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Volume 375 - Of Mice and Men
 January 6, 2001

 Feel Like Making a Difference?

 Send this "wish list" to your senators IMMEDIATELY

Assuming you don't do the right thing and throw out Florida's tainted electoral votes,
allowing the right-wing to succeed in their illegal power grab, you have two weeks to put
a few safeguards into place and try to ensure that there is an America left worth taking back.
With hard work, you may be able to:

Strengthen the Endangered Species Act and reauthorize for five years.

Strengthen the Clean Water and Clean Air acts and reauthorize for five years.

Pass a law, act, or committee to authorize all universities funding and government cooperation
in research for alternate (non-fossil-fuel) energy sources.

Pass a law or act guaranteeing the freedom of reproductive choice.

Enact a Moratorium on subsidies to fossil fuel companies.  If NASA has to cut its funding
"because of the economy," the government can damn well quit funding profits for oil and gas and coal.

Pass an Act or law against providing tax money or tax breaks to religious institutions.
If it's illegal to have a "fundraiser" in a Buddhist temple, it's illegal for a parochial school
to raise money through vouchers, land grants, or tax exemptions.

Get a presidential pronouncement, Act or law prohibiting any new regulations on federal lands:
no favors to special interest groups (hunting, off-road vehicles) and no restrictions on peaceful,
non-destructive use (protests, nature appreciation).

Investigate why W was AWOL from the Texas National guard for two years during wartime.

Investigate GHW Bush's sale of weapons to terrorists that Rep. Lee Hamilton helped cover up
before approving Hamilton's payback appointment.

Reopen the investigations of the Bush brothers' involvement in the billions lost in the Savings and Loan collapses.

Confirm NO extremist appointments, the most important of which is John Ashcroft.

If eight years and hundreds of millions of dollars can be spent investigating Clinton,
"because America needs to know the truth,"
 then the next two weeks are not so much to ask.

 This is not an attack on the Pope

 Pope: Clinton 'Was Not Listening to Me'

 ROME (Reuters) - Pope John Paul was quoted as saying the only world leader
 he was never really able to have a proper conversation with was President Clinton.

 In a wide-ranging interview published in Italian weekly magazine Oggi, the surgeon who
 operated on the Pope in 1994 said the 80-year-old Pontiff had revealed details of some
 of his encounters during relaxed conversations.

 Quoting what the Pope said to him, Fineschi said:

 "The only leader I did not manage to have a proper conversation with was Clinton.
 I was speaking and he was looking at one of the walls, admiring the frescos and the paintings.
 He was not listening to me,'' Fineschi quoted the Pope as saying.

 First, this is a second-hand quote from a guy nobody ever heard of
 Second, "the book" on Clinton, from every other sources in the last nine years has been,
 "He's the most charming man in the world - when you're speaking to him, his eyes lock on yours
  and he lets you know you're the only person in the room."
 Even his cock-grabbing enemies have said this about him.
 Third, the Pope's palace was designed my Michaelangelo and Da Vinci.
 And the billion-dollar art collection hanging on his walls beats every musueum in the world,
 including The Lourve, so "looking at one of the walls" is a valid distraction, right?

 Why this is press-worthy is beyond me.
 Even if the Pope actually said it, why would this be news?

 Remember, Reagan, the tired old man, fell asleep talking to the Pope.
 Did he complain about that?


Subject: Abraham for Energy Secretary

Although we all know about Smirk's more prominent cabinet appointees,
I did not know a whole lot about Spencer Abraham, the appointee for
Secretary of Energy.  We all know he was rejected by the voters of
Michigan, but was resurrected in a Bush cabinet positively overflowing with
losing Repugnican politicians.  I was puzzled by the press reports that stated
that Abraham was not really an expert on energy policy, nor had he sponsored
any significant energy related legislation in his single 6 year Senate career.

The web page for his losing campaign reportedly did not include any information
on energy issues and in fact, he was co-sponsor of a bill to eliminate the Energy
Department.  Then why choose Abraham?

According to, Blinky's Energy Secretary nominee received
$366,298 from energy industry donors in his failed 2000 Senate race.
Would anyone care to guess as to how that ranks among all senators who
accepted contributions from energy industry donors in the 2000 elections?

