Had this old friend named Neil.
Neil gets passionate about politics.
So passionate, I had to cut him off, so he changed e-mails.
Let's check in with Neil and see how's he's doing.
Subject: I'm Snowden's gay lover
"You are the best thing since Wonder Bread!"
As white as Dick Cheney, and as fascist a Nazi traitor (yes, you who advocate and support wholesale
ILLEGAL spying on your fellow citizens are the traitors, and much more dangerous to the country
than Ed Snowden). Constipating, full of chemicals, totally devoid of nutrition, yet never going stale,
because to go stale you would occasionally need a fresh idea, soft and squishy, and typically American,
ignorant shit not fit for pig feed. Yes, you are definitely just like Wonder Bread.
Damn, dude, I'm glad you're on their side.
Snowden backers read that shit and think, "Why does our side have to sound so crazy?"
Have you ever considered trying to persuade rather than rape, pillage and dismember?
Since you have decided to double down on your fascist criminal state support, this will be my final email to you,
You cannot do that to me.
You know how rare it is we get mail from someone as Bachmann-crazy as you?
Monkey Mail is the most popular feature here, but it's so rare we meet someone with ...your skills.
...as I consider you far more dangerous to all of our rights than Ed Snowden, who could be a hero
(so far, he is), whereas you are a Clinton devotee. Own a blue dress by any chance? ha ha
I've attached the new Bartcop Hammer logo, which is the old Easy German Stasi seal--perfect for you.
I hope that German wording says, "Smart and Handsome."
You remind me a lot of Snowden.
I can see how you and him would be close.
Tell me, when you fly to Moscow, do your bags fly free?
I've given some thought (something you seem incapable of, but then you fuck up your OWN computers so much,
it is understandable that you are as technologically ignorant as you are ignorant of the Constitution and our rights
as Americans) as to why Snowden took four NSA computers instead of just hard drives or thumb drives with him.
I'll send you $20 if you can diagram that sentence on a blackboard.
Who can find the noun? Who can find the active verb?
Who can find the predicate subjunctive?
You can't stump me with long, rambling, nosensical sentences - I grew up Catholic.
It is highly likely that those laptops are built with redundant protection systems to deny access the hard drives
or other storage without destroying the data, such as fingerprint scan and password(s) and maybe also a USB
dongle that unlocks them, software and hardware chips on board, all having to work in a particular sequence.
Well, then, there's every reason for Snowden to deliver them to Russia.
You know what's cool about debating a guy like you?
I can say anything and still be the sane one.
I don't know if you spend much time on the interwebs but the Russians are superb hackers.
Need a copy of Lone Ranger III?
I can get you a copy of that from Sergi.
I doubt the NSA/Corrupt Contractor Booz (named after you?, you alcoholic)
You didn't tell me you were a comedian!
Allen would not have learned of past FBI mistakes and gotten the laptops right.
Our outsourced police state with their huge profits (that's OK with you, right?)
I have no idea what you just said but Yes!
could afford the latest, greatest and most secure, IF THEY CARED. But, as in all things American
(USA!, USA!, USA! Bartcop cheers, and spills his glass of Chinaco that his stupid ass supporters
were foolish enough to buy for him, but not me) profit comes first, so I could be wrong.
I have no idea what you said there, either.
So it is unlikely that the Russians or Chinese were able to get at the information without his consent,
Well, if super-angry, half-sane Neil says the intel transfer was UNLIKELY to have been a successs,
then there's no crime, right? So why doesn't your buddy just come home? All is forgiven.
which he would not give without guarantees of some sort, if at all.
Because torture never works!
Because even if the Russians torture Eddie daily for TEN YEARS, he'll bravely hold out
and he'll NEVER spill any NSA secrets because Snowden is another Red Rascal, right?
Not only that, we have your Nancy Grace Guarantee that Snowden can outwit every hacker in Russia.
You're a gambler, Neil, with America's security.
