Politics - Stocks - Entertainment - Chinaco Anejo - Humor 
 Sarcasm - POKER - Sports - GARBAGE -  Revenge - Vegas


Click  Here  to hear a sample of Practice Show 11.

This practice show was even more rusty than usual,
but maybe we'll get another one up Monday that's better.



Stolen Votes
Hagel Cheats
Election 2004
Bart vs Miller
Perkel's Blog
Myth of the Lib Media
The Somalia truth
Bart Store
Dare's Disinfo
The Forum
The Reader
Your Ad Here
Kobe Watch
Davis Recall Watch
Demo Primary Watch
Contact us


Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
 PayPal to
 PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155



Back Issues
Bart Cook
BartCop Sports
BC Entertainment
Richard L Fricker
Daily Howler
Demo U-Ground
Eric Alterman
Gene Lyons
Joe Conason
Mark Morford
Greg Palast
Talking Points Memo
Mike Malloy
Molly Ivins
Project 60
Smirking Chimp
Bartcop Stocks
Vegas Report

Volume 1151 - ...on his belly

Please support our sponsors

 Friday   Sept 5, 2003 


"The president goes around the country speaking Spanish.
  The only Spanish he speaks when it comes to jobs is hasta la vista.''
    -- John Edwards - he shoots, he scores - in Albuquerque

 Bush wants another $60-70 Billion for BFEE 

  Click  Here

 The planned request -- double what Congress expected -- reflects the deepening cost
 of the five-month-old U.S. occupation and serves as an acknowledgement by Bush that
 they vastly underestimated the price tag of restoring order in Iraq and rebuilding it.

 What's wrong with the Democrats?
 They should solve this problem before it starts.
 When Bush asked for his first chunk o' cash, the Democrats should've said,
 "Are you sure this is all you're going to need?"

 You build the trap up-front, you don't wait for it to build itself.
 (All Democrats need 9-ball and poker training.)
 Then when he comes back for double, you're in a position to make him admit he either
 lied about the costs of war or he had no idea what he was doing and you make him pay.

 But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 The gelding Dems are going to say, "Sure, Mr President. Is $70M enough? Would $90M be better?"

 You watch - they're not even smart enough to say, "...and that's all for 2003?" this time.
 Bush will be back in October needing $100B more, and the Dems will cave in AGAIN!

 I need a drink...


“My contemporaries, our feelings and sensitivities were forged on the battlefields of Vietnam,
  where we heard the garbage and the lies, and we saw the sacrifice. I ask you, is it happening again?”
     -- retired Gen. Anthony Zinni, former head of Centcom, special envoy of Pinhead to the Middle East,   Attribution

 France, Germany Reject Bush begging on Iraq 
  They were right about this war, Bush was just blood-thirsty

  Click  Here

 Chirac and Schroeder demanded that Bush give the UN more influence in Iraq.
 Their stance threatened to reopen a rift over their ardent opposition to the Iraq war.

 Let's get one thing straight:
 Bush is going to them, asking for help to get out of the crisis he needlessly created.

 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!

 Hey Monkey!

 Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...


"This president a miserable failure,''
   -- Dick Gephardt - twice last night, blaming Bush for the loss of American lives,
       not mentioning that he voted with Bush on the war.

  Subject: afraid to really debate about israel?

  Click  Here

 Executive Order 13315: The Official Looting of Iraq 

 Bart, you may be interested in executive order 13315, which Bush signed on 8/28/03,
 and was published in the Federal Register on 9/3/03. You can read it at:  Attribution

 It expands upon executive order 13303, and appears to be an asset grab under the guise of
 funding the Iraqi reconstruction, placing Iraq's state assets under control of the U.S. Treasury.
 In effect, the official looting of Iraq. Very convenient for a government which seeks to hand over
 control of Iraq to UN peacekeepers. This executive order has had zero media coverage as of today.

 Mark M

 Mark, right now, I'm pretty proud of myself - let me explain.
 When I read the e-mail, I have to fly thru it like The Flash with an incontinence problem.
 My eye caught your paragraph, the headline and like magic, my eyes flew to the phrase in
 this document that allows the B.F.E.E. to legally steal everything in Iraq.

 Of course, reading at regular speeds, you might catch it too.
 Check out this key phrase that lets the B.F.E.E.  strip the entire country competely bare.

