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Big Brother 12: The Big Brothering
by Mike the Dealer

Welcome all to a new reality series I’ll be recapping for Bartcop. Here’s a quick over-view of Big Brother


Survivor is a pretty much ‘majority  rules’ kind of game, hidden idols can mess with votes now and then,
but on the whole a solid alliance can dominate as long as they stick together. In Big Brother power is more fluid,
it shifts week to week depending on who wins the “Head of Household” (HoH) contest. So a minority alliance
can hold power as long as people keep winning HoH. 

Whoever has HoH nominates two people for eviction these are the two people who could be sent home.
Once the nominations are made, then there is a contest for Power of Veto (PoV). Winner of PoV can use it
to save one of the two nominees and force the HoH to nominate somebody new.
The winner of PoV is immune from being nominated.

Once the post PoV nominations are locked in, a few days later (Normally on Thursday, but on the
speed week it happens some other day.) the vote to evict is held, person who gets the most votes is evicted.
The HoH can not vote except as a tiebreaker.

The winner of each week’s HoH can not win it the next week, except when we’re down to 4 people,
then they are allowed to win it again at final 3.

So that’s pretty much the game. We are introduced to the show and meet our new cast
who we’ll learn to love and hate over the next 2 months and change.

Andrew- Religious Jew, a doctor who’s lied about his job, has acted like a bit of a nut.
Got a personal immunity by sitting out the HoH challenge.

Annie- In the closet bi-sexual who may be the first one voted out due to the crime of
trying to play the game to hard week 1, admitted to having a girlfriend to the openly gay Regan.

Brendon- Buff guy who apparently is into science and has a "showmance" with Rachel.

Britney- rarely seen blonde girl who’s only claim to fame so far was kicking Kathy the cop lady
in the head by accident in the have/have-not challenge

Enzo- Formed  an all male alliance called “The Brigade” with himself, Lane, Matt, and Hayden
and gave it’s members  stupid names. Wears a dumb hat like King Russell Hantz did on Survivor

Hayden- Another giant guy, won HoH week one, is secretly allied with Kristen, member of “The Brigade.”

Kathy- Cop Lady, totally fell apart in the have/have not challenge and thusly could be the Saboteur.
Was rumored on the internet to be the Saboteur, but that rumor has been fought over a lot now. Guess we will see later tonight what the deal is.

Kristen- Secret ally of Hayden, besides that not much has happened with her.

Lane- Could be an ax-murderer, in “The Brigade”

Matt- Looks like a rock-and-roll rebel, but secretly is in MENSA, member of “The Brigade”

Monet- Won 10,000 dollars on the HoH challenge, as a result has people hating her, besides that hasn’t done much.

Rachel- Nominated along with Annie for eviction, in a showmance with Brendon, odds on favorite to survive eviction this week.

Regan- Openly gay guy who’s not done a whole hell of a lot.

After the opening meet and greet we get to the first HoH contest, which is rigged for a big strong guy to win it,
as it requires someone with the ability to jump real high, latch onto a heavy bag like the ones boxers  train on,
and then hold on as it’s moved across a pit. Teams will battle with the big strong guy who’s last to go across
for their team winning. Hayden’s team wins the challenge, the two other storylines was the first person on the
winning team to go across got 10,000 dollars, and Monet got that, and Britney fell hard and twisted her knee up pretty bad.

The show ends with the Saboteur locking away the provisions from the house guests after a black out, that evil scumbag!

The next episode has the ‘haves/Have-nots’ challenge, where one team of 4 will lose and not get to eat food,
get to sleep on good beds, or take hot showers for the week. Kathy falls apart and her team of her, Matt,
Regan, and Rachel are stuck in awful-land for a week.

The Saboteur strikes and stays that Britney and Kathy should be nominated, but The Brigade
decides to bust up the Showmance and Brandon and Rachel go up on the block.

The Power of Veto challenge will be decided by the HoH, the two nominees, and three people
picked at random (This  is done to prevent a giant alliance from having an unstoppable set up to
backdoor somebody.) and the draw pretty much makes it so that Rachel or Brandon must win
or the nominations will stay the same.

Brandon goes to Hayden and begs him to let them work together, Hayden, liking his odds,
tells him to drop dead and he’s going home.

