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  Show 91 is Totally Up 

 Weekend-Monday  April 8-10, 2006       Volume 1742 - Mr. Pitiful

Quote of the Day

"I am not a federal employee. 
  I am a constitutional officer. 
  My job is the Constitution, 
  I am not a government employee. 
  I am in the Constitution." 
      --Tom DeLay, to CNN, Dec. 19, 1995Link

 ...and now you're going to jail.

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Did Bush Lie to Fitz? 
Barrage of Leaks 
Our Leaker in Chief 
Gangster Government 
McKinney Apologizes 
Why Johnny Can't Fly 
Bush blames Reid 
Eldrick Loses Masters 
Katie Holmes Silent



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"Tell the truth. Fire the incompetents. Find Osama bin Laden
  and secure our ports and our homeland. Bring our troops home from Iraq.
  Obey the law and protect our civil rights."
     --  Unknown,     Link

 That quote was attributed to John Kerry, but it can't be, because
 it wasn't some 70-word, long-ass, run-on rambling sentence filled
 with $60 words and Latin phrases that nobody ever heard of.

 It was short, to the point, and made sense.
 If anybody knows who said this, please send me an e-mail.


Did Bush Lie to Fitzgerald?
  by Robert Parry  as seen on consortiumnews.com


Lewis Libby's testimony naming George W. Bush as the top official orchestrating intelligence leaks on Iraq
raises the touchy question of whether Bush told the truth to special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald when the
President consented to an interview in June 2004. There's also a question about why Fitzgerald visited
Bush's criminal attorney on a busy day last October.

Note: Consortiumnews.com  is the most important site on the Internet


White House Faces Barrage of Leak Queries
 Finally, a reporter asks a question about Bush's CIA crimes

          "I'm not a crook, I just lie for one."


The White House faced a barrage of questions Friday over the timing of Bush's decision to narc on a CIA spy.

In a tense briefing, Scottie the Underbear was asked repeatedly to explain his statement from three years ago
that portions of a prewar intelligence document on Iraq were declassified on July 18, 2003.

McClellan told reporters July 18, 2003, that the material being released on Iraq "was officially declassified today."
On Friday, McClellan interpreted his own words to mean that's when the material was "officially released."
Asked when it was declassified, McClellan refused to answer.

John Podesta, a former Clinton chief of staff in the Clinton White House, said,
"Scott McClellan's credibility isn't just in tatters. It is more like confetti."

Nancy Pelosi took time off from her McKinney witchhunt to comment: "Bush's selective declassification
of highly sensitive intelligence for political purposes is wrong,"


Our Leaker in Chief


"I don't know of anybody in my administration who leaked classified information," Buah said 09/30/03.
"If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action."

"If someone leaked classified information," said Scott McClellan on October 7, 2003, "the President wants to know.
If someone in this administration leaked classified information, they will no longer be a part of this administration,
because that's not the way this White House operates, that's not the way this President expects people in his
administration to conduct their business."

"I'd like to know if somebody in my White House did leak sensitive information," said Bush on October 28, 2003.
On this same day, Bush said, "I have no idea whether we'll find out who the leaker is, partially because,
in all due respect to your profession, you do a very good job of protecting the leakers."

On Thursday, we found out who the leaker is.

When the "president" said, "you do a very good job of protecting the leakers," it may be
the only time this bastard ever told the truth to his protectors in the White House Press corpse.



"A second Homeland Security official has been arrested.
 Republican Frank Figueroa exposed himself to a young girl in Florida.
 If Osama was a 14-year old girl, we would have caught him by now."
    --Jay Leno


Subject: Catholics

Bart, you wrote:

> "The Catholic Church says if you have enough cash, the rules don't apply.
>   Isn't that a sorry-ass way to run a business?"

Now I understand why you have to beg for money on the internet. ;)



Gangster Government
  by Greg Palast


It's a crime. No kidding. But the media has it all wrong. As usual.

