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Quote of the Day
"Iraq will soon be led by men in turbans
"I hate George Bush and everything he stands
for and this war of vanity.
I'm sick of bombs. It didn't do anything over there and it didn't do anything over here."
-- Don Marshburn, 72, a disabled Navy veteran at an anti-war protest, World Demands Iraq Troop Pullout
Up to 100,000 protesters turned out nationwide
Saturday to mark the first anniversary
of Bush's illegal war to steal Iraq's assets and call for the removal of American troops.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg estimated the crowd
at about 30,000, but organizers said
later that number had grown to more than 100,000.
In Cincinnati, several hundred people gathered
in a downtown park to call for a
U.S. troop withdrawal. Claire Mugavin, clad in a biohazard suit, pretended to look
for weapons of mass destruction beneath benches and garbage cans.
"We figure they're not in Iraq so we figured we'd come look for them in Fountain Square."
"I want America to be the leading force for
peace, freedom, prosperity and security."
-- Bill Clinton, fund raising letter to Bart
"Fuck Saddam, we're taking him out - and screw
the United Nations."
-- the vulgar warmonger, destroying America's reputation
President Aleksander Kwasniewski, a key U.S. ally, said Thursday that Poland was "misled"
about Saddam's WMD and was considering withdrawing troops from Iraq several months early.
The remarks came as polls show about half
of Poles are opposed to involvement in Iraq and after
deadly bombings in Madrid - triggered fears of a terror attack on Polish soil.
"The Iraq war hasn't led to a more stable world.
Let's stick to the facts:
Terrorism didn't exist in Iraq before the war; today, that country is one
of the main centers of terrorism worldwide."
--French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin, Attribution
Subject: The Tiger Woods bet
Now to the business at hand, the golf bet.
We all don't live in Oklahoma.
What kind of sucker bet is that?
The sap gets Woods and you get the field in an even money proposition.
Let's show some stones and make this interesting.
I'll take Woods in the Bay Hill Classic
and you can take any two golfers in the field. Low 72 hole score wins. Even money for a yard.
(that's a $100 for you Okies).
If you win I'll send you the $100.
If I win give me the page for a few months, you can keep the radio.
Tony, that's not the purpose of the bet.
Generally when I make a bet, it's not about making money,
it's about forcing the other guy to admit I'm right.
The purpose of this bet is forcing the hysterical "Tiger is God"
to admit it's very, very, very unlikely that he'll win on any given day.
You're smart enough to know that's a horrible bet for an Eldrick fan.
A culture war waged over the wrong things
We've found ourselves in the middle of a culture war and, as usual, it's being waged over a lot of the wrong things.
There was plenty to be appalled about during
that halftime show - and it just starts with billing Jackson and
Timberlake as huge stars - but a short glimpse of a breast is far down the list. The problem with that halftime,
and with TV, radio, video games and all kinds of media, is not nudity; it's indecency. Genuine indecency.
MTV plays to the worst, most vulnerable
sensibilities of teens. For boys, MTV pushes crude and misogynist role
For girls, the message is to be the looks-obsessed, prematurely sexual imp embodied by Britney Spears or even Janet Jackson.
Now we're talking indecent. Make kids feel
bad about themselves or about each other, so you can sell them things.
Push them toward mean-spirited behavior and heartless, even cruel sex so they'll be game for every cheap summer
movie and in perpetual need of beauty products.
Great column - great point.
MTV isn't in the music business any more than the NY Whore Times is in the news business.
Both exist to whore for that extra nickle for the stockholders and screw the music/truth
Subject: Enclosed is a check
Please re-mention "Fortunate Son" by J.H. Hatfield.
Insiders in the Bush campaign threatened
Hatfield's wife and little girl.
With his career in shambles, his publishing contracts broken, his finances devastated,
Hatfield mixed valium and booze and killed himself in a hotel room in Arkansas.
This story should not die with him.
Click the punk to order
The Damage Done
It's easy to send soldiers off to war.
It's a lot harder to face them when they come home.
Hey, Bush is making billions from this war, and he doesn't have
to face the soldiers who sacrificed limbs and eyes for his personal greed.
Marty's Entertainment Page
Within twenty-four hours, word of the urinals had spread to NOW, who encouraged its members to
contact Virgin Atlantic CEO Richard Branson and "tell him to GROW UP!" Amid the uproar from
women's groups, compounded by rumors of a protest planned for today in New York City, Virgin
announced its decision not to install the controversial fixtures.
Riordan said, "The urinals themselves were
the idea of a female designer and we were therefore
surprised by the reaction. However, Virgin Atlantic always aims to listen to our passengers and the
general public and as a result we will not install the urinals in the bathroom at our new JFK clubhouse."
Subject: Radio Show 31
Hey, bc ...
Just listened to your latest; the show just keeps getting better.
