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 New Years Eve     December 31, 2002 


"I'm a bitch who ain't so nice who's just a big-mouthed fat lesbian."
      -- Rosie O'Donnell, quoted in Monday's USA Today

 Hey, Rosie!
 You forgot "backstabber" and "traitor."

 White House lies about the cost of Bush's oil lust
 'Operation Enduring Handjob' continues disinformation campaign

 Click  Here

 The administration's top budget official estimated today that the cost of a war with Iraq
 could be in the range of $50 billion to $60 billion, a figure that is well below earlier estimates.
 Mitchell E. Daniels Jr., director of OMB, also said there was likely to be a deficit in 2004,
 but he was under orders not to tell the taxpayers what their screwing would cost them.

 I have a question for Mr. Never Worked a Day in his Life:
 What will the cost of your oil hardon be in American lives?

 I think before every military campaign, the White House should release a figure that
 represents an "acceptable" level of casualties. Will we accept losing a hundred brave
 young men to make the B.F.E.E. richer?  Will we accept losing 1,000?  5,000?

 They've already admiitted that they'll lie to us "to confuse the terra-ists," but we know
 that's horseshit because the number of times Bush was arrested for felonies has nothing
 to do with terra, and that's another big secret that we Americans can't be trusted with.

 I don't know if I've said this before, but I don't trust the son of a bitch.

 He lied and stole his way into the White House just so he could empty the Treasury.
 He lost the election but crooked his way into power with the help of a crooked Court.
 Why should we trust anything the never-elected bastard says?

 I wanna kill BartCop!
 I say he's Al Qaeda and Ashcroft agrees!
 Unka Dick thinks so, too.
 He's mucking up our plans.
 He's talking too much.
 He's interfering with our earning.

 I've been waiting years for this.
 This is Field Marshall Ashcroft.
 I need a secret torture chopper to Tulsa ASAP.
 Locate and detain the Al Qaeda BartCop.
 Take him to the Central Scrutinizer Torture Center.
 This is going to be more fun than a Crisco enema.


"I love to twist statistics and I have one for you now:
  In four years, Bush 41 had a net of zero new jobs created.
  In two years, Bush 43 also has a net of zero new jobs created.
  So if the Bushes had been in charge of America since the beginning,
  nobody in America would have ever worked a day in their lives."
   -- Al Franken to Judas Maximus on his lil ABC TV show

 Bush's bizzaro year in review

  Click  Here

"All these dire predictions and warning signs and the President still wants to give a huge
 tax break to the wealthy. Where are the Democrats? What happened to their backbones?
 Too many months have passed without as much as a squeak out of the Democratic leadership
 in Congress and the Senate. Not one Democratic lawmaker has even attempted to take Bush
 to task on his war mongering, the economy, or corporate reform, three of the biggest issues
 of the past year. It's this type of weakness that the Republicans will use to put Bush back
 in office for another four years."



"Throughout her career, when Hillary is silent, she gains in popularity but when she
  starts talking, she loses support. The "old" Hillary seems to be re-emerging, slashing
  and burning against the Republican agenda, dancing on Trent Lott's grave and attacking Bush
  for leaving Americans unsafe in the face of terrorism. The old axiom still applies: the less she
  says, the better she does. In her own interest, Hillary Clinton should sit down and shut up."

     --Dick (the toe-sucker) Morris,  New York Whore Post

 I guess Dick saw the CNN survey that said Hillary is still the most admired woman
 in the whole world, with Pickles Bush coming in third. Usually the First Lady is tops,
 but America knows Pickles Bush has no voice - she's not allowed to speak.

 Number of books sold thru so far 61

 What a book!
 Get this book!
 Maybe if you order two books you get 30% off?
 So consider buying two books, or buy Susan's book and..

  If it's not about shut-ins...
 The President Is Otherwise Engaged

  Click  Here

 "International environmental concerns? "The president is very engaged," said
 Paula Dobriansky, undersecretary of state for global affairs, said in August.

 The India-Pakistan standoff? "The president is fully engaged," Ari Fleischer said.

 The review of military resources? "The president has been engaged," Rummy said last year.
 The China spy plane crisis? "He has been very engaged," said a senior Bush aide.

