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 Weekend-Monday  April 22-24, 2006 Volume 1751 - Unstable Monkey

Quote of the Day

"Rising gasoline prices is like...
   ...it's like a tax..." 
       --Dubya, the biggest taxer in history,   Link

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Jail Time for Critics
Talking Gal Charged 
Cardinal: Use Condoms 
Talabani Re-Elected
FDA Controversy 
Net to Corp Jackals? 
John Lennon Seance
Cheney's Dunk Tank
Lindsay Lohan & Moss 


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"The source told us that there were no active WMD programs. The White House group
  that was dealing with preparation for the Iraq war came back and said they were no longer
  interested. And we said 'Well, what about the intel?' And they said 'Well, this isn't about
  intel anymore. This is about regime change.' The policy was set. The war in Iraq was
  coming and they were looking for intelligence to fit into the policy."
      -- Tyler Drumheller, former highest ranking CIA officer in Europe,Link


Bush Brandishes Jail Time at Critics


Beset with shrinking poll numbers and growing evidence of wrongdoing, George W. Bush and his supporters
are brandishing threats of criminal prosecutions against critics. But the list of troublemakers keeps expanding,
now including U.S. generals, CIA officers and investigative journalists from mainstream newspapers that
previously had done Bush's bidding.

Over the past five-plus years, the American people have gotten a taste of what a triumphant George W.
Bush is like, as he basked in high approval ratings and asserted virtually unlimited powers as Commander in Chief.
Now, the question is: How will Bush and his inner circle behave when cornered?

So far, the answer should send chills through today's weakened American Republic. Bush and his team
- faced with plunging poll numbers and cascading disclosures of wrongdoing - appear determined to
punish and criminalize resistance to their regime.

When Bush sends tanks into the streets of America, the world will panic
and an ounce of gold will go to $1500 and each barrel of oil will go to $125.

The more Bush screws up, the richer the oil bastards get.

Note: consortiumnews.com  is the most important site on the internet


Woman Charged in Talking Incident
 Will Bush have her put to death?


A woman accused of heckling Chinese President Hu Jintao during a White House appearance this week
was charged with a misdemeanor of willfully intimidating, coercing threatening and harassing a foreign official.
Wang Wenyi, had temporary press credentials for a Falun Gong newspaper and positioned herself on a camera stand.

According to Secret Service translations, she shouted in Chinese: "Stop oppressing the Falun Gong," as well as
"Your Time is running out," and "Anything you have done will come back to you in this lifetime." She also shouted
in English: "  President Bush, stop him from killing," and "President Bush, stop him from persecuting the Falun Gong."

Yes, this lady must be put to death as an exampel to other people who may be thinking about speaking.


Subject: Numbers of war dead cooked


I'm retired from the military now, and I don't give a hoot's patoot what the military talking points are.
These kids come to BAMC in waves (we used to refer to them as mass-cals) some already too far gone
to do much more than be hooked up to ventilators. Most of the surgeries done at BAMC in the 90's were
hip replacements, reproductive surgeries, lap chole's, lap appys,etc. Now, most are limb amputations.

One bright spot---the only one that I can see---is that these kids aren't stupid. They are very, very angry
at the Bush Administration. But, don't cheer yet. They're very angry with the blase American public, too.

Michael Moore said it best, "Will they ever trust us again?"


Cardinal: Condoms better than AIDS
 This must be a trick, it's too logical for a priest


Despite the Vatican's opposition to condoms, a senior cardinal said
that condoms were the "lesser evil" when considering the scourge of AIDS.


"We must do everything to fight AIDS," said Cardinal Carlo Martini, the retired archbishop
of Milan.  "Certainly, the use of condoms can constitute in certain situations a lesser evil."

The Vatican opposes condoms because they are a form of artificial contraception.
Pope Benny the Rat told African bishops that abstinence was the only "fail-safe" way to stop HIV.

Duh! again!

Hey Benny, you're "pulling a Bush" - answering a question that nobody asked because
you can't answer the question that was asked.  Why can't you answer it?
Funny, that the Pope has to dodge questions and Bart doesn't.

