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Volume 404 - Disaster by the Dashboard Light

 February 9, 2001

 VCR Alert - Bill Maher's Last night in DC
 His shows this week have been good, but not killer.
 Last night, Belzer was good/great, but he didn't go after Rush Feingold.
 Tonight we have Terry McAuliffe and Bob Dornan.
 I don't know any more about Terry McAuliffe than you do,
 but I've never seen a better introduction than what he gave us last weekend.
 The sonofabitch is a fighter, and Koresh knows we need that now.

  This is a test.
  I'm going to try to say something semi-intelligent and see
  how long it takes before someone repeats in on television.

 Wait a Minute!

 Last night on Politically Incorrect, the Republican woman said
 it wasn't fair for unions to take union money and give it to organizations
 that they didn't specifically approve of, such as the Demoncrats.

 But Smirk the Idiot wants to take MY tax dollars and give it to scam artists
 who are SELLING fear and shame to the easily-fooled?

 Yes, I'm talking about the churches - the organizations that are selling the fraudulent lies
 about the invisible beings who demand obedience or we will all burn in Hell for eternity.

 Hey, you can always quit a union if you don't like what the union bosses
 are doing with your dues, but I'd have to leave the country to prevent
 MY tax dollars from going to these liars, frauds and hypocrites.

     -- Frank Zappa, First Amendment Enthusiast

 Besides, to quote a certain wild-ass radio whore, "Who's money is that?"
 You're going to take MY money - at gunpoint if necessary,

 ...and give it to who?

 I don't want one thin dime of MY money going to the ghost-selling charlatans,
 but because the yellow-bellied Democrats have no balls, I may not have a choice.

 Yes, we're all living in John Ashcroft's America now.

 Great Braindead Quotes

 "Tom Cruise's major concern is the welfare of their children."

 The couple separated in December, the filing said.  On Monday, the couple blamed
 "difficulties inherent in divergent careers," for keeping them constantly apart.

 ...and the idiot wants to share custody of the kids?

 They're breaking up because they never see each other.
 I wonder how honest they were with the adoption agency?

 "Oh, we always spend lots of time together.
   We put our kids first - then our careers."

 He wants to live in Hollywood, she wants to live in Australia.
 Those poor kids.

  Put Ye No Faith in Bush’s Ministers
     by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

  Bearing in mind that the original promoter of “compassionate conservatism” in the
  Bush camp was campaign strategist Karl Rove, it seems likely that the Office of
  Faith-Based Initiatives will soon become a highly effective patronage scheme. That
  assumption is confirmed by the new administration’s reduced emphasis on such
  traditional executive-branch operations as the Domestic Policy Council, the Office
  for Intergovernmental Affairs and the Office of Public Liaison. Despite all the
  feel-good assurances offered to justify the new partnership between church and
  government, it would be a mistake to forget that Mr. Rove more closely resembles
  Boss Tweed than St. Francis of Assisi.

 Betty Bowers has seen Hannibal

 Her Review

 Bush Welcomes Democrat to Cabinet

 President Bush formally welcomed a Democrat to his Cabinet Thursday,
 watching as Norman Mineta was publicly sworn in as Secretary of transportation,
  -- the New York Whore Times reports

 Hey, nobody ever even heard of this guy before.
 Norman Mineta?
 Who resigned and left him this job?

 Norman Mineta is the biggest Democratic name The Thief could snare?

 Hi, I'm Tina, BartCop's   girl, reminding you that
 your contributions could help the BartCop Hammer hit with more force.

 When the Smirk/Ashcroft takeover is complete, you may wish you had
 a bigger hammer back in 2001, before the fascists got too big to stop.

 You can send it by Claven to PO Box 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155
 or if you have a credit card, you can click on Tina.
 That's her job.