That's right, First.....Number One.

I, for one, would feel a lot better if they would just come out and say
"We are a bunch of crazed cock-hunting corporate whores and we will
nominate whoever pays us the most money because we really work for the
rich and the powerful so fuck you if you are an average citizen who
expects your government to be responsive to the needs of the people."

Wouldn't that just be a whole lot cleaner for everybody?

 Piss me off...

 I spent 90 minutes taking apart Christopher Hitchens and his hate-everybody rant
 and after I finished, I hit some wrong button and all that was left was the set-up.

 Once it's gone, it never comes back, so here's his rant.

 Click  Here

 Stupid Letter of the Year  (so far)

 Blasting the nomination of John Ashcroft as attorney general, the left is
 calling on congressional Democrats to reject all "far-tight" appointments.

 Ashcroft's crime?

 He believes in God, the sanctity of human life, freedom of religion and the
 other freedoms our forefathers fought and died for as they formed this nation.

 Ken Murphey,
 Yucca Valley, CA

 Have you ever read such horseshit in your whole life?
 This is more proof of just how insane they are.

 Nobody cares that he's religious - it's the insanity he's afflicted with.
 Perhaps 40 percent of America is pro-life - that's not why he's unqualified.
 Freedom of religion?
 John Ashcroft?

 His goal in life is to "straighten out" those that believe different.  The ancient Christians hiding
 in the catacombs would've enjoyed living under BartCop rule much more than living under
 a tyrant who's certain his faith is the only true faith.
 Soon, that insane tyrant could have tanks backing up his version of "reality."

 His fantasy is going to be the official government line, backed up by the military,
 unless something is done to stop them. That will take courage by the Democrats,
 so we could be in a world of trouble.

 That deal Daschle made with Trent Lott (R-Whites only) was a sham to pretend to
 share power with the Democrats if Daschle agreed to green light the Ashcroft Monster.

 That's trouble.


Subject: Hey Dipshit

So the economy is looking weak and people are losing their jobs.
Investors have lost three trillion dollars on the stock market since last march.
Here's a newsflash for you, idiot.

Bill Clinton is President!!!

Are you so pitifully dishonest and incapable of rational thought that you
believe George W. Bush is to blame.  He's not President yet fuck head.
You are truly a turd.   And please, God, don't tell me this economic meltdown
is something that has just come about since Bush was elected.
Try reading THE ECONOMIST jerky.
I suppose it's all because GW has been talking down the economy.
You lefties are such fools.

Yours in vomitous glee


Tommy, let me explain how the stock market and economy work:
Everything is built on expectations.

Think of a crowded Interstate highway, like the ones that surround
Washington DC or Dallas or any major American city.

Have you ever come to a dead stop on a highway, thinking there must be
some big pileup ahead? Then after 20 minutes of bumper-to-bumper crawling
traffic picks up and you realize there never was a wreck?
So why did all the people stop?

Here's why:
If Gus is driving home from work and mistakenly thinks he sees a woodchuck,
he's going to hit his brakes for a second to avoid the imaginary woodchuck.

The driver behind Gus sees his brake lights, and hits his brakes harder
The dozens of drivers behind the driver behind Gus see Gus's brake lights so they
all slam on their brakes, and pretty soon there are hundreds of cars at a dead stop,
locked in gridlock on a major interstate highway for no real reason.

That's what we're seiing right now.
Smirk is Gus, and his greedy tax cut is the imaginary woodchuck, so yes,
the economy is slamming on their brakes because the guy in front did.

It amazes me that ditto-monkeys think the Clinton Miracle was all Reagan's doing,
but the month it starts to slow down is all Clinton's "bungling."

You think this was a coincidence?

Maybe you'd be better served getting your "facts" from someone who's not a lying Nazi whore.

By the way, classy sign off you have there, Tommy.

 The GOP Dead Pool

 Here's a place to check out,

 January 7, 2001


 Subject:  Great Cartoonist Quotes

 It took his brother, his father, his father's friends,
 the Florida secretary of state, and the Supreme Court to pull it off.
 His entire life gives fresh meaning to the phrase 'assisted living.'"
    -- Garry Trudeau on Smirk

 Thanks to Mike Bomar

 Ask BartCop


 Dear BartCop,
 I live in Maine, and I'm hearing rumors that John Ashcroft's wife had an abortion years ago
 when she became pregnant by a misbehaving barnyard animal on the Ashcroft farm.

