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Volume 1153 - Miserable Failure

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 Tuesday   Sept 9, 2003 


“We defeated the Flintstones.”
   -- Thomas Friedman, on the status of Iraq’s military, Attribution

 12-Year-Old sued by RIAA for file swapping
  I didn't know Lars ran the RIAA...

  Click  Here

 Brianna LaHara, a curly-haired 12-year-old honor student who started seventh grade
 yesterday at St. Gregory the Great Catholic school on W. 90th St., couldn't believe
 she's one of the "major offenders" the music moguls are after.

 Each person sued yesterday could be liable for fines up to $150,000 per song.

 Greed is an awful thing.
 When will the music industry realize that they have to change?
 If they had a product worth paying for, people would buy it.

 The horse is already gone.
 They can fix the gate 10,000 times, but the horse is gone.
 No power on Earth can stop file sharing, so why do they waste the time?

 $150,000 fine for each song?
 Why not make it $100 million for each song?
 Or ten billion for each song?


“The notion that gay men have a superior fashion sense is not true, and it’s damaging...
  It’s perfectly possible to enjoy that show and say, ‘Look at those clever homosexuals
  —what they do with hair!’ And not support gays at all.”
   -- Barney Frank, on why he finds “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” offensive,

 Rumsfeld Strikes Back at War Critics 
  "Handjob" Rummy strikes again

  Click  Here

 Rumsfeld struck back today at the administration's widening circle of critics, saying they were
 complicating an already difficult task.

"We know for a fact that terrorists studied Somalia, and they studied instances that the United States
  was dealt a blow and tucked in, and persuaded themselves that they could in fact cause us to
 acquiesce in whatever it is they wanted to do," Mr. Rumsfeld said.

 What a cowardly, half-witted putz this tough-guy Rummy has turned out to be.
 Reagan pulled us out of Lebanon after his personal bungling killed 240 Marines.
 That's where the terrorists learned America would cut and run.
 But Reagan's tax-cuttin template alloed thew BFEE to steal mega-billions,
 so Rummy has nothing to say about Reagan's bungling and cowardice that killed 240.

 But Oh!
 But Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Clinton didn't correct Herbert-Herbert Bush's Somalia mistake fast enough,
 and brave men died so Rummy cites that as precedent that the terrorist knows we will run?

 How can these conservatives live with their lies and distortions?

 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!
 Hex on thee!

 Hey Monkey!

 Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...

 Happy late Birthday wishes to Joe Bart, in Toledo, Ohio.

 Joe has been a  pillar for years.

 Subject: You forgot someone

 Bart, you wrote,

> ".sure, as long as it's not Joe Conason, Al Franken, James Carville, Paul Begala, etc etc etc"

 Bart, I sincerely believe you would tear O'Reilly an new asshole.
 As intelligent and witty as the above people are, I've seen you be merciless with the facts.
 O'Reilly would be cutting your mike the first minute.  Better add yourself to the above list.


 That was nice, thanks.
 I'd give you a free membership, but you're already in :)

 9-11 - Mike Malloy's thoughts and questions

  Iraq: Not going according to plan

                                        Click to visit

 Subject: Advertising

 I am interested in advertising on your site.  What are the ad dimension & file size limits?
 And is there a more complete rate card than that discussed on your website
 (because I'm not actually sure what it said).

 Also, I have a bit of a request -- but I don't want to frame it such that it will effect
 your content decisions (not that it would).  At the end of each issue, you sarcastically
 promote Rush Limbaugh's show with a racist joke.  I know it's a dig at Rush, but I find
 them distasteful in the extreme.  I'm all for calling Rush a bigot, but unless he actually
 said those things, I can't support attributing those opinions to him.

 Again, this is by no means an attempt to influence your editorial decisions.  It is rather, an attempt
 on my part to associate my business with another business that I can feel proud of.  Run these for
 as long as you want, I'll begin my advertising a week after they have run their course.


 This is one great e-mail.
 A shot of Chinaco to the mystery potential advertiser.

