POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT
Sen. Clinton's limousine blew past a
security checkpoint at 35 miles per hour
- injuring officer Ernest Dymond in the process.
The Moonie Times covered the incident
two days later, in a story that quoted Dymond as saying
"Clinton's car was going so fast, I didn't know if we had a terrorist."
She was going that fast?
So fast that this lying cop was confused?
Damn, that's fast!
The lie continues:
The senator's limousine sped on for another 100 yards with Dymond banging on the window and door
and shouting for the vehicle to stop.
So this lying cop claims he ran after
and caught this limo that sped by him at 35 MPH.
He didn't mention which leg of the Olympic sprint team he anchored, either.
Why can't the right remember that when you lie, you need to make
the lie POSSIBLE
or everyone will catch on right away that you're lying.
It finally did, but only when the Westchester
County cop threw his shoulder into the door
like a football lineman, sustaining injuries that required emergency room treatment.
The idiot cop tried to block a two-ton chunk of metal speeding
at 35 MPH with his shoulder?
Make him stop!
So, to hear this cop tell the tale, this limo sped past
him at 35 MPH, which he then managed to overtake and,
while running at 35 MPH, (or faster) he threw a lateral block into the steel door using his shoulder?
Please - tell me this man isn't allowed to carry a firearm.
On top of everything, the vulgar Pigboy, Swear to Koresh, said
"Hillary's limosine ran the guard down, injuring his shoulder."
What a decent and honest man the vulgar Pigboy is.
He's a true Christian, and a role model for all conservatives.
I kept trying to figure out how a car could run over a guy and
only hurt his shoulder.
The most likely scenario I could envision was the lying cop was lying in the street and Hillary said,
"Screw the pig, let's run him down and laugh about it all the way to Chappequah."
But, of course, that's not Hillary's style.
Her style is two shots to the head.
The Big Liberal Fired A Gun
by Jennifer the Insomniac Bartender
Subject: God's Sunshine
Found some Chinaco Anejo the other
day; last one on the shelf, hidden behind
the Reposado. Too bad; store owner was probably saving it for himself, but I GOT IT!!!
I found a good use for Cuervo Gold the
other day .... We're having a bug invasion
right now (Box Elder Beetles & some screwy little bugs that look like ladybugs but they
come in all different colors and the little __uckers BITE). Pour a little Cuervo on them
and they spin around in total misery before kicking their ugly little feet in the air for the last time.
I think it's the taste that makes them spin.
That's a terrible thing to do to those poor bugs...
So, how was your Chinaco Anejo?
Is it your first taste?
A full report is required.
According to Harper's Index, October 2001, President Simp has spent
42 percent of his presidency at or enroute to different vacation spots.
Clinton worked hard and look what he accomplished.
Weak & Stupid never works - ever - and look at the mess we're in.
"These new and unchecked powers could
be used against American citizens who are not under
criminal investigation, immigrants who are here within our borders legally and also against those whose
First Amendment activities are deemed to be threats to national security by the Attorney General."
-- Gregory Nojeim, Associate Director of the ACLU's Washington Office
Gee, Greg, you think?
by Tony Hoppe
Down: Another Technology Transfer to China
By Al Martin,
In the continuing effort to make China the bogeyman of the 21st century, Washington has scored yet
another coup in the loss of the EP-3E Aries II surveillance aircraft. It's very reminiscent of the phony
FBI Hanssen Spy Case. In other words, what the US Government is saying just doesn't jibe with the facts.
From: Rude Rich in NY
I'm putting you on ignore for the next few weeks.
I'll be back when the series is over.
I have enough aggravation in my life without playing games about baseball with you.
As with Rush and Stern, you are relegated to the
commercials in my life. I'll skim but I won't listen.
Play games with someone else.. I'll be back in a few weeks.
I have no argument with you about politics I'm
starting to think Pat Buchanan
may have been the right man to vote for last year. He would have finished this shit already.
I just don't need your foolishness right now.
I'll read the site but you won't hear from me.
Seeya in a few weeks.
I have better things to worry about than what some insurance salesman in Oklahoma thinks.
Poor Rich, he's upset that I don't worship checkbook baseball, and that
Steinbrenner had to hire a Red Sox pitcher to win another World Series.
Hang in there, buddy.
Send me some pictures of the Yankee tickertape parade...
Announcement from Linda Starr
Friday afternoon, I will be a guest on radioleft.com
at 3:20 pm CDT, discussing the many outrageous
dangers of revoking Posse Comitatus, as well as the moral questions in confirming Daniel James.
