Vol 229 - Southern Man


 July 22-23, 2000

 A Cold, Dead Rehearsal
  by Anonymous

 Click  Here


 A Pillar is Published

 Christian Mitchell who helps keep  bartcop.com  afloat
 has a death penalty column published over at http://www.onlinejournal.com

 Click  Here  to see the excellent article now,

 Click  Here  when it's rotated out.
 

 Christian is the Dr. Melfi of  Team Bartcop :)


 From: excallq@yahoo.com

 Subject: Cuba

 On Thursday, the House voted 301-116 to ease restrictions on the embargo of Cuba,
 allowing food and medicine to be sold to Cuba. Tom DeLay (R-Davidian) said
 "It's the first time I have really been ashamed of the House of Representatives.
  I mean, this is a ruthless, murdering dictator in Cuba, and all the food will go through him,
  and he'll use that food and medicine as a tool to continue to oppress his people."
 

 WTF?

 What's he going to do, torture them with bananas and
 bonk them over the heads with aspirin bottles?

 ha ha

 We need to get out of the hate-Castro business.
 Fuck Castro.
 His most valuable currency is his status as a thorn in our side.

 As Smirk might say, we should give them a whiff of life in America.
 If we opened the flood gates, and let Eminem and MTV and Victoria's Secret
 and Nike and McDonald's and Levi's and that little chalupa dog get on Cuban TV,
 his stupid little island would fall before Christmas.

 That sex, drugs & rock & roll genie is a bitch to put back in the bottle.
 

 Think of the tales Elian is telling his friends right now...

 ha ha


 Karl Rove, Smirk's top campaign advisor, says he has "no idea"
 who's on Smirk's VP list.

 That's obviously a bald-faced lie.

 If Smirk were to win, (I know, I know) shouldn't he promise
 not to hire any bald-faced liars for his cabinet?
 

 ...besides Smirk Daddy's CIA buddies, that is.


 Have you noticed that Al Gore's "comback" in the polls
 almost exactly coincides with this "fucking Jew bastard" offensive?

 The more time Pigboy and Trent Lott and Fox News spend on "F-J-B,"
 the higher Gore gets in the polls because the America voter is scared
 of the Nazi right and their "destroy at all costs" style of governing.

 Think what would happen to privacy in this country if Smirk was elected and
 this "peephole congress" was allowed to run wild, grabbing at liberal cocks.

 (shudder)

 Remember - Clinton wasn't impeached, his cock was.


Reporter: But Cheney has had three heart attacks!!

Smirk Spin: Sure, but that was like, ...twenty years ago!!
 

So, he's outgrown his heart troubles?


 Germany Warns of Nazi Web Hit List

 BERLIN (AP) - Neo-Nazis are targeting left-wing representatives and
 foreigners for attacks by publishing lists on the Internet with their names,
 addresses and photographs, German justice officials say.

 Full Story
 

 Well, we know that's not true, because Rush (who never lies)
 has guaranteed his followers that the leftists are the real Nazis,
 and that would mean the Neo-Nazis are attacking themselves,
 which doesn't make any sense.

 So, why is Germany lying to us, Rush?


 Goodbye, Kathie Lee

 Take your over-exposed hooters and those screaming brats and go away.


 You know what else I'm tired of?

 "Al Gore really, really wants to be president.
  He'll say anything to get elected.
  He really hungers to be president."

 It's never a bad idea to use the old BartCop staple - compared to whom?

 That idiot, the unqualified Smirk, is going to spend over $100,000,000
 trying to convince people he's not as stupid as everybody says he is,
 so why doesn't that demonstrate that he will say/do anything to be elected?

 This is another Pigboy-ism that has gotten out of hand.

 Most everyday, he says some extremely-stupid shit such as,
 "The liberals are desperate to get the House and Senate back,"
 as tho the GOP had only a passing interest about staying in power.
 That's horseshit - pure and simple.
 I'll admit both sides want to win very, very much, so why can't they?

 What kind of idiot would deny that their side wants to win?

 ha ha

 I guess Rush just answered that question.


 From: radiofreenorthpole@hotmail.com

 Subject: Chasing Ben Stein's Ghost

 Bart, I think you're gonna have to suck it up on this Ben Stein thing.

 1) I went to the Tulsa World website and couldn't find anything.

    I should not be held responsible for your inability to find things.

 2) Why would Stein say his sister died?
      That's the biggest clue this is a hoax...sloppiness.

