest on the homepage;  remember that
 the dirtbag SHOT AT A COP.  In most parts of the universe that
 brings about the worst case of natural causes you ever saw.

 If all they did was beat the crap out of him, he got off easy.

 I know we Democrats aren't supposed to say this, but I agree.
 Take away the moral question, this punk did the same thing Koresh did.

 If you shoot a cop or even AT a cop, you gotta figure your little
 compound is coming down by tanks, fire or some goddamn thing.

 I forget who said, "If the federal government comes for your ass,
 what ever you do,  DO NOT resist arrest."

 On the other side, they just beat Rodney King because they could.
 Rodney was speeding, probably, not shooting at cops.

 Big Tobacco Takes it in the Ass

 Turn on a radio.

 ha ha

 From: HERMANS@prodigy.net


 In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
 It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
 Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
 No one expects you to run into a burning building.
 People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
 People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
 There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
 Things you buy now won't wear out.
 You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
 You can eat dinner at 4:00
 You can live without sex but not without glasses.
 You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
 You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
 You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
 You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
 You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
 You got cable for the weather channel.
 You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
 You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
 You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
 You send money to PBS.
 You sing along with the elevator music.
 You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
 Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
 Your back goes out more than you do.
 Your ears are hairier than your head.
 Your eyes won't get much worse.
 Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
 Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
 Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
 Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Guest Editorial

I'm hearing bad things.

The word is out that the second that ex-President Ronald "Bitburg" Reagan is
wheeled off this mortal coil, the GOP will start agitating for a "Reagan dime".
Yeah, they're going to put his vacuous old face on the U.S. dime.

It's an odd reward for Big Money to give its most beloved servant.
After all, the rich aren't going to ever USE those dimes -- they'd no sooner
touch one than they'd touch an African-American (with the exception of George
W. Bush, who can't seem to keep his hands off of minority children when a
camera's around). Perhaps there's a certain sadistic thrill to making the
poor beg for images of the man who so thoroughly screwed them?

Now, it's going to be bad enough when Reagan finally croaks. There's going
to be an orgy of over-the-top mournsterbation like you wouldn't believe.
Rupert Murdoch and Richard Scaife will order their mighty media machines
(which now comprise something like what, 98.9 percent of all American media?)
to go into a never-before-seen frenzy of tributes to the "Greatest American Ever".
Thought it was bad when they renamed Washington National airport? By the time the
media's through with this one, the White House will be the Ronald Wilson Reagan
Immortal Greatness Gipper Memorial House!

But I digress.

The dime...the soon-to-be Reagan memorial ten-cent-piece.
Remember whose face is on the dime now?
It's someone that the GOP would love to push out of public memory:
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Here's a quick comparison of the dime-that-was and the dime-to-be:

FDR: Sold supplies to Britain in early days of World War II to safeguard democracy abroad
RR:   Sold arms to Iranian terrorists and made secret deals
          in early days of 1980 Presidential campaign to subvert democracy at home

FDR: Creator of the New Deal, giving millions of poor and disadvantaged
          Americans hope for a better future
RR:   Spokesman for a Raw Deal, and took it all back

FDR: Maintained fiscal responsibility while providing for the elderly
RR:   Remained elderly while irresponsibly providing Americans the largest
          fiscal deficit in the world

FDR: Won World War II, encouraging Americans to join together to fight
          the greatest battle ever known
RR:  Won the war against the poor by encouraging the largest income gap
          between rich and poor ever known

FDR: Fought bravely for his principles, even though crippled by polio
RR:   Shilled like a two-dollar whore for Big Money, completely uncrippled
          by any hint of principles

I could go on, but why bother?
It's clear that the Ronald Wilson Reagan emorial dime is a perfect metaphor for the
modern GOP: A worthless disk of base metal, covered by a flimsy layer of cheap
shiny stuff, stamped with a picture of a head that turned out to have been empty all along.


 Subject:  Reagan Administration Indictments


 Dear Bartcop,

 I read recently here that 187 Reagan officials were indicted in the 80's.
 Would you please tell me where I can find a list of the indictments?

 Ted Schade
 New Bedford, MA

 Ted, when you say you read that, "here," do you mean  bartcop.com?
 That number sounds high, even for Reagan.

 Perhaps someone knows where that number can be supported...

 Great Republican Quotes

 "All the laws of Washington and all the bayonets of the Army
  cannot force  the Negro into our homes, our schools,
  our churches and places of recreation,"
    -- Smirk backer Strom Thurmond (Racist-Carolina)

 The Washington State GOP should be ashamed of themselves.

