POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT
The hijackers stole my palm picture.
I stole it back.
"It's officially autumn. In many parts
of the country,
the leaves are starting to turn brown and fall to the ground.
Today, Jerry Falwell blamed it on gays and lesbians.
He also predicted of they continue their behavior,
the days will get shorter and it will become colder".
-- Jay Leno
I know a lot of people are concerned about Bill Maher.
I'll bet you're getting flooded with the same "Save Bill Maher," petitions that I am,
and I'm all for saving his show, but he doesn't seem to be too concerned.
He didn't mention it on his show last night - I wonder why?
If I was in his position, I'd want to let people know what's going
on, and say,
"This could be my last week with ABC, so let's make it a good show,"
so people would know how close I was to being out the door.
The Washington Post quotes Bush as saying "misunderestimate" 5 (yes, five!) times in his CIA speech.
I could kick myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt
on the first one when he tried to correct himself to "misunderstood."
I'm damn surprised they actually printed what he said.
Usually, the whore press "fixes" his mistakes so fewer people will remember
that Bush has been told the correct word to use a dozen times by Teacher Condi,
but he has an atrophied brain and he cannot think or remember instructions.
as seen on TheOnion.com
Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said
His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries
as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence."
White House Whitewashers
by Jake Tapper at salon.com
"There was plenty of reason for the president to get to a secure communications base as soon as
possible on September 11, and plenty of reason to avoid Washington during an extremely uncertain time.
So why the lies? Were these people spinning at a time of grave national crisis?"
Subject: The Republicans Wet Dream
For all of those who are intent upon retaliation/revenge for the WTC attacks, I always have two questions:
1. Would be willing to forego responding
in any way,
if it meant that no more American lives would be lost?
Sure, but you're talking against science and
You're talking about a Magic Genie (or God) appearing with an iron-clad guarantee.
I answered your question because I hate it when people fail to answer mine.
2. Are you willing to risk retaliation/revenge
even if it means that more American lives
will be lost than those of our enemies? (not even counting those already killed in the attack).
You bet your ass.
3. Was America and the world more in danger during the Cuban Missile Crisis or now?
Much more then.
Sure, we lost a great deal here, but we didn't know in October of 1962 that the nukes
in Cuba were already armed and ready. If Castro had launched on Miami, we would've
lost millions, and then we would've launched on Russia, Cuba and East Germany.
Of course, smarter people might disagree.
I have a question for you:
A. If we're not going to use our satellites now,
if we're not going to use our state-of-the-art weapons now,
if we're not going to use our invisible flying warships now,
if we're not going to use our CIA moles now,
if we're not going to use our courage to get these murderers now,
don't you think we should just surrender and save the billions we spend on defense?
Search of the Elusive Right-Wing Sense of Humor: Revisited
by Isaac Peterson
Don't you think it's a mistake for the already-delayed Emmy Awards
promising a somber and formal statue dissemination instead of a great big party?
It's still 2 weeks away, and Jay, Dave, Jon and Conan et al
have started to put their blues away,
so I'm calling on the TV Academy, or whatever bullshit name they gave themselves to sound important
to remind America that they are in the ENTERTAINMENT business.
Y'know - SHOW business, as in "Let's put on a show for the people to watch."
Walter Cronkite's going to kick off the evening with a downer
speech and get a morose tone
started for these entertainers, some of whom will be having the biggest night of their careers
BTW, here is my Emmy
Report from last year.
I was right on every pick.
I'll do a 2001 report as we get closer to the big night.
by William Rivers Pitt
Subject: Why did we have a President Clinton instead of a President Gebhardt?
Because back at the height of the Gulf War, when
most politicians saw Bush the Elder as unbeatable,
our last elected president saw an opportunity. Gebhardt gave up and folded his tent before he even
started, then was kicking himself because he had no funding or infrastructure by the time big Bush
was tanking It will be the same way with the chimp, BC.
His poll numbers make him unbeatable *now*, but
in the patriotic fervor of Americans usually fades fast.
In six months, it will be safe to challenge. By the time of the '04 New Hampshire primary, he'll be beatable,
just like daddy. It's important for Democrats contemplating the White House to remember that and continue
to plan as if his current approvals were in the 40% range.
Ed, great point.
You're right - Clinton saw it coming, but he had vision.
I'll keep saying it - whoever wants to lead the Demos in 2004 needs
to step up now,
instead of waiting until the summer of 2003 to stumble forward.
Whoever is out there, the time to step up is now.
Take a stand, take a chance.
Your country needs you now.
We're damn sure not getting any leadership from Smirk the Skirt...
We the People of the United States of America are facing two enemies.
