Survivor Ageism week 5
The Young players are all morons
Questions/comments send them
We get back from Team Geezer tribal and Holly lets us know she didn’t
know Jimmy T was going
so she’s on the outs and totally screwed with her tribe. We come
back from commercials and Marty’s
bust crowing about how he’s totally crushed Survivor and they should
cut him the check for the million
dollars already, he lets us know the next two votes will be Holly
and Jane, who are bad players. Dan and
Marty celebrate their majority alliance that is dominating the game.
Marty assures us nothing could screw things up.
We hit Team Whippersnapper’s beach where NaOnka, who isn’t the leader
of her alliance or really done
anything to show she’s in control, but because she’s catnip for the
producers and we’re gonna get force fed
her brand of toxic crap until she’s eliminated or loses at final 3,
gives us a speech about how she’s got a 5 person
alliance locked up and Alina and Kelly B are goners. She too has
Survivor totally 100% defeated and is wondering
why they don’t call the game off and give her the check now.
Having properly set them up to look like idiots, the producers pull the
tribes together and do the switch up
of the tribes. Holly and Brenda are the captains, Jeff tells Brenda to
pick 3 people from the older tribe to
join her, and Holly will pick 4 people from the younger tribe to join
Notice that Jeff is not on camera when he says these things and the
audio quality is off. I think Jeff told
Brenda she had to pick 2 women and 1 man and Holly had to pick 2 of
each. Otherwise why anyone
would pick bag of bones Jane to join their tribe over say, massively
powerful Tyrone is beyond me.
Brenda takes Jane, Marty, and Jill to the younger tribe, totally
screwing Marty and Jill, while Holly
takes NaOnka, Alina, Chase and Benry to the old folks.
We then get to the challenge, which is pretty much a game of plinko,
only you with a ball, and you
have to catch the ball when it falls to the bottom of the board before
it hits the ground, the new Blue tribe,
formerly Team Geezer, wins the reward and gets themselves two hens and
a rooster for food.
We get back to Tribe Blue’s camp, where Tyrone pouts that he enjoyed
being on a tribe that lost friggin
every challenge and that this shake up that resulted in a victory
sucks. Holly tells us that the tribe mix-up
is great because she gets along far better with the kids then she
did with her former geezer based tribe.
Well since she was on the outs with her old tribe, clearly this new
tribe is better for her.
Tyrone gives everyone from the young tribe the rundown of how things
work around camp.
The young folks see him as an annoying blowhard who’s trying to be the
leader of the place, and to hell with him.
Alina and NaOnka quickly work to flip Holly. Why Alina, who is on the
outs with her, would now work
with NaOnka to build an alliance is beyond me. NaOnka does a promo that
her and Alina’s relationship
has totally changed, because Alina is an idiot who wants to stick with
the young people even when she was
on the outs with them. You’ll notice that Holly and June flip instantly
on their elderly oppressors and work
to gain power in their new tribes, while the young outsiders do nothing
of the sort and meekly stick together
with the other young folk to insure their doom come the merger, I’ll
rail against the awful play of the kids more in a bit.
We go to Yellow Tribe, formerly the young folks, where Fabio does a
promo that he was dreading the tribe
switch because he was happy with his old tribe. Because he liked the
fact that NaOnka in the majority alliance
bitterly hated him and after Alina and Kelly B. went home he’d have
been next to go, Fabio’s cool with being
the 4th boot from a 10 person tribe, way to want to win Fabio. He says
Marty, Jill and Jane are all cool,
and besides that the young folks have a 5-3 numbers edge, so as cool as
these old folks are, they are doomed to go home.
Jane instantly sells out Marty and Jill, hating them bitterly for being
a power couple, and tells the young folks
she’ll be more than happy to kick them out. She declares Marty and Jill
to be tighter than a couple ticks.
I’ve never known ticks to be tightly connected. I’ll take Jane’s word
for it. ha
Marty and Fabio talk about NaOnka wrestling Kelly B and defeating her
for the clue for the hidden idol
and then running off with the clue without sharing. He ends up having a
pow-wow the young folks where
he tells them they all suck at playing Survivor and really need to quit
sucking at it. When you’re playing
poker with morons, one of the rules is ‘no lessons at the table’. You
don’t start educating morons about
the fact they are morons. This goes triple for survivor, because the
morons can just do something dumb,
like all vote your excellent at Survivor ass out of the game.
Marty shows them all what a true team player is like and busts out his
immunity idol. Brenda does a promo
about what a complete moron he is for showing off the idol and
admitting to having it, and how completely
unimpressed she is by Marty revealing it. Brenda is clearly gunning for
a showdown with Marty, I’d just be
worried about going after the person with a hidden idol, those things
always are trouble.