I have a question for you - how do you expect teenagers to remain celebate if your own
priests can't keep it in their pants?  Can you answer that question?

The policy of the Catholic Church, as I see it, is to only have sex with virgin children because
they're less likely to have a sexually-transmitted disease than an adult.  Do I understand correctly?

Shame, shame on the Pope for have to use Scott McClelland tactics to avoid the question asked.


Pink Video - Dear Mr. President

Subject: Planes over Germany

Hello Bart,

I just spent an hour on the phone with my great friend Jan from Heidelberg, Germany.
He says he hears the planes flying overhead similar to to build-up to the Iraq war.
Also says he can't see them. Maybe Sy Hersh reads us and will get us an answer.

The torture never stops.


From: ...and furthermore,

David Gilmour has a new CD out and sold out tickets for his entire tour in minutes recently.
The reviews from the NY shows said he was great and the songs I've heard from the CD were very good.
But these are different times. We're not all sitting around getting stoned listening to it anymore.

When we were younger, we'd have half a dozen friends sitting around listing to records.
Now it's pretty much a solo experience, with headphones or alone at home while the wife watches TV.
Songs don't have the same effect that they did when your drunk buddy is there saying "Listen to this part, maaaannnn".
Radio is too busy playing Pink to play stuff like this.

Look up some the new Gilmour stuff. You're wrong again.


 Rude Rich



"A new Fox News poll hands George W. Bush his lowest approval rating to date.
  Overall, just 33 percent of Fox's morons say they approve of the job Bush is doing."
        --Tim Grieve,     Link


Subject: donation


I just put $20 in the mail in support of the site.
I don't know if this gets me any privileges, but I want to get back into donating.

Dude, that'll get you 60 days of BCR and my gratitude :)

I used to be able to send $20 a month back when I was getting paid in yen.
Anyway, I've got a new job so please share my joy and put the little check to good use.

I thought, as a matter of market research, you might want to know why I'm still a supporter.
Actually, we disagree on a hell of a lot.  I don't like your positions on torture or pulling troops out of Iraq.
I think Hillary would be the wrong candidate.  I don't think the Diebold machines are rigged.
So, there is plenty of reason for me to look elsewhere for my anti-Bush satire.

Oh - let's argue!

First, you and I don't disagree on torture.
We both agree it's a bad, bad thing, right?
Second, I doubt we disagree on troops in Iraq, unless you want Zarqawi to have
$140M a day (a billion per week) to spend on the best ways to kill Americans.
That wasn't a problem until Bush created it, but turning our backs on him now is suicide.
Third, I'm voting Democrat in 2008 - you are too, right?
Fourth, nobody knows the Diebold machines are rigged, but why else would the GOP
fight so hard to prevent a paper trail that could verify their accuracy?
So, we're virtual twins politically and I appreciate your support.

However, I still read Bartcop and want to support the site, because you are right on the most
important issue of all.  Democrats have got to start fighting, and fighting in a way that average
Americans understand.  I can trust you to attack whoever the Rethugs nominate and hit him/her hard.
I know that you will find reasons to identify him as both a radical idealogue, AND craven flip flopper.
You will let America know that he is controlled by big business AND religious extremism.
You are the only dude who mentions attacking the republican candidate's wife.

I have confidence that you understand this important truth.
That is why you are first on my list of political contributions.
The check will be there early next week, and keep up the good work.

Tim who got paid in yen


Get your two minutes on BartCop Radio

Bush lovers welcome to call
Spankings are free


TV Seance claims to reach John Lennon


A controversial television seance airing on Monday will claim it has reached John Lennon,
but viewers will have to pay $9.95 to find out, because masking money is the whole point.

The special, being carried on pay-TV service In Demand, was organized by the producers of
a 2003 attempt to channel the late Princess Diana. That show failed to find Diana and received
reviews that could have sunk the Titanic but it is estimated to have grossed close to $8 million.

Sight unseen, the Lennon effort has been attacked by the late Beatle's friends and fans as a tasteless effort
to profit from his assassination 25 years ago. But producers say they are hoping to lure an audience of
religious crazies who think there really is an afterlife.

