As previously confessed, smart women turn me on. Of course, beautiful women do, too.
But it's tragic when I've secretly (or not) lusted after a Playmate or a movie star and then have them go on
Stern or Bill Maher and open their mouths and reveal themselves to be totally braindead.
I saw the totally beautiful and alluring Rachel Lee Cook on Bill Maher one night.
She was dumber than Smirk, Swear to Koresh, and how often have I said that?
Rarely, if ever.
Sidebar to the Sidebar:
You single guys, that "smart women turn me on line" works great!
Next time you're at some bar and a drunken bubble-headed babe catches your eye,
tell her it's not her face and figure and breasts that drew you to her.
No, not at all.
Tell her it's because she's
so intelligent and you're suddenly James Bond to her.
The really stupid ones never get told how smart they are.
If you're the first - and you can say it with a straight face - you're home, baby!
Last TV note, from USA TODAY's Robert Bianco:
Not every idea deserves a TV hearing. Elvis
is not alive, the Martians did not build
the pyramids, and NASA did not fake the moon landing - despite what you'll hear on Fox's
Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? - another garbage special from a network
that churns them out faster than landfills can reclaim them. Fox attempts to excuse this blather
with a weaselly warning that "the theories expressed are not the only possible explanation"
as if their miasma (you can tell I didn't write this, I don't even know what miasma means)
of easily refuted accusations rose to the level of interpretive theory. I'd love to see Fox explain
to Neil Armstrong why it's OK to do a TV special saying he's a liar and a fake. Then they can
tell the rest of us when it became acceptable for a network to spread misinformation and to
blithely dismiss the sacrifice and acheivements of thousands of dedicated Americans.
What's next, Fox?
D-Day - Didn't Happen?
Hey, Robert, you should see what they do to the NEWS on Fox.
They make shit up - 100 percent horseshit stories - then claim "We report, you decide."
They are the most shameless whores in an industry of shameless whores.
White House Has Jitters
Nervous about names of civilians aboard submarine
Is Smirk giving big donors rides on submaries?
Would that then make it a "Lincoln submarine?"
The White House has the names of the civilian joyriders who were aboard the
U.S. submarine that sank a Japanese trawler — and is so worried, it's given the
task of handling any fallout to Snarl Cheney, sources said last night.
Subject: McVeigh in Heaven
Actually, the old bingo lady might go to hell
if she thought about what a nice ass
that young ditchdigger outside the Murrah building had on her way in.
Meanwhile, her killer would be in heaven, playing
bingo, while the old lady burns.
Steve, how very, very true that is.
Hey - guess where I'm going Saturday?
Can't tell you.
Secrecy is Job One.
Guess who I'm going to meet?
Can't tell you.
Guess what we're going to do?
Can't tell you.
You know who else is going to be there?
Can't tell you.
Isn't it exciting?
Why The Bushes Will Never Hire
by John LeBoutillier, ditto-monkey Republican apologist
Back in the first Bush presidency Linda Tripp was stationed down the hall from the Oval Office.
She somehow caught wind on a long known but well-kept Washington secret:
President George Bush had a "special" relationship with a staffer named Jennifer Fitzgerald.
In fact, Bush had been "very close" to this Jennifer
beginning in Peking
back in the days when Bush was our delegate to Red China. So close, in fact,
that Barbara Bush had come home to D.C. in a state of "depression."
This is ANOTHER example of the press covering for the Bushes.
Doesn't it scare you that we don't know why?
Subject: Navy Sub
I wouldn't be so sure the civilians on the sub
didn't contribute to the accident.
On GMA this morning, the guy who pulled the levers to expand the air said he had to
be shown how to do it many times because he was nervous and did not want to do it.
Meanwhile, instead of a quick descent followed
by a rapid rise, it might have been a quick
descent followed by lots of training then a rapid rise. During that time, a Japanese fishing
boat wanders on to the scene. This same guy refused to guess on how long it took
to complete the maneuver. hmmmm...
I sure hope it was an all Republican-contributing group.
You're right, that was poor writing on my part.
What I meant was - if the qualified people were about to pull the lever, and let
the civilian pull it instead, the fault is with the qualified people, not the civilian.