 This is what the Monkey secretly ordered:
 (I'm so old, I remember where America wasn't run by "secret orders.")

 I find that the removal of Iraqi property from that country ...and that it is in the interest of the United States
 to confiscate certain additional property of the former Iraqi regime, ...I intend that such property, shall be
 transferred to the Development Fund for Iraq. Such property shall be used to meet the humanitarian needs
 of the Iraqi people, (Haliburton Prisons) for the economic reconstruction and repair of Iraq's infrastructure,
 (Bechtel) for the continued disarmament of Iraq, (Carlyle Group) for the costs of Iraqi civilian administration,
 (Exxon-Mobil) and for other purposes benefiting the Iraqi people.(Pepsi)

 Koresh, when I was 17, I managed a rock band in Little Rock.  The Bart-written language written into
 each band contract that we had with places like The Riverside Moose Lodge had more specifics than that.
 All this means is that Bush has declared all Iraqi assets property of the B.F.E.E. - and it's all legal.

"I, Emporer George I, hereby declare Iraq's assets will be put into an account and distributed back
  to them in a manner deemed fair by Haliburton, Bechtel, Carlyle, Exxon-Mobile and Pepsi."

 Click on that link and read the official order.
 They just stole hundreds of billions of dollars - legally - am I right?

 I know you're tired of reading this, but where is the press?


 Where are the Democrats?

 Why doesn't somebody do something?

 Subject: Jesus, the GI and gynecology

 Bart, you wrote:

> Compare the sacrifice of Jesus to a soldier in Vietnam who threw himself on a grenade to save his platoon.
> That soldier made the ultimate sacrifice, without the Prince-for-Eternity guarantee.
> It's quite a bit easier to "give your life" for someone else (if you're coming back in 3 days)."

 If Jesus had it easy and the G.I. is a hero, what is a mother who would allow a doctor to kill her baby in her womb ?

 Hopefully, she's a pro-choice woman exercising her Constitutional rights as defined under Roe v Wade.

 And what is the baby? (sic)

 I'd say the fetus was an unfortunate victim of a no-good-ending situation.

 Is he a hero or did he have it easy like Jesus, or what ?

"Hero" would not be appropriate.
 And I'll stipulate that Jesus probably suffered more pain, that where you're going?

 And what about the doctor and his aides ?

 The doctor and his aides are legally licensed professionals performing a proceedure on a patient.
 Where are we going, because wherever it is I've already been there, so let's speed up the train.

 They just killed a guy for no good reason. Or maybe you can explain a good reason for me.

 I'm having to do a lot of guess what you mean, but nither I, nor the mother, (presumably)
 not the doctors, nor the Supreme Court thinks the unborn fetus was "a guy who was just killed."

 Are you trying to trap me?
 If you're anti-abortion rights, why not say that up-front?

 To clarify my position, I personally don't like abortion. Rush says some liberals like abortion and they
 "do a dance" whenever an abortion is performed, but he's just a lying (and racist) sack of shit.
 I see abortion rights as slightly more important than the rights of the fetus.  That's a freedom
 that is often abused, like liquor, like cars and guns, but I see all four as necessary.

"How dare they", some might say. I hesitate to say you're hypocritical or have a double-standard,
  but if you can't explain this apparent dichotomy rationally, then I will have to.

 O-K, let's have it, big-talker.

 Maybe it's because I'm completely sober, but I just don't understand.
 If you're pro-life, that means we disagree, but most people do NOT want a total ban on abortion.

 It's possible I've missed your entire drift - if so, it was unintentional.

 Strange Attractors
   Who paid the hijackers?  by Chris Floyd

  Click  Here

 Who carried out the Sept. 11 terror attacks on the United States?
 People in the pay of Saudi Arabia, trained and maintained by the secret services of Pakistan.

 What did George W. Bush do to punish these accomplices to mass murder on American soil?

 Instead he killed more than 30,000 innocent people -- in Iraq.