"Scooter' Libby finally outed 'Mr. Big,' the perpetrator of the heinous Plame disclosure.
It was the President of United States himself -- in conspiracy with his Vice-President.
Now the pundits are arguing over whether our war-a-holic President had the legal right
to leak this national security information. But, that's a fake debate meant to distract you.

OK, let's accept the White House alibi that releasing Plame's identity was no crime. But if that's true,
they've committed a bigger crime: Bush and Cheney knowingly withheld vital information from a
grand jury investigation, a multimillion dollar inquiry the perps themselves authorized. That's akin to
calling in a false fire alarm or calling the cops for a burglary that never happened -- but far, far worse.
Let's not forget that in the hunt for the perpetrator of this non-crime, reporter Judith Miller went to jail.

Hmmm, not sure why Greg Palast cares if BFEE member Judy Miller went to jail,
For all I care, she could still be in jail and it wouldn't make any difference to me.
When thugs screw one of their own - we should feel bad for them?

I suggest we save our sympathy for the soldiers who went to war for noble reasons,
not knowing their Commander in Chief was selling them out for financial gain.


Visit  funnytimes.com

Subject: your late Friday update

Thanks for the Late Friday Update, Bart.

I'm proud of you for entertaining the idea that the 9/11 truth people
may be onto something and may just be right. It looks like the real
controllers of the Evil Empire may be ready to sacrifice W.

I hope that we aren't on the verge of another "attack"
to shore up the numbers before this next election cycle.


Nick, I've always thought they may be right, but we need proof.


Get your dot.com on Bartcop Radio

Call and say, "This is Bob at   screwdermonkey.com
and I'd like to invite you to check out my page where
we give the Bush boy hell about his hardon for war."

It's free advertising and dozens will hear your ad!

If you don't take advantage of  free advertising
you don't want more readers.

 GOP callers Welcome

McKinney Pressured to Apologize
 Our whore press decided this was a serious crime


Under increasing pressure from House Democratic leaders, Rep. Cynthia McKinney apologized
for an incident in which she allegedly assaulted a Capitol police officer at a security checkpoint.
Not one of McKinney's fellow 200 House Democratic colleagues had publicly defended her.

Nancy Pelosi distanced herself from McKinney and publicly expressed increasing exasperation
Thursday just before McKinney issued her apology.


Katherine Cathey refused to leave her husband's casket,
asking to sleep next to his body for the last time.

Subject: Nicole Kidman's marriage annulment

C'mon, Bart, remember your Catholic training?
Homosexuality makes a marriage annullable.

Father Ron "Show Me the Money" Rizzo
Cancelled Catholic

I've dropped the ball before, but rarely this big.
How could I have missed something that hueueueuege?

Someone else pointed out:
Tom's marriage to Mimi Rogers - no kids.
Tom's marriage to Nicole Kidman - they adopted kids.
Tom's years with Penelope Cruz - no kids.
He's with Katie ten days and boom - she's preggers.

I wonder who the father is...


Why Johnny Can't Fly
  July 26, 2001, 46 days before 9-11


CBS News asked why Ashcroft was traveling exclusively by leased jet aircraft instead of commercial airlines.
The Justice Department cited what it called a "threat assessment" by the FBI, and said Ashcroft has been advised
to travel only by private jet for the remainder of his term.

"There was a threat assessment and there are guidelines. He is acting under the guidelines," an FBI spokesman said.
Neither the FBI nor Justice would identify what the threat was, when it was detected or who made it.

The Justice Department insists that it wasn't Ashcroft who wanted to fly leased aircraft.
That idea came from Ashcroft's FBI security detail. The FBI had no further comment..

Yet when asked about this at Bush's handjob 9-11 Whitewash Commission, Ashcroft played it down
and the subject was dropped, just like the Bush criminals wanted it. We've always known Lee Hamilton
was Bush's whore, but what made Clinton-hating Bob Kerrey turn on his country?