I feel sorry for people who believe in ghosts.
I feel sorry for people who cannot accept science and logic.
Shame on those who use people's religious insanity against them to commit crimes.
These crooks are as bad as the religious frauds who sell you "Heaven" if you have the cash.

"Hey Dude, give me all your money.
  Then, after you die, you'll live forever in total peace and happiness,
  but be sure I get all your cash before you see how worthless my product is."

It's sad when people reject common sense for Magic Beans.

The Russians have a saying: Never buy a cat in a sack.


Subject: Seeger, not Guthrie

I think that your friend Rude Rich has his icons confused.  Springsteen is about to begin a tour
with his big "Seeger Sessions Band" reviving Pete Seeger songs:  Link

The tour kicks off at JazzFest in New Orleans -- and I believe they'll be doing a couple of songs on *GMA*
this coming Tuesday (April 25th).

Hopefully they'll do something loud, left-wing, and controversial enough to make
former Nixonian Diane Sawyer's surgically maintained visage twitch with apprehension.

With respect -- the simplistic attempt to shoehorn creativity into testosterone-vs.-estrogen terms is beneath you.
(I'm assuming that the whole thread isn't a joke.)

No, you have that wrong, but continue...

Ye gods, man -- did you really just imply that there's something *unmanly* about singing Woody Guthrie songs?

I don't know anything about Woodie Guthrie,
but I know when rockers lose their ability to write, they raid the classics.

There's something *unmanly* about honoring a man who barded about with
"This Machine Kills Fascists" emblazoned on his guitar?   http://www.woodyguthrie.org/

I've never heard that phrase before, but I'm guessing the answer is no.
I'm saying Springsteen is "honoring" Seeger because his songwriting well ran dry.

There's something *unmanly* about the man who wrote songs like
-- "All You Fascists" http://www.woodyguthrie.org/Lyrics/All_You_Fascists.htm
-- "Pretty Boy Floyd" http://www.woodyguthrie.org/Lyrics/Pretty_Boy_Floyd.htm
-- "Union Maid" http://www.woodyguthrie.org/Lyrics/Union_Maid.htm
-- "Pastures of Plenty" http://www.woodyguthrie.org/Lyrics/Pastures_Of_Plenty.htm
-- and what the hell, for comic relief, "Joe DiMaggio's Done It Again"

You do the magic of lyrical and musical creativity a grave disservice if you seriously think
it can be reduced to terms of balls vs. ovaries.

So, you're saying older women write the best rock songs?
I don't think there's anyone in music who would agree with that.

For some reason, you've chosen to make this adversarial - there's no need for that.
We can have opposing music opinions without you becoming Mr. Know-it-all.
Maybe you're a good guy who just makes a lousy first impression?

I strongly recommend leaving such simplistic nonsense to Limbaugh and his ilk.
If you don't seriously think that, then please excuse the interruption.  :)

JW, I wish you could take back the snotty "simplistic nonsense" insults because I'm right.
If I'm wrong, that means the best songwriters in rock are doing their greatest work now.
Even Rude Rich knows that's not true.

The facts are the facts and neither of us can change them.
Great songs are written by young men and they stop doing great work as they get older.
You gonna send me some links proving that to be false?

You can call me Rush Limbaugh 1,000 times but the facts are still the facts.
Christ, I'd give a year's pay if you were right, because I used to be the biggest music fan ever.


Dump Cheney for Condi, Bush urged
No, keep them so we can torture them for a change


Republicans are urging Bush to dump Cheney and replace him with Condi if he is serious about
presenting a new face to the jaded American public. They believe that only the sacrifice of one or more
of the big beasts of the jungle, such as Cheney or Rumsfeld, will convince voters that Bush understands
the need for a fresh start. The jittery Republicans claim Bush's mini-White House reshuffle last week
will do nothing to forestall the threat of losing control of Congress in the November mid-term elections.


FDA Lies Fuel MM Controversy


The FDA announcement that they do not support the medicinal use of marijuana quickly
re-ignited controversy from both sides of the debate.

