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This practice show was even more rusty than usual,
but maybe we'll get another one up tomorrow that's better.



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 Thursday   Sept 4, 2003 


"You bunch of pitiful, hypocritical, idiotic, spoiled mugwumps. (He means liberals)
  Get your head out of the sand and smell the Twin Towers."
    -- Charlie Daniels (R-Racistbastard)

 Hey Charlie, I have a question for you.
 When your tour bus drives thru Louisiana, do you still sing,

"It's be kind to niggers week,
  be kind to niggers week,
  be careful what you speak,
  'cause it's be kind to niggers week..."

 You white-power son of a bitch, don't you ever try to tell me what to do.

 Bush begs UN for help 
  Resolution is defeat for hawks in White House

  Click  Here

 With the Bush administration having sidestepped the UN in order to go to war, the move marks a defeat for
 the White House, where defence department hawks had dismissed the UN as irrelevant. But the move will
 nonetheless come under stern criticism from the French, Germans and security council members who have argued
 that if the international community is going to share the burdens of occupation, it must share the decision-making.

 Diplomats expect France to exact a heavy price for agreeing to the resolution.

 This greedy, self-appointed gang of thugs bullied their way into killing all those Iraqi people for no good reason,
 but Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh did they have fun screaming "Freedom fries!" at France.
 That's typical Smirk diplomacy.

 France was right all along, and now they're going to rub Bush's nose in dog poop and teach him a lesson.
 No matter where Bush is, no matter what he's doing, his mind he's still blowing up frogs.


"I think we should just trust our president in every decision
  that he makes and we should just support that."

  Great looking, but naive and stupid.   Attribution

 Hey Britney, when you're drunk on a first date, do you trust the guy on every decison?
 No, you don't, because men are animals that will take a mile if an inch is offered.

 Disclosure: She made $33M last year.
 She needs Bush's tax cut as much as GE, Viacom, FOX and Disney

 1000 reasons to dump Bush 

  Click  Here

 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!

 Hey Monkey!

 Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...


"Dennis Miller for president."

 The cutest Nazi in America?

 Hey Angie, between you and Jason Sehorn,
 I guess you guys need a tax cut, too, am I right?

 I'm so old, I remember when hotties were Democrats.
 Maybe they just can't stand wimpering wimps.

 US derides France, Germany as 'chocolate makers' 

  Click  Here

 The US on Tuesday sneered at plans by four European countries to create an autonomous
 European military command headquarters near Brussels separate from NATO , referring
 to the idea's proponents as "chocolate makers".

 In unusually blunt language that drew surprised gasps from reporters, State Department
 spokesman Richard Boucher scoffed at Belgium, France, Germany and Luxembourg for
 continuing to support the proposal that they first introduced at a mini-summit in April.

 He described the April meeting as one between "four countries that got together and had
 a little bitty summit" and then referred to them collectively as "the chocolate makers."

 Hey George, Belgium didn't murder 10,000 innocent people with their chocolate.
 We're not going to have any friends left. The same day Bush goes begging for the UN
 to bail his quagmired-ass out of a jam, they slur the very people from whom we ask help

 World Poker Tour

 It was the first poker beatdown I've ever seen, and the announcers either missed it completely
 or they covered up an embarrassing situation.  Last night's game was in Hollywood, which had
 the potential to be really awful.  They said "Playmates and stars" were playing with the pros.

 The good news?  All the "celebs" were drummed out before the cameras rolled, all except
 for Jerry Buss, who owns the Los Angeles Lakers.   I've never seen poker played this bad - ever.

 It got down to Jerry Buss and Layne Flack, a very slick professional.
 It was a triple whammy on Buss.

Buss was behind almost ten-to-one in chips going head-to-head with a pro.
Buss refused to bet when he had great hands!
   With just two players, Buss would get an Ace-King (big slick) and check!
Buss was so bad, it's like his cards were transparent. Four hands in a row, Layne Flack
    stole pots from Buss with hands of 4-2, 5-3, 7-3 and 8-5.  Each time, Buss had a pair
   or two very high cards and he just refused to bet them.  Flack kept showing him after
   each hand that he beat him with nothing, but Buss was unable to learn the lesson.

   How did Buss get so rich by being afraid to gamble on a great hand?

