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I'm getting angry e-mails because I wrote that I might leave Mrs Bart for Nancy Grace and Dr Laura.
That was a joke.
I wouldn't leave Mrs Bart for a polygamous marriage with Louise Redknapp and Alizee ...probably.
Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Quote of the Day
"The recession Clinton left behind
"Those who claim that America's war on terror
is to blame for the terror threat
against the United States have a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of the enemy."
--Dubya, criticizing those who say his policies encourage terrorism Attribution
Governor, you are a liar.
As far as I know, nobody said "the
war on terror" is to blame for the terror
What we're saying is your senseless invasion of a non-involved country has increased recruiting.
Kinda Sleazy Rice told the same lie the
Why do you change "senseless invasion" to "war on terror?"
Could it be you had to change the debate because you admit you lost the "senseless invasion" debate?
Too bad we can't get a journalist or a Democrat to point these things out.
by Robert Perry, the most important writer on the net?
The key institutions that are intended to supply the U.S. government and the American people
with accurate information the intelligence community and the news media have become
"broken toys" largely incapable of fulfilling their responsibilities, a predicament that has worsened
during the Presidency of George W. Bush.
[Another] serious problem is that the many
U.S. news outlets have become little more than propaganda
conveyor belts for the Bush administration. Even when Bush is caught misleading the American people,
as he was in hyping the threat from Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, the potent conservative news
media sees its job as protecting Bush's flanks, not holding him accountable.
Then, after the invasion with no WMD caches
found, Fox News was back hectoring critics, such as
Michael Moore, who supposedly have voiced their criticism of Bush a decibel too loud or took it a
notch too far. OReilly and other conservative media stars were enforcing an unwritten rule in recent
American politics: the Bush family always gets the benefit of the doubt, no matter what the context.
Great column - the best excerpts would fill this entire
Please take the time to read ...the net's most important writer?
"Today's Orange Terror Alert is yet another
reminder that America is losing the war
on terror because we have a president who in incompetent. America is not safer than
before we invaded Iraq because we let the real enemy get away and become even stronger.
We need a president who's family is not in business with the bin Laden family. A president
that cares more about America than the Saudi Royal Family. America needs a regime change."
-- Marc Perkel, San Francisco, CA
Lie: Franken Back on TV
Looks like liberal radio can work with the majority
Al Franken's radio show on the Sundance Channel.
It will debut Sept. 7.
The Sundance show will serve as a best-of,
distilling 3 hours into a super hour
version that will be broadcast later the same day in the 11:30 p.m. time slot.
Hey - this rocks!
Bart gets a radio show
...Al gets a radio show.
Al gets a TV show
...Bart gets a TV show.
...ditto-monkey logic works great!
I can't wait to be rich, famous, and lusted after!
I'll dump Mrs. Bart to marry Courtney Love,
...or, if she's still in rehab - get me Nancy Grace.
...or, if she's making more money hanging Scott Peterson,
...get me Laura the Unloved.
I need a woman who can make a minute seem like an hour.
(Note: This was an attempt
at humor that was not well received.)
"In fact, Annenberg says "Fahrenheit" has attracted
about as many people
as listen to Rush Limbaugh (8 percent in the survey say they've seen F9-11,
while 7 percent say they listened to Rush in the previous week).
--Howard Kurtz (R-Whore) begging for a mention on Rush's show Attribution
"I'm Rush's whore..."
The vulgar Pigboy has 4 million listeners.
F 9-11 has made $120M, call it $8 a ticket = at least 15,000,000 viewers
Howie, what's bigger - 4 million or 15
Plus, the vulgar Pigboy's show is free.
For F 9-11, you gotta get up, drive to a theater and spend some money.
Howie, stop lying, stop being a whore and let go of Rush's zipper.
General: Bush foreign policy a 'national disaster'
Once they retire, they're free to speak the truth
Retired Gen. Tony McPeak, Air Force chief of staff during the first Gulf War and one-time
"Veteran for Bush" said America's foreign relations for the first 3 years of Bush's term have
been "a national disaster" but that John Kerry was "up to the task" of rebuilding.
The president, on the other hand, "fought
against the very formation of the commission and
continues to the present moment to give it only grudging cooperation, no matter what he says,"
the general said. "Why should we believe he will do anything to institute the needed change?"
You would think there are hundreds of thousands of war veterans
who think like this general,
yet Bush seems to be able to count on the military vote - still.
Why would veterans be willing to sacrifice their lives to make
the BFEE richer?
As an agnostic, I have a tough time with "dying for your country," because you only have one ass.