 Confusing Political Quotes

 The White House is trying a bit of budgetary magic to make room for Bush's
 planned tax cuts, treating last year's pork projects as spending that won't occur again.
     -- The Whore Street Journal

 Isn't that strange?
 Why would the Whore Street Journal start telling the truth?
 Maybe money means more to them than their whoreness.
 Maybe they know Smirk's idiot plans will screw up the economy
 and cause a big crash on Wall Street, so they're being honest?  ...for once?

Let's ask the folks on Gilligan's Island...

 Rumors continue to swirl as to why Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman split after 10 years of marriage.
 Religion was  not  a factor, a publicist for the actors said.

 People Magazine speculated it was a dispute over Cruise's adherence to Scientology
 and her background as a Roman Catholic.

 On Monday, the couple blamed ``difficulties inherent in divergent careers'' for keeping them constantly apart.

"Scientology had  nothing  to do with this, a spokesman told People magazine.
"They are  not  being controlled. They are  not  being counseled.''

 ha ha

 I wonder why they keep telling people they're  not  being controlled by the wacko Scientologists?

 Cruise, 38, is a devout Scientologist. Kidman, 33, was raised Catholic
 but has referred to her beliefs as a "mishmash" that includes "some Scientology." who in the world let this couple adopt kids?

 Taxing My Patience
  by Maureen Dowd

 Click  Here

 This is easily the silliest sentence ever written on
 It sounds doubly-silly because it's true.

 Tomorrow, Scary Perry is meeting (separately) with  publicist, Ms. Livemore
 and the TV syndication people in New York to stick their toes in the syndication waters to see
 what the temperature might be for starting production on a syndicated BartCop TV show.

 ha ha

 That sounds so stupid.
 I hope they bundle me up with Laura the Unloved.
 No, wait, she's a big loser!

 ha ha

 Can you imagine BartCop TV?
 What would I do with a budget?
 What would I do with a staff?
 What would I do with competent help?
 Are there laws against fine, luxury tequila on TV?

 We expect nothing to come of this - I mean I don't know if I'd want to do business
 with a company who saw this website and wanted to turn it into a TV show.

 Scary Perry asked me to put together an outline of what the show might be like,
 and after a few attempts, I said "fuck it," and told Perry to just show them the page.  may be the least intelligent on the www, but it's pure BartCop,
 and I don't want to do some TV show that isn't real. I ain't puttin' on some damn pink tutu
 for anyone, so if they don't like it the way it is, they can blow me. Besides, if I keep growing,
 in 400 years I'll have an audience as big as some shows on UPN, so I don't really care.

 ...but then again, I'd have a really big hammer.

 (Just between you and me?  Scary Perry told me if he was going to sink his money into this,
 I had to promise him that I would "pound those fucks Hannity and Rush" day after day after day.
 I think I can do that -ha ha.
 He says the ultimate goal would be to goad Hannity on TV every day until he agreed to a debate.
 That would be more fun than Thursday nights with The Bird.
 Swear to Koresh, he made me promise to pound Hannity - day after day - or he's out.)

 I guess we'll know something by Sunday night, unless they laugh in Scary Perry's face
 and he's too ashamed to call and give me the bad news, ...but even then, the report from
 Ms Livemore should be worth a read.   She's a very talented writer.

 Wish me luck!

 Great Smirky Quotes

 I spoke with Yasser Arafat and reiterated our support for
 a just and lasting peace between Israel and the Palestinians.

 This is a lie.
 When Arafat and Barak met in Maryland last summer, Smirk sent word to Barak
 that he'd better not make that deal. Then he sent Ariel Sharon on his little
 "harmless stroll"  that caused the last six months of increased violence.

 It's so much easier to sell higher gas prices when bombs are blowing up
 civilians every day in Israel.

 We getting screwed by Smirk n Dick and BIG OIL.
 How many thousands of people will die so BIG OIL can make those extra billions?

Freedom From Religion

The wall between church and state is crumbling in this country, writes Ellen Willis in The Nation,
and it's not entirely President George W. Bush's fault. Bush's recent creation of a federal office to
provide public funds for "faith-based" social services certainly challenges the church/state divide;
however Willis claims that it's earnest centrists and liberals who are helping the President and the
Christian right do their dirty work. Who's to blame for all of this?