 From:  captn_television@yahoo.com

 Subject: Can the Rightwing be funny?

 Dear bartcop:

 Your site represents your political views, yet it is often very humorous.
 I have found other "liberal" and Democratic sites that are funny too.

 So I wondered if there were "rightwing" or republican sites that might be funny.
 I looked and looked and found not one rightwing site that had any humor.
 Why is that?
 Do you know of any "funny" rightwing sites?


 State of Euphoria

 I think they're all funny.
 I think the KKK guy on Howard Stern is even funnier than Betty Bowers.
 But I know what you mean.

 It would be nice if there was a right-leaning web site that was hate-free.

 How about it, anyone?
 Are there any?

 Part of me wants the government to be found guilty on this Waco trial.

 The way I understand it, the FBI lied to Reno about the gas.
 They lied to her about other stuff, too.

 I'm hardly a Reno fan, but if they intentionally gave her bad info so she'd
 give the go-ahead for something that wasn't right, they should pay.

 ...and how classy of Reno to not be whining about being lied to by the FBI.

 I mean, no doubt Vern set that fire, but whoever told Reno that gas
 was completely harmless should be forced to explain his motives.

 And why wasn't Vern grabbed when he was in town?

Remember, Reno came in AFTER Vern shot those cops,
so that bungle can't be hers or Clinton's.

 Check this out.
 Fifty eight percent of white people think things are equal now.

 If blacks have the same opportunity to get ahead as whites,
 why does the GOP refuse to vote for one?

 We're getting down the the wire on this VP thing.

 Reports continue to filter out of Austin saying Smirk wants a man
 he can be comfortable with, suggesting K-Drag Gov Keating.
 This would be a Koresh-send for me, so I can't believe it's true.

 They continue to say Catholic baby-killer Gov Ridge (PA) is a possibility.
 Ridge might provide more material than Keating, so I'm happy either way.

 They say Gore is down to Graham (FL) and Kerry (MA)
 Graham took the wrong side on the Elian deal, (as did Gore)
 plus I don't know anything about him.
 Kerry I know and like, so I hope it's Kerry.

 Any other thoughts on VP possibilities?

 Check the sign in the lower left.

 The Quickest Smirk in the West?

 ha ha

 Bill Press Smacks Racist Smirk Around

 Click  Here

 It's kind of a sweet & sour weekend.

 One year ago, I had just outfoxed that Kloun attorney Sears sent after me.
 That's still one of my favorite bits, because it was all true.

 Then Marc Perkel threw me the car keys and said,
 "Son, it's about time you started driving  bartcop.com."
 So pictures and sound came to the old BartCop RL-LNW newsletter.

 It's also the first anniversary of John Jr. going into the sea.
 More on that later.

 Volume 145 - The Big Change, from one year ago, had this:

 1. My first taste of luxury (sort of) tequila - Sammy Hagar's Wabo Cabo.
 2. I finally got the Two Shots of Happy song on the web.
 3. The e-mail in an unknown language
 4. My threat to put the "Big F" on the vulgar Pigboy.
 5. The Chris Rock HBO special that I borrowed.
       Chris got me back later by stealing my "Niggatrol" joke.
 6. There was talk of a Smirk/Uncle OJWatts ticket, ha ha
 7. Then there was this:

     Hey, Rudy -

   Where's your WIFE, Rudy?

     Rudy is porking a woman on his staff while Mrs. Rudy sits home, filing divorce papers.

     Remember, this was July 1999.
     Was  bartcop.com  the first national publication to mention Rudy's ho?

 From: (withheld)

 Heard a couple minutes this AM, apparently they rebroadcast yesterday's
 show in Baltimore.

 Whora was harping on why it's OK for the Congress to open with a prayer,
 but not Texas high school football, and recommending that school prayer
 be "disguised" as a reading from the Congressional Record.

 Let's shoot this one down one step at a time.

 First of all, the Congressional chaplaincies ARE a blatant violation of  the
 Establishment of Religion clause. Until Congress hires a non-Christian chaplain
 or sacrifices a chicken, let's not pretend otherwise. Unfortunately, the separation
 of powers makes it difficult for the Supreme Court to say so.

