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"Me and Unka Dick and Unka Colin will catch
Osama if you vote GOP this year"
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Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Quote of the Day
"I couldn't get a job with the
This is no scandal, especially when compared
"I don't need Michael Moore to tell me about
-- Rudy, getting huffy for no reason at all Attribution
Rudy, who said Michael Moore needed to tell you about 9-11?
Are you pulling a Rush Limbaugh on us?
Whose charges are you refuting?
Are you vigorously refuting a charge that's never been made?
...and if you have all the 9-11 answers, tell us why we didn't send up any planes.
Why do we spend $400B a year for a national defense that slept
Why did your Monkey fly from Florida to Louisiana to Nebraska when YOU
were busy comforting a nation truly shaken for the very first time?
...and Rudy, isn't it true that for you, like Bush, 9-11 was the best thing that ever happened?
Whore Post Apologizes for Urging War
We're approaching 1,000 dead and the WaHoPo says "Our bad?"
In retrospect, said Executive Editor Leonard Downie Jr., "we were so focused on trying to prop up
the Boy King and his Neo-Con stooges to curry favor with those in power in our town. We were
lying to make more money and we've clearly lost whatever little intergrity we had left after cheering
the loudest for President Clinton's impeachment. We've been a tool of the right for a decade and we
have no more credibility than a crack whore looking for her next hot pipe. If we stoop any lower
you'll mistake us for the Washington Times."
"We failed to do our job, it was a clear-cut case
of power and arrogance," Assistant Managing Editor
Bob Woodward said in an interview. "I'm so old, I remember the old rules we used to play by, which
was 'always get two independent sources.' When Clinton came to town, we started operating under a
new paradigm which was 'Fuck it - if Drudge or Rush say it - we print it'."
Subject: Whose side is Bush on?
Doesn't the Khan outing proove beyond all
doubt that Bush sees his real enemys
not as the supposed "terrorists" but as his domestic political opposition?
There is truly NOTHING these bastards won't
do to hold onto power.
This should give every thoughtful American sleepless nights.
You have a government whose members are
facing the possibility of serious jail time
if they release the reigns of power. Do you think they will allow a full and fair election
and step back gracefully upon losing? Your enemys are not "the terrorists" they are
those on the new Right of American politics and more of you need to start treating them as such.
Paul, I agree.
Once a criminal gang has a taste of absolute power, they're not going to give it up.
"The fact that Mr. Kerry had been elected to
the United States Senate four times
and has a war record made him absolutely qualified to be president. It would be
a terrible mistake for the Republican side to argue he is not qualified."
-- Rudy, explaining Team Bush's terrible mistake Attribution
Cave in - Again
As predicted, Dems to rubber-stamp Bush nominee
A dozen Senate Democrats suggested Wednesday that they would not oppose
Bush's nomination of Porter Goss as CIA director, but they vowed to use his
hearings to amplify their concerns over fatal intelligence failures under this administration.
A 'vow to fight' from a senate Democrat
is about as worthless
as a check drawn on the Bank on Enron.
Subject: Kerry's purple hearts
Those execrable slugs in the Swift Boat
Veterans for Truth are such
partisan liars it is hard to know where to begin.
That doctor who said he treated Kerry is
a liar, as you know, because his
name doesn't appear on any of Kerry's medical records. Also some officer
(I forget which) said Kerry must have written up his own recommendation
for them is a liar and he knows it.
The Purple Heart is recommended by the attending
Not a commanding officer and certainly not the soldier receiving it.
And no one can gainsay that recommendation.
That officer is relying on the public not knowing that.
So sad, that bunch, they are truly the ones
denigrating the service they were in.
Lee, in BCR 50 I remind people that it's an injustice to every
soldier who has ever
been awarded a Purple Heart. When you see a soldier with a Purple Heart, the GOP
wants you to walk up and ask him if he really earned that medal or did he cheat to get it.
- and isn't that a slap in the face to every brave soldier who was wounded in battle?
"The more we do to you, the less you seem to
believe we are doing it."
--Joseph Mengele, almost as good as Karl Rove Attribution
believe Bush better for them than Kerry: poll
Check the details
49 percent of people questioned said they preferred Bush
42 percent of those questioned believed Sharon should avoid supporting Bush,
They love Sharon and they love Bush,
but they don't want Sharon to support Bush?
Subject: Bush working for Al Qaeda
If I lived in another country, I would have
laughed my head off.
It's like The Three Stooges are running our country.
You know, that peabrain has done so much
harm to this country that people no longer
have the energy to get angry every single day. There's nothing you can do except work
like hell to make sure he's out of office in November.