I like the interaction between you and Tommy;
it improves the flow and prevents the
monotone quality you can get with just one person talking. Keep up the great work!
Click to hear a sample of Amanda's CD
In the aftermath of Sept. 11, Bush ordered his then top anti-terrorism adviser to look for
a link between Iraq and the attacks, despite being told there didn't seem to be one.
The charge comes from the advisor, Richard Clarke,
"Frankly," he said, "I find it outrageous that
the president is running for re-election on the grounds
that he's done such great things about terrorism. He ignored it. He ignored terrorism for months,
when maybe we could have done something to stop 9/11. Maybe. We'll never know."
Clarke went on to say, "I think he's
done a terrible job on the war against terrorism." .
Meanwhile, the Democrats stand mute as Bush brags about his "great
record" as president.
How is it possible that an entire party can be spineless wimps and scared bunnies?
You've seen it written here a hundred times - the Democrats won't
save us from Bush.
The Republicans who can't stand him will be the ones to say, "Mr. President, you've gone too far!!"
How did I get in a party without sac?
Subject:The earlier observation by a Bartfan seems to be true...
I also wonder if you don't have some member
of your "volunteer" staff that is a secret rabid Zionist
who is effectively censoring all anti-Zionist correspondence directed to you?
You seem to be so woefully ignorant of the
Zionist colonial quest that has been happening against
Palestine for more than 100 years now. By your own past responses, it seems that you blame the
Palestinians more for the violence in Palestine (and when I say Palestine, I include ALL the territory
stolen by the Zionists since at least 1948) while apparently refusing to attribute most all of that violence
to the Zionists who started first by stealing an indigenous people's land by way of colonial insider trading
and outright genocidal ethnic cleansing.
<tons of snippage>
Dan, haven't you heard?
I hate the Jews - or, that's what half my mail says.
The other half asks why I'm a blood-thirsty Zionist killer.
You people (both sides) are whack.
I'll bet you go to the zoo and say, "That
bear is a Zionist."
I'll bet you walk thru a park and say, "That tree hates Palestinians."
Confession: I have been to Zion
National Park - does that mean anything?
I used to be annoyed by these idiotic accusations, but now they amuse me.
BTW, apparently it's an insult to call Jews "Zionists," but I
don't know why.
What I do know is you and your perceived enemies put the "C" in crazy.
I read about a survey - one third
of computer users have stopped using e-mail because of spam.
Bill Gates says going to pay-per-e-mail is the only way to stop spam and I agree.
A penny per e-mail would solve a lot of
problems in this world.
Those endless joke e-mails that people send and re-send 1,000 times would at least slow down,
the multi e-mails might even stop (sometimes people send me the same message to all six addresses)
and certainly the million-at-a-time spammers would have to stop.
Businesses would have no problem paying
a penny per e-mail.
You should have no problem with this either, so why fight this?
I imagine everyone will disagree with me on this, and I'd like to hear your opinion, if you have one.
Remember, the topic is not
"Should e-mails remain free?"
The topic is "How to stop spammers."
Soon, that one third figure might go to
Once that happens, won't we just lose e-mail as a communications tool?
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence,
or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me."
--Hunter S. Thompson
Subject: Yesterday's top toon ("Mommy, the giant monkey is trying to eat me")
You almost can never miss with a chimp reference,
but bad timing for that particular front page featuring a frightened child:
Child Upgraded To Fair Following Gorilla Attack
Hey, the Gorilla had bad timing, not me.
I am Bush's tool at CNN
Subject:NAFTA = Bad
Sure, NAFTA is bad for America's workers
& economy (just as making WVa's min wage $1.50/hour
would be bad for Ohio's workers & economy)
...but BOTH Pres Bushes, Clinton and Kerry
all backed it (because they're politicians who depend on the rich
for contributions). The ONLY person who came out against NAFTA vigilantly was crazy Ross Perot.
That is why I voted for him.
I don't have the facts at my fingertips,
but Ross Perot greased the palms of Texas politicians
and got some airport that he owns/uses declared duty-free so he just bought extra protection.
You really voted for Perot?
At least Kerry has recognized his error
(Bush calls it "waffling"... whatever) and has vowed to rescind
the parts that allow companies to export jobs to countries with slave labor conditions. I can't wait. (rolls eyes)
Compared to America, isn't every other country guilty of "slave labor conditions?"
Not shipping jobs overseas is NOT anti-trade
and CAN be done, but i doubt anyone in corporate America
will show the gov't how and i doubt even more their ability (or desire) to figure it out.
In about 100 days, I'll be knee-deep in fresh, sweet Bixby corn.
Man, you are catching it left and right
and Christian these days.
Don't these people know that this is a comedy site?
Maybe you should put that somewhere close
to the front.
You've got that red banner at the top, but it doesn't mention comedy.
