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Volume 376 - The Demo get a Zipper Job
 January 8, 2001

 Anagram of the year

 Clarence Thomas = conceal hamster

 ha ha

 Does it get any better than that?

 ...and who called it first?

 Great Model Quotes

"If George Bush gets in, I just don't want to go home."
      - Christy Turlington, who owns a house in London

 Big Nigger in Peoria

 I don't know if you've listened to your entire Richard Pryor box set yet,
 but I heard this great bit for the first time Friday night.

 ...and I'm still agnostic.


Subject: Great Job

I discovered your site a couple of weeks ago.
Great job.

It's refreshing to find an intelligent man with a set of balls on the left.
Keep up the good work!

Jonathan Cole

Jonathan, thanks, but you forgot to give me the URL
of the intelligent man with a set of balls on the left.

If you think the "niggers" should just "quit it,"
and if you think the poor should, "just knock it off,"
and if you think Jesse Jackson is, "just a troublemaker,"
and if you think your God is the true God
and those other people are just kidding themselves,
then you'll love John Ashcroft as America's new sheriff.

John knows what's wrong, and he knows that going back to the fifties mindset will save us,
and he's here to help us get back "like we need to be," if the Senate Democrats will just sign on.

From Larry King's USA Today column:

"The joke around Washington is that when Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas dine together,
  Justice Thomas tells the waiter, "I'll have what he's having."

 Give Me That Old-Time Partisanship
   By Frank Rich of the New York Whore Times

 Click  Here

   This Day in History

 - In 1987: For the first time, the Dow Jones industrial average closed above 2,000,
   ending the day at 2,002.25.

   Little did Wall Street know that, under the "leadership" of one Ronald Reagan,
   they were just months away from "Black Tuesday," when the Dow crashed harder
   than Smirk driving home from a kegger at the frat house.

   Under Reagan, it took Wall Street years to gain 500 points.
   Clinton could do it in a week.

 Did you see Faith Hill last night on the people's Choice Awards?

She looked like Julia Roberts wearing a Klute wig.
Or, maybe she caught her hair in a mechanical rice-picker.

And Jessica Alba won "Best cleavage for a girl with cat DNA."

All in all, it was the dullest awards show I've ever seen.
We should've watched the Sopranos, the X-Files etc.

 New web cam   has been added to the others.

  Thanks, Susanne

 The Idiot Speaks

 "I mean, these good folks are revolutionizing how businesses conduct their business.
And, like them, I am very optimistic about our position in the world and about its influence
on the United States. We're concerned about the short-term economic news, but long term
I'm optimistic. And so, I hope investors, you know--secondly, I hope investors hold investments
for periods of time--that I've always found the best investments are those that you salt away
based on economics."
      --Smirk, the Wonder Dog, Jan. 4, 2001

You younger kids may not remember, but every time Reagan spoke, someone would come on the screen
right after him to explain what he really meant to say. They'd have to explain that when Reagan said,
"the program would cost thousands," he really meant to say "billions," and when he said
"he wanted to embargo North Dakota," he really meant to say "North Korea," and when he said
"the blacks have low inflation problems," he really meant "low unemployment."

Now we have the same problem with the idiot Smirk.
He needs a 24/7 translator.

Also, I think we need to put a suicide watch on Al Gore, because the shame of losing
the presidency to the stupidest man in history may become too much for him to bear.

 The 2001 Hall of Fame gets it's first inductees.

 Click  Here


Subject: Black Democrats

I've decided that since the blacks in congress are the only Democrats willing to stand up for democracy,
us Democrats who side with them (I suspect the majority of the voting Democrats) should now begin to
refer to ourselves openly as "Black Democrats."

This will replace the contingent formerly known as "Kennedy Democrats,"
and perhaps hold on as the name for a growing 3rd party.

Jim H.

"The Diva" formally switches race

 LONG BEACH (, January 7, 2001
—"The Diva," WebMistress of The Bush Brothers Banana Republic, after careful consideration
and review of new information, has decided today to renounce her whiteness, and join the black race.

"Well, I always just assumed I was white. I never really looked into it carefully, though," she remarked today.
"I guess, since I have red hair, green eyes, freckles, and the complexion of Elvira, I took it for granted that I was white."
 She went on to say, "However, since I have investigated the matter more fully, I realize now I cannot possibly be."