Willis traces the eye of the storm to the 2000 Democratic ticket itself. "Rushing headlong from the
mythical anti-Clinton backlash," she contends, "Al Gore and Joe Lieberman did their best to outdo
the Republicans at religiosity." Gore emphasized his born-again status as a Christian, and Joe Lieberman
--speaking as a Jew--got away with statements that would have sunk a Christian Republican.
And, the Democratic constituency, which went along silently with the tactic
in hopes of winning office, is now paying the price.

Full Story

 As the Marc Rich pardon hearings start to heat up,
 (I can't wait. Please God, let Clinton testify)
 From Tamara Baker

Subject: John Dean debunks GOP hype RE: Marc Rich

I was never his biggest fan.  He turned on Nixon, Haldeman and Ehrlichman only out of motives
of self-preservation and not from any altruistic desire to have the truth become known about Watergate.

I sort of hope that someday his general role will be served by Lucianne Goldberg, another for whom I am not a fan.

But regarding the pardon of Marc Rich, it ain't nobody's business anymore, and congressional hearings
on the subject are PURE troublemaking with absolutely no potential legislative purpose whatsoever.
Dan Burton is the most irresponsible member of congress of them all, and that is a particularly competitive field.

Here he is again, coming once more to the aid of his country.


"The case involves many disturbing features, but at its core are transactions, which were not criminal.
It [the government] employed an unprecedented use of RICO that resulted in the defendant's capitulation,
without trial, to the government's charges. We know that we have a heavy burden in satisfying the U.S.
Attorney that he should reexamine this case. We know that the task of persuasion will take time and
resources. But the circumstances of the case, the consequences of its outcome, and the extraordinarily
important questions of criminal law enforcement it poses, justify considering such a review."

Obviously Jack Quinn was able to present this case to a president who had the legal background, not to mention quick intelligence, to make his own assessment, and reach a conclusion that called for mercy.

Republicans whine and Republicans bitch:  "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich."

Visit the  homepage and here.

The Fabulous Pump Room story

Click  Here

ha ha

 The Big Thief says he wants his wild daughters kept out of the spotlight.
 Hey, Smirky - you might try keeping them at home when they're drunker n' shit.


Subject: Marc Rich


There is an aspect of the Rich case that we all are ignoring.
Does Iran/Contra and "October Surprise" ring a bell?
Consider this:

1.  The Bushes and the Cheneys make their big money in oil.
2.  Cheney's chief of staff was also involved in trying to get Rich a pardon.
3.  Rich's oil trading with Iran times mysteriously with "October Surprise" and Iran/Contra.
4.  According to Robert Parry, there were significant promises made by Reagan/Bush to keep
     the 52 American hostages in Iran until after the 1980 election.  Secret trade in oil was likely part of that deal.
5.  During the time of Clinton's impeachment trial it was reported that the Iranian government, seeking better
     relations with the US, was offering Clinton information on October Surprise that could lead to a
     congressional investigation of the Reagan/Bush administration regarding that issue.
     Essentially, they were offering the smoking gun.
6.  There is no way that Clinton could release that information, and have it be credible at any time
      between impeachment through when he left office.  He simply would have been accused of obscuring
      his own issues, and practicing the politics of destruction.
7.  The DOJ was skirted in regard to the Rich pardon.
8.  Although Clinton issued the pardon, he left Rich open to civil liabilities for all of his crimes should he return to the US.
9.  Any American citizen that was victimized by the terrorist government in Iran during this period can draw a link
      to Rich by claiming that the terrorist acts were financed by illegal deals with Iran, and can sue Rich.
10. Iranian officials can be called to testify, and many of the officials in power in Iran at the time (i.e. Bani Sadir)
      have previously offered proof of October Surprise.  Sadir is currently in France, I believe.

Why do you think that Ashcroft is now making every effort to prevent Rich from coming back into the country?