 White House 'Bonesman' Leads Nation Into the Dark

  Click  Here

"My senior year (at Yale University) I joined Skull and Bones, a secret society,"
 President Bush wrote in his autobiography, "so secret, I can't say anything more."

 He doesn't have to. He's practically turning the government into a secret society - an old-boy, throwback
 establishment that even holds its secret spy-court proceedings in an elaborately locked, windowless room
 that sounds similar to the Bones' elaborately locked, practically windowless "tomb," or campus clubhouse.

 Bush, a loyal and particularly active member of Skull and Bones, a mysterious, historically misogynist
 Yale-based secret society, seems to have done almost all he can to promote a level of secrecy in
 government not seen since the Nixon administration:

 Subject: Let's put a moral value on killing

 Yes, those dam Palestinians are targeting kids.

 Is that a true statement? want me to answer that?
 My guess is yes.
 Or, maybe their bus schedule was from last year...

 We live in a new age where terror strikes as the opponent.
 Did the OK city bomber care if kids were involved?

 Did he care?
 That's probably why he chose the Murrah building.

 Killin is killin

 I believe that to be simplistic.

  ...and if you think you can put an angrier moral value to what is being killed....

 Are you saying killing children does not produce more anger than killing adults?
 Can I get a Nancy Grace guarantee on that?

 ...then you are alinged with AIPAC.

 ha ha

 I'd have to know what the AIPAC was before I'd consent align with them.
 Let me guess - The American-Inter-Palestinian Association Corporation.

 How'd I do?

 print that dude.
 Or no doubt you appeal to a certain web influence.

 Stephen, possibly enjoying a cocktail...

 Stephen, you are 100 percent correct.
 I, no doubt, appeal to a "certain web influence."
 With which "certain web influence" do you think I'm alligned?

 I hope they're paying me a lot, because August was dismal for fund raising.
 That's why I'm eating dog food right now.     (Not really)

 First entry in the sticker contest

  Click  Here

 Subject: I always hated you...

 BUTT, are right, there is no left in the media.

 If only the assholes who voted for this moron were the only ones effected by his "policies"
 ....just a dream.

 Draft Clark!

Marty's E! page
The Hollywood Hustle by the Artful Dodger
Johnny Depp speaks
Showtime enters the realm of propaganda
Federal appeals court delayed new FCC rules
Film of George Orwell found
GQ honored The Clash
Doonesbury will be censored this Sunday
Keith Richards calls Eric Clapton lazy
Silvio Berlusconi's newest album of love songs
Film footage of Admiral Byrd's Antarctic expeditions to be restored
'South Park' to syndication
Eminem's contest
The last honest man in LA
Jayson Blair's twinkie defense
Rosie O'Donnell backing Boy George's play
And, Jennifer Lopez is getting married - again


 Empire of Novices
  by MoDo - she hates everybody

  Click  Here

 The Bush foreign policy team always had contempt for Bill Clinton's herky-jerky,
 improvised interventions around the world. When it took control, it promised a
 global stewardship purring with gravity, finesse and farsightedness.

 But now the Bush "dream team" is making the impetuous Clinton look like Rommel.

 Rummy wanted to exorcise the stigma of Vietnam and prove you could use a lighter, faster force.
 But our adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan may not banish our fears of being mired in a place
 halfway around the world where we don't understand the language or culture, and where our
 stretched-thin soldiers are picked off, guerrilla-style.

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 It's Product Rollout Time
  Only this time we ain't buying     by Alan Bisbort

  Click  Here

 It was, like most product rollout campaigns, predicated on exaggerations and outright lies. And since then,
 we've ended up with more blood on our national hands than we've had since the Vietnam War. To date,
 more than 6,000 Iraqi civilians and nearly 300 American soldiers have died in the conflict, more than half
 of those since May 1.

 Much has changed since last year's product rollout. First of all, as the second anniversary of Sept. 11 looms,
 we're no closer to knowing the truth about that attack on American civilians as we were on Sept. 12, 2001.
 Oh, we pretty much know who's responsible, but our interim president and his minions have killed the investigation
 and ignored the pleas of next of kin, and what we've been given is 28 blank pages of information related to
 Saudi Arabia. So, it is not a report. It is an insult to the people who want to know why their friends and family
 were incinerated. Not to mention, a colossal waste of taxpayer money.