     Yes, sloppiness on both our parts.
      Read the first thing I wrote.
      "I'm doing this from memory."

      When we find version #2? it reads, "My sister and I went to my father's funeral."
      I remembered "sister," instead of father - don't sue me.
      It was the back-stabbing tone of his column that pissed me off,
      not the detail of which family member died.

 3) I can't find this article on your website anywhere previous to today.

     Don't know exactly what you mean.
     I've gotten multiple mail asking,  "so when you gonna tell the Ben Stein story?"
     Everybody else has seen me trash that prick in past issues.

     From Vol 189: "Have You Ass Home by 11" my homage to Richard Pryor.

    >There's only a few people I'd spend the night in jail for.
    >Judas is one, Ben Stein the dirty cock-sucker is one,
    >...Pigboy, obviously,
    >but there just aren't that many who've pissed me off this much.

    That was from April 11.
    April 11 would be considered "previous to today," right?

    From Vol 190: "Great Ceasar's Ghost"  my homage to George Reeve's unsolved murder.

    Subject: Ben Stein

    What's your beef with Ben Stein?

    Just curious,
    Lee
 

    >Lee,
    >That son-of-a-bitch makes me so goddamn angry I can't type.
    >I will explain soon, but first I'll have to put up the mother of all
    >warning labels because it will set a record for extreme invective.
    >I'd like to break his fucking capped teeth, the prick.

    Then there was the light-hearted jab from Vol 210: "Zombie Wolfe,"
      my homage to the great Frank Zappa.

   >HBO's critical darling ``The Sopranos'' earned three nods.
   >NBC led all networks in total nominations, picking up 12 mentions.

   >Winners will be announced Saturday, July 15 during a ceremony at the Ritz-Carlton
   >Hotel in Pasadena, with bus-stop-bathroom oral sex specialist Ben Stein set to host.
   >Stein paid $40,000 and blew 140 critics and Frasier's dog to land the coveted hosting job.

    ...yeah, I've mentioned him a few times.
    I could go on, but you seem like a sharp fella...
 

 4) I personally haven't read Ben Stein ever call Clinton names like that
     ...I'm a regular at American Spectator.

    ha ha
    Of that, I have no doubt.
    Maybe Stein doesn't use his show to bash Clinton - I don't know,
    but his columns read like Pigboy, Harvey, Medved, Greenburg and Maureen Dowd.


 

 5) You can't find the article.

      You're correct on that one.
      I didn't expect my HD to crash.
      I have half-a-hundred "back-burner" stories, it was one.
      Next time, I'll save the article until it's printed.
      It would be nice if 226 issues in writing gave me some credibility, but I understand
      I'm up against Drudge, Fox News, Pigboy, O'Reilly, Hannity, Laura, Falwell, and the rest.

      Tell me, of those seven, who has searchable archives?
      Pigboy always says, "Mark my words."

      How?

      I'm not afraid to put it in writing, where it can be examined and re-examined,
       - but where is their record?

 6) He denied writing the article 4 times AND pointed out the most glaring inaccuracy.

     Horseshit!
     He denied everything, with a "whatever could you mean?" attitude,
     yet Version #2 is much more critical than Version #1.
     I'm guilty of not knowing how many different versions he wrote?

 7) Why is whoever wrote to Stein asking for anonymity?....sounds suspicious to me.

     Guessing where you're going, I can't say.
     But if you wrote and said, "Don't publish my address,"
     I would respect that, even if you were attacking me.

     I've had others say, "I wrote to Stein & got the same answers,"
     but I can't remember if I printed that or not, but that sounds consistent.
     And, "What's a bartcop?" sounds like a real quote.

    In a court of law, you'd be looking at some serious problems with
    cross-examination and evidence.

    ha ha

    In my dreams!
    In a court of law, I'd subpeona every column he ever wrote and just pick it out.

    Possibility: Are you certain it was Ben Stein that wrote the article?

    You're right.
    Maybe it was Frank N. Stein, and my tumor mixed the two up.

    Trust me, I'm having a very difficult time trying to keep up with Nazi whore shinanigans
    from 25 different sources everyday. I have no desire to pick out some innocent
    Hollywood never-was to start a big time-consuming fight.

    I have a goddamn Nazi convention on my hands in the next 7 days and I have to
    break my exclusive and possibly biggest-scoop-of-the nineties story before that,
    so Stein needs to hurry up and confess so I can get back to history in the making.