We DO know it was a Texas oil man on that sub.
It's my guess that the ONLY way a Texas oil man gets to play with a nuclear sub
is if he was a major contributor to the Smirk campaign.
It's kinda like the Lincoln Bedroom, but Clinton's friends didn't kill
when they spent the night at the White House
from Tamara Baker
Subject: The Navy's Damage Control
THE DISASTROUS collision of a Navy submarine with
a Japanese fishing boat last Friday
apparently claimed the lives of nine of the 35 Japanese fishing students, teachers and crew
aboard the trawler. It also further tarnished the safety and readiness rating of the Navy,
which has suffered a series of major accidents in recent years.
Now the Navy is compounding the damage by withholding
vital information about the accident
and the ongoing investigation. The USS Greeneville was conducting an exercise in emergency
surfacing near Hawaii when it slammed into the 174-foot trawler. The abundant and appropriate
apologies to Japan by President Bush and other senior officials have implicitly made clear that the
submarine and its commanders were responsible. But it was not until Tuesday that the Navy
revealed that at the time of the "emergency main ballast blow," a dramatic and dangerous
maneuver that causes the 6,900-ton sub to burst to the surface from a depth of 400 feet,
civilian guests of the Navy were at two of three key control positions.
Navy spokesmen have refused to reveal the identities
of the civilians at the controls or of the
14 other guests who were on board, even though they were participating in an official function
on public property and have been involved in a serious international incident. Even investigators
from the National Transportation Safety Board encountered a Navy stonewall when they tried
to get the names. Instead, when asked whether the presence of civilians at the controls could
have played a role in the accident, the chief Navy spokesman, Rear Adm. Stephen Pietropaoli,
offered the divisive response that "only people who don't understand how submarines work"
would raise such questions.
In fact, no naval expertise is required to imagine
how the Greeneville's captain and other senior
officers might have been distracted as they sought to please their guests. Nor is any special
intelligence necessary to wonder whether the Navy is withholding key facts because it wants to
avoid full accountability and minimize its embarrassment at a time when its record is stained by more
than a dozen serious accidents in the past 2 1/2 years. The Bush administration has stated a commitment
to military reform; it could well begin by ensuring transparency and accountability in the handling of disasters
-- whether in training, as in this case, or in operations, as in the bombing of the USS Cole.
Since the Navy is failing to deliver the necessary
openness, other independent authorities,
such as the Pentagon's inspector general and congressional committees, should join the
investigation of the Hawaii accident.
This is a very, very small matter that does not require our attention
or media coverage.
Yes, innocent people were killed but this has nothing to do with Clinton's cock!
Subject: Killer Clinton
I looked through that [Clinton Body Count] list
a couple years back and found that the "INSLAW"
and "LITTLE ROCK DRUG" cases accounted for over a third of the names on the list at that time.
So I took a cruise around the internet to find out what these two cases were about.
is the name of a software product commissioned by US Attorney
General Ed Meese during the Reagan administration for the use of both the federal
and fifty state governments. When the software company failed to meet the deadline,
the project was cancelled. The software company sued, accusing the government of
copying the software, making a few adjustments, then rolling it into production.
They lost the suit. A number of people involved in the case died before, during,
and after the trial. Presumably coincidental.
"How," you ask, "does this relate to Clinton?"
was the Arkansas Attorney General. Clinton's accusers would
appear to be claiming that Clinton secretly ran the federal Justice
Department during Ronald Reagan's presidency.
LITTLE ROCK DRUGS
of kids stumbled upon a drug smuggling operation and were killed.
A bunch of drug dealers and a couple of cops died in various other instances related
to drug dealing. Drug dealers have a notoriously short life expectancy throughout the country,
but the mothers of those two kids decided every drug related fatality in Little Rock was now
connected to the killing of their babies. Furthermore, they concluded that it wasn't just ANY
drug smuggling operation, but rather drugs being smuggled into the country by the CIA to
fund the Contras in Nicaragua!