(Besdies, many people will call you as sap if you die for your country.)
But "dying for Halliburton" is more than I'm able to comprehend.
Everybody knows Will Ferrell does the best impression of the Illegal Smirk.
Click on http://whitehousewest.com and tell a friend.
Gets Caught Twelth Time
Yet they still get multi-billion dollar, no-bid contracts
"Halliburton Co. agreed to pay a $7.5 million penalty to settle charges that it failed
to disclose accounting changes that boosted its reported profits in 1998 and 1999,
the Securities and Exchange Commission said yesterday.
The violations occurred while Cheney served
as Halliburton's CEO, although Cheney,
who provided sworn testimony to the SEC, wasn't charged. Two other former
executives were charged, however: former controller Robert Muchmore and former
chief financial officer Gary V. Morris, who has not settled."
When the subject was what did Bush and Cheney know about 9-11, they refused
to answer under oath, and that was fine with every Democrat in Washington. But when it's something
as serious as a possible SEC matter, then they pull out all the stops and demand to get to the truth.
And what was the truth?
That Cheney, in total control at the time (busy selling oil field
equipment to Saddam)
knew nothing about these accounting irregularities on which his bonus was based.
Hey, makes sense to me, but I'll bet some Bush bashers will be suspicious...
Marty's Entertainment Page
"We were close in Iowa last time. Not this
time -- we're going to carry it."
--Dubya, who must've gotten a letter from Iowa's Diebold office Attribution
Subject: The ultimate goal of the (not too secret Zionazi) Kerry
Bart, you wrote:
>"It seems like the only guy in the Democratic
party that has the balls to
> criticize Bush's administration (and rightfully) is Kerry, and yet his own
> campaign officials are telling him to tone it down? Why..."?
Why? Well it's rather obvious from
Kerry's previously admitted positions on the Iraqi
(and other planned) war. KERRY FULLY INTENDS to perpetuate the neo-con's wholesale
war against Islam! As far as Kerry is concerned, there are no "good" Muslims, and he certainly
DOESN'T want to criticize NOW what he fully plans to continue WHEN (if) he wins in November.
And because Kerry IS smarter than Bush,
not only does this illustrate that there really is no significant
difference of warmongering ideology between the two candidates, But with Kerry in charge, it also means
that the inevitable road to uncontestable dictatorship in America is even more certain.
Otherwise, why would the DNC arrest ANYBODY displaying an anti-war message at DemoCon2004?
Dan, where to start?
Anytime you open with "Zionazi,"
I know there's going to be trouble.
It also tells me there's no chance of reaching you - none at all.
If God appeared before me and said, "Bart, I'm real," and could prove it,
I'd be the most converted and religious man in America. I'm open to that, but I think
no proof in the world will change the minds of those obsessed, on both sides, with the
Israeli situation. That's why my idea of moving away is the only workable solution.
I'll take your word for it that I said Kerry was fighting back :)
You must be a mind-reader, because
I don't think Kerry has said anything like what you
said he intends to do. Why do you say Kerry will continue the neo-con war?
It's not practical to suddenly pull out. The BFEE is currently stealing $88M a day from Iraq.
(Two million barrels a day @ $44 a barrel at current prices.) If we pack up and leave, that wacky
Zaqwuari handjob will get $88M per day and that doesn't make anybody's head safer.
"I could use the money."
far as Kerry is concerned, there are no "good" Muslims" -
please cite your source on that,
or were you mind-reading again?
is no difference between the two candidates" - A
ha! We have established motive - you're a Naderite.
...and when you say, "No difference," do you mean Kerry will giggle when he murders, too?
road to dictatorship in America is more certain." Your
words tell me you'd rather have Bush
as dictator than Kerry. That's an unusual view for someone who reads bartcop.com
I think Kerry's dictatorship would be far better than the Monkey's dictatorship.
would the DNC arrest ANYBODY who..."
I am aware of no arrests. I think you're Naderite
status has weakened your grasp on the facts. I'm not a fan of the "play nice" convention rules, but if they
has no restrictions at all on signs, there would have been lots of "Fuck Bush" signs, and that might cost
the votes of middle-roaders.
Please reconsider your decision
to work for Bush between now and November.
I'm not sure America can survive Bush if he never has to face voters again.
If anyone wants to respond to the "Zionazi" stuff, please e-mail dan directly - include me out.
"I don't have enemies to fight. And I have
no stake in the bitter arguments of the last few years.
I want to change the tone of Washington to one of civility and respect."
--Dubya, August, 2000, Attribution
Do you remember the first thing Team Bush did when they moved
into the White House?