There will be some very interesting revelations
as I expose some serious abuses and misconduct.
For those who miss it, the show will be replayed over the weekend and a corresponding article
posted at onlinejournal.com. You won't be sorry you tuned in to listen.
Friday's show is looking to be quite exciting.
Subject: "West Wing's" Ken Starr
>> As nuts as the Ken Starr figure was, in this fictional world he was respected, so CJ planted
>> the story that he was a nice guy, and honest guy, that they were working well together,
>> that they were all pals and getting along great and everyone was happy and smiling.
None of this is fictional--it's exactly how it
happened in the Clinton investigations. Ken Starr was
respected by both Democrats and Republicans. David Kendall (Clinton's attorney) liked him and
thought he was decent and fair, not a zealot at all, as did Clinton's White House counsel, Lloyd Cutler.
When Clinton was first deposed by Starr in the
White House they appeared to hit if off and had
friendly conversations (Clinton telling an aide to make sure Starr was shown the Lincoln bedroom
since Starr was a history buff).
The stategery then was not to criticize Starr
nor attack him at all--accomodation,
not confrontation, lest he git aggressive.
There was disagreement within the ranks (just
like on "West Wing") with Carville and Bennett wanting to go
to war right off the bat. Hillary's deposition, immediately following the President's, was a bit more chilly--she
admitting she didn't appreciate being there-- and she managed to prevent Starr from ever getting to visit the
Lincoln bedroom. So don't be suprised if "West Wing" plays it out similarly in the weeks to come.
JL, thanks for that.
I had no idea that there was a time when Ken Starr wasn't "Hardon Kenny."
Ill-Advised Tax Cuts
"Wealth Has Never Yet Sacrificed Itself on the Altar of Patriotism"
by Molly Ivins
I wonder if West Wing is going to feature a Julie Hiatt Steele character...
Niki Taylor was certain she was dying
Supermodel Niki Taylor was certain she was going
to die after being involved in a serious
car accident in Atlanta over the summer. She spent months recovering in hospital after being
critically injured when her friend drove into a post.
"I got out the car and my stomach was really
hurting so I stumbled over to a patch of grass
and rolled down into a fetal position holding it. It hurt so bad all I could do was cry."
Days later Taylor overheard her manager talking
about whether she was going to live.
She recalls, "One of the doctors said to my manager Lou Taylor, 'Things are not good'.
"'Is she living?', Lou asked, 'Yes,' the doctor said, 'But she's just hanging on'."
Taylor is still recovering from the extensive
injuries she suffered - she broke back in the crash
and still feels pain and numbness in her legs as a result.
She appeared briefly on last week's VH-1 Fashion Awards, walking slowly and deliberately.
Coke Bear says "You did good, Niki"
Afghanistan has huge strategic importance for the west
as a corridor to the untapped fuel reserves in central Asia.
With Weak & Stupid and the Vice Oil man, it's ALWAYS about more oil.
Subject: Pigboy lies again!
Bart, did you hear that Bill Clinton got a vial in the mail of salmonella?
But you know what that fucking liar Rush claims?
That Clinton sent it to HIMSELF!
Looks like the syphilis that cost Rush his hearing
is now causing brain damage,
like it did to Al Capone before he died.
Who's sending out anthrax?
One possibility is becoming harder to ignore: The U.S.'s own far-right extremists.
Hell, we knew that weeks ago.
Without a doubt, it's a religio-nut.
Etiquette . . .
By Michael Kinsley, part-time liberal
You must admit, the Democrats are being awfully good scouts about this bipartisanship business.
Especially when you consider the circumstances. They have not just rallied uncritically around a
president of the opposite party. They have rallied around a president who got fewer votes than
their own candidate, and one who many of them believe actually stole the election.
"What has captured my interest for the moment
instead revolves around the essentially apocalyptic
nature of the Bible, and how the Bible's predictions of world history square with current events.
I realize that a good deal of the Bible is contradictory, nebulous, or at least subject to many
interpretations. At the same time, I think even its harshest critics would have to concede that
a few basic points are fairly clear and seem relevant today. One is that both the Old and New
Testaments predict a cataclysmic war centered in Israel."
-- My good friend Doug at thedailybrew.com, from "The End Times," his final column?
Scary stuff - not the Biblical writing, but scary that we may
have lost The Daily Brew, too.
We're losing liberal sites left and right - that's the scary part.
