learn from Lady GaGa
WTF? What happened?
Simple, Mr President. What happened was you.
You did it, Barack. You baked the crap on which you gag.
You ate the banana on whose peel you're slipping.
Here's what you wrought, in straight-up Anglo-Saxon:
After giving your base a great fuck as a candidate, you pulled out.
You entered the White House and slammed the door on your base. You
handed over your personal stash of 13 million
email addresses -- your direct line to your fans -- to the Democratic
Party. As if you couldn't be bothered with them anymore.
Your fans didn't vote for the Democratic Party, pal. Independents
didn't vote for the Democratic Party, sonny.
They voted for you,
asshole. That coalition of youths Hispanics labor-union
the stars in their eyes blinked Obama-Obama-Obama.
You had a fan base inside-outside your Party, like the Tea Party stands
inside-outside the GOP, which you could have
used again and again -- against Congress, against the GOP, even against
your own party. An organized community all your own.
Between you and your fans there was a much stronger bond than a mere
party-political bond. A mystical, sacred bond.
But you went all secular on them and pulled out. You acted as though
your base never existed.
You committed the greatest act of political coitus interruptus since
JFK got himself shot.
Then you pointed your wind-dry erection at a rainbow. It was actually a
shitstorm, but you saw opportunity
where others saw an iceberg. You happen to be a donkey, but you thought
you could get it on with an elephant.
It was species overreach, dumbo. You got nowhere.
Then, instead of going back to your fans, you stuck your nose in your
briefing books and acted like a monk
and never looked up until a huge GOP cock was rammed up your butt
powered by crazed Tea Party people.
Now you're stuck between a cock and a hard place. You're trapped in
what the pundits call an enthusiasm gap.
That gap is a hole, the hole in which you cast your base like the
dungeons in which Henry VIII cast wife after wife
so he could go and ding-dong some other highborn floozy.
In your case, a whore called Washington.
Where does your enthusiasm come from? From your base, dummy. Nowhere
You dumped your base and you dumped all enthusiasm for you. It's that
Now you're complaining. Petulant phrases like “buck up” and “stop
whining” and “inexcusable to stand
on the side lines” are flowing like platelets from Caesar's wounds.
The pity of it all is, it could have been so easy -- if you were a
little smarter, or maybe just a bit of a hypocrite.
Look how Karl Rove milked the Bush base. Came the 2004 election, what
did Rove do? He and Bush raised
a mighty hue and cry about gay marriage. And that old stand-by, the
court-sanctioned whacking of human fetuses.
Now listen. Legal abortion will be with us forevermore, and gay
marriage will spread from state to state.
In short, these base-stroking moves by Herr Rove and Meister Bush were
the shit of the bull. Totally.
But they worked. They made the base believe that Bush cared about them.
It actually happens that Bush
could give two shits about either gay marriage or abortion. But that's
not the point. The point was to bond
with his base via hoops of steel. Bush strummed those two strings of
anti-gay and anti-abortion BS hard.
That's all it takes. Just a few pointless promises and a few empty
All you had to do, Mister President, was say this:
“Listen, folks, we got health care reform done. Thank you for sticking
with me through the long ordeal
of death panels and socialism. But we didn't get the public option.
Damn. Double damn. You're disappointed.
I'm disappointed. Never mind, next time. Don't think for one moment I'm
giving up. We didn't have the votes
for it, but if you keep voting for me, we'll get there. The battle has
just begun. When I'm re-elected, that's my
first priority. Let's all pull together -- the public option or
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