Jim H.

Please, God, let this happen.
Let Dan Burton go hog-wild crazy and subpoena Bill Clinton.
Please God, when he testifies, let Clinton be in a "fed-up-with-you-motherfuckers" mood.

I'll take off work, get a bottle of Chinaco Anejo and sit in front of my TV
and watch as The Master vindicates himself for nine years of horseshit.


Subject: Smirk's Dashboard

"A warning light is flashing on the dashboard of our economy.
We need tax relief now. In fact, we need tax relief
yesterday. And I will work with Congress to provide it."
   - Smirky the Thief

We used to call those lights 'idiot lights' because they were designed for people too ignorant to read a gauge.
Apparently Mr. Bush has just become aware of the reality of the economy.
Mr. Greenspan's unprecedented emergency interest rate cut in January was a gauge he couldn't read.
The threat to his tax cut is apparently the flashing light that finally tipped him off.
Idiot light, indeed.

 Last Night's TV

 Survivor is so obviously fixed.
 If nothing else, what would happen if one team lost 4 immunity challenges?
 Then it would be four against eight and that's no competition.
 It's more fixed than the rape we witnessed in Florida.
 ...and y'know, out of 402 issiues, the sentence I'd like to take back the most
 was the one where I said Kimmie was the good-looking girl on that island.
 I didn't think I was that enibriated after the Super Bowl, but I musta been.

 The C.S.I. was very, very good.
 They continue to knock out one excellent show after another.
 I haven't seen the Friends/SNL yet, but the TV Guide said it was about
 Rachel turning 30, and funny, Jennifer Aniston turns 30 today.

 I intentionally didn't watch ER last night, because the TV Guide said
 Stretch Cunningham, the bishop, was coming back to torture Dr.Kovic.
 Koresh forbid ER talks about Catholicism and I mention in here.

Hillary's mysterious bridal registry
And other myths a biased and credulous press corps has created around the Clintons' exit.

Click  Here of the best gorings of the whore press you'll see.

Wounded witness: 'Puffy' fired gun

NEW YORK (AP) - A doctor testified Wednesday that a woman told him "Puffy" had shot her.
Dr. John Perrotti said he was working the ER on Dec. 27, 1999, when Natania Reuben was brought in
with a gunshot wound to the face. "She was somewhat upset and excited," Perrotti said. "She was very anxious;
she was very nervous; she was speaking out loud; she was in some pain." Perrotti testified that Reuben said she
had been shot inside a nightclub, and that she told him, "I was shot by Puffy." Perrotti said Reuben "just blurted it out."
Reuben testified Monday that just before a bullet hit her like "a flaming hot sledgehammer," she saw Combs and his
rap protege Jamal "Shyne" Barrow fire guns during an altercation at Club New York.
But she also testified that she did not know who had shot her.

What a stupid mess.
I'm not Puffy's defense attorney, (and he's probably guilty) but you can't convict a man
because you think he's probably guilty.

The idiot prosecution says Puffy fired ONE SHOT into the ceiling, then they have
a doctor testify what some hysterical woman said?

The idiot prosecution says Puffy fired one shot into the ceiling, yet they have to bullet
and they have no shell casing, even tho he's charged with firing an automatic.
(Whenever I fire a gun in a panic during a nightclub riot,
I always stop to crawl around on the floor and get my shell casings back.)

We're only getting snippets of information here in the Okie Dust Bowl, but if they convict Puffy
with hoseshit evidence like the press is reporting, the NYPD might want to have all their
people on standby the night they announce that guilty verdict.

Besides, (and I'm sure his lawyers will make this point) Puffy is worth over $50,000,000
and the certain civil suits won't have much of a punch if he's found "not guilty" in this bogus trial.
No bullet, no shell casing and witnesses hoping for a pot of gold?

Chris Darden could win this trial for Puffy - that's how weak their case is.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It had everything - Kneel Bush, a Snipe hunt, cocaine, and the Secretary of Cats.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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