I like your site because you're as full
of it as me and most of my friends.
Keep up the fight and keep pissin' em off.
Eric, if I have to say 'this is humor' that means it's not.
I will try to be funnier.
George W. Bush does not care about veterans
He has done
more to disenfranchise the veteran community
than any president on record !!!
Bush is no Commander in Chief
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Subject: Woods' streaks only add to his legacy
I used to love your website and everything
you talked about, however when you open your mouth
about Golf your ignorance on the subject is glaring.
So, my opinion of Eldrick didn't match yours
so you're dumping me like an elected Democrat dumps his president?
You have lost all credibility with me with your continued childish attacks on Tiger Woods and his golfing ability.
My credibility with you lasted as long as
I said everything you wanted to hear.
The minute our opinions differed, you felt all jilted and chose to abondone our friendship?
You know so little about golf its so blatantly obvious.
That statement is true and I'm damn proud
I can't give you the square feet of a soccer field, either.
If its his politics you don't like say so and stick to that.
I have said so, a few dozens times, but
I can't state my very valid reasons for disliking him every damn issue.
His golf is unmatched by anyone ever.
About your bet, Golf isn't a betting sport without odds.
Tiger only wins a bit over 20% of the time.
So, he's 80 percent loser and people still
fawn over him like he's the Second Coming.
Dude - we disagree.
This is a sports thing.
You like The Babe, I like Hank.
Plus the odds of winning the same tournament 5x in a row are staggering.
So why didn't he win a major last year or
so far this year?
Vijay Singh won four last year - maybe - who cares? - why not worship him?
Now go ahead and twist this into Tiger sucks
and don't forget to read the attached article
listing Tigers top ten accomplishments.
If you had sent the URL I would've published
They NEVER send the URL.
I've lost readers over Ellen Degeneres,
over John Wayne, over Ted Nugent, over Michael Jackson etc.
Why can't people understand that I'm not you and you're not me?
If I like U2 and you don't, that doesn't mean either of us suck.
If I think Eldrick is a pathetic whore and
Whitey's useful and eager tool,
so why can't you just say, "Bart's a nut," and enjoy the rest of the web page?
If I watch Tiger miss four foot putts and
still call him, "The Greatest,"
I'm just another fawning fan..
I write what I think, and sometimes people say "How dare you?" if they read my ramdom thoughts.
streaks only add to his legacy
by Steve Elling, The Orlando Sentinel, Fla.
When was the last time Eldrick won two in a row?
soldier body count in Iraq
Bush lied, and caused 571 Americans their lives - and counting.
Or is the real figure over 1200?
by George Bush
by Jane Stillwater
Recently I went on a tour bus with a bunch of senior citizens. This trip was a pivotal point in my political education!
All I did was mention...that I thought George Bush had stolen the 2000 election and...Holy cow! Sixteen irate little old ladies
immediately attacked me with umbrellas! Were it not for my daughter Ashley's quick thinking, I would not even be here to tell the tale.
Americans just seem to LOVE getting sucker-punched
by George Bush. Cite unemployment statistics to them?
Line up facts about Bush's close alliances with, say, the bin Ladin family or Enron? THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED!
Subject: Why I subscribed to BartCop Radio
I could never understand why my views of
life were so different from many of my relatives and friends. We all grew
(I thought) the same influences, yet many of my friends and relatives had an illogical hatred of the Best President I have ever known.
I couldn't understand their anger. I couldn't understand how they could listen to Pigboy ad-naseum and actually believe any of the
vomit that he spews. I was not welcome to express my admiration of the BigDog in the homes of anyone I knew.
So I began searching for some place in the
world where someone was intelligent enough to see the hypocricy of the
"We" all know the stories: Dr. Laura, Henry Hyde, Ginrich, Stanley, Hutchinson and many more -- their hypocricy sickens me.
And so, one day in my anger and my pain, I searched on the Internet for "Rush is an Idiot." I found an oasis in the desert -- I found Bartcop.
I will never forget the next 36 hours. I was up all night clicking and reading "previous issue" until I crashed from exhaustion.
When I woke the next afternoon I continued reading as far back as I could. I was addicted.
I couldn't believe what I was reading --
here was a guy who happened to live in my stupid state who did more with
an IQ of 64
than most geniuses I have ever met -- here was a guy who could write logically and humorously at the same time -- about a topic
I felt was deadly serious. I liked his style, confidence, humor and unflappability. He was so honest that I actually worried for his life.
When the "treehouse" would go dark for a few days I wondered if someone had gotten to him.
I was with him (reading his daily rants)
when he met Julie Hyatt Steele and I admired that he would work so hard
money/contributions to help her (while keeping nothing for himself). I attended JulieFest and was inspired to meet about 200
of you fellow Bartians -- that was awesome! This guy Bart became my hero -- putting himself on the line like I would never
have the guts to do. Just writing this note stretches my courage because I honestly believe that Asscroft can intercept this email
(even as he lies/lays in intensive care).
