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I Know Joe the Plumber
 by Kerry Grisby

Our local 'JOE THE PLUMBER' charges $55 bucks per hour, nine times what I made 
as a nurse in intensive care!  That includes his travel time to and from his house 30 minutes away. 
In spite of my telling him exactly what the problem is he will fiddle around for 20 minutes scratching 
his head (and other places) and finally come to the conclusion that what I had told him was correct 
as though he deduced it himself, forgetting that I had told him exactly what the problem was, not only 
on the phone but when he first arrived. 

Then he has to go back out to his truck at least 6 to 8 times or more for some tool like 
he was so new at the job he didn't know what tools he would need on the first trip out. 

On his way to and from my door he will make a concerted effort to step in any and every 
mud puddle and/or dog poop anywhere in the area and grind it into my carpet on his way 
to the laundry or bathroom. 
 
If he breaks something it is my responsibility to pay for the new replacement part and Joe's 
travel time to go get it.  He will then fiddle around like he is in a slow motion video and when 
finally finished, whatever room he has been working in will be a muddy mess with gouges in
my linoleum and a few more on the walls. 
 
Joe is so lacking in conscience that he makes no apology or even the slightest effort to clean up 
the mess even with the huge pile of rags which I have supplied to him since he forgot to bring any.  
None of the rags can be washed and used again because he got glue and other sticky stuff on them
that could damage my washer and dryer. 

Then to add insult to injury and with a straight face he will 'round off' his time spent on the job, 
giving himself an extra half hour in the 'rounding'.  IE; Arrived at 9:15, left at 10:45 to Joe the Plumber 
is two full hours!  Plus an hour travel time to and from my house!  He makes out my bill on a plain 
piece of paper (not a business statement) and doesn't show a shred of guilt as he hands it to me, 
knowing full well that I will be cleaning up the messes he has made for the next hour and a half.  

I hand him a check and he asks if I have cash and when I tell him not that much 
he says next time to get it before I call him so he won't have to pay taxes on it!
 
Do I know JOE THE PLUMBER, boy do I!  
I also know his blood brothers MIKE THE MECHANIC and EDDY THE ELECTRICIAN 
and his half-wit brother-uncle CLAUDE THE CONTRACTOR who works under his wife's 
license since he is too stupid to pass the test and his memory is about as long as his appendage!
 
DO I KNOW JOE THE PLUMBER?  YOU BETCHA!
 
 
 

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