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Eldrick is
single again
He only had to give Elin $800 million
Eldrick will pay his
former wife between $750 million and $833 million, the report says,
which would be
the biggest payout ever for
a guy caught banging a nucj of sluts. In return, Nordegren, 30, can
never
publicly speak about his
whoring around while they were married.
According to the deal, which
is expected to be finalized soon, Nordegren gets complete custody of
their children
(3-year old daughter Sam and
1-year old son Charlie), but Eldrick gets to share in making decisions
in their life.
Eldrick also has to keep his
children away from his 121 nasty whores that Nordegren does not know.
Eight
hundred million?
Geez, did her lawyer represent both of you?
So, Eldrick is down to his last $200M or so.
Good thing he's got all those endorsement deals - oh wait, he doesn't.
Good thing he can win a golf tournament any time he wants
to - oh wait, he can't.
The good news?
He's not Chris Brown and he's not a rapist priest.
More good news:
You're free to go bang-bang crazy the rest of your life - if anyone
will have you.
Eldrick, for a guy who's still alive and not in jail,
you might have set a record for the biggest fuck-up ever.