 From: Skewthat@aol.com

 Subject: Name Smirk's Plane

 Air Pollution One

 Hose Nose One

 Air Jesus

 Air Fascist One

 Al Gore Won
 

 From:  dr.bomb@usa.net

The Name Recognition Express

100% Stinger-Free!

The Silver Spoon

Oil Whore In-Flight

Rub A Dumb Dubya

Sponsored By GE, Bringing Jet Engines, Russert And Dubya For America
 (War And Artillery coming soon!)

 (paint the jet like a flying dildo with this painted along the side of it:)
 "Fuck McCain!"

Thanks For The GOP Vote and FUCK AMERICA Express:
 The REAL Straight Talk Is Right Here, 'Nam Boy!"
 (maybe paint the plane for that one too)

The Snowblind Behind
 (or, the "coked ass")

Air-Busto One

The Phallus Express: Brought To You By The NRA & McDonnell Douglas

The Jack Daniels Express: Bringing A Campaign As Toothless As His Constituents

Or, better yet, an idea: Just sticker the motherfucker with every goddamn one of
Dubya's "sponsors" like a Goddamn redneck NASCAR vehicle!
Besides, Dubya finds NASCAR to be a very "family values" kind of "sport."
 

 From: pearly@politics.com

 AIR DUMBELL B.
 

 From: JDWRods@aol.com

 the blowmonkey express
 

 From: seanog@metconnect.com

 What about "Silver Spoon?"
 

 From: excallq@yahoo.com

 Another Plane Smirk Won't Be Winning Any Wars In

 The One Thing In Texas Higher Than The Governor

 500 mph, fast enough to run from a debate with Gore
 

 From: booradley@postmark.net

 Daddy's Money

 I'm going to ohio.
 Save me.

 Elissa

 ha ha
 

 From: uberfem13@juno.com

 Frat Boy Express

 He-Man Woman Hater's Klub

 The Penis Extender

 Kegger One

 Morons In a Can

 Klueless Kreeps for Khrist
 

 From: NABISO@aol.com

 Air Coke Spooner
 

 From: hardison5@hotmail.com

 The (F)Lying Eightball
 

 From: William_Aston-Reese@ScotiaCapital.com

 Blowflake One
 

 From:  firstdog@whitehouse.gov

 The Snow Mobile
.



 From:  fyalpha@aurora.alaska.edu

 Subject: willowtalk.exe

 If a bartcop reader with a macintosh has the free iCAB browser then
 you simply tell icab to speak page, speak selection, etc. and with
 i have to say vastly better speech than you can get at present on windows.

 md

 the only one i know of that works with the Keychain sytem too
 (which lets you use one password for multiple net site passwords

 i think it is www.icab.de or something

David Pennell


 From: pcd02@gnofn.org

 Subject: Cheney as Shrub's Veep

 BartCop;

 Dick Cheney being tapped as Shrub's running-mate does not surprise me in
 the slightest. We all KNOW that a Shrub Administration would actually be
 run by Daddy and Daddy's old Pentagon/CIA buddies, and Cheney's in with
 that bunch up to his eyeballs.

 Dick Cheney would be the conduit for the power behind the throne, and it
 would be Bush-the-Elder running things behind the scenes just like he was
 during the Reagan Reign of Error.

 McCain's just a smokescreen, and both Ridge and Keating would be useless
 *if* what I think is what's laid out. Because we ALL know that if Shrub
 were elected, he would NOT be the one calling the shots.

 --Zontar



 Whoring Pays Well

 From:  mshemo@hotmail.com

 Subject: The Good People At Natrol

 StopDrLaura.com has brought to light an interesting aspect of Dr. Laura's
 recent "call to action" to thank her sponsors. Natrol just happened to be
 the first sponsor she chose to thank. Dr. Laura announced that she was
 "going to make another break with tradition and read some commercial copy on
 the air" for products that she has "personal knowledge of and can truly get
 behind." She had already taped a commercial for a Natrol product, which she
 endorsed on the questionable grounds that she uses a different Natrol
 product (not the one she's pushing). She says she knows the people at
 Natrol, and they're "good people." It may surprise you to learn that the
 first half of that last statement isn't a complete lie, even if the second
 half remains a matter of opinion.