 It's supposed to be distasteful in the extreme - that's why it's there.
 That was meant to provoke, and I wish I was better at it.

 The point is to remind people what's really on the minds of those racist sons of bitches.
 Being a white man in a horribly racist, Republican state, I hear "nigger jokes" constantly.

 There's a reason why there's not a single black man holding a national Republican elective office.
 That reason is the GOP is the KKK with better clothes.
 They hate "niggers and faggots," that's what defines their party.
 That's why they're not Democrats.

 You watch, a year from today in New York, the GOP is going to fill their convention stage with
 negro puppets to make America think they give a flying fuck about the African Americans in this country.
 Truth is, they wish all African Americans would "knock it off" and just be white like "real" Americans.
 Racism and religious insanity are America's two biggest problems.  I think more attention should be paid to that.

 I'll run those another day or three, and I'll try to find the most vicious "jokes" to close out with.
 But you have to remember, that's what the Republicans stand for in 2003.
 That's why Rush makes $30M a year, because he reinforces that racism and small-minded horseshit.

 Britain warned US of September 11 hijackings

   Click  Here

 Britain gave Bush a categorical warning to expect multiple airline hijackings by al-Qaeda
 a month before September 11.  The confirmation of repeated British intelligence warnings
 about al-Qaeda hijackings comes amid claims that the US intelligence community has now
 received further information of an imminent second wave of terrorist attacks on America.

"How many times do I have to say it?
  My family has a right to earn, even if casualties occur..."


"I believe the right wing of the Republican Party is deliberately undermining the democratic
  underpinnings of this country. I believe they do not care what Americans think and they do not
  accept the legitimacy of our elections and have now, for the fourth time in the fourth state,
  attempted to do what they can to remove democracy from America."
      --Howard Dean, stumping for Gray Davis  Attribution

 Air Travelers May Be Assigned Color Codes

  Click  Here

 According to the Washington Post, passengers will be assigned one of three codes, based in part
 on their travel plans, traveling companions and the date the ticket was purchased. Sources say those
 coded "green" will easily pass through security checkpoints. Others will be coded "yellow" and face
 additional screening. An estimated 1 percent to 2 percent who get "red" coding will be barred from
 boarding and face police questioning. They may be arrested.

 If I get anything besides a "green," they'd better have someone standing by who can debate.

Marty's E! page
'Disinfotainment Today' by Michael Dare
The Wall St. Poet
Kelly Ripa, democratic fundraiser
Led Zeppelin allows 'Immigrant Song' in a movie
RIAA sued 216
Marilyn Manson was cleared
Disney disposable DVDs hit the market
More legal problems for Tom Sizemore
And, Aaliyah's parents settled


 Selling sterilization to addicts

  Click  Here

 To its critics, Project Prevention or Crack - an American organisation which pays drug addicts
 and alcoholics to be sterilised - is a terrifying throwback to the neutering of "defectives" during the 20th Century.
 But the woman who runs this not-for-profit programme believes she is offering a service to everyone:
 the drug addict, the taxpayer, the child who has not yet been born, and if she has her way - will never be born.

 Dr Laura Schlessinger, (R-JustChangedGods) one of the nation's most popular radio talk-show hosts, has made
 hefty donations and has frequently plugged the project. Richard Mellon Scaife, (R-anti-Clinton Financier) heir to
 the Mellon fortune in Pittsburgh, is also reported to have donated,

 I don't know anything about this, but if Laura the nasty slut and Scaife are for it, I'm against it.
 Y'know, one of these days I just might be in a bad mood and ruin that Dr. Laura spread-legged picture unedited.
 If the bitch wants to sue me, it'll be more fun than playing poker and drinking tequila in Vegas.

 Oh, by the way, we'll be doing that this weekend, for my 50th birthday.
 (Free airfare, $40 rooms, friends, tequila and poker - who can say no to that for a birthday?)
 A dozen bartcoppers will be playing poker at Binions, next to the historic "Wall of Champions,"
 trying to win the prestigious Chinaco Wildflowers trophy.