The net's best advertising deal

 advertise on  bartcop.com

Subject: BCR 91 feedback

Hey Bart,

Halfway through part 2, you are killing me...absolutely fantastic so far.  Got to the "Super-size me" bit,
and kinda agree with you, but wanted you to know that the dude's actions (according to the movie) were
in response to the lawsuits by 2 women who gained several hundred pounds between the 2 of them and
they went and sued McyD's.  The verdict was something about eating there every day for a month is not
detrimental to your health or something (it's been awhile and my memory is shit) so he made the movie
about eating McD's for every meal for a month.

Well dude, I need to get to the rest of the show.  I was listening while playing at partypoker.com and came back
from 850 chips with 6 people left and big blinds to win while I was writing this.  Hopefully you will bring me more
good luck. Is the search still on for a site that can accomodate private tourneys?  How bout an update?

The site and especially the show keep improving...and I am gaining hope with DeLay out and Massachusettes
giving all (most) of their people health care, I may reconsider my efforts to skip the country if things keep heading
in this direction.   Maybe get the National Guard and Reserves back and do something about education,
and I might feel comfortable raising my children here.

Keep hammering bart, no one does it better.
 Phil in DE


Notice the spend-crazy Republican red arrows.
Notice the responsible Democratic Blue arrows.


"Congress should act like a co-equal branch of government and vote on whether or not to keep
troops in Iraq for at least three more years. I ask the President to describe his plan and his budget,
and let us consider its potential to succeed before we, with our silence, consent to three more years
of exceptionally costly involvement in Iraq. That vote, if held, won't be about cut-and-run. It won't be
about who comes up with the best spin. It will be about holding the President and Congress accountable.
The vote will hold the President accountable for presenting a plan and a budget for securing the peace.
And the vote will hold Congress accountable by making it finally act like a co-equal branch of government."
     -- Sen. Ron Wyden (D-OR), who seems to not understand the job of congress, Link

 Congress's job is to OK every murder this gang of thugs commit.
 They rubberstamp every crime that comes out of this White House.


Bush blames Reid for Immigration Mess
 I'm sure Harry will apologize for disappointing Bush


Bush blamed Harry Reid on Saturday for the potentially fatal blow dealt to compromise immigration legislation.
The landmark bill, which would offer eventual citizenship to millions of illegal immigrants, fell victim Friday to
internal disputes in both parties. But Bush - echoing earlier complaints from cat killer Bill Frist, sought to lay
all the fault with Reid, who refused to permit votes on more than three Republican-backed amendments.
"I call on the Senate minority leader to end his blocking tactics and allow the Senate to do its work and
pass a fair, effective immigration reform bill," Bush said in his weekly radio address.

I had a busy weekend, did Harry apologize?


Subject: President Leaker

The White House is not denying the leak allegations.
Their position? Bush declassified Plame's name so it wasn't really a leak.
Great argument.

The President OK'd the leak the name of a covert CIA agent (who when "outed" apparently was working undercover
with a team to get us information on Iran's nuclear program).   The leak (and NOBODY is denying this) is solely for
political reasons -- to stick it to her husband for telling us the bogus WMD allegations about Iraq  to start the war.

The White House defense is that it "technically" wasn't illegal.  Well -- was it wrong?   Absolutely.
Did it hurt CIA operations?.  Without a doubt.  Should each one of our CIA undercover operatives worry
that their identities might be disclosed in the future and put them, their families, and colleagues in danger?
You bet.

Yet nobody in the press, makes a big deal about it.
Folks not only is this the most incompetent President in my lifetime,
it is as John Dean wrote: "Worse than Watergate."


Marty's Entertainment Page

always has good stuff.


"I am the party leader, and I've concerns. The campaign can't be about her.
  She asked my advice. I gave her that exact advice and it's gotten worse since."
      -- Jeb Bush, asked about the Cruella De Ville problem in Florida,  Link


Subject: classified

Bart, apparently if the prez says something it is no longer classified.
I'm a conservative and even I think that is funny and just fucking ridiculous.

