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Buzzcook's Idol Review

 Well at least for Shania the kids only get to choose from a pre-approved 50-song menu. 
I gotta wonder what songs didn’t pass muster. 
Is there some real skanky Shania toonage out there that just doesn’t pass Idol purity standards?

More likely the line was drawn at songs the audience might be familiar with. 
I have to admit that I’m not a fan of Twain’s music, so all the songs will be ones I probably haven’t heard.

Dude, with country, it's not about the music :)

Lee Dewyze does “Looks Like We Made It”. OK I've heard that one. Pitch problems to start. 
Takes it to a big rock/pop style pretty early then tries for a slower emotional finish that doesn’t quite jell for me.

Even when Lee is off, the judges climax a dozen times during his performance.
They say Simon made $50M off Susan Boyle, so maybe he's grooming his next victim.

Randy is a yo, favorite song says Lee madit his own. Ellen babbles and wasts our time, does PSB (pre-scripted bit). 
Kara likes the sound of Lee’s voice, says he smiled. (btw a big smile helps you relax your vocal chords as you sing 
and shapes your mouth into a more effective shape with which to project your voice…honest) Simon thinks it was 
the perfect Shania song for Lee. Do you notice how the panel tends to congratulate themselves when the kids do well? 
Of course you do.

Big Mike does “It only Hurts When I’m Breathing”. A sitting start is just stooped. Mike does a nice safe version of the song 
that doesn’t really go anywhere. Notice how he hits the first beat of each measure? Then he does a light falsetto ending. Boring.

Randy thinks Mike has found himself and thinks Mike has a future. ( I doubt that future is second after Crystal) 
Ellen calls Luther Vandross, except straight. Kara thinks Mike is connected to his songs. Simon thought he was wet. 
Wet means a bit girlie, I think he meant gutless. Oh Shania liked it.

Casey Shirtless boy does “Don’t”. Is there any other shot for Casey except backlight through his curls?   ha ha
Casey says this is the first song that he’s ever “sung”. It sounds like alt pop/rock. Nothing new here. 
It’s a good Casey performance. Regional level bar band.

They reminded us that Casey worked construction.  I'd say between lifting bricks in the hot sun 
and never-ending oral from backstage groupies, Casey might find that he prefers the Hollywood lifestyle.

Randy says best ever. Ellen admits that she copies whatever Randy says and then repeats what Randy said.   ha ha
Kara says Casey was the good, bad, and ugly in a good way. Simon says Casey was right to listen to the panel.

Crystal Bowersox does “No One Needs to Know”. She sends it out to her boyfriend. Controlled and professional without 
being very engaging. Shania told Crystal to sing it “happier”, Crystal didn’t quite do that. I think she could have borrowed 
some of the girlishness that Simon saw in Big Mike. It was a kind of giggly girlie song and Crystal just isn't a giggly girlie girl.

Randy loves Crystal but not the song. Ellen babbles. 
Kara says something. Simon says it was limp. I agree with Simon.

It was one of the tackiest things I've ever seen.
Crystal's boyfriend (Where has he been hiding all these weeks?) wore a t-shirt that said something like,
"Crystal is a BILLION times more popular than the other contestants."

Dude, that may be true, but you don't have to wear every truth on your chest.

Aaron Kelly does “You’ve Got a Way”. Aaron doesn’t have Jezuz on his side so he has to be better than someone. 
Sitting down, again, is not a good idea. Aaron does well. Better than a Disney boy performance. Not sure if he did 
enough to make it through to next week.

Randy is yo dude, wheelhouse good job. Ellen thinks her job is tough. Kara says he felt it. 
Aaron reveals that he sang the song to mom. He's lobbying for the older lady vote. 
Simon says (he’s going to be honest as he does frequently) Aaron was a different artist and sounded recordable.

Apparently Aaron is born again.
During Elvis week, he had to change the lyrics to Blue Suede Shoes because he couldn't bring himself to sing,
"Drink my liquor from an old fruit jar" because singing about alcohol messed with his head. 

Are we seven years old? It's just the lyrics to a song, Dude.
Nobody asked you to chug moonshine until you passed out - it's just a collection of words.

So last night, when the lyrics mentioned making love (my guess) he had to change the words
because our precious little Aaron is still a virgin and he cain't be singin' 'bout no sexin'
so he dedicates the sex line to his mother ...which is plenty creepy... 

Siobhan Magnus does “Any Man of Mine”. A bit breathy on low notes to start. Takes it to straight country. 
More trouble with low notes. Hits the screechy note than slides down to a predictable “big finish” ending. 
Pretty girl pretty voice.

Randy loves the punk country stuff.    Ellen PSB.    Kara says Siobhan is back.  Simon really likes the song.

Ellen did two ultra-horrid "Shania Train" jokes that were so lame you'd never see them on
How can she be so incredibly rich with 15 writers and have such lame jokes?  How is it possible?

And you can't mention Shiobhan (her parents should be arrested) without mentioning her appearance?

Someone needs to tell this girl there's a difference between standing out and looking stupid.
She wore tall, laced up white boots with this "dress."

Like Lady Gaga, I wonder what she'd look like in clothes from Earth?
And who knew she had spent time in Auschwitz?
She doesn't look that old...

Well, no real horrible performances tonight. No real second after Crystal performances, except from Crystal. 
I guess from here out it’s pretty much going to be a race between those who play it safe and those who try 
to put it out of the ballpark on each swing. 

Damnit, sorry about the sports metaphor. 

I understand if you put me on ignore for the rest of my life, but please forgive me. 
I promise it won’t happen again.

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