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Subject: What Eldrick meant to say 

To my wife, I'm sorry. I fucked up but I'm not changing so you'll either need to put up 
with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup....sorry.

To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my dick is none of your business.
If you care....sorry. I don't need any of you in order to make 20 times in one month 
what you'll make in a career.  I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to 
within 10' of the hole and drop puts that you couldn't read in a million years. 
If that's not good enough for you, go watch tennis.
To the media. You cocksuckers are the only ones more two-faced than I am.
Kissing my ass for all those years and then ripping me constantly since Thanksgiving. 
Fuck all ya'll. I'm glad I don't have to take the time to sit and answer  the same 
bullshit questions over and over again.

To the other golfers. Kiss my cablanasian ass! You motherfuckers come out ripping me 
when I've put more fucking money in your pockets than you could even count. You think 
anyone's been paying to see Jesper-fucking-Parnavik? Give me a fucking break. 

I'm almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys but I think it's going to be 
more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.

That's all I got today folks.....see ya at Augusta !....
Oh and Bambi, if you're listening I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.

Sent in by Rick J

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