Back to Tribe Blue, where it’s raining like hell, an error in
production leads us to someone named “Benry”
I think he’s a member of the filming crew, or the on-site medical team,
talking about the game, oh wait,
he’s playing?! Really?! I’ve heard rumors of a ‘purple Kelly’ also, but
I’m unconvinced. Benry tells us
the rain really sucks, where the old folks put their shelter sucks, and
they are getting just crushed by the rain.
NaOnka, having already shown herself as a bully, now shows herself as a
weakling, freaking out over the
rain and wanting to quit the game.
Of course because the universe hates me, Alina (Who should be working
for NaOnka’s ouster) and Chase
console her and tell her tough it out. Alina does a promo that NaOkna
shutting down and quitting is good
for her. SO WHY IS SHE TALKING TO HER AND HELPING HER?! ARGH!! I’m sure
cameras were off NaOnka a bunch of producers told her to buck up also,
because with Marty in a
horrible 6-2 minority and needing idol tricks to survive, the producers
are in danger of losing both
of the players they care about.
Off to the challenge, which is a crazy event where three people get
strapped to a spinning wheel and
have to spun into some water, swallow it, and then get spun up to a
funnel where they must spit the
water into the funnel, once that fills a tube a ball will drop out and
two more players must use the ball
to play skee-ball, but break tiles instead of hit holes inside rings.
Blue Tribe figures out that going slower
on the wheel and giving the spitting players more time to aim is better
than going fast, as the Yellow
Tribe does, but in the end, Jane proves to be a skee-ball master and
the Yellow Tribe comes from behind to win.
NaOnka does a voice over that she’s done, she’s quit, and it’s over for
This pretty much assures me she won’t go home, cause as stated before,
the universe hates me.
We’re back and because this is the NaOnka show, she gets to do more
talking, now about how she’s
lasted to the 1/4th mark of the season, so really, how much more could
anyone ask of her?! She’s done great!
If she goes home tonight, whatever, if she stays in the game, that’s
Then we get to ChickenGate, where Tyrone isn’t in favor of killing a
chicken just yet, but the rest of
the tribe really wants some succulent chicken, so they break a
chicken’s neck and get to dressing it.
Holly says Tyrone was sorta aloof and an outcast during the chicken
preparing because it wasn’t his idea.
Now I’d have to say that going into a vote I’d never go against the
group’s wishes, if a bunch of people
tell me ‘we want to kill a chicken’ then I’m going to be the #1 fan of
operation chicken murder,
because I don’t want people thinking I’m being a jerk right before a
Once the chicken is prepared, Tyrone feasts upon it, eating enough to
outrage Alina and Benry. Benry says
voting out Tyrone would be a good move, because he’s pretty much a jerk
and everyone resents him,
but voting out NaOnka might also be a good play, since she’s quit on
the game and is just a big wimp.
Alina promos that having Holly in their back pocket means that Chase,
Holly, Alina, and Benry now run
the game, and they can decide to vote out NaOnka or Tyrone at will. The
fact that Alina is so confident
that she’s usurped NaOnka’s spot in the former Younger Tribe’s pecking
order is pretty impressive.
Off to tribal, blah blah blah, and Tyrone is in fact kicked out,
6-2, Yve didn’t get the memo that Tyrone was toast.
Alina should know NaOnka has an idol, or suspect it, so not gunning for
her tonight was kinda weak,
but then again, a vote is a vote and if she thinks her alliance is
solid, then good luck to her.
Watching the hidden scenes on CBS.com, Kelly B is just a world class
moron at Survivor, and watching
what happened on the show, so is Fabio. The two of them were in the
minority of the old younger tribe,
now they have Marty and Jill, and an idol to use, and they seem content
to just try to vote out Jill and Marty.
Didn’t Kelly B have her sights set on Brenda on the first vote? Now
finally we have a tribal shake up and
a guy who’s shown everyone he has an idol, and you can’t see how you
can use that to finally vote out
Brenda and weaken the alliance that let the crazy sock stealing lady
talk down to you all this time?
Sometimes in survivor, just surviving is enough, but you also have to
think long term, split votes get
screwed up all the time, why be against the person with the idol, when
if you’re with them, you can
get a great advantage out of it?
Of course, next week is a double elimination show, Dan is now the
second person from Blue Tribe that
wants to quit, so we’ll see how those quitters handle everything,
meanwhile Tribe Yellow will either hold,
and do a proper 3-3 split vote on Marty and Jill to defeat the idol and
sent Marty home, or screw it up and
most likely send Brenda, Sash, or Kelly B. home (As it seems like Marty
likes Fabio, and thinks Jane is still with him.)
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