 Can you confirm?

 C Dog

 C Dog,
 I'm not an expert on Ashcroft's history, but I asked around and my sources tell me
 John Ashcroft would not tolerate misbehaving barnyard animals on his farm.
 The fact that his son Jerry looks like a mule is, I'm sure, a coincidence.
 So, unless solid proof surfaces, I will not even mention this on

 I didn't get his name, but yesterday on Reliable Sources, a reporter covering
  Smirk said his campaign has refused to answer the question,
 "Has the governor been arrested more than the three times we know about?"

 They can't answer that because they can't get caught lying about something this big so soon.

 It's Smirk's coke bust, I'll bet hard cash.
 Why else would the millionaire's boy do community service?

 ...and the whore press refuses to ask the question when he's on-camera!

 How do we impeach Senator Torricelli? (D-Traitor)

 "I think John Ashcroft would make a great Attorney general."

 Serving notice to the spineless Democratic senators
  By Carol Levy

 Click  Here

 January 7, 2001 | I hereby serve notice to every single disappointing, spineless, weak-kneed,
 selfish Democratic senator that did not have one iota of decency left in him or her to stand up
 and do the correct thing—do their duty—and stand up for our country and Constitution today!

 It is truly pathetic to watch a group of people who took an oath to protect country and Constitution
 sell their souls and dignity (and respectability) to make a deal with the devils. What else can we
 expect from a group that is so scared and intimidated that they won't even openly support our
 protests—only saying that they will "support us behind the scenes."

 Great Democratic Quotes

 President of the Senate: Are there objections to the theft of the White House
                                         by the idiot governor of Texas?

 Maxine Watters: You bet your ass, Mr. President

 President of the Senate: Are the objections in writing and signed by at least one
                                         member of the United States Senate?

 Maxine Watters: They are in writing, but we don't have a single senator with a spine
                              who cares enough about this country to fight for it, so I don't give
                              a flying goddamn that no senator has the courage to sign it.

 Then she and the House Black Caucus stood up and walked the fuck out.

 Maxine Watters, a black woman, has more cojones than any member of the Senate.
 Oh, Lord, how did I end up in a partry of spineless, gutless cabanaboys for Smirk?

 Why are the blacks the only ones willing to fight for their country?
 I wish I was black.

 Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., an Illinois Democrat and son of Jesse Jackson, said,
 "It is a sad day in America when we can't find a senator to sign the objection.''

 At one point, Jackson asked if any senator in the chamber would step forward and sign it.
 None did.

 Afterward, Chris Dodd, (D-Traitor) said,
 "It was a very good point they made, but making an effort really isn't worth my time
   because there aren't enough Democratic votes to sustain the motions. It's over.''

 ...yellow-ass son of a bitch.
 We'll remember that phrase when Field Marshall Ashcroft charges YOU with a crime.

 Smirk was very pleased with the Vagina Democrats.

 Asked about his tainted victory, Smirk replied,
 "On the record? It's a humbling experience. I want to Iditarod what I said before:
   I'm going to be the president of everybody, whether they supporter me or not."

 A few moments later, Smirk spoke off the record.

 "These pussy Democrats are caving even faster than Karl and Uncle Dick said."

 (Permission to vomit?)

 Great Moments on Meet the Whore

 Russert: I'm curious, Senator Kerry, Senator Biden, why didn't either of you
                why didn't either of you stand up for your party, your constituents or your
                damn country yesterday when you were needed to stop this illegel takeover?
                     (He didn't really ask it that way, Russert is a Austin Toady)

 Sens Biden and Kerry: Gee, nobody asked us... Was there a vote of some kind yesterday?
 Golly, jeepers, I wish our staffs would keep us better informed. No, seriously, Timmy, this race is over.
 Smirk is our Supreme Master and we love him. It's time we all fell in line and to do what Smirk wants.
 It's our duty to bend over and let Smirk have access to our yellow asses anytime he wants it.