As for the supposed outing of Plame she was out and doesn't meet the criteria
for undercover so therefore the so called Fitzmas thing was a sham.

Minkey the Monkey

Minkey, Plame's status isn't your call and it's not my call.
It's not even Bush's call - the CIA said one of their undercover agents
was outed and they sent the complaint to the Justice department.

Is it your position that the CIA doesn't know the status of their agents?


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"Libby says Bush authorized a leak of classified info for political purposes. Using legitimate
  presidential powers (declassification) for illegitimate purposes (to make a political attack) is the
  very definition of abuse of power. Yet again the president admits to an impeachable offense.
  Will anything come of it this time?"
      -- shargash,   Link

 No matter how many felonies Bush commits or admits to, the Democrats won't act
 because they're afraid somebody might say they're "just like" the Republicans.


Eldrick Loses Masters


Lefty is on a Tiger-like roll (Gag me!) in golf's biggest events after a Sunday stroll through Augusta National,
his performance so dominating that he could stroll up the 18th fairway with not a care in the world.

Tip the visor, smile for the patrons, tap in the winning putt, hug the caddie and pose with the wife and kids.
Mickelson is the Masters champion for the second time in three years.


 Iraq pumps 2,000,000 barrels a day,
(and that was before the 2002 Halliburton Upgrade)
 times today's oil price which is  $67.39 a barrel
makes $135,780,000 Bush stole just yesterday

2347  2351 have died

We lost four more  over the weekend.


Subject: The Catholic business

Bart, you wrote:

> The Catholic Church says if you have enough cash, the rules don't apply.
> Isn't that a sorry-ass way to run a business?

Sounds like straight-up American capitalism to me.
Ethics or principles have no place at the table.

The bottom line is the bottom line.
And capitalism is the real American religion.

Lately, each time I see religious insanity I think how sane Perkel's Church of Reality is.
His church is so real, I joined it.


Feds Try to Seize Gold From Suspects' Teeth
 "At least the Nazis waited until you were dead..."


Government lawyers tried to confiscate the gold tooth caps known as "grills" from the mouths of two men
facing drug charges, saying the dental work qualified as seizable assets. They had them in a vehicle headed
to a dental clinic by the time defense attorneys persuaded a judge to halt the procedure.

"I've been doing this for over 30 years and I have never heard of anything like this," said Richard J. Troberman,
a past president of the Washington Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. "It sounds like Nazi Germany when
they were removing the gold teeth from the bodies, but at least then they waited until they were dead."



"We have yet to see the level at which the Republicans will say "enough is enough"
  with this administration, and if disclosing state secrets to cover your ass in the press
  doesn't do it (but a blowjob does), nothing will."
     --Mustang Bobby,   Link

 Thanks to the Bush-loving press and the scared-bunny Democrats, we live in a world
 where getting 2450 brave men killed isn't as bad as almost having sex with a girlfriend.


"It's my job to level with the American people..."

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Didn't you love Tony's first question to Doctor Melfi?

The West Wing about Leo's death was well done, I thought,
but I'm not sure they needed to drag it over two episodes - how many do they have left?

 We saw King Kong over the weekend - what a mess.
I really wanted to like it, and parts of it were great, but Peter Jackson took a perfect two-hour movie
and added an extra hour as if on a dare. I guess we should have expected it, because in the LoTR movies
they'd have those 45 minute sword fights that could've been over in five minutes, but nooooooooo..
I remember cutting out during one swordfight to catch Gangs of New York on another screen and
I still got back before the fight was over.

They said Kong failed to make a lot of money because the movie was so long, they could only have five
showings a day instead of the 7-8 that money-making movies have. So why didn't they tell him that?

When Kong climbed the Empire State Building, the planes showed up in mere minutes.
Mrs. Bart remarked how efficient the military was back in the thirties.
On 9-11, the military stood down while Osama had his way with New York.

Remember we saw Billy Idol in Tulsa a while back?
When we went to buy tickets, there were only 4-5 people in line and we got front row tickets
and Billy surprised us with a nice, fun show that I could recommend to you, the reader.