After a thorough review of media reports, The Diva came to the obvious conclusion that she must be black.
"The media has been very clear that concern and outrage over Coup2K is a 'black thing,' so I now realize
I must be black. I mean, I'm furious, right?"

When asked to elaborate, Tammy explained, "Well, I look at it this way. The only people, according to the media,
that feel the way I clearly do—that are certain that criminal acts are on the verge of putting an illegitimate leader in
the White House—are black Americans. You don't find evidence much less ambiguous than that, do you?"

The WebMistress, until today's stunning announcement, had always personally identified as 'white.'
"You know, you get asked that a lot, on all kinds of forms you have to fill out, and I have always checked 'white'
or 'Caucasian' when asked. I have to admit, I was basing my answer on the way I look—nothing more," she said.
"I realize now how faulty my reasoning has been." She continued, "I was always vaguely aware that race statutes have traditionally defined any person with any black ancestry as 'black' under the law, and I also know that all humans
share a common ancestry." She went on to say, "I'm convinced now, after careful review of the facts, that I must
have many black ancestors in my lineage that I am simply unaware of.

How else can I possibly explain my visceral and powerful reaction to Coup2K?"

To further document her sudden change in racial identification, The Diva discussed her response to yesterday's
certification of the presidential election. "I was watching it, and it just became so clear to me. One by one,
members of the Congressional Black Caucus stood to challenge the electors," she explained, "and I felt a kinship
with them that I can only describe as absolute." Continuing, she asked, "Why didn't I feel that same sense of
community and affection when I looked out over the sea of white faces looking on? The fighting spirit that lives
in me more clearly mirrors that of an Alcee Hastings or a Maxine Waters, than almost any of those people."

She also discussed her pride in, and fondness for, Vice President Gore's handling of the event, and the white
members who followed the Congressional Black Caucus out of the chamber in protest.
"I have a feeling they might just be black like me," she mused.

When asked if she had any concerns that black Americans might not accept her into their ranks, The Diva
paused a moment in reflection, and shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I think they will see this in substantially
the same way that I do, and be glad to have another fighter in their corner." She also noted that, "Black Americans,
when presented with the evidence that I have discussed, will likely welcome me into their community.
I feel that they are unlikely to reject me, although they might think of me as a 'light-skinned' black."

"But, what if they don't?" this reporter asked. "That changes nothing," The Diva quickly responded.
"That wouldn't make me any more white. I am who I am, and I am proud of who I am." She also went on to say,
"If other people—who have always, as I did, identified themselves as 'white'—would consider the same evidence
as I have, I think we would be likely to have a black majority in America."

"Regardless," she concluded, "I think the national popular vote for President, and the recent polls on the election
aftermath both indicate, that regardless of personal racial identification, we already do."

Reprinted with the permission of
The Bush Brothers Banana Republic

 Great Fascist Quotes

 "Just because I had an illegal Guatemalan maid working for me without paying taxes
 on her salary, there's no reason why I should be held to the same standards as the
 nominees Bill Clinton made eight years ago. I mean, I was hardly paying her enough
 to qualify as a real job, anyway. I mean, those people work, literally, for peanuts."
   -- Linda Chavez, Aunt Thomas

 So, who's lying?

 Chavez's maid?
 The Washington Post quoted Mercado as saying that she had lived with Chavez for two years and
 first told Chavez of her illegal status about three months after moving into the house in late 1991.

 Or Smirky's spin machine?
 "Chavez was not aware of the woman's illegal status in the 1992-1993 period,"
 said Bush spokesman Tucker Eskew, and had taken the woman in as an act of charity,
 not as an employee or as a "nanny" for her son, who was then about 13 years old.

 ha ha

 An act of charity?

 ha ha
 Make her stop.

 Even Bill Clinton wouldn't have the balls to tell that blatant a lie.

 She and Smirky are so not getting away with this!

 This Linda Chavez thing is getting funnier.
 Check this quote from Smirk's cabanaboy:

 Asked if Chavez discussed the woman with the Bush lawyers who clear nominations, Eskew said,
"The vetters ask a range of serious questions, including things about domestic employees and paying taxes.
 They don't, however, ask potential nominees to enumerate every act of compassion."

 ha ha

 So it's legal to hire undocumented workers and not pay taxes
 if you say "it's only an act of compassion?"

 ha ha

 That's the funnest line so far this year.
 Smirky, do us all a favor and stick with her!

 VCR Alerts

 ABC has the American Music Awards, where you can see Britney Spear's talents.