And then, when Bart offered to quit his
job (I still miss hearing the stories about Vic the Racist) and begin doing
without the safety net of a real job, I had no choice than to contribute my measely $10 a month. My $10 is a stupid pittance
compared to what Bart is doing for all of us. It embarrasses me that I do not give more.
I don't subscribe to get "extra content"
-- but I have heard enough snippets to know that his delivery is getting
better every day
(thanks, Tommy, you are a true professional). I would love to see Bartcop/Tommy with their own show on the AirAmerica network.
In summary (the crowd cheers): I subscribed
because Bartcop has guts and he says what I wish I could say and he presents
the information with humor and logic. I read Bartcop daily. How could I NOT subscribe?
Proud to be a Bartian,
Bob from Oklahoma
I had a great Saturday - how 'bout you?
You see, there's this hot blonde who cuts my hair.
I go to her because she's not insane, and she does a good job.
She also believes a good scalp massage is important to a good hair cut.
(Hey, it's the closest I'll ever get to cheating on Mrs. Bart - cut me a break.)
When she asks "What's up?"
my recent replies often mention Las Vegas and Pokerfests.
She said she had a friend in K-Drag who has bi-weekly Texas Hold 'em tournaments.
She held a mortgage on my attention, so I asked all the normal
Who, what, where, when, how much, and do I need to bring The Baby?
I asked if she had told him that I've hosted poker tourneys on
the WSOP table at Binions.
She said no, so the Poker hunt was afoot.
Game was 7:30, I got there early.
I thought it would be a "tell" the others could falsely pick up :)
It was a tiny, tiny room, the size of a bathroom, but it worked.
The host had a real poker table, I think he said he paid $400 for it.
It was in much better shape then the table we paid for at Circus, Circus.
So anyway, I'm in a room with 9 other dudes and everyone is real
The host, an insurance salesman named John, has free pop and beer for everyone.
There was some wine, some Cheez-its (whatever) and everybody was in a good mood.
The game started, and everyone started out very cautious.
Because I have an IQ of 64, I think it's more fun to name the chips "thousand."
It was a $50 buy-in, but it would suck to say, "I'll see your $3, and raise you two more."
That's how girls play poker.
That's a little humor for the femmers who are keeping me honest.
Manly men want to deceive themselves - you know - like pretending they're f-ing Pirates at Disneyland.
Instead of betting $3, we lie to each other and say, "I'll bet $3,000."
After a few hands, it became clearer than Lake Concha.
I was going thru these guys like Sherman's hot knife thru Atlanta's warmest butter.
Once, I got an Ace-Ten of diamonds.
The flop came up diamond, diamond, diamond.
I couldn't lose this if The Bush Monkey was my Sensei, or whatever that Karate thing is...
I had an Ace-high flush, meaning only a full house or straight
flush could beat me,
and the flop proved a full-house was impossible and the Ace-Ten meant he couldn't out-flank me.
He was wet sauerkraut in my hands.
Another hand, early on, I was running on fumes.
Swear to Koresh, I'm Butch and Sundance on the ledge, so the smart move was to jump.
I was down to twenty percent of my chip allotment, and I got a lousy 4-7, so I went "All in."
Youse, ...that don't play poker, you'll never know the excitement of those two words.
That's sad, because those two words can really make your adrenaline roar,
and why the hell wouls you want to live in a world without your adrenaline roaring?
I go desperate on my "All in" with 4-7 and the flop is a 3-5-6.
I ended up winning the first tourney with the Tulsa Poker Club.
$50 entry fee, $200 first place prize - could be worse.
Seconds into the second $50 tourney, I realized that if I should
happen to win the second tourney, I would never be invited back again.
I had a political decision to make, so I bet big on losing hands
and was a quick loser.
I think I made the right decision because as I left none of the players screamed, "Screw you and don't come back."
I can't find nine people on the East Coast who want to play poker,
but I found me a game right here in K-Drag.
Do you have an opinion?
Do any GOP impressions?
Then listen for your call on...
You have two minutes to spit your bit.
Was in a good mood, it was late, I was unwinding from making some
money, (elsewhere in this issue)
so I put on Zeppelin's "How the West was Won," live audio CD set, ...and relaxed, ...and enjoyed.
He can't be that good.
Jimmy Page is lying.
I never bought into all that "made a deal with the Devil," stuff, ...but what else explains Page?
Besides, Baldwin could only play bass, keyboards and pedals at
the same time live,
and Bonham might've been good on drums - if he wasn't so shy.
And Goldenboy with the hair?
Could he sing?
Make me stop.
Zeppelin at their prime was/were something.
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If your GOP workplace doesn't want you to
the truth, use these mirrors.
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.
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