"How," you ask, "does this relate to Clinton?"
was the Arkansas Governor when the CIA was presumably running around
Little Rock bumbing off witnesses. Clinton's accusers would appear to be claiming that
Clinton secretly ran the CIA during Ronald Reagan's and George Bush's presidencies.
Makes one wonder why Clinton even bothered running for the presidency...
Subject: Proof of George HW Bush's Crimes
I've sent you this before, but I know that you
only get a chance to read a
fraction of the e-mail you get. So I'm going to continue to send this to
you until you either visit this website or tell me to knock it off.
I know you get a lot of links and emails each
day telling you that you
should check out such and such, and that you don't have time to look at
everything. But you MUST check out this site:
Al Martin claims to be a high-level player in
the Iran-Contral and other
scandals, and has written a tell-all book (and some tell-all columns).
Check it out.
Here are some teaser quotes from his columns:
"The media has become quite blase about the
crimes of the Bush Family....
There's so much apathy about him in the media. The media looks at George
Sr., and so do the American people and they assume that no matter what
he's saying he's lying."
"Gale Norton should probably be tested for
drugs. Doreen Bishop, the
infamous Denver political gadfly, involved in Woody Harrelson's campaign
to legalize marijuana, claims that she supplies Norton with high grade sinsemilla."
"I have to tell you, though, that doing this
column has been almost as
much fun as shredding documents, if you know what I mean..."
You MUST visit this website.
So - everyone in the country got a chance to see last night's
except for those of us stranded in God's Dust Bowl.
Was it any good?
Did Bartlet get angry and kick ass?
Or did NBC's whore promo people lie to us again?
By the way, you want to know what a good guy I am?
I could ask the readers of bartcop.com
to go to dialpad.com and open
FREE long distance telephone account and call the idiots at the K-Drag NBC
station at 918-743-2222 and complain about their CONSTANT pre-emting the
best show currently on television for some goddamn basketball game.
But since I'm a nice guy, we won't get into that...
I see where GOP posterboy for less government,
wants his execution to be televised to inspire other unbalanced conservatives into action.
Because, just like Saint Reagan told us, "Government is the problem."
I guess everyone has their own ideas about
how GOP Tim should be handled.
(If you have a good idea, send it in and we'll make a list.)
But here's what I think we should to:
GOP Tim wants to be on TV?
OK, when his big day comes, we take him to the Room of Death, or whatever they call it,
and we let him say his final prayers
If he's Catholic, and there's a priest there (there will be) and Tim is sorry for killing those
160 people, he's going to Heaven - trust me. Those are the rules in the Catholic lottery.
Nothing on Heaven or Earth can stop that.
So if you believe in the place with the clouds and the angels, Tim McVeigh will be
hangin' out with your deceased friends and relatives - AND his 160 bombing victims.
Ain't that a bitch?
Some lady drops by the federal
credit union to make a payment in 1995 and is blown to bits
without even hearing the blast - and then she goes to Heaven and five years later the mother-effer
who murdered her is going to be sitting next to her at Heaven's Tuesday Night Bingo.
Back to GOP Tim - so after the priest guarantees
Tim a place in Heaven, they say a prayer
and then the doctor comes over and swabs the inside of his elbow (is there a better name for that?)
and puts in the IV and tapes it down and gets Tim all comfy.
Then (I'm guessing - never been to an execution)
after all the ceremonies are done with,
the governor has had his say and pronounced GOP Tim ready for execution, and then Tim
gets his final statement about how Saint Reagan was right - "Government is the problem,"
then the doctor gets his syringe and holds it up and pushes all the air out of it so that one drop
runs out - letting him know it's ready for use, and then the doctor tells GOP Tim to relax and
take a deep breath as he slowly injects the IV tube with the contents of the syringe.
But, unknown to Tim, there's nothing in the syringe but some red-colored glucose.
So Tim's laying there, confident in the
knowledge he's guaranteed to be in Heaven in the next
few minutes, when Governor Frank Keating (R-Bribe taker) leans into Tim's airspace and says,
"Motherfucker, you wanted to be on TV? Well, you're going to be on TV, motherfucker.
