My Customs Story - by Hank
The era was the late
70's and my friend the late Bob H. and I always joked about going to
Montreal for lunch.
At that time we lived in New Jersey, its a good 360 miles by car. So
one day we decided to go to Montreal for lunch,
as a member of the Montreal for Lunch Bunch ( no such thing we just
made that up at the time) we went for it.
So natch we party on the way, back then you pretty much could, We
were in my car for a good 7 hrs
when we got to the border of Quebec Canada and NY State on what they
call the Northway.
Now its time to cross the border and we get to the customs agent who is
going to ask us all the questions. ie
where you from, where are you going, Why, and how much money ya got.
Our guy says 'Why don't you come
with me inside the building"
At this point I am feeling like this is a real bad idea but I got to
shirk with confidence if we are ever gonna get
out of this place. Don't touch my bags if you please Mr. Custom's
The customs man asked us a lot of
questions and I was forthright that we were there to party it up,
spend some bread, and look for women. He seemed okay with that and
wanted to see how much money we had,
I guess he didn't want us robbing banks or anything.
So I show him like 300 dollars and then
he asked my friend Bob for his cash,
He pulls out his money clip with the Orange colored French Zig Zag
rolling papers right on top.
I could have died right there, I looked at Bob's papers made killer eye
contact with the customs man with
my expression being that of "Can you believe my friend just showed you
that we are holding" and I then
looked at Bob and said "Bob put those away" and he put them in his
pocket and started counting the money he had.
The customs man then said you guys have
a great time and we were free.
I was in shock that I wasn't gonna be the Midnight Express prisoner and
he let us go. To this day, I feel it was
the way I took control of the situation a bit by my body language
and the heartfelt plea to put the papers away.
Bob didn't like the ride from customs to our hotel room as I chewed his
royal ass all the way there, I wound up
going out on the town alone as he staid in the room to watch , The
Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. I didn't get
lucky with the girls either. But hey I tried Bart.
A year or 2 later I had 2 weeks off, so I bicyled to Montreal for lunch
and customs was not a problem,
I had the fully loaded bicycle and a bit healthier from the riding.
Customs just waved me through as I was
listening to "Another Country" by the Electric Flag, Michael
Bloomfields R & B Band.
This is the trip I saw the Expos beat
the Phillies and Pete Rose lost. Only NL game I ever went too.
I never made it to Shea Stadium to see the Mets, I went to Yankee
Stadium to see the Yankees.
No more baseball after the steroid scandal and records held by Roger
Maris should still be his.
I went to see his #9 get retired at Yankee Stadium. From Wikipedia. "
Roger Maris' Plaque in Monument Park.
The Yankees retired Maris' number 9 on Old-Timers' Day, July 21, 1984, "
I went off on a tangent sorry. Bart I found some great pizza on
that bike trip in Montreal and when I order
was brought to the counter for me to pay for it, I experienced one of
the worst cases of racism I had ever bore witness too.
A woman in her 70's grabbed my pizza and threw it on the ground and
said "I'm not being served by no Ni**er. "
The Bitch then started walking to the
door to exit and I yelled "Hey lady you just threw my pizza on the
and you need to pay for it." She said "Fuck you" to me and kept
walking, I took the Pizza off the floor and
threw it at her and said "You are an Ignorant Old Bitch." The
Pizza missed, I got dead aim too, and hit the
window cheese-side first and it stuck and slid down the window, quite a
sight I must add,.
The poor African Canadian woman behind the counter was no more than 18
and I just told her that not all
white people are stupid like that, and I told her how sorry I was for
the whole scene. Everyone there said it
was all good and that I did what they couldn't do and I was their hero.
It felt good from them. They replaced
my pizza and I ate there again.
I went to Montreal another time with my girlfriend now wife Nancy and
Man and His World was closed,
It was their Worlds Fair and they kept it going. Well I guess we missed
the boat with the schedule .
What we did next is shear stupidity at
its finest. I moved a barrier and we drove my car all around the site,
all the exhibits for a couple hours and partied the whole time. No one
was any wiser, no one stopped us
questioned us or nothing. Try that today. We did this before National
Lampoons Vacation too.
I'm done Bart, Love your site,
e-mail to Bart
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