The more of us there are, the harder we'll be to eliminate.
Subject: Cheney Leaves his Cave...
...for just long enough to attend a Republican
Governor's Fund Raiser last night.
Maybe someone should point that out to the Deaf Pigboy (haha...I liked that too!)
so he can explain the difference between his most recent Big Dog fantasy
and Lock, Stock & Oil Barrel Cheney's reality.
April, that's great.
I love it when Rush has to eat one of his nasty personal slurs.
That Rush - I'd like to take him fishing on Lake Tahoe sometime, Fredo-style.
Every Republican had to eat a lie Thursday when the top headline in
USA TODAY said,
"Rumsfeld: we may not get bin Laden." after Bush PROMISED
he was going to "smoke them evil doers out if their holes and bring them to justice."
This, on the heels of that pre-fab horseshit
that EVERY GOP hump from the toothless
horse molester Paul Harvey to Hag, nag and on-the-rag Laura the Unloved about Clinton
promising to track down terrorists and then failing to produce a corpse for the TV cameras.
Every fair-minded American knows that EVERY president promises to catch
because people WANT to be lied to. Nobody wants to hear a president say
"We may never catch the bastards who did this because the goddamn CIA are morons."
Let's see if I got this straight.
America gets attacked, there's talk of reinstating
and all of a sudden Limbaugh claims he's 4-F because he's deaf.
I guess that boil on his ass must have healed.
Isn't that an amazing story?
Just like his Daddy, Rush's ass was too dirty for the Army during Vietnam.
True or Not True?
Here's one for you:
Yesterday, this guy calls Rush and asks him if he knew that Hedy
invented or developed the basis for what became modern day sonar.
Rush, who seems to be VERY deaf, and VERY quickly, kept saying
he couldn't hear
but he started giggling that this guy was trying to get him to bite that Hedy Lamarr had
anything to do with England developing radar in the early days of WWII.
Here's another one:
A buxom Hollywood bimbo invented or developed the idea for cell
I mean, why would a cowboy in a fifties western need a cell phone?
The man who perfected American bombing sights in WWII became famous
being on one of these TV shows - Andy Griffth, Beverly Hillbillys, Green Acres.
...classic Corvette if you get all three.
Subject: POPABEAR IS RIGHT POPABEAR IS LEFT!!!
Brother Fire and the culture jammers say popabear
spoke well for I and I...
Papabear was right when he told me to go fuck myself for taking a vacation?
If that's the case, why do you torture yourself by reading bartcop.com?
point of view
By Raising Cain
Subject: Who's the Terrorist?
Hey, BC. Now that Congress has passed the
anti-terrorism bill and
Asscrack is in charge of the complete law enforcement forces in the country,
I have just one question: Who's going to protect us from the anti-terrorists?
Tony, good point.
I'm so old, I remember a time when the GOP was afraid the federal government
was getting too powerful and was trying to take away our rights.
With Mohammed Atta's help, The Bush Family Evil Empire
has thrown away the Constitution.
This new law they just passed? Did you see the wording?
Anyone the government SUSPECTS might be a terrorist has no rights.
I think faggots are suspects, don't you?
I think niggers are suspects, don't you?
I think beaners are suspects, don't you?
I think ragheads are suspects, don't you?
I think pinko college professors are suspects, don't you?
I think the KKKlinton are suspects, don't you?
I think big-nosed Jews are suspects, don't you? (After all, they killed Christ)
I think foreigners are suspects, don't you?
I think retards are suspects, don't you?
I think atheists are suspects, don't you?
I think poor people are suspects, don't you?
I think welfare queens are suspects, don't you?
I think whops are suspects, don't you?
I think micks are suspects, don't you?
I think liberals are suspects, don't you?
I think Arkies are suspects, don't you?
Anyone the government SUSPECTS might be a terrorist has no rights.
And certifiably religiously-insane John Ashcroft has the power?
You know what I think is next? Gun
I'm as serious as testical cancer.
If you don't own a gun or two you are asking to be controlled.
What if Al Martin
What if BartCop is right?
Don't wait until they kick at your front door, then say,
"We should've bought a gun back when BartCop warned us,
back in 2001 when guns were still legally for sale."
It won't help anybody if you say that then.
If the GOP doesn't mind the all-powerful federal government erasing
the Bill of Rights,
and the goddamn idiot Democrats are too scared to do ANYTHING except what Rove wants,
how do you justify not being able to defend your home and your family?