 As StopDrLaura.com points out, one of those "good people" -- Kraig
 Kitchin -- has served on Natrol's board of directors. Kitchin is a
 co-founder and the President/COO of Premiere Radio networks, which
 syndicates the Dr. Laura show. I looked at Natrol's last proxy statement.
 Kitchin joined the Natrol board in 1999, and was up for election last month
 for a three-year term. As a director, Kitchin is eligible for grants under
 Natrol's "Amended Option Plan": incentive stock options, non-qualified stock
 options, stock grants, "performance share awards" (the grant of stock upon
 attainment of specified performance goals), dividend equivalent rights and
 stock appreciation rights. During 1999, Natrol granted to Kitchin options
 to purchase 5,000 shares of common stock, all of which vested as of May 31,
 2000. As of May 1, 2000, Kitchin was the beneficial owner of 25,000 shares
 of Natrol common stock (including 5,000 shares which he could purchase
 within the next 60 days if he exercised his options).

 Do you suppose that Dr. Laura's personal endorsement of Natrol products has
 anything to do with Kitchin's likely concern about the value of Natrol common stock?

 ha ha
 Does Howdy Dooty have a wooden Tom Delay?

 Dr. Laura's so grateful to the "good people" at Natrol "for hanging in there
 with me through tough times," that she urges her listeners to buy Natrol's products.
 What's "good" for her must be "good" for her credulous fans - though maybe
 Natrol's products aren't quite as safe and effective in promoting all-around
 well-being as a million dollars a month.

 Margaret Shemo


 From: michael@ciswired.com

 Subject: Mural madness

 www.gop.com

 "The side of a building owned by PMA Capital Corporation in downtown
 Philadelphia is slowly being transformed into a tribute to the Underground
 Railroad, the clandestine network through which abolitionists smuggled
 runaway slaves to freedom in the years preceding the Civil War.

 Anti-slavery sentiment was the galvanizing force behind the GOP's formation in 1854.
 The party's first nominating convention, held in 1856, took place in Philadelphia."

 They have to go back to 1856 the last time a black woman had any association
 with the GOP. I'm waiting for the Strom Thurmond memorial mural to go up.

 If they want to harken back to their glorious past
 maybe they should paint a mural of Willie Horton as a tribute to Poppy.
 

 ha ha


 Drug Laws Suck

  thegline.com  knows best



 


 From: jhessert@earthlink.net

 Subject: SMIRK THE SCAB
 News  from  our  good  friends  at  SAG/AFTRA

 I don't know how much coverage the Actor's strike against the ad agencies
 has gotten in the rest of the country, but it is one that a lot of folks
 feel VERY strongly about out here in LA (as you can imagine).

 Scabs are VERY not welcome.
 The issues are so cut and dry on the union's side that even
 Chuck "The Only Good Liberal Is A Dead Liberal" Heston
 is out there on the picket lines with the peasants.

 Click here to see Chuck destroying Capitalism:
 http://www.sag.org/


 Stars Picket McDonald's In Studio City

 http://www.sag.org/strike/branch_photos/la/mcds2.html
 Next pic is Moses embracing SAG President, William Daniels, for the cameras.

 http://www.sag.org/strike/branch_photos/la/mcds3.html

 Middle pic is Chuck actually in the picket line.  ...Picketing...
 It's just beyond comprehension.

 So what does Smirk, everybody's favorite billionaire "Man of the People" do?

 You guessed it!!

 The idiot's shooting A NON-UNION COMMERCIAL.

 In SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

 ha ha

 To make it that much more convenient for the CNN crews to catch a ride
 with the million pissed off celebrities who will rush out of the Al Gore fund raiser
 they were all attending to shut down Smirk's union busting butt!

 Gee.  I wonder how many celebrity endorsements Smirk's gonna get after this?


Greenland's Thinning Ice Signals Global Warming

WASHINGTON (Rooters) - The massive ice sheet that blankets
much of Greenland is thinning rapidly around its edges,
a key sign of global warming, a NASA scientist said on Friday.

Full  Story

But that can't be!
Rush gave us his talent-on-loan-from-God guarantee
that global warming was some liberal trick!

So, why are all the scientists lying, Rush?


 They say Smirk is going to decide this weekend.

 The latest wild rumors is that it's Dick Cheney, the dude he hired to find somebody.
 Is that how that works?

 Smirk: "Find me the best guy."

 Cheney: "Why, that's me!"
 

 But, ...that screech harpy Lynne Cheney who used to be on Crossfire
 caused poor Dick to have THREE heart attacks.
 Does America need a VP with a history of serial heart attacks?