I lost my job (laid off due to budget cuts
to the University of California) and am extremely depressed.
There is nothing out there, Bartcop. It looks worse than the last time I was laid off over two years ago.
It's so hard to get up again after being knocked down once again.
It's true that the only jobs out there are the lowest paying jobs.
The job I had was temporary, but I was hoping
I would be able to stay on or that the economy
would be better when the job ended, but that was not to be. I don't know what I'm going to do
if Kerry does not win the election. I know there are millions of people like me and I hope they
get out and vote this a**hole out of office overwhelmingly.
For some reason, people refuse to vote their
wallet. Stop a middle-age white man on the street
and he'll tell you it's important that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet get another tax cut. The GOP
has convinced people they're better off when the super-rich get richer - even tho the super-rich
have refused to hire anybody with the billions of tax dollars Bush gave them.
Bush can't even break even on jobs.
Clinton taxed the super-rich and gave America the best years ever.
Subject: Real men
It's amazing to me how petty people can
I've been told by a lot of women that a smart man turns them on more than Mr. Macho.
I think this election will be decided by women.
What do they like best.
A cowboy hat or an intelligent answer?
Dave, the women aren't the problem.
Women vote Democrat, men vote GOP.
Men who cheat on their wives hated and condemned Clinton.
Women who've been cheated on forgave Clinton.
It's a weird country...
"Anybody ask why HELLary couldn't keep BJ Bill
satisfied? Not lesbo or anything, is she?"
--Jerome Corsi, co-author of "Swift Boat Whores Against Kerry." Attribution
"John Kerry, Tim Russert, Chris Matthews, Katie
Couric, CBS, NBC are all communists.
Hillary Clinton is a lesbian fat hog with fake hair. Al and Tipper Gore are terrorists who are
part of the Taliban. The pope is senile. And pedophilia is fine with him as long as it's not
reported in the liberal press. If you think all this sounds nutty, well, it is. According to the
organization Media Matters For America, all this has been written by Jerome Corsi.
Why do we care what Jerome Corsi says? Well, we don't. But as co-author of the book
"Unfit for Command" about John Kerry and his service in Vietnam, some people are making
the mistake of taking him seriously. In the world of putrid right-wing pond scum, Corsi is one
of the biggest bottom-feeders of them all."
--James Carville, CNN Crossfire Attribution
Vote Disses the Chimp
Maybe they see Halliburton's draft coming?
Surveys suggest that Bush's popularity has plummeted among 18- to 29-year-olds
in the past four months, posing a new obstacle to the president's bid to win reelection
and an immediate challenge to Republicans seeking to win over impressionable and
lightly committed young people during their upcoming convention.
In the latest Post-ABC News poll, Kerry
led Bush 2-1 among registered voters younger
than 30. Among older voters, the race was virtually tied..
I'm sure Kid Rock will lead a lot of kids astray.
"Kid Rock is my homo ...I mean homie..."
Used with permission :)
the 9-11 Report Left Out
Um, ...holding somebody - anybody accountable?
Charley Bear Down on Florida
They can handle it - it's Florida
Nabs Five More Terror Suspects
Bush fails to warn terrorists in time for them to flee
scandal hits farmers' show
It's wrong to artificially make udders bigger and more beautiful
them eat Prozac!
by my good friend Alan Bisbort
The one time when the truth passes the lips of a Bush, it's an accident. While the media played
his latest gaffe like all the others -- isn't our prez a hoot! -- his misstatement is actually the guiding
philosophy of the Republican Party. He and his gang of neocon sociopaths have harmed our country
and our people so thoroughly that many Americans are now inured to it. It's accepted as part of the
national scene, like a Red Sox collapse or celebrity crash diet.
It's one unbroken chain of harm: Lost jobs,
terror alerts, record gas prices, 54 U.S. dead in July in Iraq,
our environment, public health and education left unprotected. And the biggest hoot of all is that the
Republicans are "running on their record" in November. Who said irony was dead?
"Our enemies...never stop thinking about new ways
to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
Shirley endorses John Kerry
"He's the only one for me..."
Prosecutors Seek Indefinite Delay
In the legal business, that's called "a surrender"
Prosecutors have asked the judge in Kobe Bryant's sexual assault case to put the trial
on hold indefinitely, saying courthouse gaffes have crippled the chances of seating an
unbiased jury and suggesting the accuser is not ready to testify against the NBA star.
Legal experts say the request for a delay
could be the first step toward dropping the case
altogether now that the accuser has sued Bryant in civil court for monetary damages.
They said the civil case will hurt prosecutors because the defense can argue that the
20-year-old woman is simply after Bryant's money. "If prosecutors are looking for a
face-saving way out, this is it," legal analyst Andrew Cohen said.