 Ignoring that for the moment, let's talk about the difference between
 high school students and Congressmen. It's called power. Congressmen
 are mature adults (well, most of 'em), not impressionable children.
 Congressmen hire/fire the Chaplain. Children don't hire the principal.
 The House Chaplain can't punish a Congressman for misbehaving during a
 prayer, or give him an "F". Can't confiscate his beeper or search his
 locker, either. And most important, the other congressmen don't beat up
 Barney Frank after class for being a sissy Jewboy, even if the Chaplain
 says he is.

 As usual, Whora should be ashamed of herself.
 She's not really a doctor, and apparently, not really a Jew either.
 She didn't become one until after she'd finished school.
 I'd love to hear her kvetch AFTER her precious Deryyyychke's Christian classmates
 beat the shit out of him "because he don't love Jesus".

 From:  ecollins@ong.com

 Subject: Jimmy Page on Conan

 Well, where's the commentary on Jimmy Page's performance the other night?
 I didn't see it, but curious to hear the review!


 Well, he did real good.
 Conan was about to wet his pants the whole night.

 "Every night I say, 'We have a great show for you,' and that's a lie half the time.
  Well, it may actually be a lie 80 percent of the time, but tonight, it's true.
  We've done almost 1300 shows, and I don't think we've ever had  a musical guest
  as big as we have tonight.  Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes!"

 After Tom Arnold and Chris Meloni (from Law & Order - SUV) they came out
 and played "Your Time is Gonna Come," from the first Zeppelin album in 1968.

 The keyboard player started the song using his Hammond B-3 with the Leslie.
 It sounded so perfect, it was spooky.
 In all the years Zeppelin played live, they never played that song, so it was a first
 for even the hardcore fans. The Crowes drummer is no John Bonham, but he went
 out of his way to play the same drum parts the same way as the original recording.

 They invented a new bridge, if that's what it's called, to give the third guitar player
 something to do besides chords. Page had a nice, but not overly dramatic solo.
 When Jimmy Page is playing that Les Paul, he's a Wallenda, trust me.

 Chris sang well, it was an A+ effort and it came out great.

 After the song and commercial, Conan had the band for a fawning gush.
 Poor Jimmy gets this "Omigod I can't believe you're here," everywhere he goes,
 and after 30 years that would get old for anybody, right?

 Conan asked page about the wild touring stories.
 If Jimmy ever writes a book, it'll be NC-17 at least.
 Chris was jealous, he said, because Zeppelin had the endless cocaine-women
 parties before AIDS was a factor.

 Have you ever heard the one about the Mud Shark in Seattle?
 The story goes...

 I better not.
 May be too intense for some readers.

 Zappa did a song about the incident, and Carmine Appice drummer for
 Vanilla Fudge, claims his wife filmed the entire episode - Koresh!

 Chris asked Conan whatever happened to the "Masturbating Bear."
 I didn't know what that meant, but after the last commercial, just before the credits
 started, a man in a bear suit and a diaper came out and confronted Chris and began
 doing something with his bear organ with his back to the crowd and the cameras.

 Luckily, the bear didn't approach Page.
 His bodyguards are known for their efficiency.
 "Local Masturbating Bear Hospitalized" is a headline nobody wants to see.

 I was hoping for a "Time of Dying" (have you ever heard better slide in your life?)
 or "Achilles," the two hardest-rocking songs ever, but nooooooooo.

 They may play Letterman or Leno before long - maybe then.

Lars from LA Busts Paul Harvey

Click  Here

 From: Rtmtgg2@aol.com

 Subject: (no subject)

 glanced at your site.....it's awful.
 You liberals are demented

 tell me what is wrong with being a God fearing, hard working, family oriented guy
 who thinks the government takes too much of his hard earned money
 to support its' bleeding heart habit ?

 What's wrong with being all that?
 You'll get no problem from me.

 God fearing?
 I wish more people were.

 Who could argue with that?

 who thinks the government takes too much of his hard earned money
 Hey, I do, too!
 What makes you think liberals like taxes?
 Because Rush said so?

 ...to support its' bleeding heart habit ?
 We might disagree about that one.
 I have no desire to pay for a "bleeding heart," but we want nice roads,
 we want a great military, we want the sick & the old taken care of,
 we want enough cops and judges and prisons, we want better teachers
 and I realize those things cost money.

 If you know of a way to cut government spending more than Clinton/Gore have,
 I, and I'm sure others would all love to see the plan.

