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Thank God for Fred Phelps
by William Rivers Pitt


It is amazing that Fred Phelps is still alive. That he has not yet been beaten, stomped, clubbed, stabbed,
shot or run down by a car is either a testament to the restraint of his fellow Americans, or is a straight-up
miracle right out of his twisted scripture. America has created some epic bastards in its time, but few can
measure up to the monstrous nature of Mr. Phelps.

I agree and I've said so for years.
Back in the eighties, I came up with the "Dog Poop Defense."

"Dynasty" was a big TV show at the time and Alexis the super-rich, impeccably-dressed tramp was always
walking in the front door of Blake and Crystal Carrington's mansion and giving Crystal hell about something.

I said at the time, "If Crystal would keep a 6 ounce flask of liquid dog poop handy at all times,
when Alexis barges in, just squirt a bunch of dog poop on her cleavage and she'd soon stop."

Of course, the show's producers NEEDED for Alexis to walk in un-announced to make more drama,
but repeatedly dumping dog poop on someone is a guaranteed way to change their behavior.

If Fred Phelps got a broken nose every time he protested at a soldiers's funeral,
don't you'd think he'd eventually stop doing what he's doing?

What jury is going to punish a Marine for popping Phelps in the nose? 

You know who I'm talking about. Fred Phelps and his demented Westboro Baptist Church. It is mostly a
family affair, and is based entirely on hate. Phelps and his brood first made national news twelve years ago
almost to the day when they protested the funeral of Matthew Shepard, the young man who was beaten and
crucified on a Wyoming fence in 1998 because he was gay. Phelps protested the funeral, he said, because God
despises homosexuality and has visited His wrath upon America for our tolerance of such "deviant" lifestyles...

Fred Phelps is a toilet bug, but in his infinite miserableness, he gives to us the opportunity to reaffirm our most
closely held national ideal. The First Amendment gives us all the right to say as we please, to espouse our views
in the public sphere at whatever volume we wish. The vile and despicable nature of the Westboro Baptist Church
reminds us how unbelievably hard this ideal is to live up to. Most of us would be sorely tempted to say, "Screw it,
it's too much, let the hammer fall and let these bastards be silenced." But in doing so, we would betray what is
best about us as a people.

Phelps is the highest exemplar of the American Taliban phenomenon, but he and his people have the right to
speak out as they have, and though it twists the gut, it must be allowed to continue unmolested by legal interference.
Counter-demonstrators are equally free to confront Phelps and his actions, and to drown them out by way of their
own First Amendment rights. Also, and not for nothing, the right-bent nature of the current Supreme Court makes
it perilous in the extreme for any case to come up that could potentially give the Justices cause to limit the rights
of protesters in general.  The Court must rule in favor of Phelps, even as they choke back bile while doing so.

Seems like Phelps is always traveling far away to disrupt a soldier's funeral.
I don't see him doing that in Oklahoma.

In Oklahoma, a preacher will tear your scrotal sac if you're not a Sooners Football fan.

What do you think a platoon of Okie Marines would do to Phelps
if he made a mockery of their fallen friend who died in their arms?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of free speech, but I'm smart enough to know that you don't
walk up to Mike Tyson and his wife in a bar and ask him why he's with such a skanky ho.

Sure, you have a RIGHT to say that...

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