The FDA said that "no sound scientific studies supported medical use of marijuana for treatment,
and no animal or human data supported the safety or efficacy of marijuana for general medical use."

The FDA's statement contradicts a 1999 review by experts at the Institute of Medicine (IOM),
a division of the U.S. National Academy of Sciences, which found marijuana to be "moderately
well-suited for particular conditions, such as chemotherapy-induced nausea and vomiting and     AIDS wasting."

The federal government "loves to ignore our report," Dr. John Benson, co-chairman of the Institute
of Medicine committee that examined the research. "They would rather it never happened."

To please the religiously insane, Bush wants to take medicine away from dying people. I'm ashamed that
our government is held hostage by people who turn their backs on science to they can please those who 
continue to assert that the Invisible Cloud Being wants "his children" to do without medicine.

Why should anybody go to school and get an education
if life's most important decisions are to be made by the stupidest of us?


The net's best advertising deal

 advertise on  bartcop.com

The Great Chinese Fake-Out
  by She with the forked tongue


Dick and Rummy are in Karl's old office, eating Chinese leftovers. "Serves Karl right, by golly," Rummy says.
"He's so arrogant. Won't listen to anybody about anything. Goodness gracious, imagine having somebody in
such an important job who doesn't take any advice or pay attention to dissenting opinions. An autocrat ruthlessly
ruling over his own little kingdom. Even Laura can't stand his peacock-preening." Dick grunts his assent, his mouth
full of ginger-scented dumplings. The Bush mandarins are feeling more sweet than sour.

It's been a fun week, sidelining Rove, firing the C.I.A. officer who was a source for reporters (including for
The WaHoPo's Pulitzer-winning articles) on the agency's overseas gulag, plotting against Iran, messing with China's
head, rolling like a Tiananmen tank over the retired generals who tried to lead a democratic uprising against Rummy."


Subject: Colin Powell, traitor

Bart, you wrote:

> "It figures that Powell (R-Traitor) resisted Bosnia, where no American lives were lost,
> but he kept his mouth shut as Bush pushed 2379 soldiers into the open, mass grave."

NO! He opened his yap and helped send them.  He may make noises now, but when he had
the power as secretary of state, he went along with his part in the BFEE evil farce and helped out.

At a minimum she should be hung next to Bush just the way Lonesome Dove Texas Ranger
Robert Duval hung his friend Robert Urich telling him "You should have been more careful who you rode with."

Put them all on trial and hang them.


We gave a pound of the best chocolate ever to Maggie S
from the South's Finest Chocolate  for being
the first person to identify this Hottie

The second and third placers won 30 days of BCR.

Some people guessed Hillary,
some guessed Cindy Sheehan,
but most wrong guesses were Greta Van Susteren.

Maggie is getting some really good chocolate.

I need a graphic that traces the cost of gasoline since 2000.


"I do think it's a young man's game, but I still feel like a young man."
     -- U2 guitarist The Edge, seeming to back Bart's theory,   Link

 I wish I could find my video interview with The Edge in Dallas, 1992.


Subject: That was a lousy piece of writing


Re: My missive about numerology and detention camps:
That was a lousy piece of writing, I got Hitler's b'day wrong...

Plus, I didn't really source my idea about "numerology"...
More correctly, it should be called "occult symbolism".
Here's some links you could put up when the inevitable horde of debunkers flooood you with calls for my head:

The Biggest Secret Forum

Destruction of the Trade Centers:
Occult Symbolism Indicates Enemies Within Our Own Government
 by Robert Howard

Secret Societies and the Origins of Tarot
 by Dr. Robert O'Neill




Barrie Zwicker: The 9-11 Special You Never Saw

Dude, I know you'll find this hard to believe, but I've made mistakes, too.
I would've bet (and lost) money that the Beatles never won a Grammy.
I've heard that dozens of times, but I never researched it myself.

bartcop.com  regrets the error



My sound card is to be installed today,
so I haven't heard this - let's hope it's good.

Subject: Gas Price Gouging

"I'm concerned about higher gasoline prices," Bush says.
"The government has the responsibility to make sure that we watch very carefully and investigate
possible price-gouging, and we will do just that," Do I believe that? I still remember how he said he
was going to investigate the leaks related to the outing of the CIA agent.