 Can you say, ...President Gephardt?


 July 21, 2000

 Let's help Smirk name his plane

 From: jhessert@earthlink.net

 $500,000 and a big wet kiss will get you a lucrative job in the cabinet!   Ask me how!

 Animal House

 The Bodinemobile

 Daddy Went To The White House And All I Got Was This Stupid Plane

 The Double Dutch Bus

 Granny Killer 1

 Ignorance Is Strength Through Joy

 Juntos pedemos (go to http://www.smudgereport.com if you don't speak Spanish)

 The Marrakech Express

 Plutocracy R Us

 Reichmania 2000

 Serial Killer Airways
 

 From: ChrisNoSt@aol.com

  Heir Farce One
 

 From: astod@frontiernet.net

 air force, not!

 white line express

 awol airlines

 party hardy air

 airhead one

 "your name here" call 1-800-noseblow

 From: (withheld)

 Barry Seal Cocaine Train Plane
 

 From: hudson_todd@hotmail.com

 Georgie Dimwit's name-my-plane contest is down.
 Has your political sabotage been a factor?

 ha ha
 Koresh, I hope so - maybe he'll try to sue me!

 But before they 86ed the contest, I got a few names in:

 Nigger-Drag Express

 Lethal Injection One

 Dirty Air Express

 Houston Smog Cloud Tour 2000

 Daddy's Money Bought This

 "This-Plane-Wouldn't-be-so-Goddamn-Expensive-to-Operate-if-we-Could
 -Eliminate-Clean-Fuel-and-Other-Pesky-Environmental-Regulations" 2000


 From:  bolexy@home.com

 Subject:  RE: Stein

 I went through some of the old American Spectator web site articles....nothing there.

 Are you sure Stein wrote this?
 

 Brian,

 Version #1 was from SPIN Magazine,
 version #2 was in USA Today
 version #3 has yet to surface.

 But the only thing I know for sure is what I read myself on a dead tree.


 From:  watsmata4u@monmouth.com

 Subject:  Laura's plea

 The good "doctor" will be spotlighting one of her loyal remaining sponsors
 each week at  www.drlaura.com. Now each week, we can surf over there
 and conveniently notify the spotlighted sponsor that we will not being using
 their product as long as they advertise with the snotty bitch.

 Thanks for the help, Laura.


 Does Al Gore read bartcop.com?

 Republicans argue that the recovery that led to today's boom actually started
 under Smirk Daddy, nearly two years before Clinton took office. And many
 contend that Reagan started the current good times in 1982 with his tax cuts.

 Earlier today, Gore told the AFL-CIO that the Republicans say of the current
 prosperity, ''Well the American people deserve the credit for this.''

 ''Well, of course they do,'' Gore said. ''It's their hard work that's done it,
  but don't you think they were working hard back in 1991?''
 

 ha ha


 Laura the Martyr Begs to Stay on the Air

 Did you hear her opening minutes today?
 (Tape delayed in some markets)

 Laura the Unloved opened her show saying advertisers were
 dropping like flies and in order for her to stay on the air,
 those fans with a "passionate love" for her needed to contact
 her advertisers and support them and buy their products,
 to guarantee that she'll be here tomorrow."

 Laura, you're a whore, now get out of here...


 HOW TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL
   By Laura the Martyred Whore

1.You have to believe that the same teacher who canít teach 4th graders
   how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

   Sure, that sounds real cute, in a ditto-monkey sort of way, but how does it
   stack up with asking the federal govenment to teach your kid to pray?

2.You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
    more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of
   Chinese communists.

   What a cheap-ass shot by a wealthy woman who can't buy a clue.
    Nobody is worried about the "law-abiding"Americans, you lying slut.
    It's the teenage serial killers with no criminal record that scares most parents.
    And if you're worried about China getting our technology,
    ask them which administration gave them the SS-88 technology.
    Hint: He couldn't remember the names of his cabinet members.

3.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

   Horseshit!
   Federal funding for the arts is for crap like poetry, ballet, opera,
   and all the things no normal consumer would ever pay for.

4.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
   cyclical, documented changes in the earthís climate and more
   affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

   Where did you get your degree in environmental hazards?
   Kootie Univeristy?
   How does an un-educated woman like you get a degree in anything?
   Why do you think more smog is healthy?
   Weren't you once an advocate for children?
   Why does today's USA Today says Houston's air is UNHEALTHY?
   Have your precious Deherrychekye suck on a tailpipe, then we'll talk.