While Bush was busy gagging doctors, preventing them from being honest with their female patients,
Team Bush was busy spreading false and malicious rumors that Bill and Hillary stripped the White House
bare, they stripped Air Force One bare, and they did hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage
to the White house in some crazed vandalism spree. When asked to produce evidence that there was any
vandalism or damage to the White House, Team Bush said, "We didn't take pictures, but you can trust us..."
And "trust them" is exactly whar the whore press did.
The Washington press whores turned that baseless allegation into a historical fact.
About a year later, the General Accounting Office released a report
saying they could find no significant damage,
but, of course, the retraction of the Team Bush lies was buried on page 23F, which hardly counters the thousands
of hours the cable Nazis spent calling the Clintons "the robbing, trashing hillbillies from Arkansas."
"Change of tome? "Civility and respect?
Go to hell, you lying Governor
by Ted Rall - as seen on smirkingchimp.com
Next up: Iran.
They're using the same lies on Iran that they used for Iraq.
Iran, of course, had nothing to do with
9/11. It continues to allow IAEA inspectors
to examine its facilities. Though imperfect, Iran is a vibrant though nascent democracy
that requires only the passage of time to liberate its people. But as we've seen in Afghanistan
and Iraq, Bush's wars have little to do with 9/11, WMDs or spreading democracy.
Iran's military could keep us bogged down
indefinitely, à la Vietnam. It has a combined
active-duty troop strength of 600,000; reserves bring the total to a million. They have a
respectable navy, and least 300 fighter jets. Iranians fighting a U.S.-backed Iraqi invasion
during the '80s fought ferociously, which suggests that an American expeditionary force
would be met by similarly passionate resistance..
"All we need is Diebold and a draft..."
Subject: Bev Harris remark
Caught your remark that you hope the Dems
haven't put all their eggs in the Bev Harris basket.
Did I miss something? Has Bev gone south? Gone over to the Dark Side?
I try to read faithfully, but suspect I've
missed something about Bev somewhere along the way.
Has she gone all Kathleen Willey?
Bob, everyone wants Bev Harris to succeed in her fight, but she is spookier than Fox Mulder
Do you remember Jack Lemmon in The China Syndrome?
When he finally got the media's attention, he couldn't quite put the problem into coherent words
When I asked Bev (and others) to explain her big bombshell, I
was unable to follow her explanation.
I know I have an IQ of 64, but if I can't follow it, that means most Americans can't follow it.
A month ago she was on AAR, asking for thousands of election
When the host asked what the volunteers would be doing, Bev said, "That's a secret."
When Bev guaranteed that her bombshell would
"bring Bush down," I told her if she did,
I'd fly to wherever she was and crawl across the floor on my hands & knees and kiss her feet.
Like I said, everyone wants Bev to be right, but so far I haven't kissed any feet.
Dean due an apology
by Joe Conason
...while most Democrats reacted cautiously, Dr. Dean spoke out on CNN.
I am concerned that every time something happens thats not good for President Bush,
he plays this trump card, which is terrorism, he said. Its just impossible to know how
much of this is real and how much of this is politics, and I suspect theres some of both in it.
He didnt have to wait long for a measure
of vindication. Two days after the Ridge press conference,
the truth about the new threat leaked out. On the front pages of The NY Times and The Wash Post,
various unnamed officials revealed that the data cited by Mr. Ridge was actually three or four years old.
According to the newspapers, there is no fresh evidence of a planned assault by Al Qaeda on East Coast financial institutions.
Click on the "Get out of Iraq" MP3,
download it, then spread it around
Get Your War On, (c) 2004 by David Rees. Used with permission
Accuser Considering Civil Suit
I'm shocked!!! You mean this could be about money?
al Qaeda linked to bank threat
April 20, 2002 This story is so old it has a broken hip
cut quarterback Quincy Carter
Another NFL player likes drugs more than sports, fame and wealth
Judge Clears Way for Gay Marriage
It's the end of the world, people - scream!!!
Seeks Contact With Letourneau
Vengeful GOP judge says their happiness must be prevented
Mary Kay Letourneau, the grade school teacher convicted for having sex with
a sixth-grade pupil, was released from prison early Wednesday, and her now
21-year-old former lover is challenging a court order that bars her from contacting him.
She did seven years in prison because she
couldn't stand to be without him.
I bet the judge is pissed because he never got to screw his teacher.
I'll tell you, I lusted after a few teachers, but never a nun.
Why do we always get more government
than we need?
"A boy's dream should be crushed at the earliest possible age..."
Subject: Bush's bad intelligence
Still love your site after these last 4
One point I'd like to leave you with.