We heard Chicago was coming, so we tried the same trick - we drove to the venue on a
Saturday morning and this time there were 12-15 people in line. I guess they have no limits on
scalpers, because it took us 45 minutes to get tickets and we scored nose-bleed/balcony tickets.

They opened with a big surprise, Ballet for a Girl in Buchanan in its entirety.
The sound was f-ing awful, I was hoping things would get better, but as the show went on
it became obvious that the problem was the band can't play their own damn instruments.

They lost their drummer, their guitar player and their bass player.
That means they also lost their two best singers, leaving gaping holes in the band.
They guys they hired to sing the Kath and Cetera parts songs are pitiful.
The only thing worse than their drummer was their sound man.

After the opening surprise, they played 80 minutes of sorry, sappy-ass love longs that
all seemed to have the same sorry-sappy-ass lyrics that made me want to gag.
After an eternity, they played a few of their hits (from Chicago I and II) and it was over.

If you ever get a chance to miss Chicago live in concert, take it!
They were as bad as Billy Idol was good.

But the worst part?
They weren't even trying.
That's a sin in rock n roll.


Subject: your Friday Update

Hey Bart,
Long time, no contact. I used to think it would only be a matter of time until the Dems or even legit Repubs
would rise up and repudiate the Bushistas. That was a couple of years ago before he stole his way into office again.

Now after being disillusioned yet again, I finally have to agree with your analysis. I indeed think this whore congress,
minus a handful, would allow the Bushistas to actually get away with it, were it proven they where complicit in, either,
allowing it to happen through gross negligence (seems to be their MO anyway), or helping to enable via strategic
covert operations, the execution, which seems more and more likely.

Keep swinging the hammer, chiseling away at their wall of lies. Here's to you, Bart, you've been historically correct
in your assessments of the criminal takeover of this country since before the first election in 2000. Simple research
can validate the evidence and your commentary thereof, that you have presented over the years.

A loyal fan,
Mad Vet


 Call the all new, toll-free 
 GOP callers Welcome (snicker)

Subject: What is more heinous than lying a country into war?

Why did Bush invade Iraq? He knew they didn't have WMD. They had a no fly zone since 1991.
They surely weren't an imminent threat. Saddam said that he didn't have WMD. How do you prove a negative?

The Weapons Inspectors all said that he didn't have them.
Perhaps Bush wanted to take the voter's minds off the recession of 2002?
Perhaps he wanted to enrich all his war contractor donors?
Perhaps he wanted to avenge his father's big mistake of the first gulf war?
Well, Bush won't say why he invaded Iraq.

We have 2400 troops who died for nothing.
We are left with 17,000 maimed soldiers, missing arms, legs and eyes.
Iraq is left with over 100,000 dead and no public services.

It's no wonder that they didn't welcome us with open arms and flowers as Cheney suggested before the invasion.
Yeah, for this offense alone, Bush should be impeached. What is more heinous than lying a country into war?

Troy, Michigan

Todd, maybe the only thing that comes close is 
the American whore press covering up his crimes.


Katie Holmes to give silent birth

    Pregnated via Turkey Baster


After the giddy fanfare of their public courtship, Katie Holmes is expected to give birth to Tom Cruise's baby
(Objection - assumes facts not in evidence) any day now as quietly as humanly possible.

The baby may be the most anticipated celebrity birth of the season, but it is expected to be delivered
in line with the little understood Scientology method of quiet or silent birth.

Cruise, 43, is one of the best known adherents of the Church of Scientology founded by L. Ron Hubbard,
who believed that the best possible start in life for a new baby is a calm and loving environment free of
screaming obscenities, chatty doctors or shouts to "push."

"A woman who wants her child to have the best possible chance will find a doctor who will keep quiet
especially during the delivery, and who will insist upon silence being maintained in the hospital delivery room
as far as it is humanly possible," Hubbard wrote.


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