 This president, it would seem, has been engaged more often than Elizabeth Taylor."


"Always, always in my experience, the most admired man
  is the president, most admired woman is the first lady...
  Why did Hillary Clinton come in first as the most admired woman?"
    --Paul Begala, Crossfire, who is kidding. He knows why Hillary is the best.

 From: Elizabeth

 Subject: Wet kisses from Luci the Bat

 Hey Bart:

 At 5:40 A.M. west coast time, I was watching Washington Journal.  Lucianne Goldberg was on.
 A caller butt-reamed her about her hateful website, and she said
 "Well, Bartcop is a hate-filled website. They say awful things about me."

 Just wanted to let you know so you could disinfect your name since it was uttered by Satan's spawn.
 Kudos to all the liberals who got through and ripped her a new one.


 Poor Luci the Bat.
 Have I ever said anything bad about her?
 I mean, ...besides the fact that she's a blood-sucking vampire...

...and that she spent most of the sixties on her knees for Democrats?

 Stranger strikes again

  Click  Here

 The short piece about Fox's Jillian Barberie and anal sex
 was left at home yesterday and I published from work. You might not believe this, but we set
 a new record for "Dude, you have a broken link" messages - so here it is.

  Click  Here

 I hope you weren't expecting anything special in today's issue, because
 every day is New Years Eve at Bart's Tequila Treehouse.

 By the way, if you're not doing anything tonight, drop by the chat room
 (it might take a newbie 20 minutes to set up, so come early)

 We'll be celebrating thru several times zones.
 Smoking is allowed but no tobacco will be tolerated.

Bush prepares for war

 Dueling Quotes

"Eight years and I don't know maybe $300 million worth of investigations, do you know how
  many high ranking Clinton administration officials were ever found to have violated the law?
  One - the chief of staff to the secretary of agriculture took football tickets to some football game.
  Clinton had the most investigated administrative history and the most ethical. Let's have an
  investigation of Bush and Cheney inside the war with Iraq and then see what we can call it..."
    --Paul Begala, Crossfire, 12/30/02

"Eight years of sleaze. It takes a lot of brass to call them the most ethical..."
    --Tucker Carlson, who has to pretend he doesn't know the difference between
       an allegation made by Drudge and the vulgar Pigboy and an actual crime

Marty's Tuesday E! page
If it's Tuesday, it's the great Michael Dare.
Mad Dog sent a link to a great interview with Paul Shaffer.
'Nazi Pandas' (how cute!)
Chuck Barris's middle-of-the-road greatness
Diana Ross - drunker than Smirk


 Dear Bart,

 You wrote:

>"With its totally tasteless Wellstone memorial, Democrats killed Walter Mondale's chance
>  of winning that seat and hurt Jean Carnahan in Missouri as well. Why didn't the Clintons,
>  instead of clapping and laughing, send word backstage to tone it down?
>    -- Margaret Carlson (R-Backstabber)'s outrage of the year

 So let me get this straight: Carlson called the Wellstone memorial, where they booed Trent Lott,
 the most outragous thing that happened all year? Seems to me they were just ahead of the times,
 booing the racist pig. I just finished reading Wellstone's book, "The conscience of a liberal."

 In it he talks a lot about his working with Dems and Repubs and how he usually was able to get along
 with even the most conservative Repubs. He found good things to say about every one of the Repubs
 he worked with... except ... Trent Lott.

 Wellstone, who loved everybody, simply could not find anything good to say about Lott because Lott
 was such a partisan prick. The book, which was published in 2001, is worth everyone reading.
 You realize we lost a great man, and you realize what a pain in the ass he must have been to
 the B.F.E.E., and you wonder ... you just wonder...

 Chris Ray

 It pisses me off that we have to listen to Fox News and the vulgar Pigboy whine about Cokie and Carlson
 being "part of Clinton's liberal media," when they hate Clinton and lie about Democrats all the time.
 Of all the outrages I listed, Margaret thought the Democrats were worse.
 I hope she's happy whoring for Scaife and Murdoch.

Friends  let friends EAT FARMED SALMON
Support Alaskan wild Salmon fishermen!