Maybe you thought you'd never own a gun.
Until the Bush Family Evil Empire suspended the Constitution, maybe you didn't need one.
The sons of bitches stole the election and now have erased the Bill of Rights.
What the hell are you waiting for?
Coverup, Blame & Excuse
by the Last Honest Reporter
The Bush lifelong pattern of lies, coverup, blame and excuses continues.
After lying about and covering up the antrax threat,
the Bush Administration is now
blaming the terrorists and excusing himself for the deaths of the postal workers.
Bush is now lying and covering up the responsibility
of Republican presidents (including his Father)
for the hatred of Americans by Muslems. He tells children that he "doesn't understand why they hate us".
Any high school student knows why they hate us.
Republican presidents (Nixon, Reagan, Bush) have
interfered with the social, economic and political
development of their countries, not for the good of the people, but to satisfy their greed and lust for cheap oil.
Bin Laden is not their selected leader, he was chosen, supplied and trained by Republican presidents.
We're at war with Afghanistan because Reagan and Bush created that monster.
We have encouraged devestating, decades-long wars
between their countries by suppling arms to each side.
And we have stifled their democratic movements by encouraging, supplying and training their monarchy's to
kidnap, torture and disappear their own citizens. If someone did that to my family, I might hate them, too.
Our leader and president, on whom all of our futures
depend, says he can't understand why they hate us.
If you are looking for a reason why 6000 people are dead and we are at war, you need look no further.
How is he going to solve it, if he doesn't understand
Maybe that's why Cheney says we are in for a long war.
AL MARTIN - NOT A KOOK
by RB Ham
Dave had a great show last night - did you see it?
It was a repeat of a show we missed when we were out of town.
It started off with Marv Albert announcing, because Alan Calter was stuck in traffic.
After the monolog Dave talked to Marv for a few minutes. Dave likes Marv.
He asked Marv to stay and help out in case he had trouble with
his first guest - Farrah Fawcett.
Remember about a year ago, Farrah was on Dave and was so addled and spacey that it became
a big media thing that Farrah was on drugs and stoned out of her mind, but I think Farrah is merely
blessed with an IQ in the high fifties and there's nothing for us to get too alarmed about.
So Farrah comes out and - the poor thing - every word she said
was scrutinized by the audience
like they were 400 Beavis & Butthead clones. No matter what she said, the crowd giggled
because almost any word can be made into something else if you try hard enough.
So Farrah tried to tell her stories and it was a madhouse.
The crowd was already in Titterville when she tried to tell Dave about a recent car wreck she was in.
"I was rear-ended."
So, you know the place went up in flames.
Dave shot a fast glance at the camera like Johnny used to do and it was funny as hell.
Next up - she told the story about meeting Barry Bonds and how he gave her the bat
he used to break the left-handed home run record.
"Barry has a beautiful bat, and it's very big & long and it's black on the end."
Total mayhem in the crowd.
It was like Chris Rock on a good night.
Every word she said just came out damn funny.
Next up - Tina Fey.
Great-looking, smart and funny.
Tina didn't do a stand up, but she sat down with Dave and told him one great story after another.
I'm not sure if it's her timing or her excellent material or if it's that she's the most shagalicious comic
in the business, but she was making Dave and the audience laugh like crazy.
You know how Dave laughs extra hard to help a guest out who's
not that funny?
This wasn't one of those times. Dave was laughing because she was doing killer material.
She seemed to have too much to talk about. She was killing the audience and Dave finally
had to say "Thanks for coming," because he had bigger fish to fry.
To close the show, Dave had the best band in the world -
Shirley - Holy Koresh - she's so much better at working a stage than Madonna.
Every word I said about Madonna last month was true, but Shirley does it so much better.
Almost every song on the beautifulgarbage album seems impossibly
difficult to do live,
but Shirley & the band did it like they weren't even working hard. They did Androgeny.
I wondered if they'd be able to duplicate the backwards music and the funny effects
in that song and they did - hit it out of the park, a touchdown, she shoots - she scores!
Great show, Dave!
Call White House Bush League
by Thomas M. DeFrank
Not even the President is immune from criticism. A highly placed Bush source called his refusal to say
whether he'd been tested for anthrax "a totally stupid decision that will make people nervous."
"You either don't say anything or you say you've been tested," the source said.
Saw this on the BartCop forum - maybe he refused to be tested
because he didn't want the medical people
to know he's got a hole burned thru his septum like Richard Pryor from doing too much cocaine?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.