So you are more than premature in your accusations (like Obomba, Kerry, Clinton and all the other Police State elites)
about Snowden. Also, he might have only have information about the NSA/CIA/Fascist USA Government's spying on
we citizens and foreign countries (you seem to be OK with that, you asshole, probably you would have worked for the
Stasi in East Germany WILLINGLY, to spy on you fellow citizens, as your lying POTUS Obomber is spying on us)
You should copyright "Obomba," that could take off.
...and kept separate any truly damaging information, or not have any at all to prevent being charged as a traitor.
I must admit, that makes perfect sense.
OBomber has forced Snowden's hand, by canceling his passport (illegal according to International Law, but since
when does that POS care about International Law) so that he can get to another country to seek asylum, as allowed
by International Law, so if truly damaging information is released as a result of OBomber and the rest of the Bully
government (currently DEM bullies) then, it is definitely on OBomber.
Awwww, you mean after Snowden turned over all that NSA stuff to Putin, Obama had the bad manners
to not welcome him back home with open arms, a lei and a big, wet kiss?
Those Blacks - you know how they are...
I'll bet they cancelled Snowden's VISA and AMEX, meaning he's traveling with cash.
You wrote: "If only there was a high-ranking Democrat we could trust, with super-high security clearance,
who could look at these programs and report back to us on wether they are worth keeping.
Wait, we DO have that, but Democrats refuse to trust their own goddamn president."
Yeah, I wrote that because it's true.
Don't you wish you could write true?
You refuse to believe that that asshole is owned by the MIC, Security State and corporate elites, so yes,
THERE IS NO HIGH LEVEL DEM WE CAN TRUST. Because the Dem Senators that want to speak out
have been silenced by, wait, OBAMA, the whistle blower prosecutor extraordinary.
Jesus, how can you be so fucking stupid?
It comes naturally to me.
As for you, you think you can sit down and be a keyboard warrior stoked on booze and pot
(also a law breaker, as the NSA, FBI, CIA know) and never have that catch up with you someday?
You forgot to mention the meth.
You are so profoundly ignorant of the complex issues in this case,
Yet I'm right!
What does that say when an expert like you can be schooled
by a dumb, tequila-drinking Okie with an IQ of 64?
...that you should do us ALL a favor and shut up.
I wonder what it's like to spend the day with you?
Do you have blackouts? Do you often find yourself missing several hours in a day?
As your mind cannot in any small way comprehend the NSA-Snowden complexities.
You're shocked that I can't comprehend the NSA-Snowden complexities?
I've been flying blind since 1996 - how am I doing?
You are a self admitted retard, so have some dignity and at least STFU,
because I am sure that I am not the only one who is done with your bullshit.
You want to know something?
Your lights are on, but you're not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another issue is all it takes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another issue is what you need
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
Closer to the truth is that you can't get enough
You know you have to face it, you're addicted to Bartcop.com
You can't quit me.
Your "Hammer", so laughable, used only on pathetic ex-Rethug presidents, and your pathetic supporters
who write in claiming your "Hammer!" keeps them sane. Well, if they are any indication of Democrat's
mental health, I should go back to my former job in rehabilitation; I'll get rich.
If an employer will hire you, I say take the job, that is,
unless your stand-up gigs are bringing is some serious cash.
I look forward to your site going dark in the near future.
You may not have to wait long.
People are pissed that I'm not a Snowden fan.
I don't understand why Perkel hosts you, other than that at least he is a respecter of free speech
(but not you, because that is being a "traitor") as you are the traitor, a partisan Dem so ignorant
that you cannot see your own enslavement being built by the Dems you so mindlessly cheerlead.
Yet I'm happy.
I'm probably the happiest mother-effer on the internet.
And you, a genius with alllllllll the answers, are a miserable, spiteful old coot.
You really need to learn how to roll with life's punches, Neil.
See you on Twitter, where I will have so much more to say to the WORLD about you, Cheney Jr.
Neil the Mass Independent
Eddie is lucky to have a friend like you, Neil.
Will you be joining him in Moscow?
Seriously, Dude, I hope you find peace.
Send e-mail to Bart