 Subject: extreme

 Bart dude,

 Your a tad bit offcenter with your statement of a website for political humor,
 it's more like political Liberal humor - you don't even have the guts to mention that,
 instead you wait for people to enter and see for themselves your bias.

 Oh, you want me to bill it as "Bart's leftist humor?"
 Does anyone do that?
 Anyone in the history of TV, radio, comics, oped, etc?
 How many issues did it take before you figured it out??

 Sorry dude, the website sucks, and you want people's hard earned cash to read your trash?

 No, my trash is free to read.
 What's wrong with your head, boy?
 Did you have to pay to get in?
 My radio trash is what we charge for.

 ,  - at least be upfront with it and show your true color and earn the respect of those who
 may disagree with you care anyways right?

 Joe Kane

 I'll bet you could kick my ass in a live debate room, am I right?
 Would you like to try?  I'll bet you could shut me up, am I right?
 I'll bet you could wipe the floor with me, am I right?

 You are up for something like that, right?

 Are ya?
 Are ya?

 One thing, tho...
 You'd go easy on me, right?

 ha ha

 You promise not to beat me up too bad?

 ha ha

 You're like the 300 claimants that came in before you.  You make your wild little claims then cry,
"I have better things to do with my time than debate someone of your ilk."

 Don't feel bad...there's no shame in losing to the Champ.
 If you grow a pair, let me know.

When Weiner masturbates,
is he having sex with the dead?

 Karl Rove and Al Martin


 I did extensive searching on the Karl Roverer link to the German firm that Al Martin talks about
 and as much as I'd have loved to find that fat bastard linked to Nazis and concentration camps,
 I couldn't find any links between them.

 Click  Here  for an interesting Bio on Karl Goebbels...


 From:  Ask ESPN TV

 Subject: Re: Broadcast Racism

 Thank you for your e-mail.

 Rush is an excellent communicator and a big sports fan.
 He was hired for those two reasons, not his politics.
 His role will be to provide the fans perspective and
 to create discussion and debate.

 ESPN Viewer Response

 They're lying.
 They hired the vulgar Pigboy because 4M people listen to his radio show
 and if Rush can get 1/4 of them to watch ESPN  TONIGHT, then ABC will make money.

 If OJ Simpson could bring in 4M viewers, ABC would've hired him.

 Musclehead whacked by egg today

  Click  Here

"Matt Drudge owes me bacon and toast, too!"

 Musclehead Arnie, who was accused of ducking a debate with his rivals,
 could not dodge an egg today as he arrived for a campaign rally at a college campus.

 Skull Talk
  Lots and lots of people have an opinion on Skull & Bones

  Click  Here

 Would you concede that John Kerry protected Skull & Bones secrets last Sunday?
 A secret "society" where the super-rich conspire (by definition) to "help our own?"
 What does this "help our own" perspective cost the non-rich and the non-white?
 Whatever secrets he protected are shared with some of the world's most evil people.

 Hey, if he's your senator and you trust him because you know him well, that's cool.
 But I don't know Kerry very well, and I don't know the Skulls at all.
 To me, this is more worrysome than the 1960 question - will Kennedy obey the Pope?

 If Kerry has a brand on his ass, I want to know who owns him.

 Initiation rites reportedly include strenuous and traumatic activities of
 the new member, while immersed naked in mud, and in a coffin.

 More important is the "sexual autobiography": The initiate tells the order all the sex secrets
 of his young life.  Weakened mental defenses against manipulation, and the blackmail potential
 of such information, have obvious permanent uses in enforcing loyalty among members.

Please visit our sponsors

 Good riddence, Paul Hill

 There really is no moral difference between abortion doctor killer Paul Hill who was just
 executed in Florida for the murder of a doctor and his bodyguard and the terrorists who
 crashed the planes into the world trade center. Both were religious terrorists using God
 as an excuse for mass murder and thinking of themselves as martyr to encourage others
 to murder for God. Whether Christian or Muslim - murder is murder - there's no difference.

 Is God so impotent that he needs people like Paul Hill to murder doctors in his behalf?
 Is Jesus really that lame?   Paul Hill is certianly not someone I want to be in Heaven with.
 Sure not going to win any souls here! What's scary is that there are a lot of Christian in
 America who actually believe in killing for Jesus.

