First off, *I* think I'm going to live another twenty years or more
and anybody who disagrees with me can blow me.
At the start of the summer I was a sick, old man - then I got chest pains. In the last few months,
they've run every test known to man and, like with Whitewater, they can't find anything wrong.
The EKG said I didn't have a heart attack - that was Bullet One that I dodged.
Bullet Two was yesterday's ink test and I passed with (apparently) flying colors.
Doc said "we caught it before any damage was done," which sounded pretty f-ing good to me.
I have one more bullet to dodge, but for now, heartwise, things couldn't be much better.
Oh, there is one other thing:
That little ink test?
It cost $18,500.
Seriously, the hospital called Monday and told me that and I'm like "WTF?"
Them Catholics - they always knew how to make a profit.
Luckily Mrs Bart has "good" insurance and they have agreed to pay $14,000 towards that and
- great news - the hospital can finance the other $4500 but they needed $1350 on a credit card
before the end of the phone conversation and we could "negotiate terms" in about six weeks
when the paperwork finally goes thru.
Is this a great country or what?
America's health care system, at this moment, is "Pay or die."
Under Thurston's HC plan, I would've just sat there with my clogged heart working overtime until
it just f-ing burst and then - lucky me - I'd get a "free" ride to some overwhelmed emergency room.
As long as the super-rich get another tax cut, it's all good.
My cardiologist is, appently, cardiologist to movie stars, politicians and major sports figures.
His office had over 100 photos and autographs and baseball jerseys (Bob Gibson, Pete Rose)
and every Republican and FOX News asshole you could name - but no vulgar Pigboy.
He also said a few things that sounded ...un-right.
He said today, heart attacks were 99 percent avoidable.
maybe he was blowing smoke up my ass - but I loved hearing it.
He said (maybe) ballons and stents were so good these days, they hardly ever do quad-bypass
heart surgery anymore, which I found odd because my good buddy Pontiac Tom had some
quad surgery just last month - get well, Big Tom!
Doc also said regular heart surgery was becoming such a thing of the past,
that surgeons these days couldn't make it on heart surgery alone,
they had to also offer heart-and-lung surgery to make a living.
I TOLD you this doctor was GOP - let's hope he didn't Google my name :)
But am I complaining?
I hope so - I'd like to keep on complaining about shit for the next twenty years or more.
I'd like to be bitching in the year 2033 about how expensive my "looks good" medical test was.
But I still need to dodge Bullet Three - I should know something soon but tonight
I'm going to do a shot of the good stuff.
Maybe now I can watch an episode of "Survivor" without worrying.
I've always pray, "Please God, don't give me that heart attack while Mrs Bart
is watching Survivor because she'll want to see the rest of the episode before she
goes dragging my ass to some emergency room."
So, wherever you are, do a shot for me - I had a GREAT week.
Send e-mail to Bart