5.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand;
    in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.

   Most liberals are pro-choice, then anti-murder.
   Most Cro-Mags are pro-life, then embrace murder with baited breath.
   So what's your point?

6.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

    No, the question is, what would business do to the consumer if nobody
    was big enough to hold them to any standards at all?

7.You have to believe that hunters donít care about nature,
    but some activists whoíve never been outside of Seattle do.

    Jesus, these are getting too stupid to answer.

8.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

    Oh, just go to Hell.

9.You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

    See number eight.

10.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
11.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
12.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to
     American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
13.You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasnít worked anywhere itís been tried,
      is because the right people havenít been in charge.
14.You have to believe that parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be
     constitutionally protected while public display of religious images should be illegal.
15.You have to believe that illegal political contributions by the Chinese government
     are somehow in the best interest of the United States.
 

 I shouldn't have even started this.
 I'm arguing with a dead fucking turtle.
 This has to have been written by a oxygen-starved Hannity fan.

 As long as multi-millionaire whores are raking in more and more millions
 by spreading nutty shit like this, we'll always be at each other's throats.

 I think we were safer when the USSR was missles pointed at us.


 Important Stuff

 The King Releases All-Inclusive Box Set

 Richard Pryor, the funniest son-of-a-bitch of all time, is releasing
 a nine-CD box set of the funniest shit ever said into a microphone.
 The set will be available October 17th

 That "African American" is Still Crazy: Good Shit From the Vaults
  includes all seven of Pryor's albums plus more, for only $79.

 "His impact is so profound on so many people from comics to musicians
  to regular Joes to cheap-ass IQ-of-64 internet wannabe imitators,"
  says Jennifer Lee, Pryor's ex-wife and current manager.

 "Richard hasn't been replaced," Lee said.
 "Chris Rock is probably the closest - and he's great - but he's not Richard."
 

  Ediotr's Note: Dittoes


 Important Stuff

 From: angie_anthony@bradv.com

 Subject: Tequila Shortage
           Liquor makers face new controls

 Tequila is derived from God's silvery-blue agave cactus

 TEQUILA, Mexico -- Guard your Chinaco, boys, the good stuff's gettin' scarce.

 In the past five years, tequila has grown in popularity to the extent that
 supply cannot keep up with demand. Last year in Oklahoma alone,
 nearly 2,000 gallons of God's Nectar were sold.

 Alberto Curis, the head of Mexico's Chamber of Tequila Producers,
 said demand has exceeded all projections.

 Because tequila production depends on one plant -- the silvery-blue agave
 cactus -- and because that cactus grows only in the Mexican state of
 Jalisco, increased demand has wreaked havoc on farmers' fields.

 Agave grower Angel Gonzalez said a shortage is inevitable.
 The cost of new agave plants is expected to rise,
 but growers like Gonzalez also see opportunity in the situation.

  "It is making us stronger," lied Gonzalez.

 It also is increasing industry regulation on the liquor's production and availability.

 Agave growers soon will be issued "smart cards" that can be read by a computer
 in Guadalajara. The cards will help industry authorities monitor usage of the plant,
 and estimate how many of the agave remain available.

 The controls also are designed to keep tequila counterfeiters from being
 able to market their products, made outside the tequila region, as authentic.

 ha ha
 You guys need a tester?

 Tequila producers hope that cooperation between Agave growers and distillers
 will protect the product's value, which is projected to soar along with demand.

 Should you put your Chinaco in a bank vault?
 Not yet, maybe.

 But you can expect to pay more for it.


 Purina Dog Chow Absolves Clinton-Reno in Waco Siege
    By Andrew Stern

  ST. LOUIS (Rooters) - An outside investigator has completely absolved
  Clinton and Reno of wrongdoing in the Waco matter, saying Vern set
  the blaze and shot his own children in the head.

  Purina says he is "100 percent certain" Clinton-Reno are innocent.

  Click  Here  if you want to read what sane people knew seven years ago.

  ha ha

  How long will it take that shit Klayman to sue Purina?


 From: GOPBias@aol.com

 Subject: The Russert Demise

 Do you want to see a pompous media type wither before your very eyes
 ...before a classic man's man?

 Watch the full videotape of the collapse of Tim Russert on the 7/16/00
 Meet the Press...which full hour program Russert confided to intimates
 would virtually end the 2000 campaign of Albert Gore - - a prospective
 result which a "conservative" effort itwo hundred years ago had
 intended to keep Thomas Jefferson out of the 1800 White House.