 But as far as I'm concerned it's Christians like Paul Hill that make me thank God I'm an atheist.

 Marc Perkel

 Subject: Religious Insanity


 Semantics aside, what's the difference between a 9/11 hi-jacker, and one of
 these pro-life extremists who blows up a clinic or kills an abortion doctor?

 I think I have to reference a George Carlin quote that goes something like
 "Christian Fundamentalists, Jewish Fundamentalists, Muslim Fundamentalists,
 and just plain guys from Montana are going to make this country very
 interesting for the next couple of years."

 Mark Levy

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 The long-lost (four days) Volume 1147 - The Kiss  has been found and uploaded.

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"If you were a secret society that wanted to highjack the country,
  wouldn’t YOU set up your boys in BOTH parties?"
    - anonymous

 White House Approved Departure of Saudis After 9-11
  Ex-aide Richard Clarke, who ran the White House crisis team after the attacks

  Click  Here

 Top White House officials personally approved the evacuation of dozens of influential Saudis,
 including relatives of Osama bin Laden, from the United States in the days after the Sept. 11 attacks
 when most flights were still grounded, a former White House adviser said today.

 Michael Moore told us this over a year ago, but the press ignored it to protect Bush.

 Subject: Iraq is about half of 1965 Vietnam in intensity

 I just had this sudden realization about our involvement in Iraq.
 The total level is very similar to our 1965 Vietnam numbers.

 We have 150,000 troops in Iraq now, we had 184,300 in 1965.
 We are sustaining fatalities at a yearly rate of 670, against 1500 for 1965.
 We are sustaining wounds at a yearly rate of 2400, against 6000 for 1965.

 Statistically it seems that we're about at half the action levels of 1965 Vietnam.
 Admittedly, that was the early "easier" part of the war, but still it is far more
 than I thought it was!

 Fatality Comparison

 Iraq, now           300 fatalities since March 19 (5.5 months)            650/year

 Vietnam, 1961-1965                                                                   1864 fatalities (mostly 1965)
 Vietnam, total                                                                            58202 (1961-1970) all causes
 Vietnam, 1965     est. fatalities (using above assumptions)             1440/year

 Refer to this table:


 I lost the sender's name, sorry...

 Doctor's Killer gets 'reward' 
  Florida executes smug-ass former preacher

  Click  Here

 Nine years after he calmly shot and killed an abortion doctor and his escort outside a Pensacola clinic,
 Paul Hill died by lethal injection as his supporters warned that his actions might now be replicated.

"I'm willing and I feel very honored that they are most likely going to kill me for what I did."
 said the smug-ass former preacher.     About an hour before the execution today, storm clouds gathered,
 and just around 6 o'clock a lightning bolt struck near the death chamber.

 If you count that he got himself murdered, too, that makes three people he killed.
 These violent pro-lifers are just, plain crazy.
 Plus, Jeb Bush, devout Catholic, is in political trouble for signing the death warrant.

 Oh, the reason Jeb is Catholic? It's because he married a Catholic.
 If he gets divorced and marries a Jew, will be become Jewish, too?

 Can you imagine Old Testament God getting on Abraham for denying Him over a woman?
 Hell, look what he did to poor Moses, after a long 40 years, for simply tapping the rock twice.

 Like Laura the Unloved, Jeb dumped the God he believed in - for a woman!
 Laura did it for the money and Jeb did it for the honey.

 Am I the only one who takes religion seriously anymore?

"I pray before each murder..."


"The runaway national debt has much the same impact on our nation's financial condition as termites
  do on the structure of a house.  A basic ingredient to achieving the American Dream is thrift...
  By hijacking our savings, the government hijacks our opportunity to experience the American Dream."
   -- quote from "Restoring the Dream", 1995 Republican National Committee

 But when their monkey goes spend crazy to enrich his already-rich friends,
 they change they tune and start quoting, "Compared to the percentage of overall GDP..."

 Subject: Jesus bashing

 I enjoy your site but the Jesus bashing is too much.
 What did Jesus do to deserve His name to be slandered?
 Because some pseudo Christians capitalize on His name?

 I don't think I've ever bashed Jesus.
 It's my best guess Jesus was a real man who walked the Earth,
 but miracles and life after death, etc - I can't buy any of that.
 I've always tried to be certain that I attacked the insanity, not the man.