Face saving way out?
Maybe for the wish-they-were-Police-Academy cops.
(Remember - they arrested him before they had any evidence.)
Assuming for a moment that Kobe is totally guilty - this girl's been raped at least twice.
THREE times, minimum, the prosecution and/or
the judge have released her most extra-personal
files to the public, and now the well is so poisoned what other choice does she have?
Plus, how will the civil case help?
You can't un-ring that privacy bell, and she'd still have to testify at the civil trial.
How can she ask for damages after her case failed to hold up in court?
Or is this a poker bluff to get $100,000
to settle it?
If you were Kobe, what's an amount YOU'D pay to make this go away?
On the other hand, what if Kobe is totally
innocent of rape?
How long can the state of Colorado hold this over his head?
The 6th Amendment guarantees a speedy trial
Can they come back at Kobe in the year 2009?
If they drop this now, Kobe is presumed "guilty but rich/lucky."
Take away Florida 2000 - have you ever seen a bigger mess?
The nuttiest thing - in the year 3072, the BartCop of the 31st
Century will say,
"When will young, beautiful single women realize that going to a world-class
athlete or famous rock star's hotel room alone casts doubt on her story later?"
It should be OK to visit a man in his hotel room, but it's
not a safe thing to do.
I haven't read any complaints lately about how crude and dirty I am,
but I'm working cleaner than Jay Leno these days.
Last night, joking about this, Jay said
"Now it's her turn to bend Kobe over a chair..."
Pretty tasteless considering she may have been brutally raped.
Mocks Kerry's 'Sensitive' War on Terror
Why is Kerry trying so hard to lose?
Dick Cheney mocked Kerry on Thursday for pledging to wage
a more "sensitive" war against terrorism.
"America has been in too many wars for any
of our wishes,
but not a one of them was won by being sensitive," Cheney said.
"Those that threaten us and kill innocents
around the world do not
need to be treated more sensitively, they need to be destroyed," he said.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!
What's wrong with Kerry?
Has he lost his ability to think?
This may be worse than the NASA/Sperm suit he put on.
Kerry wants to fight this with sensitivity?
I recently said this fight was Kerry's to lose, and he may have
just done that.
What is the world is Kerry doing? If I was on Kerry's staff, he would've said,
"We're going to run a smarter
fight against those murdering bastards,
we're going to run a war that's not as reckless as Bush's war and we'll
be going after the people who did this to us, not their oil rich neighbors."
I hoped we were done with the rookie mistakes, but it looks like
we have lots more to go
and the most frustrating thing is it's so goddamn unnecessary. Every time Kerry makes a
major gaffe, Bush/Cheney get stronger and people wonder if the war on
terrorism can be trusted to a "sensitive Boston liberal."
John - you're killing us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hire some competent help, John.
I'm not sure you can win this race without me.
I would've kept you out of that sperm suit and I would've risked
arrest by putting my hand
over your mouth to keep you from saying "sensitive" when talking about Al Qaeda.in that interbiew.
Jesus - how could you make a mistake this
"We're not sensitive at all - screw the collateral families!!!"
"I want to congratulate librarians, not famous
for their physical strength or their powerful
political connections or their great wealth, who, all over this country, have staunchly resisted
anti-democratic bullies who have tried to remove certain books from their shelves, and have
refused to reveal to thought police the names of persons who have checked out those titles.
So the America I loved still exists, if not in the White House or the Supreme Court or the
Senate or the House of Representatives or the media. The America I love still exists at the
front desks of our public libraries."
--Kurt Vonnegut, "I Love You, Madame Librarian" Attribution
blew it the morning of 9/11
by Bill Maher saw it on smirkingchimp.com
Republicans are tying themselves in knots trying to defend Bush's actions that morning.
The excuses they put forward are absurd:
# He was "gathering his thoughts." .
# "The President felt he should project strength and calm..."
# "He didn't want to scare the children."
If he had just said, "Hey, kids, gotta go
do some President business - be good
to your moms and dads, bye!" my guess is the kids would have survived.
I cannot see how someone who considers himself
a conservative can defend George Bush's inaction.
I gotta tell ya I'm more than a little disappointed
with your rudeness and
total lack of regard for the feelings of this particular Author/Artist/Raconteur.
You used the graphic I created and didn't
give me credit.
I believe the term for that kinda behavior is Republican....er I mean Theft.
I think an artist should sign his/her work
to prevent this from happening.
Why did you not sign yours?
You made it look like the Monkey Graphic
was YOUR idea.
I thought you were a bigger man than that. Apparently I was wrong.
"the" monkey graphic?