Bush called for a criminal investigation to "get to the bottom" of it
just to find out that he was the one behind it.

They can pretend that the high price of gas is because of "world demand" and "political uncertainty"
and "converting to ethanol", but when I see the president of Exxon getting a retirement bonus of
close to half a BILLION dollars it's pretty clear that it's greedy oil companies raping the public again.

These are the guys who met in secret with vice president Cheney to create the energy policies that
make them rich and us poor. When the oil companies are showing record profits it doesn't take a
genius to figure out that if they made a little less then we would be paying less at the pumps.
The quickest way to bring down gas prices is to impeach Bush and Cheney.

Marc Perkel
San Francisco, CA.

Marc Perkel thinks clearer than any person I know.
Everything he says makes sense, and that's damn hard to say about anybody.

He founded The Church of Reality.

I'm a member.



"Where are the new faces ? It's like the Bush administration cannot take on anyone
  who hasn't a) already taken the Bush omerta or b) already works for Fox News."
       -- Josh Marshall, on Dubya's mini-shuffle at the White House, Link


Marty's Entertainment Page

always has good stuff.

Now on iTunes, just like 
See Del Castillo LIVE! Tell them "Bart says Hey!"

Wed - April 26 - McAllen, TX - Cine El Rey Pub
Thu - April 27 - Houston - Fitzgerald's
Fri - April 28 - Corpus Christi - Concrete St. Pavilion
Sat - April 29 - Austin - The Glenn @ The Backyard
Thu - May 4 - Iowa City, IA - Gabe's Oasis
Fri - May 5 - Urbandale, IA - Keyster's
Sat - May 6 - Kansas City, MO - Grand Emporium
   Party at Moose & Squirrel's after the show?


If you see a star in an anti-Bush or pro-peace shirt,
please send that in.

Subject: Towers collapse


I don't know where you dug up this crock of nonsense
about the collapse but you are drinking the Kool-Aid.

The points this moron uses to justify a controlled explosion have no basis
in fact and make some wild stabs at explanations that just are not true.
Give up the ghost on this tower deal.

I drink Chinaco, not Kool Aid, and I have no ghost to give up.
*I* have no opinion on the WTC because I have no facts.

The subject is a little like Israel - people scream "Moron!" at their friends
when none of us has enough facts to know what really happened because
Bush & Cheney refused to tell us what they knew under oath.


Congress Giving Net to Corp Jackals?


Congress is going to hand the operation of the Internet over to AT&T,
Verizon and Comcast. Democrats are helping. It's a shame.

Don't look now, but the House Commerce Committee next Wednesday is likely
to vote to turn control of the Internet over to AT&T, Verizon, Comcast, Time Warner
and what's left of the telecommunications industry.  It will be one of those stories the
mainstream media writes about as "little noticed" because they haven't covered it.

The Internet is the best example ever of government staying out of the way.
Now they're going to screw it up?



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Subject: two types of body counts for US soldiers

There is killed in action and wounded in action.

Killed in action is dead on the spot, wounded in action means they were
alive when they were removed from the incident site.  KIA + WIA = war casualties.

Rumor (and logic) has it that there are probably around 7,000 U.S. war dead.
Just because you're blown apart and alive when you leave the scene doesn't guarantee your survival.

DC Madman


They hate him in Sacramento, too.

Thanks to Mr. Drone

 Iraq pumps 2,000,000 barrels a day,
(and that was before the 2002 Halliburton Upgrade)
 times today's oil price which is$75.17 a barrel
makes $150,340,000 Bush stole just yesterday

...add to that, Iran pumps 3M barrels a day.

Once the sick bastard invades, that's 5M barrels a day
times today's oil price which is  $75.17 a barrel
makes $375,850,000 dollars Bush will steal daily

That's a third of a billion dollars every day
No wonder they were so eager to start a war

...and what did it cost us?

2379  2389 soldiers' lives

They got ten since Friday.


