Bart I’m looking forward to Elvis night almost
as much as for the new episode of Glee.
Nine again or Big Mike, how can we miss you if
you don’t go away?
Of course last week proved once again that we
live in a Sanjaya world where Idol is concerned.
I have no explanation for why the public voted
the way it did.
Let’s just list the usual suspects, Jezuz, “Vote
for the Worst”, Teenie Bopper our New Born King, and racism.
Is there any human that can’t sing an Elvis song?
Well I’m betting we’re going to see at least one.
Like a lot of people my age, I liked Elvis when
I was a little kid, then thought he was an old foggy as a teen,
and then a while after he died started to like
One of the things to remember about the Elvis
(Ehvis if you're married to a relative) is that there are no “Elvis” songs.
He didn’t write one, just borrowed from others
or had songs written for him.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he got a writing credit
on a few of them, but in the day there were people that got credit
for songs they never heard till after it was
got pressed in wax. So an easy trick for our kids is to find the
of an Elvis song and copy that. For example do
the Big Momma Thornton version of Hound Dog.
Crystal Bowersox does “Saved”. Good idea picking
a less well known song.
Well Crystal takes it to church a bit. Does the
Elvis slow down at the end. It’s a sold version.
Randy is all "Yo yo, dope" and calls Bonnie Raitt.
(have these guys heard Bonny or is she the only white blues girl
they can think of except Janis?) Ellen does some
pre-scripted bit. Kara doesn’t say much. Simon has nothing useful
to say except for good song choice. Supposedly
these guys are there to give “helpful” advice.
Andrew Garcia "Hound Dog" Hey Andy,
I got an idea! I am tempted to write the review before I hear
(Lets see, it’s a very contained performance
that doesn’t have the guts of Thornton or the fun of Elvis)
Now for the real stuff. Geez I hadn’t
thought of slowing it down and making it sucky. ha
Andy gives it the half Streisand. Maybe Andy
didn't know this was a girl song.
Maybe Andrew wasn never supposed to be in this
They loved his "Straight Up," maybe because they
feel bad about dumping Paula Abdul.
Randy agrees with me. Ellen babbles. Kara thinks
the mic was a crutch.
Simon agrees with himself. Ellen pops up again
and babbles some more.
Tim Urban tries “Can’t Help Falling in Love”.(
Just in case you needed to know, this is one of the three songs I learned
on the guitar and the only one I preformed in
front of people. Sadly an inlaw was there who had perfect pitch. I had
avoid the look on their face. )
Ok back to Tim. Sweet JeZuZ, Adam tells Tim to
up the falsetto. Well Tim doesn’t puke on himself.
The falsetto only pops out for a sec and Tim
wisely backs off. Still Tim is Tim and by now that goes without saying.
Randy liked it. Ellen thinks of tequila (Cuervo
Blanco). Kara thinks it’s the best Tim. Simon thinks Tim’s a hero.
Who the heck are these people listening to? Randy
has said he judges Tim on a separate scale. I’m thinking it’s
a scale that doesn’t contain do, ray, or mi.
You would think these guys would at least pretend that they had some clue.
Lee Dewyze does “Little Less Conversation”. I’m
liking Lee more.
He still sounds a bunch like whoever he sounds
like, but he does it well.
Randy is lovin it. Ellen thinks an alt rock/blues
version is current. (The late eighties was a few years ago Ellen).
Kara thinks he went for it. Simon says nailed
Aaron Kelly attempts “Blue Suede Shoes”. Ladies
and gentlemen let me introduce the next Aaron Carter.
It’s like watching a puppy growl and bark. Aaron
chewed on those shoes and made the girl puppies swoon.
Randy actually gives good advice. Ellen forgets
Carl Perkins. Kara thinks he’s pushing his own envelope,
hears Disney. Simon thinks high school musical.
Siobhan Magnus does “Suspicious Minds”. I can
see a bunch of pitfalls in this song for Siobhan. If she doesn’t
get that quirky thing working again she’s going
to run smack dab into Tim’s Jezuz fans. “Because I used to love you
but it’s all over now”. Starts with a ho hum
slowed down version. Then really slows it down in the second half and
throws in some screech. Sad to see someone go
down hill like Siobhan has. She’s got all the tools to be second
after Crystal, but whoever is giving her advice
must just hate her.
Randy thinks she took risks. Ellen thinks she
looks fabulous. Kara notices that the screams are different
from not screams. Simon calls screechy. He adds
that she needs to find herself. Quick Siobhan read the Tao Te Ching and
get back to us.
Big Mike does “In the Ghetto”. No, no, no. Big
Mike lightens it up until the song floats away like a puff of smoke.
If you’re going to sing a schmaltzy tear jerker
then sing it like it’s a schmaltzy tear jerker. There is a freaking reason
Elvis hit the word Ghetto with a hammer. That’s
what makes this mule work. After almost getting kicked out,
Big Mike is still playing it safe. Idiot!
Randy calls sleepy, but hot. Ellen is glad she
is herself. Kara says nothing. Simon cheer leads.
The panel is working, with not enough time, to
save Big Mike from himself.
Katie Stevens does “Baby What Do You Want Me to
Do”. This is a classic blues standard. If you haven’t an ounce
of soul this is the song to make you sound like
Taj Mahal or Mavis Staples. Katie reveals that her blues are skin deep.
I imagine Katie as an ex-game show hostess that
got a Vegas show. Perky smile and pretend anger. Nice voice, pretty girl.
Randy says she’s sassy. Ellen makes a pre-scripted
joke fail. Kara doesn’t say anything. Simon says it was loud.
Casey shirtless boy does “Lawdy Miss Claudy”.
Sounds a little bit country. At least he doesn’t sound like Elvis.
Pretty much an ok version of the song. Casey
is falling behind Lee. He might have to watch out for Tim’s Jezuz.
Randy is says it’s solid. Ellen agrees with Randy.
Kara says Casey fell short. Simon says Casey wasted the opportunity.
Ok then, except for Crystal, Lee, and Casey, the
song choices were a bit on the obvious side.
They have to understand that they’re going head
to head with “The King”. Why risk the comparison, when they could
have picked something that wasn’t a chart topper?
Finally what’s the deal with giving songs the Streisand treatment
(slowing them way down and trying to squeeze
the juice out of every note)?
BTW here’s a white blues girl that isn’t Bonnie
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