God for Fred Phelps
by William Rivers Pitt
It is amazing that Fred Phelps is
still alive. That he has not yet been beaten, stomped, clubbed,
shot or run down by a car is either a testament to the restraint of his
fellow Americans, or is a straight-up
miracle right out of his twisted scripture. America has created some
epic bastards in its time, but few can
measure up to the monstrous nature of Mr. Phelps.
I agree and I've said so for years.
"Dynasty" was a big TV show at the time and Alexis the
super-rich, impeccably-dressed tramp was always
Back in the eighties, I came up with the "Dog Poop Defense."
walking in the front door of Blake and Crystal Carrington's mansion and
giving Crystal hell about something.
I said at the time, "If Crystal would
keep a 6 ounce flask of liquid
dog poop handy at all times,
when Alexis barges in, just
squirt a bunch of dog poop on her cleavage
and she'd soon stop."
Of course, the show's producers NEEDED for Alexis to walk in
un-announced to make more drama,
but repeatedly dumping dog poop on someone is a guaranteed way to change their
If Fred Phelps got a broken nose every time he protested at a
don't you'd think he'd eventually stop doing what he's doing?
What jury is going to punish a Marine for popping Phelps in the
You know who I'm talking about.
Fred Phelps and his demented Westboro Baptist Church. It is mostly a
family affair, and is based entirely on hate. Phelps and his brood
first made national news twelve years ago
almost to the day when they protested the funeral of Matthew Shepard,
the young man who was beaten and
crucified on a Wyoming fence in 1998 because he was gay. Phelps
protested the funeral, he said, because God
despises homosexuality and has visited His wrath upon America for our
tolerance of such "deviant" lifestyles...
Fred Phelps is a toilet bug, but in his infinite miserableness, he
gives to us the opportunity to reaffirm our most
closely held national ideal. The First Amendment gives us all the right
to say as we please, to espouse our views
in the public sphere at whatever volume we wish. The vile and
despicable nature of the Westboro Baptist Church
reminds us how unbelievably hard this ideal is to live up to. Most of
us would be sorely tempted to say, "Screw it,
it's too much, let the hammer fall and let these bastards be silenced."
But in doing so, we would betray what is
best about us as a people.
Phelps is the highest exemplar of the American Taliban phenomenon, but
he and his people have the right to
speak out as they have, and though it twists the gut, it must be
allowed to continue unmolested by legal interference.
Counter-demonstrators are equally free to confront Phelps and his
actions, and to drown them out by way of their
own First Amendment rights. Also, and not for nothing, the right-bent
nature of the current Supreme Court makes
it perilous in the extreme for any case to come up that could
potentially give the Justices cause to limit the rights
of protesters in general. The Court must rule in favor of Phelps,
even as they choke back bile while doing so.
Seems like Phelps is always traveling far away to disrupt a soldier's
I don't see him doing that in Oklahoma.
In Oklahoma, a preacher will tear your scrotal sac if
you're not a Sooners Football fan.
What do you think a platoon of Okie Marines would do to
Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of free speech, but I'm
smart enough to know that you don't
if he made a mockery of their fallen friend who died in their arms?
walk up to Mike Tyson and his wife in a bar and ask him why he's with
such a skanky ho.
Sure, you have a RIGHT to say that...
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