 Subject: Keep up the good work, Bart

 The vitriol - - the hatred - - the screaming - the ranting - the name calling - - - it's really working !!
 Since you've been on the internet the Republicans have taken over the supreme court, the House,
 the senate, most of the governor's mansions, majorities of the legislatures in almost all the states
 and now fixing to get even California. They've cut taxes, dismantled most social programs,
 neutered the unions and beat back environmentalists and other activists.

 Yeah, that's right, the  factor swayed the 2000 election for the brainless moron.

 Not really TOO good, Bart. Maybe if you could CALM DOWN - - then maybe the guys on
 your own side would LISTEN to you more rather than simply dismissing you as a crank and a lunatic.

 Hey, I don't care if the whole f-ing world pretends I'm a crank.
 If anyone has the balls, let them get in the ring with me.
 I don't have anything besides ideas.
 If they can't answer or refute my ideas, they can kiss my ass..

 But no-o-o-o-o....if everybody doesn't do it YOUR way and RIGHT NOW, you froth into a
 name-calling frenzy, alienating even those who could have helped you and further marginalizing
 you and your cause. Stupid. Too stupid to be in a leadership position, thats for sure. I guess
 you'll always be nameless, faceless....and useless.

 ha ha

 I am nameless and faceless for a reason.
 You say I'm useless and stupid?
 I say you're a you're a whiny c-word...  feel better?

 I thought you didn't like name-calling...

 He's angry about this, from yesterday.
 He said:

 Below is a typical example of you overreacting to a minor event and blowing it all out of proportion
 to its significance as an issue. I know it makes YOU feel better to mindlessly ventilate your hatred
 but it reflects badly on us NORMALLY motivated democrats who otherwise might back you up.
 Why don't you stop and THINK before exposing your spleen like this ? I'm really getting tired of it.

> Dueling Quotes

>"We have the obligation to rise up and take back the government ourselves.
>  This is not a right-wing takeover. It has nothing to do with that. It is a people's takeover."
>      --Gov. Gang Bang, a speech in a Fresno shopping center

>  A "people's takeover?"
>  Isn't that what they call a lynch mob?

 I guess buckfush isn't a fan of fair and legal elections.
 Maybe buckfush thinks all Democrats should be recalled,
 and we should remain silent while our votes are discarded?

 I guess he thinks Florida 200 was another "minor event?"

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"Even though Bush the Younger has done everything in his power not to replicate the fate of his dad,
  he is replicating the fate of his dad. Only months after swaggering out of a successful war with Iraq,
  he is struggling with the economy. His numbers have fallen so fast, Top Gun is now tap dancing.
  He will address the nation to try to underscore the imaginary line that links the budget-busting pit
  of Iraq to the heartbreaking pit of 9/11. Just as the father failed to finish off Saddam, so the son has
  failed to finish off Saddam. Just as the conservatives once carped that the father did not go far enough
  in Iraq, now the "cakewalk" crowd carps that the son does not go far enough."
      -- Maureen Dowd, (R-Liar)  Attribution

 Sticker placement contest 

 Get yours, then send in a digital photo of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

 The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.

 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or Joe Conason's new book.

......   #4 at

 Send in your sticker pics - win valuable prizes.

 Update:  We just have one entrant so for,  but somebody wants the Conason book
                         or the BB calendar - I just know they do..


 Conason's book was a page turner and now Franken's is in my hands!
 Holy hell I can't read it in bed because my wife doesn't sleep too well when I'm laughing out loud.


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 Subject: Tax refunds?


 I seem to remember something about Bush sending out tax rebates to all of us.
 What happened?  Has anyone gotten theirs?


 I've received nothing, but I think it was aimed at couples with kids.
 Has anybody with kids gotten anything?

 A "mind-numbingly boring" propaganda film
  Bush's fabricated heroism on 9-11 now a film on Showtime

  Click  Here

 It is understandable that so little time is actually devoted to the president's true actions on the morning of 9/11.
 Because to show the entire 23 minutes from 9:03 to 9:25 a.m., when Bush, in reality, remained seated and
 listening to "second grade story-hour" while people like my husband were burning alive inside the WTC towers,
 would run counter to Karl Rove's art direction and grand vision.