Bush seem to be in the clear for sending
our troops into harm's way looking for WMDs
that were not there, because the intelligence given to him was faulty.
Yet no one mentions the fact that Bush ignored
all of the reports from the U.N.
weapons inspectors, where they found NOTHING.
What better intelligence can you have than
reports from people who were THERE, in Iraq?
Keep the up the good work
Ed, I remember it well.
The vulgar Pigboy, Letterman, FOX News, Leno, Clear
Channel - they all
ridiculed Hans Blix
as some inept Mr Magoo, so stupid and so f-ing blind that he can't even find WMDs in a country that
was literally overflowing with WMDs everywhere, and if the inspectors are going to be THAT BLIND,
then we can't wait a minute longer - we have to send our boys in without guns, armor, water, vests or planning.
Scott Ritter is another one. As far as I know, everything Scott
Ritter predicted has come true. He said there were
no WMDs in Iraq and that we were heading for a Vietnam-style quagmire, so the BFEE and the whore media gave
him the "little bit nutty and a little bit slutty" treatment, ...and by the way, ...Scott Ritter and Hans Blix ...might be gay
- maybe even for each other - so screw the fags and let's get on with Bush's war - Yayyyyyyy!!!
The America whore media went ape-shit with their "Go
Bush!" war hysteria and now we have almost 1,000 dead.
The American media is in bed with Bush, still, and they are in it for the money - not the truth and not for the facts.
Of course, nobody wants to talk about that now, except for Michael Moore, Howard Dean and some web sites.
"We did it - we got away with it.
We're stealing $88M a day and
nobody will try to stop us!"
Up to twenty views per penny.
Nobody gives you a better deal that that.
"We shot a man with his hands up. We even shot
women and children. I'm in the desert,
I'm gung-ho, ready to kill, putting your tax dollars to work. Unfortunately, your tax dollars
went into a lot of civilians. I was there. I pulled the trigger. My main purpose in life, for 12 years,
was to meet the enemy on the battlefield and destroy him. When I left to go to Iraq I didn't care
whether or not I died. If you die in combat, that's an honor."
-Staff Sgt. Jimmy Massey, who sounds like he was in Iraq a little too long, Attribution
Subject: media whores online
I've spent quite a few hours slogging around
the web trying to find out what happened to The Horse.
All to no avail.....
I was wondering if you could use some of
you considerable influence to find out if anyone has seen any
suspicious late night Repug activity in or about the local dog food/ glue factories. I just can't bring myself
to delete "MediaWhoresOnlin.com" if there is any hope of a return. But I just can't bear to keep checking the site.
It just leaves me gloomy and depressed.
Of course reading your rants can usually pull me out of it....
Until That Time...
Bill, nobody knows.
I think the last update said, "See you in May."
I have written and not gotten a reply.
I have phoned, but it just rings - no answer.
Hunting of the President
Order your copies from the BartCop Bookstone
Subject: weed addiction
I quit smoking weed nearly 4 years ago with
Being a recovering addict let me realize
that weed is not the problem. I was the problem.
I ran through the pills and the powders and the booze, and weed was the last thing I quit.
With today's weed as powerful as it is (I
smoked for 33 years and I can tell you it's a lot
stronger today) the addict can manifest their nature more obsessively. With pro athletes
publicizing a preference for pot over money and fame, lots of folks of all ages will keep on
rationalizing their smoking until they find MA.
Roughly 90% of folks who come to an MA meeting
didn't know it existed.
Step 12 is, in part, carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
If someone out there wants to quit and can't, try www.marijuana-anonymous.org
James, I think we're talking about different things.
Pot is "addicting" like racing cars is addicting, or playing video
games or reading Boondocks.
In college, I played pool 10-12 hours a day, but pool is not addictive, right?
I believe the medical definition is "physically" addictive. If
I guy was "addicted" to ...say,
Paris Hilton or Shirley Manson, you wouldn't call that an addiction, would you?
Perhaps what you meant was "addictive
personalities can get carried away with anything."
Am I right or wrong?
Lastly, Oklahoma pot is so incredibly awful - it's worse
than pot from 30 years ago.
It's easy to stop smoking pot in the Dust Bowl.
Bart takes the marijuana addiction quiz
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Given what this administration has done both
in Congress and
the presidency, the courts are now our last hope. If Bush is elected
and guts the court, all hope is lost for everybody.
--Rep. Jim McDermott, Attribution
I wish we could get Kerry to mention that.