That's right. There's nothing but sugar in that syringe, and we're taking you back to your cell
and we're going to put a webcam on your murdering ass so the families of the bombing victims
and everybody else can turn on their computer anytime for the next 50 years and watch your
still-alive, child-murdering cowardly ass sitting in your cage, you degenerate son of a bitch."
That's how Governor BartCop would handle it.
How TV Killed Democracy on Nov.
by Todd Gitlin
Suppose that a first
cousin of Al Gore had been running one of the network news teams
issuing election night projections. Suppose that, having previously recused himself from a columnist job,
saying his objectivity would suffer from family loyalty, this cousin had chatted with Gore six times
on election day. Suppose that the same cousin had been first to declare Gore as the winner in Florida
on election night, helping coax the rival networks to follow suit, leading George W. Bush to call up
Gore in order to concede, thereby helping create a presumption that Gore was the duly elected
president of the United States long before all the votes had been counted.
Can anyone reasonably doubt that the pundits would be working themselves into a nonstop lather
charging "the liberal media" as accessories to grand larceny? Can we imagine, say, Rupert Murdoch's
Fox News Channel right-leaning barking heads dropping the subject?
Just kidding, of course.
John Ellis, the cousin in question, is George W. Bush's. Ellis' own account
reports his chatty times with his cousin. The network is Rupert Murdoch's. Murdoch defends Ellis in
these words: "Every journalist is desperately trying to get in touch with candidates--that's their job."
Just as the U.S. Supreme Court enunciated a special rule for Bush vs. Gore, shutting down the Florida
vote count by suddenly discovering the principle of equal protection of the law in an election--a principle
it hadn't troubled itself to notice since Jim Crow days--the media have "moved on," as they like to say,
to show business as usual.
As the House Energy and Commerce Committee begins hearings today on the networks' bad election
night calls, let it also consider the tremendous subsidy that our political system hands the media plutocrats.
The maximum network commitment is to convenience their own status quo. In more than one way, the
television networks conduct themselves as if democratic elections take place for their own delectation.
It's rare for network
arrogance to matter as egregiously as on Nov. 7. But Ellis' private family
are the tip of a grander scandal, which is the dominance of the national voicebox by vastly profitable
organizations, their pundits tilting rightward as they blare their talking points, stripping everyone else's sound
bites to seven seconds each, all the while operating on public airwaves, collecting hundreds of millions of
dollars from political ads while lobbying furiously against campaign finance reform.
Try finding a discussion of these issues on any news network. The barking heads who usurp the space
of public affairs with high-volume jeers are not equal-opportunity offenders. Ever since Ronald Reagan's
presidency, when George Will, the president's debate chum, became inescapable in newspapers, magazines
and on television, there has been no left-of-center equivalent. Would Jim Lehrer's "Newshour" tolerate a
Democrat who, like its regular Paul Gigot, the Wall Street Journal columnist, celebrated a riot (the one that
had been organized on Nov. 22 by Republican operatives to shut down the Miami-Dade vote count)?
Onetime Democrats like Chris
Matthews and Tim Russert have absorbed the pugnacious atmosphere,
with Matthews insulting anyone to his left and Russert flattering the likes of Rush Limbaugh, kowtowing
to James Baker while cutting off Warren Christopher, and telling viewers no fewer than three times on
Nov. 8 that, the way things were going in Florida, it was time for Al Gore to play statesman and concede.
Not one barking head ever suggested that Bush concede under any conditions whatever.
The election night debacle was not partisan, but it dovetails nicely with normal network presumption.
Embarrassed, the networks have been a tiny bit chastened. ABC, CBS and NBC appointed in-house
commissions to see where they went wrong in their statewide projections, having suddenly been shocked
--shocked!--to discover that by rushing their judgments, not only do they affect voting elsewhere across
our six time zones, but candidates may make crucial decisions on the basis of TV projections.
But don't let anyone
tell you that the Voter News Service is to blame all by itself. The Associated
which is co-proprietor, received the same dubious Florida projections but did not announce them. Of course
the AP does not have advertising dollars at risk in rushing to judgment.
It's rare, of course, for network arrogance to loom so large, just as it's rare for vote malfeasance to tilt
an election. It's also rare for an airliner to crash. Nevertheless, when it does crash, we expect the authorities
to figure out exactly what happened and what needs reforming.