 If either of these cowards tries to run for goddamn Trash Commissioner in 2004,
 I will use whatever tools are at my disposal to fight them.

 Oh, Lord, how did I end up in a partry of spineless, gutless cabanaboys for Smirk?

 It's official: We have lost the country
  By Bev Conover,

 Click  Here

 [Our worthless Democratic senators] have been selling us out for years. They lost what
 little spine they had soon after Watergate, when they let Ronald Reagan and his Vice President
 Poppy Bush off the hook on Iran-contra—they couldn't "put the country through that again."
 The word "impeachment" wasn't even whispered when Poppy gave us Iraqgate, yet they stood by
 while theRepublicans trumped up charges that never rose to the level of impeachable offenses against Bill Clinton.

 BartCop's Stock Tips

 Buy Pepto-Bismol.
 There's going to be an epidemic of vomiting and upset stomachs in the next four years.


Is Sen. Robert Torricelli’s being blackmailed?

The senior Senator from New Jersey, Robert Torricelli, has distinguished
himself of late by pandering to the Bush Administration in ways not seen
since that naked Emperor was told his imaginary new clothes looked great.

Torricelli, the erstwhile Liberal Democrat, has been busy the last two
months—urging Gore to concede immediately after the election and before
the votes were counted, applauding the Supreme Court’s decision to give the
presidency to Bush, and now singing the praises of (and threatening to vote
for) the extremist John Ashcroft as Attorney General. At this rate, Torricelli
will be urging Bush to nominate Robert Bork to replace the first retiring
Supreme Court Judge this spring.

What is going on here? Bi-partisanship is one thing; Being a lapdog is another.
Torricelli, who fancies himself as Washington’s Warren Beatty, once dated
Bianca Jagger. One can only surmise that somewhere deep in the Bush vault
exist photos of a naked Torricelli, Bianca and several underage girls AND boys.

 Check out

 Tally Briggs / Actress at large

 Click  Here

 Religious Right Insisted on Ashcroft
   from the New York Whore Times


 George W. Bush and Dick Cheney both regularly received calls from conservative religious
 leaders indicating their concern that the new attorney general be someone sympathetic
 to socially conservative positions, a Bush adviser said.

 If confirmed by the Senate, Ashcroft would reach the highest office ever attained by a leading figure
 of the Christian right. The appointment would place him at the head of the Justice Department,
 the front lines of the pitched battles over emotion-laden social issues like abortion, the death penalty,
 crime, civil rights and the selection of federal judges.

 So, they're now going to address serious issues like abortion, the death penalty, crime and civil rights
 and they're going to remove science and logic from the discussion when they decide what is a crime.
 Then Ashcroft's religiously-insane staff will decide how strictly they will enforce the new rules
 on the people who they decide have broken the new laws.

 ...and you  STILL  don't own a gun?

 When they kick at MY front door, me and mine will be OK.
 But I'll be too busy to help anybody else.

 Great Democratic Quotes

 "There is a snowball effect starting against the nomination of John Ashcroft."
   --Clarence Page, a black man

 Why are the blacks the only ones willing to fight for their country?

 It's still a little green, but it's getting riper!
  by James Higdon

 Click  Here

 For my part, and I state this clearly, that if my Democratic representatives in congress
 (Rep. Mike Honda (D-CA) and Senators Diane Feinstein and Barbara Boxer (Ds-CA))
 play any role in bowing to the political pressure of the corporate media at the expense of
 their constituency's political voice, I will use every resource at my disposal (money, talent,
 and time) to ensure that they are defeated by a responsible 3rd party candidate.

 Rapist, Inspired by Bible, Cuts Off Penis

 SAO PAULO (Reuters) - A convicted Brazilian rapist sliced off his own penis
 and flushed it down the toilet, saying the amputation would bring him closer to God.
 Prison guards said they found Flavio dos Santos Cruz, 23, screaming and profusely
 bleeding in his jail cell early Thursday after he cut off his penis with a shaving razor."

 Santos Cruz said he was inspired by the Bible.

 "It is written in Bible that if a part of your body distances you from God,
 and makes you commit a sin, you should cut it off,"  he told a local news wire.
 Prison officials could not immediately say how many people Santos
 Cruz had raped and did not know the length of his jail sentence.