 Trouble is, the GOP likes their surgery done with a chainsaw.
 They want to dismantle the Dept of Education and the Internal Revenue Service.
 Remember Reagan pushing Ketchup as a vegetable to save on kid's lunches?
 And let's not even talk about GOP cuts in Medicare and Social Security.

 And before you give me Rush's lie that 'They're not cuts,"
 let me quote the "Great Communicator," Ronald Reagan:


So, which "bleeding heart" programs would you cut?

Veteran's benefits?
Salaries of the House and Senate members?
Centers for Disease Control?

Write back...

 h t m l   Mystery!

 I'm still new at this html thing, like you can't see that
 but see those words between the white lines, above?

 Every day, the "Hire BartCop" gets closer to the date.
 Every day, I have to push it farther to the right.

 Now, see the blue type below under "Guest Editorial?"
 Look at those numbers run together.

 Is that, like, some kinda spooky deal or what?

 Hey, I mastered the space bar months ago.
 Is this some unknown reverse-gravity effect?

 ...if you know why the letters are pulling to the left, lemme know.

 How many times have we heard Rush mocking, in his little-boy, sing-song voice,
"Liberals may have good intensions, that's possible, sometimes,
  but the results are the only thing that matters."

   I heard him say that again Wednesday.

 ...that Rush...
 He knows everything.

 Click  Here

 Springtime for Dubya?

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 July 13, 2000

From: XaThega@aol.com

Subject: McGinn's DNA test

 Let me preface this by saying I think McGinn should die a slowand
 painful death for the hideous crimes he committed.

 Now for the point: Maybe I'm just being too accusatory of Shrubya,but why did
 he finally conduct a DNA test when it was a WHITE guy that wasup for execution,
 but he shrugged his shoulders when a BLACK guy was scheduledto die?

 "We gotta be SURE the White guy didn't commit the crime,
   but Niggers are only 12% of the population anyway, sowho cares?"

 Rather interesting, if you ask me. :)

 Guest Editorial
   by Anon E. Mouse

 At the end of his first hour of distortions,the right-wing gasbag railed about the
 "40-year struggle" that Democrats havejoined in with blacks in seeking more equality.

 Limabaugh was perplexed--how could any constituencybe so gullible to still be in a
 struggle after 40 years? After all, heinsisted, if you haven't accomplished your goals
 after 40 years, isn't it time to quit thestruggle, or at the very least turn your backs on
 the political party that has failed todeliver you from your struggle?

 While millions of ditto-monkeys were clappingtheir paws over Rush's
 infallible logic, I was making a mentalroster of some key GOP issues and
 remembering how long their "struggles"have been waged.

 Let's look at how long some Republican struggleshave been going on:, and
 how they compare to Rush's "40-year-struggles-are-for-naive-rubes"observation:

 Prayer in schools: 37 years (thatmeans they SWEAR TO GOD that they will
 shut the fuck up forever about this issuein three years)

 Abortion: 34 years (just six to gountil the GOP completely closes the books on this issue)
 School vouchers: I remember this issuebeing big in Michigan in 1970, which would give
 them 10 more to go. Does anyone know ifthis issue is older than that?

 Cuba: Uh-oh; time's up! GOP has been"struggling" with Cuba for 40 years.
 Danny Burton and Jesse Helms will haveto get a new hobby.

 Family, Morality, Values: Nixon broughtup the struggle for these things in '68,
 which means Rush's heroes have to shutup and abandon these themes in 8 years,
 but I vaguely remember Goldwater talkingabout the Aquarian Conspiracy in '64,
 which means 2004 would be the last electionin which the GOP will raise these issues.

 Tax cuts for the rich: They're wayover the limit on this one; they reached the 40-year
 threshold in '76 (if not before). I wonderif Rush will have a little diatribe tomorrow about
 stupid white country club Republicans whostill think the GOP will help their "struggle"
 even though the struggle is still goingon 64 years later.
 (They must be even more gullible than theNegroes.)

 Law and order: Nixon in 68--just8 years until Republicans zip their lips
 and throw away the key about this struggle.

 Rush's "40-year-struggle" speech did a wonderfuljob of amusing the monkeys,
 but I don't think its premise stands upvery well to any serious scrutiny.

 Editor's Note:
 If we're talking 40-year struggles, let's not forget what Goddid to Moses.
 After leading the Jews thru the desert for 40 years. Moses makesone eenie-meenie,
 teenie-tiny little mistake, and God punishes him like, well, an Old Testament God.