- - -
Todd Gitlin, a Professor of Culture,
Journalism and Sociology at New York
University, Is Author of "Sacrifice" (Henry Holt & Co., 1999)
To: Joe Conason
Subject: Submarine Accident
What's going on with the news media on this story?
I read everything I could find online this morning
about the two passengers, John Hall and Todd Thoman, who were interviewed on the Today show.
I checked out MSNBC.com, the A.P. on Excite, and the New York Times. I watched a report on CNN.
While all the stories recount the stories they told, not one of them attempts to explain out
WHO THE HELL THESE GUYS ARE?
I did a quick Google search on the names of these men and came up with this website:
You'll see they are a Texas based Oil and Gas Exploration Company.
Now I don't know if there is a connection there,
but I assume we will see some information on
who these guys are and why they were on the sub. It just seems like an important piece of
information that was left out of this morning news reports.
I agree with the anonymous e-mail I printed yesterday that the civilians who "played sailor,"
didn't murder those eight people, but can you imagine the horseshit today's whore press
would've made if Barbara Streisand or Steven Speilberg had pulled those levers?
For reasons we don't know (and that scares the
hell outta me) the press is covering for Smirk
while continuing their relentless, around-the-clock scandal fabrications against Bill Clinton.
Subject: Would you want to be this man's friend?
One of the right wingers here at work e-mailed
this to me.
Can you help me to rebuke him?
I'd appreciate your feedback.
WOULD YOU WANT TO BE THIS MANS FRIEND?
I DON'T THINK SO
President Clinton pardoned 147 people on
January 19, 2001.
Here are just few people he didn't have to Pardon....
James McDougal - Clinton's convicted
Whitewater partner died of an apparent
heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
Vince Foster - Died of a gunshot
wound to the head, ruled a suicide.
The list goes on and on...
John, tell your friend I said he doesn't
have the courage to meet me for a Thursday night
debate to kick this horseshit around.
This is what's laughingly known as the "Clinton
Jerry Falwell made millions selling this crazy story to the religiously-insane.
Somewhere in the back issues we made fun
of each wild accusation.
But for now, let's just take the first two I listed.
McDougal died in Ken Starr's custody.
Whatever happened to McDougal happened on Starr's watch.
Starr is "responsible" for McDougal's death.
Your friend's note says Foster "was ruled
That's right - ruled by Kenneth Starr.
Starr would've given his remaining testicle to call that a murder.
Don't forget, the Republicans hired a guy
to "roll" Bill Clinton, (Republican Robert Fiske) but out of
all those "murders" on your friend's list, Fiske couldn't find ANYTHING that he could trace to Clinton.
At the time, Clinton and Mike Synar and Henry Waxman were giving BIG CANCER a hard time, and
BIG CANCER doesn't like having their money niagra interfered with, so they asked Senators Helms,
Faircloth and Sentelle to appoint the most rabid, foaming religio-nut they could find to dig up SOMETHING
on Bill Clinton, so they had Fiske fired and installed Hardon Kenny Starr as their little smut puppet.
Reminder: There were semen stains on Starr's copy of the impeachment referral.
Starr worked for five years, spent 50,000,000
dollars (in addition to the millions the GOP spent
on their phony-baloney investigations) and they discovered that the ONLY thing Bill Clinton killed
was Monica's eagerness to give oral sex, and that was more of a wounding than a killing.
So remind your friend that Kenneth Starr,
with more FBI agents than were used for the OKC bombing
and TWA Flight 800 combined, couldn't pin anything on serial-murderer Clinton, even though they
wanted to find something on him more than they wanted their next breath of oxygen.
...and tell your friend I said he's afraid
to meet me for a Thursday night debate on this topic.
(Can you do the chicken sound and flap your arms when you tell him?)
Subject: Trip Report from Vegas
Great letter to the editor of the Eastside Journal (in Bellevue, WA):
Let God Defend Us
by Claire Petersky
George W. Bush should not limit the government's support of faith-based
efforts just to the human service sector. He should consider expanding
faith-based efforts to other important government functions. I'd like to
see him strongly support a faith-based missile defense system.