"Republicans want to punish work and reward wealth; hence the high payroll tax
  and the low dividend tax. Said one Bush economic adviser, if we can't help wealthy
  investors and screw working people, what's the point in being a Republican?"
      --Paul Begala, Crossfire

 You know how I tell the younger readers and ditto-monkeys
 that America used to be more open about racism than we are now?

 Check out this GOP campaign billboard from PittsburgH.

 The GOP, ready to protect our white children from the hands of the horny black man.
 Then the Democrats started preaching all that "integration" crap, right Trent?

 Very little has changed since then.

 When Carolina and Georgia fly that racist Dixie flag, they want to remind Republicans
 how great things were before the Democrats helped the "niggers" get into white society.

 Reagan used it with his "states rights" code words.
 Bush used it with Willie Horton.
 Smirky McWarhardon used it with Bob Jones and the racist Dixie flag.
 America is full of racists and that's how Bush got almost half the votes.

 ...and swear to Koresh, THAT'S why they impeached nigger-loving Bill Clinton.

 If you don't believe me, read .. and read .. and educate yourself.

 Meanwhile the gelding-eunuch Democratic rabbits want to team up with Bush and praise his greatness
 and it makes me fucking sick to my stomach. I gotta find a party that's willing to fight these Nazis.

 Operator, give me Memphis, Tennessee

 Last night I heard from my good friend Lance in Memphis.
 Lance used to play with Elvis and he's gotta be the best bass player Memphis ever saw.
 He's pushing 60, but he's in shape so he only looks about 40.

 Tonight he's headlining at The Peabody Hotel where those nutty ducks always steal the show.
 His backing group is called The Venus something, I forget, but Lance is the best, and any group
 he's in must be the best group in Memphis, (plus, they have 3 chick singers).  So if you're in Elvistown
 and don't have plans tonight - drop by The Peabody Hotel and tell Lance that Ol' Bart says "Hey!"

 ...and kick those damn ducks if you get a chance.

 Playboy's "The Girls of Clonaid"
  Parody from

 Click  Here

 Can I say one thing?

 If you read yesterday's Washington Post story on Susan and her book, they wrote,
 She has a mountain of debt, doesn't own her house, has a borrowed car. She doesn't have
 a paid job, though she is occasionally paid for speaking. She is not very forthcoming when
 asked how she stays afloat. "It's not like I'm trying to live a life where I need a lot
 of money," she says. "Camden doesn't require a lot of money."

 You know what I'm thinking

  ...and I know what you're thinking.

 But instead of holding a fundraiser, what if we just paid her to speak?
 With no time constraints, I'll bet we could find a restaurant/pub in Little Rock that would
 let us have the place for free (assuming we'll be eating and drinking) and if, say 75 people
 were willing to pay $75 to meet a hero and maybe share a margarita with her...

 She said in her book she drank a little bit of homemade prison liquor,
 so something as good as Chinaco Anejo should taste like pure sunshine to her.

 We could at least raise enough for her to buy a nice used car or something, don't you think?
 We could do this far in the future, like in May, so that might give people enough time to save
 some money and make flying arrangements on Southwest Airlines.
 As an added bonus, you won't have to endure that evil viper pit Las Vegas!

 So this is like a trial balloon, just thinking out loud.

if you have an opinion about this.

 From: Ben Jackson

 Subject:  Strommin' Along

 Hi Jackass!

 Hi Monkeyboy!
 (He must be one of those bad first impression guys)

 Keep those Trent Lott stories coming.  I love them.  Now they are bringing out
 related stories like Clinton's support of Fulbright the KKK high official and member.

 If that was true, Rush and Hannity would mention it 20 times an hour.
 Admit it - you made that shit up because the truth won't help you.

 Have you asked if Clinton is a KKK member?
 He just said everyone in the south is a racist.

 No, he didn't say that - are you incapable of telling the truth?

 Did he include himself in that count?
 Ask Hillary how many times he said "nigger" in front of her.  She will tell you "Thousands of times."

 Hillary didn't share that story with you.
 I've only known you a few minutes and you've already told, two, three, four - five lies.
 Are you a friend of Lanny's?

 Oh, yeah, she lies in front of juries and judges and says she can't remember
 or she forgot about all tough questions.  She'll say "I can't recall."