 Do you remember Moses's big crime?
 God told him, "When you want to reach be, use your signal watch."

 No, wait,
 That was Superman and Jimmy Olsen with the signal watch.

 God told Moses, "When you want to reach me, beat on a rock withthy staff."

 So, Moses did that - and nothing happened. So, figuringGod was an older man with
 possible hearing problems, Moses thought he'd just re-boot, sohe beat on the rock
 a second time, which didn't sit so well with Yahwee from VengefulCity.

 This angered God so much, he considered turning Moses into a table condiment, but,
 been-there-done-that.  Plus, He thought it'd be a"better lesson" to take that 40-year
 carrot-on-a-stick called "The Promised Land" Moses was looking forward to
 and deny him that to teach the 650-year old a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.

 As Mel Brooks could've said, "It's good to be the God."

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 George W. Bush is the poster-boy for the inheritance tax. If hewere named
 George Walker, and his family had had no power or money, doesanyone
 believe he'd be qualified to teach drivers' ed -- much less run for President?
 And yet this product of the self-serving, self-promoting, self-perpetuating
 moneyed aristocracy wants to eliminate the tax that he will oneday
 (presumably) pay on the millions he stands to inherit.

 Nothing could more clearly define the parties: Democrats honor, revere and
 reward work. That's why we want to raise the minimum wage for people
 who work hard. Republicans worship wealth. That's why they want a
 $750 billion giveaway to the ne'er-do-well children of the idle rich.

 Oldie but Goodie

 Click Here

 From: SanoLushis@aol.com

 Subject: Jaysuz loves me, this I know, cuz I told the Texansso


 The American Jewish Congress scolded Smirk for declaring "Jesus  Day" in Texas.
 The AJC, which works to maintain theseparation of church and state, said:
 "The principal problem . . . is notthat it acknowledges the important civic contributions
 of a particular faith, but that it assumes that the profound regard in which the teachings
 and person of Jesus Christ are heldby the Christian community are the norm for all
 residents of  the state of Texas."The Bush proclamation was issued in conjunction
 with June 10 "March for Jesus," an annual event.

 HAW HAW........I guess DUMBYA doesn't think Jews, Budhists, Agnostics,
 Athiests or Heathens in general matterin America.

 Smirk pimps out Jaysuz, yet again, for a vote. Remember when he announced
 Jesus as his most favorite philosopher weeks before killing Karla Faye Tucker
 out of the Lord's Love?

 Somebody in this story is gonna burn in hell........and it won't be Karla Faye.

 Here's a big, fat lie fromPaul Harvey:
 Why would the horse-molester make thisshit up?
 The answer is in bold in the finalsentence.

 Here is a true story by Paul Harvey.
 Pass it to anyone who you think would find it interesting and inspiring.
 You will be surprised who this young manturns out to be.
 (Do not look at the bottom of this letteruntil you have read it fully)

 Years ago a man took his family from NewYork to Australia to work there.
 Part of this man's family was a handsome young son who had aspirations of joining
 the circus as a trapeze artist or an actor.This young fellow, biding his time until a
 circus job or even one as a stagehand came along, worked at the local shipyards
 which bordered on the worse section of town. Walking home from work one
 evening this young man was attacked byfive thugs who wanted to rob him.

 Instead of just giving up his money the young fellow resisted.
 However they bested him easily and proceeded to beat him to a pulp.
 They mashed his face with their boots,and kicked and beat his body brutally
 with clubs, leaving him for dead. Whenthe police happened to find him lying
 in the road they assumed he was dead and called for the Morgue Wagon.

 On the way to the morgue a policeman heard him gasp for air, and they
 immediately took him to the emergency unitat the hospital. When he was
 placed on a gurney a nurse remarked toher horror, that this young man  no
 longer had a face. Each eye socket was smashed, his skull, legs, and  arms
 fractured, his nose literally hanging from his face, all is teeth were gone,
 and his jaw was almost completely torn from his skull. Although his life was
 spared, he spent over a year in the hospital.When he finally left, his body
 may have healed but his face was disgustingto look at. He was no longer
 the handsome youth that everyone admired.

 (I'm about to puke my guts out at this bullshit)

 When the young man started to look for work again he was turned down by
 everyone just on account of the way he looked. One potential employer suggested
 he join the freak show at the circus asThe Man Who Had No Face.
 And he did this for a while. He was still rejected by everyone and no one wanted
 to be seen in his company.  He had thoughts of suicide. This went on for five years.