Marty's E! page
BBC dramatizing the life of Stephen Hawking
Johnny Depp recants
News & Documentary Emmys handed out
Realtiy TV's prime-time awards show
Aaliyah's Mom visited 'psychic' John Edwards
RIAA to offer 'amnesty'
Raquel Welch broke her arm
Faux 'news' gained in viewship
And, Harry Potter's train was tagged


 White House let bin Laden family flee U.S.
    by Smoking Joe Conason     as seen on

  Click  Here

 Americans who want to understand an important aspect of what has gone wrong with the Bush "war on terrorism"
 must read Craig Unger's stunning investigative story in the October issue of Vanity Fair. He provides a definitive
 account of how members of the bin Laden family and relatives of the House of Saud were spirited out of the country
 on private aircraft during the days following the Sept. 11 attacks -- when almost all aviation was prohibited.

 Boarding a series of flights that crisscrossed the country, from Florida to Kentucky to Los Angeles, Washington and
 Boston, they were permitted to leave on orders from the "highest level" of the United States government -- without
 any real interrogation or investigation by the FBI. As Unger points out, at least two bin Laden male kinsmen had been
 probed for connections with the U.S. branch of the World Association of Muslim Youth, a suspected terrorist front group.

 Why were individuals connected with the prime suspect in the worst crime in American history allowed to leave the
 country so abruptly? Unger examines the role of Prince Bandar bin Sultan, the suave Saudi ambassador and longtime
 crony of the Bush family, who apparently used his influence to win the release of as many as 140 of his compatriots,
 including the bin Ladens.

 Suddenly, people are talking about this.
 Why did the mainstream press ignore this when Michael Moore told Jon Stewart a year ago?
 Good on Joe for highlighting it.

 Freedom fries with your crow, Mr. President?
  After spitting in the face of the world, Bush crawls on his belly before the U.N.
  If the world doesn't rush to help him, Bush has only himself to blame.

  Click  Here

 The Bush administration's humiliating announcement that it wants the U.N. to bail it out officially confers
 the title of "debacle" upon the grand Cheney-Rove-Wolfowitz adventure. Not even the world-class chutzpah
 of this administration can conceal the fact that by turning to the despised world body, it is eating a heaping
 plate of crow. This spectacle may give Bush-bashers from London to Jakarta a happy jolt of schadenfreude,
 but it does nothing to help Americans who are stuck with the ugly fallout of the Bush team's ill-conceived,
 absurdly overoptimistic attempt to redraw the Middle East.

"No dead soldiers after March, understand?
  Let the goddamn chocolate makers sort it out!"

Please visit our sponsors

 Sticker placement contest

 Get yours, then send in a digital photo of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

 The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.

 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or Joe Conason's new book.

......   #4 at

 Send in your sticker pics - win valuable prizes.

 Update:  We just have one entrant so for,
  but somebody wants the Conason book or the BB calendar.

 Subject: Free speech only for those about to be executed


 Here in the great state of Florida, our Catholic-for-love, abortion-hating governor Jub (rhymes
 with Dub), allowed a convicted killer to hold a press conference prior to his execution.

 During this highly unusual press conference (most pre-executed people don't get this perk)
 Paul Hill encouraged other anti-choice nut-jobs to go out and kill more abortion providers.
 Thanks, Gov, for letting a killer have one last shot at inciting murder.

 On the same day that Paul Hill had his press conference, Sherman Austin started his one year
 prison sentence for distributing information with the alleged intent of inciting acts of terrorism.
 His website had some info on the construction of incendiary devices--information readily
 available on a lot of other sites--and the gummint decided to go after some poor, non-white kid.
 For giving out information.  I guess Sherm will have to wait until he's on death row before
 he's allowed to exercise his right to free speech.

 Tampa, FL
 Where your vote doesn't count.

 He let this killer hold a press conference?
 If I was Jeb, I would assume he wanted a platform on which he could be murdered on live TV
 by a friend with a scope to make a memorable statement about violence, yak, yak, yak.

 What the hell was the upside of that, knowing what he was likely to say?

 Could Jeb be more stupid that George?


Looks like Mick can do anything with silver.

 Red faces at American base as...
 Korean crooks' booze tunnel comes to light

  Click  Here

 Two Korean men dug a tunnel into a base warehouse and stole some booze.
 The thieves ferried stolen alcohol through the tunnel for two years before their arrest this week.

 How much did they steal?

 58,000 crates of beer and 4,000 boxes of wine.
 That's not 5,800 cases of beer - that's 58,000 crates of cases of beer.