Subject: Sopranos vs Godfather

Bart, playing the AJ-whacks-someone ending could not work.
tony and vito are totally different dons/bosses.
i think that tony would actually be proud if AJ got off his ass and whacked someone.
it's a different era, a different storyline, and there are completely different character expectations.

i expect the sopranos to end with some grand realization that all of these super tough macho men
are all sensitive, fragile little boys.  we've already seen glimpses of these types of revelations through
johnny sacs and his daughter's wedding, pauly walnuts and his mother's betrayal, and the gay story line.

the ultimate moral of the story that the sopranos will provide will be the fact our modern, ultra-sensitive,
pc world is destroying masculinity.  it will be a bittersweet ending when we see tony cry in dr. melfi's office
-- the death of real men.



Big $$ Strike Set for May 1

Don't spend any money on May 1.



"The U. S. news media has been focusing on Iraqi liberation propaganda, ignoring the damage
  to those being "liberated."  Some of "Our boys" have participated in the horror and terror of
  mass executions, and are being called heroes for it.  Their military portfolios would likely have
  a kill to killed rate about 1000 to one if all the incinerated body parts and civilians could be counted."
     - some dude from "Strait Gate Ministries," attacking Der Furhrer's "liberation" of Iraq   Link


Subject: why are athiests so stupid?

Despite all the evidence, you atheists continue to make fools of yourselves.
When the day of judgement comes, I will be looking down at you burning in the lake of fire.
Not one drop of water will I give you to cool your tongue.  Think about it.

"Spartan" on the newsgroups

Handjob, please!
There is no Heaven, there is no Hell, there is no Devil and there is no God.

That "no water" thing is how I'd treat you, too and behaving like Ol' Bart is probably
something you don't want to be bragging about to your "holier than everyone" Christian friends.

Funny, Mrs. Bart would help you.
She's a lot better person than either of us.


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Dick Cheney Dunk Tank Night

 Link  then scroll a little, you can do it

We love wacky, tasteless minor league baseball promotions. Honest.
We can't get enough of them. In fact, we only have one quibble.
They're getting a bit tame.

Promotion: The vice president mans a dunk tank outside the ballpark.
Fans of all ages are allowed to wind up and let 'er fly -- and if they're
inaccurate enough to hit nearby Harry Whittington, Cheney gets wet!


Subject: Re: Forest Gump's Evil Twin


What realy bugs me is the people who "NOW" get it
that the pretzeldunce is and has always been a moron.

The way he conducted his very first "debate" made me cringe
at the thought of talking to someone who was so stupid and ignorant.

Those people who thought he was great and now know the truth make me cringe also,
they may go back to being scammed and duped as soon as the monkey pulls his october surprise.

This country is truly fucked.


 Call the all new, toll-free 
 GOP callers Welcome (snicker)

The good news...

Since everyone is saying, "Rumsfeld's gotta go," Bush the Idiot says, "Rummy's doing a heckuva job,"
which everybody knows is a lie, but it's what they've come to expect from the Giggling Murderer.
They say that's job security for Rummy and great news for the Democrats.

The bad news...

How many more thousands of soldiers will die for Rummy's failed war plans?
How many more thousands of soldiers will die so Bush doesn't have to admit,
"We screwed up and we need to set a new course for Iraq and America."


Happy Birthday to Chicago Jim
Jim has spent thousands of hours helping me with  bartcop.com
I'd call him my "Chief of Staff" but the last two died.
I'd call him my "Karl Rove" but he's too decent a guy for that.

I couldn't find a cake that said, "Happy Birthday Jim," but I
found one that said, "Darin," so that's pretty close, right?

Jim turns the big 5-0 today.

Happy Birthday, Jim!



Kate Moss, Lindsay Lohan a Hot Duo?
 Every 19 year-old starlet needs an older friend with coke



"If Kate is sober, I think she can be a great influence on Lindsay.
She looks up to Kate as a fashion role model," adds the friend.

"But, there is a better chance that they will hit L.A. partying which means, watch out
Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton and Jessica Simpson, as they will be the hottest duo in town!"


Thank you to bartcop.com  subscribers.
I know you work hard for your money, so I take it as
a compliment when you throw some my way each month.

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