So I'm at my computer, working hard (blogging is hard work) and the
door bells rings.
I always hate when that happens, because that usually means a conversation
and if they're coming to me, odds are it's crap, and I'm a busy man,
I got shit to do.
Then I remembered I got that e-mail saying they were shipping my monthly
box of Green Tea.
I drink about 24 cups of Green Tea a day, so I have to buy it in bulk
and I have to but this one
certain brand where each bag isn't individually wrapped because it
takes forever to tear off the
tops of 24 tea bags because, like I said, I'm a busy man and I got
shit to do.
But it turns out it wasn't my giant box of Green Tea - it was something
Longtime readers might remember The
South's Finest Chocolate.
We used to give away pounds of it to contest winners, pre-Civil War,
Back when we had sufficient income, we gave away this super-chocolate,
but I hadn't
had any in about a year and I had to get some of their best
of all-times milk chocolate
They call it break-up milk chocolate because it looks like this.
Say you're a kid and you have a brother or sister.
If they were mean to you lately, you'd just eat all of this yourself.
But if they were nice, you might break it in half and share it.
Mmmmm, if you've never had conni, ...conies, connisew, ...if you've
had bad-ass, super-fine chocolate before, this is what you need to
set your sights on.
It's the Bixby Sweet Corn of milk chocolate.
It's the Chinaco Anejo of milk chocolate.
You can't get any higher praise than that.
Not sure why, but they don't even have this on
their menu. You gotta ask for it.
Tell 'em you want the "Break-Up" milk chocolate that Bart raves about
They also have a Deluxe Assortment,
All Dark Chocolate Assortment,
All Milk Chocolate Assortment,
Deluxe Soft Center Assortment,
Pecan Caramel Bears,
Deluxe Nut and Chew Assortment,
You can send chocolates with a custom photo in the box (Pics of the
kids for Grandma?)
They even have a Sugar Free Assortment that I'm told is to die for.
Mrs Bart's favorite is the mouth-watering Break Up Dark Chocolate.
But you know me, Mr. Spaghetti and Meatballs, when I find something
I like, I obsess
over it and ignore everything else, so I only eat the ultra-fine Break-Up
Years ago, I tried their white chocolate covered strawberries.
They're called "Strawberries in the Snow,"
...and God appeared.
Now that's good chocolate.
You single guys - haven't had a hot date in a while?
Give her some of these and she'll OWE you a lil' something.
You married men - having trouble with your kite lately?
Give Momma some SF chocolate and your kite will get all the tail it
...and it's legal.
Something this good, you figured the anti-fun Fascists would have outlawed
it by now,
but maybe their wives got a taste and told their husbands, "Don't
If you order some now, they'll pack it in styrofoam with a freezy pack
so it'll be in perfect shape when the UPS man knocks on your door.
And since you have to pay for shipping and cooling, it makes no sense
to order just one pound - get that credit card out and make an investment.
...but only if you really like chocolate. If you think chocolate
is "just ok,"
then spend your money on something else, but if you LOVE chocolate,
this is it.
Tell 'em Bart sent you.
Subject: the South's Finest Chocolate
Oh. My. God.
Whatever I did to deserve this velvety goodness,
I'm guessing it's the whole Mother's Day thing.
Wow - that's some damn fine chocolate.
Thank you Bart!
I don't know whether to eat it or bow down to
Going back for round three as soon as my pancreas
recovers and my insulin levels return to normal.
Producer, The Mike Malloy Show and Molly's Mom
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