 Uh, ...since we're about to go to war with nuclear North Korea,
 could we tighten up security a little at the nearby American bases?
 I hope they're not selling duty-free, C4 explosives at the BX

 Subject: Jerry Buss betting

 Dear Bartcop:

 How many filthy rich professional gamblers, who made their money gambling, do you know?

 Hmmm, this is a question I was not expecting.
 I'm going to have to get back to you on that number.

 People like Jerry Buss make real money and keep it by betting only on hands that they know are good.
 In short, they aren't gamblers, they only take calculated risks. If I had a chance to join a Buss investment
 or a Flack investment, I'd only join the Buss team. Let me put it another way: some years your local Spurs
 or Rockets are contenders or champions. The Lakers are contenders every year that they aren't champions.

 Dan White

 Dan, yes, that's why I brought it up.
 How could a man that successful be so incredibly bad at taking small poker risks?

Bush is like, ...really stupid,  heh heh,
He's like, stupid,  heh heh,
more stupid than my bunghole, ...heh heh


"The swagger of a president who says 'bring em on'
  does not bring our troops peace or safety.''
    -- John Kerry, last night at the debates

Please visit our sponsors

 Subject: Talibamians?

 Hey Bart,

 I can't believe those Talibamians are still out in the street and losing sleep over that hunk of rock.
 Why don't these people just put their monument in a church (where it belongs) and they can rub it all they want?


 Duss, I just thought of a compromise that will make everyone happy!!!

 Ok, now stay with me on this...

 I know some people in New York and they know a printer who can print things. It's my understanding
 that the Ten Commandments need not be in granite form to be effective, so these printers in New York
 have agreed to print up little, tiny, portable Ten Commandments in slim-paper form that can slip into a
 purse or wallet so you can carry the Ten Commandments right with you - anywhere you go!

 ha ha

 We could make a lot of money...

 We sell these little, almost paper-thin "cards," ...if you will, ...with the Commandments right on them,
 which solves that whole Ten Commandments problem in Alabama    ...and now we can all move on.

 Subscriber help

 Can't get in?   Click  Here  to reach Sam
 If you should be in the members section, but aren't, write to Sam and tell her
 if you subscribed by  2Checkout,  PayPal  or  snail mail.  She'll fix you up.

 Half off for students, teachers, military

 Is membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight budget?

 Big NFL Kickoff

 Good Charlotte started off with a hopping, Green Day-type song.

 Whatever happened to Green Day?  Funny when they just fall off.

 Mary J Blige was next, not my style, but she's certainly a good performer.

 Next was Little Miss Nasty, former top-of-all show business, Britney.

 She had her crew pull her pants off, mid-song.

 I'm so old, it was just embarrassing.

 Mrs Bart noted that Britney was the youngest performer, and the only one not singing.
 Mary J. Blige sang good and she sang hard.
 Steven Tyler not only sang good and hard, but he hit those high notes, too.
 But Britney's lungs can't support that much air, so she cheats by lip-synching?

 Aerosmith zipped thru three classics, Walk This Way, Saddle and Dream On...and no sign of Justin.


 Then Aretha tore up the National Anthem - damn!

 I think she's the current champ.

 Subject: My new radio show

 I now have my own radio show here in Hawaii and can be listened to Mondays
 from 12pm-2pm Hawaii time (3pm-5pm PST, 4pm-6pm mountain, 5pm-7pm CST,
 and 7pm-9pm in the East) and you can find it here:

 The show is is titled "Get Your Rock Off With Houston".
 I will be playing all my favorite rock music from surf beat and rockabily like King of Hawaii and
 The Reverend Horton Heat to symphonic metal like Soundgarden and Screaming Trees and everything
 in between.  Including the best classic rock, blues, Grunge and of course The Dandy Warhols.

 Please tune in,
 Houston Wade

 Houston is a good friend and a double Fest attendee.

 Feedback: Re: My own rock show

 Bart, what's the point in listening to a radio station if
 you can't make fun of 'Hot Blooded?' or 'Feels Like the First Time?'

 Eric A S

 David Boren and George Tenet
  Factors in the 9/11 attack?