One enemy is the terrorists
who blew up the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The other enemy is our own government
who has launched a war on freedom and the Constitution. Congress is in the process of passing laws
that overturn our civil liberties and undermine the very freedoms that make us who we are.
The new laws, which are being passed in the heat of the moment, give
the government the powers to
spy on law abiding citizens, to search your home, to listen in on your phone calls, and to arrest anyone
they donít like under the pretense of terrorism laws. These laws give the government the same powers
of the former Soviet Union to oppress people who love freedom and care about the vision of our
forefathers who founded this nation as a country of free people.
Before we return to McCarthyism, I urge Congress to slow down and think
before overturning the
Constitution in the heat of the moment. We the People are prepared to fight for our freedom, even if
the enemy is our own government. We ask Congress not to finish the terrorist work by taking away
the very thing that makes us great. We canít fight a war on terrorism if we are fighting a civil war at
the same time. All I am asking is that Congress should slow down enough to think before they act.
Subject: Whose Heaven Are We Talking About Anyway?
Let's see, the hijackers believed that they were
going to heaven the moment that they hit their targets.
The born again Christians believed that they were going to heaven the moment that they died.
What's the right answer?
a. the hijackers
went to heaven
b. the Christians went to heaven
c. they all went to their seperate heavens
d. no one went to heaven
e. they all went to the same heaven
f. none of the above
Jim in Rochester, MI
"When I take action, I'm not going to
fire a $2 million missile at a
$10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive."
-- Bush to four senators, Sept. 14, according to Newsweek.
columnist fired after telling the truth
I guess he made Mr. Rove angry - you just can't do that in America's press
The Daily Courier has fired a columnist who wrote about Bush "hiding in a Nebraska hole"
instead of returning to Washington immediately after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.
This has nothing to do with anything, saw something on the news
that reminded me,
but there was a guy maybe fifteen years ago who was a guest on Letterman.
This is swear-to-Koresh, I saw it myself, some guy got a piece
of crap lawn chair from
Wal-Mart, a $6.95 two-pound plastic lawn chair and attached helium balloons to it
and actually floated around Los Angeles for hours and lived to tell about it.
The way I remember it, he was spotted by pilots flying in to LAX,
and then he drifted out to sea, but I don't remember how the story ended.
I mean, he was on Dave with some film, so it happened and he lived thru it,
I just don't remember all the details.
One thing, tho, this SOB was up there.
This wasn't some 600 foot ride in the sky.
He was at 12,000 feet or 20,00 feet or something, wasn't he?
That's how the pilots spotted him, he was in their lanes.
...and wasn't he drunk when he did this?
I see him holding a drink in his hand while "flying,"
If any of you locator people run into this, and send the link
...I'll, ...I'll, ...I'll grant you one wish.
The Wartime Opportunists
Not wishing to be outdone, Senator Frank Murkowski, R-Alaska, didn't wait long to explain
how the terror attack makes it imperative to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
(ANWR). "There is no doubt that at this time of national emergency, an expedited
energy-security bill must be considered," the Alaska senator announced last week.
"Opening ANWR will be a central element in finally reducing this country's
dangerous overdependence on unstable foreign sources of energy," he said.
With a name like that, it's gotta be good, right?
Be sure and check the "NY Attack" button.
"Just because America's headed to War
doesn't mean that Bush DIDN'T steal the election.
It's just too bad so many people are giving up when they need to speak up the most.
If today's liberals were around 225 years ago, we'd all have bad teeth
and be drivin' on the wrong side of the road today.
But then, we'd have a leader that we didn't elect, so maybe things aren't that much different."
-- Kevin Cunningham at politicalstrikes.com
The NY Fire Commissioner was on Dave last night.
He said they had 65 years worth of on-the-job losses on Sept 11th.
Then there's the legend of Patty Brown, if I have the name
I know they lost him, too, and they kept saying he was the real deal,
but I never saw a link and I haven't got around to digging that up.
If anyone knows of a good Patty Brown link, send it to
me, would you?
(I couldn't find any, ...I may have the name wrong, but he sure sounded like the type of guy
I'd be proud to sit at a bar with and sip on a few shots of some fine Chinaco Anejo....)
The way they were talking, he's like Robbie Kneivel without the big paycheck.
ABC Radio said today that Weak & Stupid is against
pilots having guns.
What the hell goes on in that boy's brain?
He made it legal for every inbred nimrod in Texas to bring his
guns to football games,
to church services (for Koresh's sake) and even to the damn courthouse,
where lives are shattered and kids are taken away from their enraged fathers.
...but a pilot for a major airline can't be trusted?
One of the most highly-trained civilians in the American work
force, who daily has hundreds
of lives in his hands several times a day can't be trusted to own and handle a firearm?
If you agree with Smirk, and think armed pilots are a bad idea, please tell me why.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.