 Prison officials don't know the extent of his crimes or the length of his sentence?
 Sounds like the former governor of Texas.

 ...and giving razor blades to prisoners sounds like a great idea.

 Pappy and Poppy
   By MAUREEN DOWD in Whore City

 Click  Here  to see Dowd spew her Hitchens-hate.

 Even as raffish Kennedys laundered their past, infiltrating Wasp havens like Hyannis Port,
 marrying Miss Porter's School debutantes named Bouvier, giving white-glove teas for female
 voters during campaigns, effete Bushes roughened their edges, emigrating to macho West Texas
 as wildcatters, marrying Midland librarians and Mexican students, having barbecues for supporters.


Subject:  The Hunting of the President

I received the book, "The Hunting of the President" as a Christmas present. It is absolutely fascinating
reading material. I'm about 3/4 of the way through the book and one thing that I find interesting is that
a lot of the people mentioned in this book also involved in the Florida election fiasco.

Many of Dubya's attorneys were mentioned in the book. Ted Olson and his wife are just two of the
many Clinton cock hunters who stepped in to help Dubya. I don't know if you've read this book or not
but if you get a chance please do so.

Ronald Kay

Ronald, yes, I bought that book. It was co-written by my good friend Joe Conason.
Joe's one of America's great writers, but the book didn't have any pictures of Clinton's cock
so it didn't sell as much as books by Barbara Olson, Laura Ingraham or Ann McCoulter.

If you read this book, you will agree with me that impeachment was nothing more than some
whites-only, religio-crazed tobacco whores trying to reverse the election of a president.
In late 2000, they decided to save the time and trouble so they bribed the Whore Court.

Less than five percent of America understands what's going on right now.

 Gore Presides Over Funeral of Free Ballots in America
  Smiling, joking, Gore plays the clown for Smirk's incoming reich

 Click  Here  for one damn sad story

 This Just In...

 Trent Lott and Tom Daschle have worked out an agreement for Senate Democrats
 to wear pink tutus and fuzzy bunny ears for at least the next two years.

 The Senate Democrats passed the measure 49-1,
 with Senator Clinton voting, "Fuck no!"

 Chavez Housed Illegal Alien

 Whore City (Reuters) - Linda Chavez, Smirk's bitch-quota nominee for labor secretary, allowed a
 Guatemalan woman who was in the United States illegally to work in her home for peanuts.

 The television report quoted Chavez as saying through a Bush spokesman that the woman did
 odd jobs around her home and was occasionally given spending money, although Chavez did
 not consider the money as compensation for work.

 "Anyone who has ever seen a Guatemalan work knows they are not hard workers,"
 Chavez said in a statement released to the head of the New York Times editorial page, Matt Drudge.

 Sources quoting Bush spokesmen said "Chavez suspected the woman was in the country illegally,
 she was willing to work for a dollar a day and Ms Chavez wanted to help the poor."

 Senate Democratic leader Tom Daschle (D-Weak) said he saw no problem with Chavez.
 "If this is who Emporer Bush wants, this is who Emporer Bush will get."

 Sen. Don Nickles of Oklahoma, (R-Blind to GOP crimes) told ABC's ``This Whore'' program
 he did not know of the allegations of wrong-doing, and wouldn't know of them in the future.

 Oh, if only there was an opposition party to the Republicans.

 Great Patriot Quotes

 "We keep hearing, 'Get over this.'
   We will never get over this.
   The Supreme Court selected Bush as president -- he was not elected.''
    -- Rep. Corrine Brown, (D-Front-runner 2004) member of the Congressional Black Caucus,

 I've never heard of this lady before, but she's got my vote.
 Anyone willing to fight has my vote.

 This issue and those that immediately follow are so lame because
 I'm saving all the good stuff for the BIG issue in a couple of weeks.

 Researchers at Atlanta's Center for Disease Control estimate it would take over
 1.12 million mosquito bites to drain all the blood from an adult male,
 but only 600,000 to drain the blood from John Ashcroft.