  Click  Here

 Norman is the home of the University of Oklahoma, where David Boren is president. Zacarias Moussaoui
 arrived in Norman in February 2001 a flight student,  housed in OU dormitories. He remained in Norman for
 most of the summer. In August, OU engineering student Hussein Al-Attas drove him to Minneapolis, where
 he enrolled in another flight school. Moussaoui was attempting to recruit Al-Attas to the jihad in Chechnya. 6

 According to the LA Weekly before his trip to Minneapolis, Moussaoui had a meeting with Mohammad Atta,
 ringleader of the 9/11 plot, in an Oklahoma City motel. Also present was a man who appeared to be Marwin
 Al-Shehhi, who helped crash a jetliner into the south tower of the WTC.

 Did CIA agent Edger, whose responsibility was surveillance over the Hamburg cell of which Atta was a member,
 know about this meeting? The FBI knew about it but apparently did not treat it as significant. The meeting was
 confirmed on the O'Reilly show by Larry Johnson, former Deputy Director of the State Department's Office
 of Counter Terrorism (May 11, 2002).

 If the Democrats weren't so afraid, they could use public opinion to force hearings.
 What hold does Karl Rove have on almost every elected Democrat?

 Subject: Skull & Bones non-story

 ...that's a C or D list item to me - virtually irrelevant compared to what's at stake.
 It comes back to sentence one - do you want to win or bitch for four more years?

 Bill in KC

 The universe has more than two options.
 IF my choices were a branded Kerry or Branded Bush, I'd prefer Branded Kerry.
 I'm just saying it would be nice if the next president didn't come pre-owned.

 Subject: Your Views on Israel not "targeting"...

 Bart, while I'm an avid reader of your site, I disagree on your views regarding the Israelis'
 supposed "non-targeting" of Palestinian civilians or children. There have been MANY instances
 that contradict your point of view... they just never get covered in American news media.
 I thought that you, for one, would realize this...

 Trust me when I say that the Israeli Army's lack of care or respect for ANY Palestinian life (be it man,
 woman, or child) is well documented, and providing links to stories that documents the countless incidents
 will take far too much time that I can spare. I have been immersed in neutral international news sources for
 much of my life that support the occurances of such events on a regular (almost definitely daily) basis...


 Zyad, the problem I'm having on this subject is when I suggest Israel doesn't target children,
 people write and say, "But kids died - want to see the bloody pictures?"

 That misses the reason why target is bold and underlined.
 Car wrecks don't target children, yet children die in them, but that's not proof
 that cars target children - why can't I get people to realize their bridge doesn't connect?

 The hate on both sides clouds out the ability to make sense.
 That's why, as a "godless" observer, I was just trying to make a point.

 In my opinion, there's no doubt the Palestinians target children, (as in a busload of kids)
 and the anti-Israelists want so badly for that to be true on both sides, but is it?

Fr Mushroom's college picks
USC(-22) over BYU.  USC 49  BYU 12.
 Iowa(-37) over Buffalo.  Iowa 52 Buffalo 8.
 New Mexico(+13) at Texas Tech.  New Mexico 21 Texas Tech 20
UNLV(-11.5) vs. Kansas.  Sin City vs. Bob Dole: UNLV 33 Kansas 7.
 Minnesota(-25) vs. Troy State. : Minnesota 56 Troy State 14.
All this and more at...

Click to Enter

 Subject: America grovels before UN

 Now that the Bush administration is groveling before the United Nations begging them
 to take over in Iraq for his messed up war, (Still no weapons of mass distruction - Still no Saddam)
 makes we wonder if we are going to rename "Freedom Fries" back to "French Fries".

 As it turns out - they were right and we were wrong.
 Maybe Bush's rich friends should give back that upper class tax break to pay for this war.

 Marc Perkel

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  287, 304 counting the injured who have since died.

 Soon, we'll be at 400.
 How long before we hit 600?  Or 1000?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the frog-blaster said, "Bring 'em On":  83+

  Perhaps 1,200 wounded - missing arms, legs and eyes.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 It's from

In trouble?
 Call the

You have two minutes to speak your peace.

 Race Jokes with Rush Limbaugh

"How do you stop a nigger from hanging around in your front yard?
  Simple - you hang him in the back.       ...talent on loan from God."

  Listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm Eastern
  The EIB network, the White spot on your dial.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

Shopping online?
Use this portal and they'll throw  four cents.

Search Now:
In Association with

  Click to Order

                                  Conason  ......         McDougal      H Clinton                     Franken           ... Hightower         M Moore


 Read the Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.

Privacy Policy
. .