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Rape at Red Sage
I was getting hungry, so I met up with the rest of the gang
and we went looking for a nice place to eat.
We found "Red Sage," a snooty steakhouse-looking place,
one block east of the White House.
The placed seemed OK, a little too trendy for me.
We sat down, we ordered.
My salad was some leafy matter stuffed into a slice of cucumber.
I asked for Ranch dressing, the guy fucking LAUGHS at me and says,
"We only serve vinegarette and some "french feycxht" on the
salad.
I kept waiting for him to say, "Just kidding."
Nope.
Fine, bring me the salad dressing I don't want...
Your tip meter just started running, Napkinboy.
This was such an expensive restaurant, they didn't even have salt
and pepper on the table. When I asked for it, Napkinboy mumbled
something under his breath about me "challenging" the chef.
Hey, fuck the chef!
For $45 dollars a plate,
I should get oral sex with this dinner.
I ordered the "Cowboy steak," which was the only thing on the menu
that wasn't callimari, or pecan-encrusted breast of red-quail.
AFTER I ordered the steak, Napkinboy explained it was a bone-in
Ribeye,
...and how did I want it cooked?
You can NOT trust these Snooty chefs.
If I'd ordered it "rare" or "medium," it would've come raw.
So, I ordered "medium-well," hoping the 150K chef would have the
brains to know how hot his oven was, but nooooooooooooooo.
Burnt to a f-ing crisp.
There's more I could tell you about Red Sage,
...but you get the general idea, right?
It was a meal of horrors.
Mrs. BartCop has the fancy tuna or some weird dish, and it came raw.
Prefect!
My steak is a crisp, her entre is raw, and the world class architect
didn't want to make a scene.
Then, when the bill came, I looked it over.
F-ing extra crisp "cowboy steak" was $35.
Margarita was $8.50.
Tuna, extra-extra-rare was $35.
Black, warm Zinfandel was $8.50.
Pecan-encrusted red-quail with Agnew sauce was $30.
and there was an extra $8.50 for ...what is "...GZNHT?"
I didn't remember ordering any kind of "GZNHT."
I asked Napkinboy about it, he said that was for my sneeze.
Napkinboy gave me "Gazundtheit" afterwards.
Now, goddammit, I don't care what anybody says, charging
only $8.50 for a Gazundtheit proves this place had class!
The bill for the three dinners was $148.80,
I gave the SOB a hundred and a fifty.
Napkinboy says, "I'll be right back with your
change."
I said, "No, that's for YOU, Cubby."
Napkinboy got a tip of $1.20.
It's my duty to fuck with the snooty.
...and I left Cubby a handful of bartcop.com cards.
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