 They asked her about specific checks from the seventies and eighties.
 When Reagan and Bush sold missles to terrorists, they said they couldn't remember doing it
 even though it had just happened one year back, so you just called Reagan and Bush "liars."
 It's the first time since I've known you that you told the truth.

 Yeah, keep up the Trent Lott stories because they are turning into the truth that the
 Democratic Party is the party of Racists who keep Black people down and suffering.

 Yeah, that's why they keep voting for us, right?

 They throw a bone to Blacks while pushing their heads down with their jackboots.
 Republicans give them a hand up and a job with honor and good pay.

 Republicans hire black people?
 That's a funny lie.
 Uncle Toms like Ward Connerly and Clarence the Unqualified spend all their time
 preventing black people from getting jobs and going to school so they can get better jobs.
 Don't you know anything about the subjects that get your panties in a wad?

 Isn't that Lanny Kiedrowski the one you can't stand who frustrates you so much?

 You mean Lanny my bitch?
 He doesn't frustrate me.
 He's a Monkeyboy, like you.
 We keep him around to make fun of.

 He's a genius.

 ha ha
 Another lie.
 He's a Monkeyboy just like you and C-rox.
 Are you a graduate of Rush's School for Young Nazis?

 There is a bunch of other stuff on the internet about Lanny
 and the huge network he runs out of New York City.

 I didn't think NAMBLA was that big.

 Ben Jackson, Monkeyboy

 Monkeyboy, thank you for making my hit counter spin.
 When I listen to Rush, he doesn't gain anything. (I boycott his sponsors)
 But each time you log on to witness my greatness, you spin that hit counter
 which enables me to charge big bucks for the ads that run - thanks, Monkeyboy.


"While the economy stumbles through one of the worst Christmas shopping seasons in a decade,
  the White House is leaking word that President Bush may 'soften his stimulus package' before
  it's even proposed next month. Which begs the question: Did the GOP lose the November elections?"
      -- The Whore Street Journal Editorial

 Boy, you know you're in trouble when the Whore Street Journal goes after a Republican.
 America would give anything to have a smart leader in charge of the economy again.

 Tax advice - last day to PayPal in 2002!

 Spending money on advertising is a business expense.
 Advertising on  makes good business sense.

 If you send money to PO Box 54466  Tulsa, OK 74155,
you'll make the pie higher,
you'll grow your business bigger
you'll make big money like a soulless Republican.
you'll probably go to Heaven

 Remember - it pays to advertise on - read by dozens.

 Last weekend was so whack, I missed my weekend sports round-up.
 The Dallas Cowboys lost their last football game, and that's all that really matters, right?

 That made it a great weekend, but the bad news is, I'll have to wait until September
 before I have the pleasure of seeing them lose again.

 Oh well, I'll have to settle for watching The BartCop Hex work on Tiger Woods.

 Will Tiger win a single tournament in 2003?
 Not if I have anything to do with it, he won't.
 I will focus The Hex on him if he's in the lead in the final round.

 By the way, Tiger (I'm sure he reads today is your last day
 to donate a million dollars to the United Negro College Fund.
 No donation today = no victories in 2003, got it?

 ..and stop blaming your horrible failures on your hurt knee.
 Your problems are caused by The BartCop Hex and you know it.

 For more sports news and insight visit the all-new 

 Should we give in and let them roll over us?
 Or should we fight back?

 If we had BartCop Radio, supported by $5 and $10 subscriptions, they couldn't shut us up.
 There's nothing they can do.
 We don't need a license.
 We don't have to answer to the FCC
 No standards and practices committee to outwit.
 No censorship, no politically correct "net nannies" barking "You can't say that."

  Is  worth $5 a month?

  Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

  Is the freedom to say anything we want worth five or ten dollars?

  Click  Here   to go crazy and get BartCop Radio on the air

 Have a job opening?   Need a job?

  Visit the resume page

  Click  Here  to e-mail your resume to Ed.
  Send him whatever details you want published.


"Everyone is getting excited about the celebration.
  Earlier today workers were busy assembling Dick Clark."
      -- Dave


Have a Chinaco New Year!

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