 If Britney Spears is below your IQ-radar level, SCI-FI has Tracy Lords in First Wave.

 (Has she always been on that show?)
 On Fox, the NRA is opening a branch office on David E Kelley's Boston Public.
 and Anne Heche starts a run on Ally McBeal.

 On PBS, Master Storyteller Ken Burns is doing eighteen hours of Jazz.
 I think Burns is the best biographer/storyteller in the business,
 but wouldn't this history of jazz make a better four-hour story instead of eighteen?


Subject: Placing an ad on Bartcop

Dear Mr.Cop,
Things are pretty hectic around the house at the moment and I need some help.
Your site was recommended by a caller as a good site for placing classified ads.
Could you let me know how much it would cost to run the following for a couple of weeks?
Thanks. Have to go, I have some shining white knights here for tea and crackers.


* * Stunning 24/7 opportunity - * *

Looking for Spanish speaking individual to carry out housework and oddjobs.
Room and board provided. Pay is occasional and at employers discretion.
No taxes witheld under "compassion" exemption of the US social security laws.
No immigration papers required, at least not required by employer.
No interview questions asked.
Please apply in care of RNC, PO Box 666.

We are not an equal opportunity employer.

ha ha

 Nutty Rush Quotes

 "The reason they're so against Ashcroft is they're afraid a law-and-order Attorney General
  will get in there and find out what kind of crimes have been committed the last eight years."

 Butt Rush,

 what about the dozens of investigations by Bob Barr, Dan Burton, Henry Hyde,
 Tennesse Tuxedo, Chris Shays, etc etc etc that failed to come up with anything?

 If they were unable to uncover crimes, why convene those investigations in the first place?
 Could it have been for political purposes?

 Did you see The Simpsons last night?

 Flanders, the religiously-insane neighbor was showing a cartoon to his kids.
 These two little bastards are growing up with a foundation of powder second only to that
 horrid Katherine Harris she-devil. Anyway, they had a animation festival, so Ned  had to
 pre-screen the cartoons for his Bible-quoting kids. The cartoon he choose for his kids to watch
 was a Bible-thumper explaining how to make pipe bombs for abortion clinics.

Somebody's got some Chinaco...

 Pigboy tells truth

 In the opening moments of his first day back to work, Rush said,
 "I know you've been waiting to form your opinions until you've heard a chance to hear mine."

 Isn't that the very definition of a mind-numbed robot?
 Waiting to hear what the vulgar Pigboy thinks, instead of standing on your own two feet
 and making your own decisions based on your own opinions?

 ...maybe after each mini-stroke, the charade gets harder to conceal.

 Great Hollywood Quotes

 I think Geena Davis is as bad as it gets.
 Not attractive, can't act, horse laugh and full of her own "greatness."
 I don't need any help disliking her, but just in case you do...

 Interviewer: Ms Davis, if you went on Millionaire with Regis,
                       who would you want for your phone-a-friend?

 Geena Davis: Well, I'm a member of Mensa,
                         so I don't think I would need to call anybody.

 Third hour, some guy is POUNDING the Pigboy

 Amazingly, Rush let him speak, sometimes for 30 seconds at a time without screaming
 interruptions, but the guy made the point that Chavez was dead because Ashcroft was
 going to need all of Smirk's ammunition to stay alive.
 Rush, as always, was puzzled as hell.

 Pigboy: Why is Ashcroft in trouble?

 Caller: Besides his racist views, he sold his contributor list to Linda Tripp right in the
              middle of impeachment. How can he be taken seriously helping her that way?

 Pigboy: Uh, ...uh, ...uh,... Darn, I'm out of time. I need to go to a commercial.

 So he goes to the commercial, and when he came back he was a lot smarter.
 Instead of letting the guy speak, Rush turned into Chris Matthews.

 Pigboy: So, why is Chavez in trouble for helping this poor woman?

 Caller:  ha ha, you gotta be kidding me! She let's the woman live there, has her doing chores
              for her, then slips her a few bucks?  It's called "paying under the table," Rush.

 Pigboy: But where's your compassion for helping the poor?

 You see how skillful the vulgar Pigboy is?
 Each time he loses a point, he changes the subject.
 This is why he can't debate anybody fairly.

 If I could debate Rush man to man, (when he doesn't control my volume button) I would say,
 "No, Pigboy, come back here and answer that last statement. When someone works
 for you and gets paid in cash, that's paying under the table and that's a crime. Yes or no!"
 That's what's called "putting the Pig in a box."