 Well. Imus and Russert cancelled their on-air 7/17/00...back-up
 7/18/00...radio and television dialogue designed to crow about the demise of
 the political career of the Vice President. The reverse took place...and
 whether Russert can survive...is an open question.

 For the details of the Russert fiasco...the Thomas Jefferson victory in
 1800...the bogus charges lodged against Jefferson in 1800 by
 "conservatives...and against Albert Gore by the hapless Russert in 2000 - -
 for all of these...key in republican bias on Yahoo...click search...and click
 on Republican Bias in the Media.

 Alternatively...just click on    http://members.aol.com/gopbias ...updated 7/21/00.

 Gopbias Group


 Did Rush's sainted daddy steal his "Signers" essay?

 Click  Here
 

 Thanks to Bushwatch.com


 Stein Can't Dance

 I got this from MR_William@KCLIBRARY.ORG
 Taken from a USA Today article March 15, 2000
 Let's call this Version #2

 Shining through the flaws

 Soon Clinton will be gone from elective office. Pundits will ponder why the
 man, with all of his moral baggage, was able to engage so much of the
 American public so positively for so long. I suggest that it might be simply
 because even though he has many flaws -- and I still would not vote for him
 -- he has a certain warmth, generosity of spirit, even a kindly quality of
 friendliness that shows through the mistakes and the lies.

 Yes, the economic boom, the stock market and low inflation had a huge amount
 to do with it. And, of course, Clinton was not friendly to the travel office
 people or to Paula Jones or Linda Tripp. But in some cases where he did not
 need to be, where his grace notes were not even public, he showed a lot of
 heart. I suspect I am not the only one who has seen it; more importantly, I
 have the suspicion that Clinton's heart might even be real.

 Now, that's a tacky shot, IMO, but not enough to set me off.
 Either way, it's a far cry from version #1:

 And I think that was the classiest move I have ever seen in my life,
 and I don't think I will ever say another critical word about him.
 I am so humbled by what a classy gesture that was,
 I can't get quite get it out of my head.
 I was quite literally moved to tears by it and still am -
 I carry the letter around with me everywhere I go
 I'm so, so moved by it.

 No mention of "the flaws," "the mistakes" or "the lies" in that green paragraph,
 proving that version #2 was more critical of Clinton than version #1.

 But in version #1, he says "I will never say another critical word about him"
 so version #2 was written first, or Stein's word is no good.

 I'd still like to get my hands on version #3,
 AND,
 why would he need different versions of the same event?

 ...and Ben,

 you didn't need to be a tacky slut,
 and you didn't need to play Tommy Dimwit when called on it.


 McCain Denies Everything

  John McCain has denied telling Gov. Baby-Killer he is interested in
  becoming Smirk's vice presidential running mate.

 "I did not tell Governor Ridge that I was interested," McCain told CNN
 late Thursday. "My conversations with Gov. Baby-Killer are private.
 It was a private conversation. I've had several, because we are friends."

 McCain did not, however, explain the skirt he was wearing.


 Interesting...

 http://www.benstein.com   says his mailbox is "temporarily disabled."

 Funny, it was working just yesterday...

 ha ha


 From: (withheld)

 During the first hour today, Rush was talking about how campaigning
 and lobbying for a job in public and through the media is a sure sign
 that someone has no class.
 

 The executives at Monday Night Football agree, Capt. Oink.


 From:  blonde_redhead00@hotmail.com

 Subject: Ben Stein and other stuff

 Hey Bartcop,
 I noticed the guy who wrote to Ben Stein went up on your site.
 I just wanted to mention that I got the same first two replies when
 I wrote asking him about this.

 Stein insists he did not, so I'm wondering if you can point me
 somewhere that has the column you are quoting.
 Is it on a Web site anywhere?
 I'd love to throw it back at him and see what he says.

 Regis

 Regis, thanks for asking.

 Swear to Koresh, what I wrote was true.
 Stein is trying to cover his tracks.

 Let's pretend this is a Perry Mason episode:
 Assume I'm telling the whole truth, because I am.
 If we operate under that assumption, what do we have left?

 The longest column we've found so far is from 12/2/99,
 and Stein says his father died 8 days ago, around Thanksgiving.