If women want Tom Delay and Jim Inhofe to control their reproductive choices,
they should vote for the cave people, the Republicans. But what could happen is Bush
could steal this election, then outlaw all abortions, even at the risk of killing the woman.
Then women will ask, "How did this happen?"
Kerry might pick up some votes if he mentions what's at stake.
F 9/11 Won't Be Disqualified From Oscars
Unauthorized Cuban TV broadcasts of "Fahrenheit 9/11" will not keep
the movie out of the Academy Awards race for best documentary.
The broadcasts in Cuba originated from pirated
copies of Moore's film,
according to Lions Gate Films, a distributor of "Fahrenheit 9/11."
The BFEE's "Dallas '63" Cuban
team set up this faux ambush.
They'll do anything to prevent more people from seeing this film.
Plus, I'll bet right here right now - that F 9-11 wins the Oscar.
I mean, doesn't "Oscar" want Bush's global crime spree to come to a close?
Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
923 dead American soldiers.
Drip, drip, drip - young lives go down the drain
Malloy on AAR
Tuesday night, Mike says to a caller, "Are you Catholic?"
He's great at handling
callers - that's something I'll need to learn how to do.
I'm not worried about some monkey out debating me, I'm worried about politely cutting off some
long-ass winded, well-intentioned Democrat caller who, after all these years, finally has the floor for
a few minutes, so he decides to deliver his manifesto and the host has to shut him down.
He has intelligent callers,
who are into deep, serious questions. I can't do a show like that.
I need to be able to whip out that seltzer bottle every 60 seconds and squirt somebody.
It's like a kind of claustrophobia - I can't get too deep into anything.
With my IQ, I have to keep things shallow to be able to absorb half of it.
Something that works real well
- twice now - playing online poker and listening to Mike.
I was in two Hold 'em tourney's last night, $6 entry fee for each.
I won $10 on the first game and $15 on the second.
I was paid $9 to listen to an hour of Mike's show.
That's a better deal than BartCop Radio, that's for sure.
by Gene Lyons
Many normal, red-blooded Americans who, like me, tuned to the Democratic National
Convention between innings of TV baseball games may have found themselves mystified by
references to "blogs" or "blogging." Depending upon which network you watched, the
Democrats awarding press credentials allowing politically oriented bloggers to cover the
Boston convention alongside board-certified professional pundits was either a very trendy,
cutting edge move or yet another sign of the decline and fall of practically everything.
The term "blog" is a contraction of "Web log," a running electronic diary posted on the
Internet by egotistical lone dementoes who, unlike us modest, self-effacing newspaper
columnists, often have no professional training whatsoever.
Subject: not a good idea
I agree that killing your wife is rarely
the best idea for an unhappily married man,
but screwing cute young hooker gals isnt the answer, either.
Deb, hopefully I said Vegas was better than murder.
I've never done a hooker, but it has to be more fun than murder.
Do you have an opinion?
Then listen for your call on...
You have two minutes to record your message.
My favorite thing about Bartcop is that it usually begins with a
comic book or pulp magazine "recreation" by BRUCE YURGIL.
I love the guy's work and I should have steered you to it a long time ago.
His new stuff appears at Bartcop,
but you can get a heaping helping of his older recreations at:
We are very lucky to get the first look at Bruce's great work.
Subject: Big Dog on Dave
Sad to say that so much has gone awry in
our country that we can even consider
that our government would use terrorist threats for policical gain. Unfortunately,
many of us are very suspicious that this is exactly what is happening.
Last night on Dave Letterman, however, Bill
Clinton said he was sure it was not politically motivated.
Wonder why he thinks that way? I suppose there could be some political (Hillary's career) or financial
(sales of his book) reasons for him to be cautious, but I still find it puzzling that he was so "sure" it was not political.
Jan, I have a theory, and I've been meaning to say this for a long time:
Bill and Hillary are unique people. When I scream insults at the
that's aimed at every Democratic senator except Hillary.
In F 9-11, when Maxine Waters said, "We just need one senator," Hillary could not have been
the lone senator to stand up. The right-wing media would have called that a "Clinton coup attempt" and her
yellow-streaked colleagues very well may have allowed the GOP to impeach her for having an opinion.
Similarly, Clinton as an ex-president, really can't lead the charge
that Bush is a lying son of a bitch.
Someone else needs to do that - but there is no one else.
When will the rapes stop?
When will the tortures stop?
When will the looting stop?
When will the murders stop?
When will the invasions stop?
Use this portal
and they'll send bartcop.com
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com
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If your GOP workplace doesn't want you to
see the truth, use these mirrors.
Shirley Manson of the rock group "Garbage."
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
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You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.
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