 But since he controls the opposition's volume button, he "wins" every time.

 But let's hope to Koresh the GOP follows Rush's lead and sticks with the spin that
 "You don't have to pay employment taxes if you're 'helping' an illegal."

 The idea that any Republican would help anybody is laughable on it's face.


Subject: a response to your response

Wow.  I was publically refuted by BartCop.
I feel so honored.  Kinda.

I didn't know this for awhile because I was away for New Year's and my brother got hit by a car.
(He's okay.)  So I didn't catch up on my back BartCop reading until now.  I was sorry to hear
about your friend Sabutai, by the way.  I hope you don't think it rude for me to argue with you now,
but if I don't do it now, I never will, and I can't stand being publically dismissed and not answering.  :)

Anyway, you wrote:
> Beth, your numbers seem to disagree with you.
> 60 percent of the women voted to keep their rights
> 90 percent of blacks voted to keep theirs.

> Clearly, women didn't feel the same urgency the blacks did.
> And it's  horseshit  if I point that out?

Nope.  What's horseshit is every time you state, because you can't find women fighting for their
reproductive rights, (which is kind of like not finding liberal talk show hosts now that I think about it
-- we get less press), that women don't care.  Many women don't, but more of us do.
(And many are pro-life -- don't ask me why.) I just got tired of what I heard you saying, (paraphrase):
"Why do I, as a middle aged male, care more about abortion issues than women do?  And why should
I care, when they don't?"  I was basically answering that many of us *do* care, very much,
and the majority of us who voted showed that.  I had to speak, because you
kept saying none of us women speak up.

Beth, thanks, I'm always ready to justify what I've written.
When you compare the black 90% vote with the female 50/50 vote, clearly the math says I'm right.
It may be the case that Roe has been around so long, women think it's carved in stone, but if a
religiously-insane monkey like Ashcroft takes over at Justice, that 50 percent who voted Smirk
may find themselves on the wrong end of an unwanted pregnancy or a coathanger.
Gore was a complete idiot to not make that more clear.

You're also framing the question differently than I am.  Yes, blacks of both genders voted democratic
more than women as a whole did.  However, women as a whole cared more about the full range of
issues that the Democratic Party represents, (or should), than men as a whole.  You might say that we
women should lean Democratic, since we have more to lose than men.  You might also say that blacks
are more scared of what the Repugs might do than women are, based just on the vote tallies.  And you
might be right.  But my point was, where are all the non-black men who ought to have reasons to be
Democrats?  Being black or female are not the only things that make a person vulnerable to conservative attack.

Off the top of my head, I'd say "racism" is where Democrats lose the male vote.
This is the cold truth - I don't know how many thousands of times I've seen a white co-worker
being friendly with a black customer only to saying "stupid nigger" when he's out of earshot.
This is a horribly racist country -just  look who our president select is.
I've found women to be much more open to other races than men.


I'm not trying to cast blame on men, by the way.  Nearly all the men I know voted Gore;
one brother voted Nader in a state where Gore was leading by twenty points.

ha ha
You must live up north.
One reason the GOP loves (or loved) states's rights is because they don't want the feds
telling them they have to go to school with and work alongside "niggers."
This is a horribly racist country, especially the south.

All I was saying is: it's easy to say women should care, and didn't deliver.
(Like an article you linked to, "Back the Dog You Got" or somesuch, we Dems blame each other
after we lose.  Or get robbed.  Whichever.) But there are other people who should have known
better who let the rest of us down more, and I'm not talking about Gore's handlers.

Bah.  Now that I think of it, I'm mostly cross with the people who should care but couldn't be
bothered to vote.  Well, outside of the thieves, I mean.  They have my undying rage and loathing.


Maybe after Smirk pulls the mask off, and lets these racist animals like Ashcroft loose,
people will understand what the Democrats were saying.

PS. Swear to Koresh, while I was typing this, Racist Vic was going on and on about Jesse Jackson.
I just heard him say, "Who wants to eat in a restaurant when you might have to look
at some fucking nigger while you eat?"

That's the voice of today's GOP.

So we'll band together in 2002 and 2004, but dammit, we have to have a fighter next time,
not some loser/coward from today's senate wearing a pink tutu and fuzzy bunny ears.