 Ted Nugent, (above) picks pieces of Senate Democrats from his teeth.
 "I had two for dinner. They were sent over by Karl Rove," said the mad rocker.
 "I was afraid they'd be tough, but they were very soft."

 Rumsfeld Caught on tape
  Smirk's boy - trapped like a rat


 AUSTIN, Jan. 6 – Smirk's team said today that Donald H. Rumsfeld, really didn't mean it
 when he agreed with pejorative comments President Richard M. Nixon made about blacks
 in a conversation preserved on tape at the National Archives.

 "The tapes are lying," said a Smirk spokesman, off the record, of course.

 On the tape, Rumsfeld can be heard making several acknowledgments, such as "yes" and "that's right"
 as Nixon called African-Americans "niggers" and "basically just out of the trees."

 On the July 22, 1971 tape, Nixon was trashing Agnew for his comments on a trip to Africa.

 "It hurts with the blacks," Nixon says on the tape. "And it doesn't help with the rednecks
 because the rednecks don't think any Negroes are any good."

 "Yes," Rumsfeld replied.

 "Black Americans aren't as good as black Africans," Nixon said.
 "Most of them are basically just out of the trees," said Rush Limbaugh's big hero.
 "Well, our niggers is [unintelligible]. Hell, that's the way they talk!" Nixon said on the tape.

"That's right," said Rumsfeld the ass-kisser.

 ...and they wonder why Smirk only got five percent of the black vote?

From the Sunday New York Times travel section, December 3, 2000:

Mexican fare, excellent all over San Diego, is especially vibrant at El Agave,
upstairs at 2304 San Diego Avenue in Old Town; (619) 220-0692.

Here, tequila gets respect, with more than 600 varieties.

The food is wonderful: handmade fresh corn tortillas, six kinds of mole sauce,
empanadas that dissolve on the tongue.
Dinner for two is about $100, unless you get carried away with sampling tequila.

600 varieties of tequila?

ha ha

It would take days to sample them all...

 Molly Ivins on Smirk's energy plans

 Click  Here

 VCR Alert

 Tonight is a busy night for TV watchers.
 The Simpsons - Homer gets smart. Maybe Smirk should watch for a clue.

  - Is Big Pussy wearing a wire?
 National Geographic has something on CNBC and Fox News about the ,
 but they're hiding all the details which makes me suspect a dirty trick.

 The People's Choice Awards - will have stars and clevage.

 The struggling-to-stay-alive Millionaire has gone to $1,730,000 because nobody
  has won in 73 shows, making all those $100 questions boring as shit.

 The X-Files is new tonight, go figure. When is Mulder coming back?
 I've heard of rough trips to the dentist, but really...

 I'm probably the only one, but when I still had faith, I watched the Beverly Hillbillies.
 The True Hollywood Story is giving them the treatment tonight.

again. Uncle Junior puts out a hit on Tony!
  The Practice is still worth watching.

 It's a good night to own three VCRs.

 There's even a La Femme Nakita return tonight.

 Reminder, next week - the return of not-everyone's-favorite Dennis Miller!
 Note: MNF's last show was rated Number One. Sure, it was a big game,
 but Miller has to be given credit for bringing MNF back.


Subject: Bush arrests

Bartcop said:

>It's Smirk's coke bust, I'll bet hard cash.
>Why else would the millionaire's boy do community service?

I would also bet hard cash that Bush's "missing Summer in Alaska" was spent
in a coke and whiskey haze.  I was there.  Everybody was in a coke and
whiskey haze that summer.  Didn't know Bush, but the place was crawling with
Texas and Oklahoma good ole boys, drinking, whoring and snorting themselves silly.
Somebody ought to check the arrest records in Fairbanks that summer.
I tried to interest the local press but no dice.

The state voted 69%(!) for Bush, so they're not likely to go after him up there.
Do you know anybody who might want to check it out?

Bernie, Alaska Tom, you guys have any cop connections in Fairbanks?
That might explain why the truth hasn't come out - it's buried in Alaska.

Why else would Bush avoid the question,
"Besides the three arrests we know about
have you been arrested for any other crimes?"

The SOB is guilty, and the press is giving him a free ride.

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 Read the  Previous Issue
 It had everything: Sex, drugs, crime and the truth!

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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