A faith-based missile defense (FBMD) system would have several advantages
over the National Missile Defense (NMD) system currently proposed. First,
going to FBMD would not violate arms controls agreements we have signed in
the past. Many foreign policy experts -- and our allies -- fear
development of the NMD will trigger a new arms race.
Second, the NMD system is estimated to cost us $12.7 billion. That money
could be used instead for our national parks, education, housing the
homeless, and so on. A FBMD system could be practically free.
Granted, a faith-based system may end up being ineffective, but after
spending more than $50 billion on NMD anti-missile technology since 1983,
we still have little evidence that any of it works, either.
On our coinage it states, ``In God We Trust.'' It's time for George
Bush to extend that trust in the protection of our nation.
Subject: Network responsibility for election fiasco
I've been listening to the "mea culpa" reports
on the congressional bashing
of media executives over the reporting of the farce we thought was going to
be an election last November. Although I am very much in favor of any
bitch-slapping that can be done to the media, I can't help but see this as
nothing more than an attempt to switch the blame from the people who rigged
this election to the media for "reporting it wrong".
The exit polls weren't wrong, and Gore did
win Florida. Jeb and the boys just had
to stop them from reporting it until they could finish throwing away ballots and
preventing qualified voters from getting to the polls, thereby changing the results.
I am convinced that many of the "spoiled" (double
punched) ballots were partially
punched before the voter ever saw them. Reform of media reporting in elections
(and in general) is a great idea, but blaming them for this fiasco takes attention
away from the criminals who stole this election.
I'll be happy when Barbara is visiting all her "boys" in federal prison.
Pam, did you hear Smirk apologist Tony Snow yesterday
on Pigboy's show?
He kept saying how "honest" that John whatever was (the guy who wrongfully called
the election for his cousin Smirk) and that Tony knew him personally and he doesn't
have a partisan bone in his body which is total and complete horseshit.
If you're judging a beauty contest and your daughter
I don't care if she's Angie Harmon - the contest is rigged, rigged, rigged.
We've all been screwed out of our votes and out
of having a decent president, and the
Democrats just laid back and enjoyed the screwing, and then they confirmed every
lobbyist and religiously-insane oil-spiller Smirk sent to them.
America, America - God shed his rage on thee.
Subject: Witchfinder General Ashcroft
"(Anonymous, possibly imaginary) Sources tell
ABCNEWS that Mary Jo White, (grandstanding GOP harpy)
U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York (with the full endorsement of her boss, Witchfinder
General Ashcroft), is set to begin issuing subpoenas (to anything that moves) in a preliminary investigation
aimed at determining whether any criminal laws were violated(a new poll released by ABCNEWS indicates
that fully 100% of scandalmongering cockhunters support this investigation). An (entire) FBI agent also has
been assigned to the case, the (bullshit pigboy GOP) sources say."
I predict that Witchfinder General Ashcroft will
weigh in on this Real Soon Now.
He will babble sanctimoniously about giving President Clinton the benefit of the doubt,
but regretfully state that the truth can only be known with a full, proctological exam of the ex President.
But the worst part is they don't have the courage
to subpoena Clinton.
By definition, nobody else on the planet knows what Clinton knows.
I have no doubt Clinton would be more than more than more than happy
to explain to these braindead cockhunters exactly why he did what he did.
Oh, Koresh, PLEASE let Bill be in a bad, bad pissed-off
mood if/when they call him.
Oh, Koresh, PLEASE let Bill be having the worst hemorrhoid flare-up of his life,
putting him in a sour mood most foul when that shit Burton (R-has/is bastard) asks him,
"Mr President, what was going through your mind when you pardoned Marc Rich?"
...and PLEASE let him answer that question with
more acidic sarcasm than Harold Ickes,
BartCop, Norm McDonald, Betty Bowers and Richard Belzer could muster combined.
Oh, please let that happen.
Bill Clinton does the Harlem
by Ann Coulter
Read the Previous
It had everything - new press rules, a talk with Chris Rock, some great Neil Young, and a fumble.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.