NJ Gov Whitman Employed Aliens Too

Whore City (AP) - Christie Whitman, Smirk's EPA nominee, acknowledged that she had
provided housing and money to an illegal alien couple during the Clinton administration..

Whitman, now the New Jersey governor, disclosed in 1993 that she and her husband had employed
two Portuguese natives for more than three years when they were in the country illegally.

Full Story


Subject: Pardoning Clinton

Now the Republicans want to "pardon" President Clinton, to show us how "bi-partisan" they are.
If they do, this is how I suggest we respond:

First, we launch an investigation of His Fraudulency for lying on his jury questionnaire when
he was the Governor of Texas to hide his DWI.

Then, we spend four years and $50 Million investigating every aspect of his personal life and past
to "prove" our case, deposing everyone he ever met along the way, and threatening all of their parents
with 27 years in the Federal Pen if they don't rat out their kids, and imprisoning anyone who refuses
to make stuff up for us to support our case.

Then, after we take back the House in 2002, we impeach him for some totally unrelated and
completely titillating incident that doesn't really exist, but which sort of turned up in our fishing
expedition, say sodomizing school boys, just to keep Fox News in business.

Then, we acquit him in the Senate.

Then, after Gore is re-elected in 2004, he returns the favor and "pardons" DW for his pedophilia,
with a gracious statement about how the nation needs to "heal" itself, and "put the past behind us."

That would be fair, don't you think?


ha ha

Sounds reasonable to me...

Laura The Unloved
 by Margaret Shemo

By giving "Dr. Laura" the title "Laura The Unloved," you've really put your
finger on the source of her ugliness.  She expresses contempt for people who
are guided to any extent by their feelings and of course, the greatest of these is love.

This is the woman who calls other women as "unpaid whores" if they don't demand
material compensation (an engagement ring or $250 per hour) for the job of sex.

"Dr. Laura" really doesn't see what love has to do with a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g; people must
be forced to do what's right (as determined by any of the Big Three religions), and no
compromise is permitted.  Mothers must submit to house arrest, fathers must perform
whatever drudgery pays enough to keep their families alive, and children must be treated
as helpless innocents until they turn 18, when they must be thrown out of the house and
forced to support themselves.

Choice is dangerous, trust is foolish.
She wouldn't have made a career out of browbeating people, calling them vulgar names,
threatening everyone with the wrath of God if she believed that human beings could be
motivated by emotions other than fear and resentment.

During the first five minutes of her radio show on Friday, January 5, "Dr. Laura" said
something revealing: "If people don't know the truth about you and love you, then they don't
love you if they love you not knowing the truth about you, then they love something synthetic."

These garbled words of wisdom -- maybe she stole the quote from Dubya -- come out of the
big mouth of an actress who never admits to her listeners that she dumped her first husband
for no good reason, that she had an affair with a married man who gave her a start in show business,
that she seduced her second husband who left his wife and three children for her, that she is neither a
physician nor a psychiatrist.  She never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and she never was,
but now she calls herself "Mother Laura."  It's not enough for Laura just to lie about herself, though
-- not when there's a buck to be made in slandering others!  Her professional success is proof of
the proposition that dishonesty pays -- but it's all those feminists working outside the home who
are selfish and ruthless!  Her second marriage, which she presents to her audience as a model,
was built on the rubble of other people's lives -- but it's those liberals who are trying to destroy
The Family!  She claims that gays are evil because they have an agenda -- a defense against the
Republicans' agenda, for which Laura is the shrillest of shills.

What chance to be loved does such a creature have?

Her mother, her sister and her husband know the truth about Laura -- and now she has nothing to
do with at least two of them.  Her "friends" are people she says she uses for various purposes
-- to go shopping with, for example. No wonder the only person for whom she expresses affection
is the only one she can hope to deceive -- her teenage son (who probably will wind up running a motel).

The "Doctor" whom callers say they love and admire is as phony as the "little bags of stuff" that some
women have inserted "in their boobs."  No wonder she treats even the most obsequious of her callers with
such scorn -- she knows that they don't love HER, they love "Dr. Laura," and they're too stupid  to tell the difference.
She seems to realize that a fraud doesn't deserve genuine warmth, respect  and gratitude.

She is unloved and she knows it.

 The Cock Hunt is Back Up to Warp Speed

 Ray: "I want Clinton's cock - his cock is mine."

 Click  Here

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 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was full of proof that the whore press refuses to print.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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