 Remember the aircraft carrier photo-op? Bush is a man of action; in fact, he is an action hero. Except, of course,
 when it really counts, like in those early morning hours when this country was under attack and our Commander in
 Chief was drinking milk and eating cookies with second graders. Can you imagine one of those second-graders
 years from now when they are asked where they were on the morning of 9/11? They will simply say, "I was sitting
 with the President reading him a story."

 This film is rated half of a fighter jet -- since that is about what we got for our nation's defense on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001. "

 Have any of the "men" running for president demanded a full accounting of 9-11?
 Doesn't anybody want to know why our military stood down while America was being murdered?
 As I've said several times, I can wake up, shower and get from one side of Tulsa to another in 30 minutes,
 but our $400B military can't get a single goddamn fighter jet in the air in less than a fucking hour?

 Doesn't anybody care why our military was, apparently, told to sit this one out?

 I really, really recommend you read this entire column.
 Click on the link and get a free pass to read it.
 It's written by a 9-11 widow.

 Londoners hurl taunts and eggs at David Blaine

  Click  Here

 Some Londoners do not want showman David Blaine to succeed in his bid to spend 44 days
 without food in a glass box suspended from a crane in the centre of the capital.

 Since the American began his stunt on Friday he has been pelted with eggs, taunted with
 the smell of fish and chips and woken up by a man banging a drum.

 Police said on Tuesday officers had been called in to deal with one man who was
 throwing eggs at Blaine's transparent box late on Monday evening.

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 Hey Bart,

 Thanks for making me laugh at a time when I go to other sites and start crying over seeing what's happening.
 My husband has been reading you since you started your web page and  has been wanting to go to Vegas when
 you're there, but he had an outage at the plant he works at, so we have to go with our Republican friends in November.

 It will be interesting because every time we go out with them they start arguing.  He was hoping to go when you
 were there to take him to meet you and help him win a argument, which could  happen with your help.
 We will help you out more if we over get our 2 kids through college.

 Thanks again, (for turning us on to fine tequila)


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 Is membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight budget?

 Subject: From the Washington Whore Post, so it may not be true

 If you weren't ready to endorse Dean, listen to Conservative Stephen Moore:

"I've been trying to think of what politician he most resembles. The former governor
 of a small state, he is charismatic, good looking, wonkish, craving of the spotlight,
 and capable of telling a room full of people precisely what they want to hear.
 The obvious answer recently hit me: Dean is Bill Clinton, but without the skirt-chasing."

 Tim H

Put in code x041971 for extra savings

 Subject: Keith Olberman

  Hey Bart,

 Just wondering what you thought of Olberman at MSGOP.  I caught him
 for the first time just to see Al Franken and he was gracious to him.
 He gave him a Faux News T-shirt.  Then last night before interviewing 2 old codgers
 with diametrically opposed views, he said he would allow them both time to answer
 questions so there would be no reason to shout or talk over each other and only he
 would be asking the questions.

 That seemed like a slap at the Fascist News Network.  Have you caught him?
 Happy Birthday and enjoy yourself in Vegas.

 Dr. Rita

 I've only seen Olberman once or twice but I liked what I saw.
 He may be the "Greta" of MSGOP, that is, the only person at the network one can respect.

 Thanks for the birthday wishes, too.

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 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  287, 304 counting the injured who have since died.

 Soon, we'll be at 400.
 How long before we hit 600?  Or 1000?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the frog-blaster said, "Bring 'em On":  83+

  Perhaps 1,200 wounded - missing arms, legs and eyes.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 It's from

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 Race Jokes with Rush Limbaugh

"What do you call a nigger having sex?      Rape.
           ...talent on loan from God."

  Listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm Eastern
  The EIB network, the White spot on your dial.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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                                  Conason  ......         McDougal      H Clinton                     Franken           ... Hightower         M Moore


 Read the Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.

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