Which graphic would that be?
.And besides that, you didn't even have the common decency to respond to my email.
I am a bad man.
What's so hard about doing the right thing?
What's so hard about signing your work?
My cartoon folder currently has 460 toons in it.
I should hire detectives to track down each artist?
Has Dubya been SCROTUS ....er I mean POTUS
for so long that even YOU are beginning to emulate him?
Yes, Dubya is my hero - I want to be just
If you're "too busy" to respond to this
email, this will most certainly be the last time
I contact you or submit anything to your site.
Before you burn every bridge on the internet,
consider signing your work.
Bart, either show me some respect or go
D L B
Oldie but Goodie
Bush drunker 'n shit, years AFTER promising he's never take another drink.
Check out the slurred words.
Check how he repeats every phrase that's mentioned by others.
Check out how seriously Bush took his pledge to stop drinking.
Click Here - thanks to thesmokinggun.com
to Return to Gibson, Dunn
Florida rapist returns to rape private sector
Solicitor Ted Olson, (they've always called him that) a Bush Boy a top BFEE attorney,
is returning next week to the scene of his earlier crimes, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher.
Olson had been at the forefront of the Bush
administration's Destruction of Democracy campaign
against the voters, defending expanded surveillance powers and bigger government under the USA
Patriot Act and arguing for omniscient presidential domination over all Americanm citizens.
Olson, the anti-democracy bastard who spent
the nineties trying to unelect the president, will join
disgraced former nominee Miguel Estrada (R-Male Hookers) in Washington and Boutrous Boutrous Jr.
in LA performing any manner of dark and unconstitutional deeds for his masters. Olson will re-join
Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher right after fixing the Florida 2004 vote for the never-elected Monkey.
Hunting of the President
Order your copies from the BartCop Bookstone
Zell Miller still want to 'tar and feather' Kid Rock?
Kid Rock to headline NaziCon2004 as a favor to the Monkey
Kid Rock's performance at this year's Super Bowl half-time show infuriated Zell Miller so much,
he used it on the Senate floor as an example of the nation's "deficit of decency."
"The thing that yanked my chain the hardest was
seeing that ignoramus with his pointed head
stuck up through a hole he had cut in the flag of the United States of America, screaming about
having 'a bottle of scotch and watching lots of crotch.' Think about that.
"This is the same flag that we pledge allegiance
to. This is the flag that is draped over coffins of
dead young uniformed warriors killed while protecting Kid Crock's bony butt. He should be tarred
and feathered, and ridden out of this country on a rail. Talk about a good reality show, there's one for you."
Well, as it turns out, both Dennis Miller
and Kid Rock will be appearing at the same reality show
later this month -- the Republican National Convention.
"anthraxsleuth" is (incorrect). SCIENCE has nothing
to do with astrology.
PSEUDO-science does. Astrology has been thoroughly discredited, as you probably well know.
Go to any "astrologer's" web page and be prepared to be snowed by a blizzard of mis-used science terms and/or statistics.
To see if it is real or pseudo-science,
just ask any astrologer to make a verifiable prediction that is
not so vague as to apply to anyone. The proof of a real science is in its predictive power.
Astrology can predict nothing and all studies 'verifying' it are based on 'after the fact' data-mining.
Astrology's biggest nemesis is James Randi
and his tool is real science.
Go to http://randi.org/ and read up on his archives.
Lee, no need to introduce me to the Amazing Randi,
but are you saying the moon doesn't affect the tides?
Marty's Entertainment Page
"I knew people would say, 'There goes a Muslim-looking
person, must be a terrorist.'
That's why I went to a mosque. . . . People were afraid and said, 'We might be next.'
But they weren't next. And by the way, some were incarcerated and then judged innocent.
People must be judged innocent. It's the best insurance."
--Pinhead, babbling on, trying to explain why he bombed a Muslim-looking country Attribution
Subject: My web site
I have selected your website to feature as the enemy website of the year at least through the election season.
I have a following of over 75,000 weekly.
I will be reaching over 70 million people, mostly young adults, before
the election telling them to look at the negativism of your website and the horrible attitude towards politics you have.
I will feature the vulgarity of your negative
website with the specific vulgarities xxxx'd out.
I'll steer them away from the corrupt Democrats towards President Bush or Ralph Nader in they are already Democrats.
Here is what my next cover will look like.
You are featured so get ready for a lot of extra hits next week.
Larryboy, how 'bout I kick your ass in a debate?
This web site of yours, that reaches 70 million people, does it have a name?
Would those 70 million people like to see you cry?