 One day he passed a church and sought some solace there. Entering the church
 he encountered a priest who had saw him sobbing while kneeling in a pew.
 The priest took pity on him and took himto the rectory where they talked at length.
 The priest was impressed with him to sucha degree that he said that he would do
 everything possible for him that could be done to restore his dignity and life, if the
 young man would promise to be the bestCatholic he could be, and trust in God's
 mercy to free him from his torturous life. The young man went to Mass and
 communion every day, and after thanking God for saving his life, asked God to
 only give him peace of mind and the grace to be the best man he could ever be
 in His eyes.

 The priest, through his personal contacts was able to secure the services of  the best
 plastic surgeon in Australia. There would be no cost to the young man, as the doctor
 was the priest's best friend. The doctor too was so impressed by the young man.
 Whose outlook now on life, even though he had experienced the worst, was
 filled with good humor and love.

 The surgery was a miraculous success. All the best dental work was also done for him.
 The young man became everything he promisedGod he would be. He was also blessed
 with a wonderful, beautiful wife, many children, and success in an industry which would
 have been the furthest thing from his mindas a career, if not for the goodness of God
 and the love of the people who cared forhim. This he acknowledges publicly.

 The young man?

 (Gag me, this is such horseshit - I can't stand it...)

 Mel Gibson

 His life was the inspiration for his production of the movie "The Man Without A Face."
 He is to be admired by all of us as a God fearing man, a political conservative,
 and an example to all as a true man ofcourage.

  Bad language Alert
    On some subjects, I can't hold back.

 Bush Advisers Tell Barak"Be Ready To Walk Out"
  Haven't  we  been  down this  road  before?


 Here we go again - Republicans conducting illegal foreign policy.
 Remember the last time they did this?

 Bill Casey (CIA head) told the Ayatollah Khomeini that he would get a better deal
 from Ronald Reagan if he would hold the Iranian hostages a few more months.

 ...and boy, did the Reagan administration keep their word!

 Two planeloads of Stinger missles went right to Big Terror.
 The bastards who murdered 217 Marines in Beruit - rewardedby Reagan-Bush.

 Do you know what this is?

 It's a Navy destroyer called the USS Higgins.
 It was named after this man, Col Rich Higgins.


 He gave his life for his country.
 He gave his life like few men ever have.
 The heroes at Normandy had it easy compared to Col. Higgins.

 If you don't remember him, you should.
 Maybe this will jog your memory.


 He was strung up by Hezbollah, friends of Reagan-Bush afterbeing
 kidnapped and held hostage in Lebanon while serving you and me.
 I remember watching the video on the evening news.
 His body was swinging back and forth, ...back and forth.

 Reagan and Bush were so outraged by this act, they sold Stinger Missles
 to the murdering mother-fuckers and they called it "a workof art."

 Then they stonewalled the investigation, lied about it, and eventually
 President Bush pardoned everybody to keep these crimes buried forever.

 ...but, as always, none of these treasonous acts were prosecuted
 because they had nothing to do with Clinton's Cock.

 If Smirk is offering Israel a deal to walk out, trying to kill the peace talks,.
 we can assume Smirk is offering the Palestinians something, too.

 Will the Republicans get to create another "work of art?"

 If you have a minute, (and yes, you have a minute) drop by

 It's the least you can do.

 So far today on Porky Pig's show, he's so outrageous, there's nothing to ridicule.
 Rush is saying such wild-ass shit, it's impossible to parody.

 He's saying Smirk and McCain competed like gentleman
 while Gore played dirty pool with that traitor Bill Bradley.

 But the truth is...

 Smirk accused McCain of selling out his fellow Vietnam POW's.
 Smirk accused McCain of being pro-pollution.
 Smirk accused McCain of fathering illegitimate children.
 Smirk accused McCain of being pro-breast cancer.

 ...but the vulgar Pigboy is claiming "Gore got personal" whenhe and
 Bradley the traitor debated the effects of health care on minorities?

 Rush, you know what you are?

 From:  david3601@email.msn.com

 Subject: Star Wars


 Question for the ditto-heads:
 Since higher-educated people are not tobe trusted,
 who the hell is gonna design and buildSDI?

 Some GED-carrying clerk in a hardware store??
 Some twice convicted,  twice probatedfootball receiver??
 Can you explain?