 If we eliminate the impossible, that I'm wrong on this,
 (I can be wrong on stuff, but not this time, not on this)
 and if we eliminate the unlikely, that Stein is actually insane,
 then we're left with the following assumption:

 He got the note at the funeral, went home, wrote the column
 trashing Clinton and sent it to his publisher.

 When the column came out, his friends told him that was a
 very, very shitty thing to do to a the most powerful man on the
 planet that was reaching out to him during his grief, and at that point
 he repented and vowed to talk nice about Clinton from then on,
 THEN gave the SPIN interview where he cried about Clinton's note.

 There's too much coming up in the next few weeks to let this be a distraction,
 but when I say something is true "Swear to Koresh" I'm telling you it's no gag,
 and the FACT that the original column is out there floating around somewhere
 and he later recanted, doesn't get him off the hook in my book.

 If he had said, "Yes, I said it and I shouldn't have," then case closed.
 I can forgive a sincere apology, but for Stein to play "Tommy Dimwit,"
 when he knows good and fucking well that he's guilty pisses me off.

 In closing, there is no mistake on my part.
 I'm not mistaking Stein for someone else. The similarities in the story prove
 that we're talking about the same man and the same event.

 Maybe someone will remember, I've been seething about this for months.
 I'd heard Stein's name before, and didn't even know he was a Nixon speechwriter.
 I just thought he was a Bruce Willis-type Hollywood scumbag with an opinion.
 But when he wrote that shit AFTER the funeral, it was too much.
 I had Mrs. BC transcribe the entire column into my computer,
 and my HD crashed before it got written and the original paper is gone.

 Just for clairification, here is the gist of my charge:

 Stein got the note, and instead of printing what he said in the SPIN interview,
 he trashed Clinton in no uncertain terms, saying,
 "I guess even the lowest of the low can have a good streak buried deep."
 

 The trial lawyer in me would like to pose this question to him:

 "Mr. Stein, would you agree that anyone who would trash the president under
  these conditions I've described is an unconscionable asshole, yes or no?"

 That way, he's sunk when the column surfaces.


  From: piratecorps@onetel.net.uk

 Subject:  McCain, Smirk and the Convention

 Perhaps McCain is offering to be Smirk's running-mate as he knows that
 Smirk's going down when all the facts about him come out over the next
 few weeks, and he wants to make sure he doesn't have any opposition to
 him becoming the Presidential candidate? Maybe it would be worth
 someone checking out what the GOP rules are if the Presidential nominee
 has to withdraw from the race after the convention - does the
 running-mate automatically become the nominee?

 Good idea.
 McCain may be reminding people there IS an alternative
 when Smirk's mug shots start appearing everywhere you look.

 Second, I haven't had a chance to look at the GOP Convention site, but
 if you can put any name on the banner, why not add the name of one of
 Smirk's 130 victims to the banner? It's be fun to see his face when
 he's presented with this banner and sees the names of Ricky Mcginn,
 Karla Faye Tucker and others on there. That's if he recognises them, of
 course. Is there a list of all his victims out on the web somewhere.

 That is a great idea!
 I'll bet there's a list of Smirk victims at bushwatch.com
 "Dear Gov. Compassion,
  These flames are really hot on my Christian ass."
   signed,
   Karla Faye Tucker, burning in Hell

 ha ha

 If Smirk agrees to debate on Letterman,
 will they each have to come up with a Top Ten?

 How about a tribute to Gary Hart on Smirk's plane - Blow Monkey Business?

 ha ha

 Nick
 

 Who said the English aren't funny?
  (I did, but I take it back.)


 Letterman News

 CAMPAIGN 2000, STARRING MARIA POPE: Maria reports that Al Gore
 has gladly accepted Dave's invitation to debate Smirk on the Late Show.
 Just name the date and time. Dave is a bit startled at how quickly Al Gore
 has gotten back on this request.

 How 'bout George W?
 Maria says she has not heard back from Smirk.

 Dave asks America, "Do you want a President who doesn't return calls?"
 Now that we have Al Gore locked in,
 the only thing holding back the event of the year is Smirk.
 Will he accept the challenge?

 Well, if he doesn't,
 Dave promises to make the next few months a living hell for him.
 Until George W. accepts, the Late Show will do nothing but Smirk jokes,
 so if he knows what's good for him, George Walker Bush will get on the horn
 and say he'll be right over. To the delight of everyone except Paul since he knows
 nothing about politics, Campaign 2000 is back on the political campaign trail.

 This could get good.
 This could get real good, and it makes Dave must-see TV.




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