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"The policies I made were on the one hand trying
to help as best as we can move
science forward, and at the same time keep an ethical balance so that we promote
a culture of life. The decision I made, in my judgment, was the right decision."
--Dubya, stradding the stem cell fence Attribution
Murdoch's Mean Machine
Murdoch was under heavy criticism after his publishing company, HarperCollins, cancelled a book
by former Hong Kong governor Chris Patten, that was critical of the Chinese leadership. Nor was this
the first time that Murdoch had been accused of placing profit before principle with regard to China.
In 1994, he removed the BBC World Service from his satellite broadcasts into China at the request of
the authorities there, who did not like a program BBC aired about Mao Tse-tung. Murdoch also had been
reproached for giving Deng Xiaoping's daughter a huge (reportedly $1 million-plus) HarperCollins book
contract for a fawning -- and historically flawed and commercially nonviable -- portrait of her father at
a time when Murdoch was seeking approval to expand his broadcasting ventures in China. The book was
pure propaganda, less suited to American nightstands than to loudspeakers in Tiananmen Square.
Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
934 dead American soldiers.
"I know what I'm doing when it comes to winning
--The Butcher of Baghdad, Attribution
The Failed Occupation
One by one, the arguments for the 2003 invasion of Iraq keep tumbling. First to go was the big one.
War was necessary because Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. It turned out there were none.
Next was the insistent promise that a US-led
conquest of Baghdad would end completely and forever
human rights abuses committed in hell-holes such as Abu Ghraib jail.
"I'm voting Bush in November..."
The last week has sent one more Iraqi ninepin
wobbling. It is the hope on which Tony Blair has had
to rest his case for war, the hope that Iraq is on its way to becoming a unique entity in the Arab world:
an open, democratic society. There may be no WMD and the occupation may be a mess, Blair seems
to say, but Iraq will be a democracy - and that alone will make all the pain and bloodshed worthwhile."
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Somebody with a fur fetish is killed, and Lt. Brass purp walks a raccoon thru the cop house.
Celebrity Poker Showdown final table!
You do not want to make Steve Harris angry.
Jon Stewart has Bryan Keefer from Spinsanity.
I once red-assed a Spinsanity dude in a debate, but it wasn't Bryan.
be on BartCop Radio?
If so, make the call.
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Then listen for your call on...
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"We don't want to turn that responsibility
over to somebody who doesn't have
deeply held convictions about right and wrong. And I must say, I look at the
record of our opponents. There is a lot of hesitation and uncertainty."
--Dick Cheney, laying the groundwork for another coup in November Attribution
Today in History
• In 1851, Isaac Singer was granted a patent on his sewing machine.
• In 1867, President Johnson sparked impeachment after a BJ from a secretary.
• In 1898, the peace protocol ending the Spanish-American War was signed.
• In 1898, Hawaii was formally stolen by the United States.
• In 1953, the Soviet Union set off its first hydrogen bomb.
• In 1960, the first balloon satellite -- the Echo One -- was launched from Cape Canaveral.
• In 1972, the last American combat ground troops left Vietnam.
That doesn't sound right.
Saigon fell in 1975 - they held out that long without us?
Subject: bartcop the racist
Okay that is enough. You are not going
to keep getting away with your racism.
So now you do not like William Raspberry, noted Washington Post writer.
That's about a dozen Black people you have named that you hate.
From Tiger Woods to Condoleezza Rice to
Face it, you are a racist! You are now exposed to a lot of people.
Your zipper is open...
Raspberry sucks up to the vulgar Pigboy, but I don't hate him.
Rice and Powell are sellout, Uncle Toms for a giggling murderer.
Tiger's just an overpaid, washed up golfer, but I don't hate him.
(Did you know he has a $100M contract with Nike and he can't win a major?)
I hate the Dallas Cowboys, too - and they have blacks...
I have a very low opinion of you - are you black?
I asked Bush -- what's history's judgment going to be about the Iraq war?
And he said, "We won't know. We'll all be dead.
Carl Bernstein: I find that answer from Bush almost as unfathomable as anything Nixon ever said.
-- Larry King Live, on the
30th anniversary of Nixon's resignation,
"Dat's what he said..."
When will the rapes stop?
When will the tortures stop?
When will the looting stop?
When will the murders stop?
When will the invasions stop?
Use this portal
and they'll send bartcop.com
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com
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50 - The Golden Anniversary Show is
Oh yeah, ...there's some language in this show.
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26 minutes of primitive grunts and rants, plus some Rev Al's "hijacking"
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25 minutes of raving that makes poerfect sense
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28 minutes of the best nosense you ever heard
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25 minutes of Tally and some comedy to close the big anniversary show
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Shirley Manson of the rock group "Garbage."
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.
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