 Yours in Koresh,
 Dave Ratz

 Excellent point, one nobody else has thought of.
 I don't think Star Wars has any chance of working, but if it did,
 it would be due to the brains of the pointy-headed liberal-elitefrom
 fancy-ass liberal institutions like Harvard, Yale, Stanford andMIT.

 Texas Judge Reprimandedfor Repairing Guns in Court

 HOUSTON -- (AP) -- A state judge has been reprimanded for repairing
 guns on the bench as he presided over juryselection in a murder trial.
 The State Commission on Judicial Conductsaid Wednesday that District
 Judge Lon Harper "failed to act in a dignifiedmanner'' and "failed to
 maintain order and decorum in the courtroom.''

 Harper said the time he spent repairingtwo single-action Colt revolvers
 took only a few hours during juryselection that took weeks last fall.

 "Almost all the judges carry guns. I justshould have just kept mine under
 the robe instead of outside of it witha screwdriver,'' Harper said.

 "I guess I won't do any more handgun repairon the bench.''
 The commission also cited Harper for allowing a court bailiff to read a
 tabloid -- which included a picture ofa man being eaten by a python --
 during jury selection and for distributing business cards for his private
 mediation  business that were adorned with the state seal.

 This is more proof that Texas justice is out of control.

 Smirk - heal thyself.

 Kevin Cunningham keeps getting better and better.
 Have you been to  cunninghamstrikes.com lately?

 You should visit him, send him some e-mail.
 Then, when he's rich and famous as the top cartoonist for Time or Newsweek,
 you can refer to him as "Kevin Cunningham, my good friend."

 Hi, my name's Ricky McGinn, and I'm as guilty as a son-of-a-bitchcan get.
 Shecky Green has just proven beyond a reasonable doubt that I'mthe
 killer-rapist bastard, no-life piece of shit that everyone saidI was, after all.

 And just when you think that can't get any worse, it wasmy
 twelve-year old step-daughter that I raped and murdered.

 I should fucking fry, you know that?

 But the reason I sent this letter was to apologize to the Democrats.
 You see, the very, very last thing I'll do on this big, blueball is make Bush a hero.

 Ohhhhhh, those Democrats were sooo ready to pounce if I was telling the truth.
 If that DNA had come back negative, Bush would've looked likea heartless moron.
 That could've turned Bush into a flaming disaster weeks ahead of schedule.
 But since I'm sooooooo guilty, of a crime soooooooo heinous,
 a lot of people are going to see this as old-fashioned Texasjustice.

 Sorry about that...

  Great Smirk Quotes

  I predict the campaign against VicePresident Gore will be "hard and close."

  ha ha

  Governor, you got that half right.


 This site is such a limp hand-job.
 Check out their "fair & impartial" online poll.

 A. Is Gore just following directions from the Secret Service?

 B. Oris he guilty of abusing Air Force Two, and he's laughing at your
 gullible ass while Hillary and him conspire to shove forced homosexuality
 on your kids, and down your throats, while taking away your doctor and slowly
 assimillating Cuban-military lifestyles which was the whole pointof Clinton
 selling Elian's soul to the Castro-Archdevil in the first goddamn place!

 Gore's behind in the poll, aren't we surprised?

 But wait till you hear the numbers - 92percent say he's abusing Air Force Two
 (And isn't it cute the way they made it sound like he was sexually abusing it?)

 ...I wonder if Bob Barr has started drawing up impeachment papersyet?

Transfer interrupted!

n was Right

 Charles and Tracy Mayberry, the 2000 version of Willy Horton,
 up and moved with their five ugly and chemical-dump-stupid children in tow,
 from Tennessee to a new home near their adult children in Lima,Ohio.

 They were assisted by giddy, high-fiving members of the TennesseeDitto-Spanks, who
 -- out of the goodness of their hearts and a desire to further embarrass themselves
 -- volunteered time and about $1,000 in expenses to load up a moving truck and
 drive the Sasquatch family 450 miles northeast, which is downwind.

 Salon.com was unableto contact the Mayberrys who, according to local media,
 do not have a telephone. The police visit has already caught the attention of
 Lima's local NBC affiliate, and, according to neighbors, thepolice have been out
 at least a few times already to visit the town's most famous new residents.

 Hard to picture these two having a lover's quarrel,
 but if I had to bet, I'd bet on the she-thing.
 Koresh, she looks like something Clooney pulled out of the water.

Do you think before this is over
we'll see the Governor pose with any white kids?

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