 If somebody wants to pray in their home or church, that's OK with me.
 But when guns come out, when force is used, when lies are used, I feel
 that it's everyone's duty to speak out.  I'd think as a true believer, you
 would be more angry at the charlatans than I, since I have no stake in it.

 What if Bush claimed he was invading Iraq to honor Bartcop, to capitalize on your
 powerful image and to lead your followers to the slaughter? Then people started to
 slander you because of it, even though everything he has done in your name goes
 completely against what you stand for, it just wouldn’t be right would it?

 I agree.
 If I was Jesus, I'd send the Unelected Pinhead a firm message that even he could understand.

 Jesus gave His life for us.
 He died a horrible excruciating death, doesn’t that deserve some respect?

 Carolyn, take a deep breath, I'm going to state my opinion.
 I don't believe any of the supernatural stuff, not for a second, but even if it was true:

Who asked Him to?

 As a small Catholic, we had a picture of a crucifide Jesus in every classroom.
 Hourly, they reminded us five-year olds that this was our fault.

 MY fault.

 They tried to stick us with "Original sin," which I found to be unacceptable.
 How dare they install that kind of fear and guilt in a little kid.

Another deep breath - If you know for a fact that you'll rise again in three days, and live
   for all eternity as the Prince of Light, it's quite a bit easier to "give your life" for someone else.
   Compare the sacrifice of Jesus to a soldier in Vietnam who threw himself on a grenade to save his platoon.
   That soldier made the ultimate sacrifice, without the Prince-for-Eternity guarantee.

 In the mood of conciliation, let's just agree my views on organized religion might've turned out differently
 if the wacky Catholics had tried to sell me a more sensible bill of goods.

baseball pennant races
football previews
stats in the BartCopSports labs.
world championships going on in track
Father Mushroom is a gambler
All this and more at...

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 Subject: Bowling for Columbine

 Bart, you wrote:

> We finally saw Bowling for Columbine
> It was OK, but thought I would like it more than I did.

 I agree I too had better hopes for the film, maybe Fahrenheit 911 will be better. But he mentioned
 the Clinton bombing for a good reason in his mind. He thought that the irony between a hail storm
 of bombs hitting Slobo and a hail storm of bullets hitting students was funny. I know Clinton was
 doing the 'right?' thing but he was just drawing a connection.


 Dude, I'm with you, and you may have just explained something to me.
 Perhaps Moore believes "violence is violence," whether you're stopping a
 genocidal madman or shooting up your local high school cafeteria.

 Lots of Democrats believe that, but I disagree with them.
 Thanks for the note.


 Tommy and I are trying to mesh schedules, but the studio is up and working
 so I might post some spoken-word outrage later on today.

 Real is almost here!

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  286, 303 counting the injured who have since died.

 Soon, we'll be at 400.
 How long before we hit 600?  Or 1000?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the frog-blaster said, "Bring 'em On":  82+

  Perhaps 1,200 wounded - missing arms, legs and eyes.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 It's from

In trouble?
 Call the

You have two minutes to speak your peace.

 Race Jokes with Rush Limbaugh

"What's the difference between a deer in the road and a nigger in the road?
  The deer has skid marks in front of it.          ...talent on loan from God."

  Listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm Eastern
  The EIB network, the White spot on your dial.

 Subject: Murderer Paul Hill's reward in Heaven

 Hey Bart,

 It's somewhat of a rhetorical question, I know, but it bears repeating, and forgive me if I sound like Andy
 Rooney here: Have you ever noticed how all of the religious nuts seem to think that if they murder for
 their tribal god images, they will have some big reward for it in the afterlife?

 Paul Hill didn't specifically mention what his reward might be, but do you suppose it has anything to
 do with 72 virgins?  These fundamentalist Christians are no better than the fundamentalist Muslims.
 They really deserve each other.  Bush's wars really are a continuation of the Crusades, with more than
 a little oil thrown in for good measure.  It comes down to 'fundies' fighting each other.

 I thought this was the 21st century.  Can't we get past this archaic mentality of letting a nonexistant
 'invisible cloud being', as you rightly refer to it, influence all our actions?  I just wish there were a way
 of isolating these people so they could exterminate each other without causing the rest of us any harm.

 Mike in Philly

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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