The challenge is to smash disgusting, mayo filled piñatas to get letters out of them, and then spell a word,
longest word that is correctly spelled wins the challenge and Veto. The House guests not in the challenge
are forced to sit near enough to the exploding piñatas so that they get hit with mayo…In the end Brandon
spells a monster 13 letter word (Understanding) and wins. Even 10 would have been enough so he didn’t
need the ‘ing’ at the end, which he brought up was a tactic he was going to use (Come up with a word
he could add ‘ing’ or ‘ly’ to at the end.)

The Saboteur  strikes again and tells the group that two people in the house are lifelong friends.
This only feeds the paranoia in the house, but nobody is outted as being friends.

Now The Brigade panic, and debate putting up Kathy as a ‘pawn’ Vs Rachel, or putting up Rachel
and Brandon’s other alliance-mate, Annie. Pawn plays mean you put up somebody who you don’t
want evicted in the belief that people won’t vote for them, and will vote for the other person,
this is a tactic that often backfires, so it sucks to be the pawn.

In the end they put up Annie. Who seems likely to go home due to the fact that Britney and Enzo
both hate her, and Enzo runs the Brigade so that’s 3 votes, Britney is 4 votes, and Brandon will
vote to save Rachel so that’s 5 votes, which would be enough to force a tie breaking vote at the least.


A slow start, out of 13 people, we have an alliance of 4, a showmance of 2, and pretty much
everyone else just floating around making promises and not trying to step on anyone’s toes.
Big Brother is a much more fluid game then Survivor in that a solid majority alliance
promises you nothing, if the minority hold HoH for a couple weeks, you can go home.

So far this cast doesn’t seem like a bunch of lunatics and morons like last season did.
Hopefully learning who the Saboteur is will add some spice to the game and the new HoH
won’t be from The Brigade and cause some chaos in the house.

Questions or comments E-mail me at

Mike, great work, as always.
It's not easy writing a coherent re-cap of twelve people running over three episodes.

Bart's thoughts:

Enzo is a hoot!
He's from Jersey, so he pretends he's convinced he's all mobbed-up.
He's the Chairman of the Board for The Brigade, which consists four gullible, easily-led men.

Enzo gave his soldiers nicknames like this was the Superman TV show from the fifties.
He's so Jersey, he gave himself the nickname "Meow Meow," which sounds so gay,
but maybe that means something in mob-language that I don't get.

Enzo is to BB what "Coach" was to Survivor - more full of himself than the vulgar Pigboy.

Then there's Andrew, the super Jew.
I have nothing against Jews, but if you can't go 30 seconds without announcing,
"Remember, I'm a strict Jew," then plkease stay the F away from me.

Andrew has a severe psychological problem about his religion and I don't need to hear it.
If he wants to argue religion, then bring it on, otherwise shut the F up!

Then there's my favorite - Britney.
She's a combination of Paris Hilton, Dolly Pardon and Miley Cyrus.
She's a walking gossip machine and she's fun as hell to watch.

One Showtime episode, she sat there for an hour and did unflattering impressions of everyone
in the house.  It's obvious that there are 100 cameras and 200 mics in the house, but I'm not sure
Britney gets that millions of people see and hear every word coming out of her mouth.

Britney has the potential to super-enrage the other guests - and that makes her valuable to CBS.

Like Survivor, this is a tremendously interesting look into the human mind in a stress situation.

For one, they have absoluely nothing to do.
No TV, no radio, no internet, no e-mail, no texting - nothing. (They do have a pool table.)
Besides the 2% of the time they're engaged in some contest, there's nothing to do but
engage in conversation with strangers who are quickly becoming friends - or are they?

Like Survivor, the name of the game is watch your back and screw your buddy.

<>Plus, they have this saboteur in the house, so anytime someone makes a mistake or fails
to complete a task, they are suspected of torpedoing their friends and tension builds.

And last night's twist?  That two of the "guests" are lifelong buddies?
That adds even more tension because that means two, maybe three people have
motives to lie to their "friends" neyond the everybody-lies nature of the game.

Britney and Kathy are mother-daughter.

How is it possible for two best friends to be inside a house with ten strangers
and never let on that they know each other?  I couldn't do that, could you?

Even if they don't speak, how can you catch a glance of your best friend
and not smile or even ackowledge that you know them?  That'd be hard.

So tonight, either Rachel, the over-endowed bosome-y redhead goes home
or Annie, the tomboy-cute, swings-both-ways enemy of Britney the Gossip.

Why do reality shows always send the hot girls home first?

And if you don't like reality shows, write and give me your best shot
and be sure to list all the high brow shit you watch so I can ridicule your choices.

The world's going to hell (and we're dealing with that) but people who
can't find a way to blow off steam end up burnt out or faded away.


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