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Mike the Dealer's Survivor Review 

Survivor: Heroes Vs Villains
Episode 3: Play ranging from questionable to terrible.

 We open at Villains camp after the tribal that sent Randy home. Coach has a breakdown over Sandra calling him lazy, 
he’s weeping and ready to quit Survivor. Tyson tells him he has to man up, to quit wearing his feather to Tribal, to quit 
telling stories, and quit doing his Kung-Fu in front of everyone. Coach ignores all this, because he’s a self absorbed idiot. 

Tyson remarks that Coach is a long strong physically this time around, and they need him around. Thinking about the insanity 
that is Coach, odds are he was able to somehow spin all his other stupidity as being “Dragon Slayer” tastic or something, 
but being beaten repeatedly in challenges made him hit the weights before this season so he could redeem himself challenge wise.

Tyson, ever the loyal friend, rats out Coach’s breakdown to the rest of the Villains, Boston Rob declares Coach to be 
‘not much of a coach’ if he’s going to quit. Boston Rob tells Coach that he’s ‘not on the outside’, I.E. he’s in Rob’s alliance, 
and that all Coach has to do is trust Boston Rob. Coach laments that Rob doesn’t pal up with him except for challenges, 
and all Coach really wants is to be loved. Rob tells him to man up and quit being such a wimp.

More Coach-Porn as he does his Kung-Fu stuff then fades out as we get to Heroes camp, where the tribe of boring losers 
read about today’s reward challenge, which is the product placement ariffic reward from Sears. The Heroes decide they need 
fishing gear and cooking gear, and hope to win to ‘maintain momentum' from their massive 1-win winning streak.

Challenge time, and we find out the Villains have selected tools and tarp for their items, didn’t they win a tarp two shows ago?! 
Did Russell burn the tarp?! Oh the mysteries of Survivor.

One such mystery is that last week for the Immunity challenge they played to 8 to win, this week, with 8 people on each side 
they play to 4 to win?! So 1 person won’t play?! And I noticed when Probst said ‘First team to 4 wins’ they cut away from 
the shot they were using. I suspect more than 4 rounds were played and the rounds we saw were not in order at all.

The challenge itself is ‘slide on a slip and slide, grab a ball that’s hanging from a sign marked with the number Jeff calls, 
and then throw the ball into a basket’, you do this to score a point.

We open with Coach Vs Tom, who gets the full name intro from Jeff. Coach wins, because he is THE DRAGON SLAYER~! 
If you still have Survivor on your DVR you’ll see that a few stations were already missing their balls when this ‘first’ battle happened.  
Also Coach celebrates with Tyson and Boston Rob, who are both oily as all hell and have clearly already played. 
(And according to the edit, Boston Rob never plays.) Highly Edited Score ‘1-0 Villains’

“Round 2” Russell Vs Cirie. Russell wins, which starts a trend in these grossly rigged ‘man vs woman’ matches. 
Assuredly Not The Real Score ‘2-0 Villains’

“Round 3” Courtney Vs Candice, Candice scores before Courtney can even attempt a shot 
“As accurate as the Florida Recount Score 2-1 Villains”

“Round 4” Jerri Vs Amanda, Amanda misses her first shot, Jerri sinks her first shot, 
“The Score as told to us by FOX News 3-1 Villains”

“Round 5” Sandra Vs James, well this is fair. Probst (Off Camera) says “If the Villains score they win” and then Boston Rob 
says ‘let’s go Sandra, no pressure’ which is supposed to confirm Jeff’s comment, but I think it was more Rob just joking with 
the fact she got paired up with the monster that is James. And James crushes her. Sandra’s shining moment was her doing a 
funny arm flex pose before losing. “As honest as a wrestler claiming he has no idea what that steel chair is doing in the ring 
and why his opponent is now face down in a pool of blood score, Villains 3-2.”

“Round 6” Danielle Vs Rupert, Once again Probst off camera says that the Villains can win it here. And once again they lose 
the man Vs woman match up, which if we were to believe they only played to 4, would be a load of crap that they only got 
1 man Vs woman advantage to the Heroes 2.  “Totals as computed by a Diebold voting machine Tie 3-3”

“Final Round” Tyson Vs Colby, a tight shot of Probst says ‘whoever wins this wins the challenge’ which was most likely said
for some other match up. This match airs last because Tyson and Colby both suck at shooting, missing repeatedly and thusly 
building the drama before Tyson ‘wins’ the challenge for the Villains. Tyson’s reaction to the ‘challenge winning shot’ is very muted, 
almost like it wasn’t really the game winning shot, but the Villains are declared the winners and get their loot. A random female 
Villain says “Sears!” and thusly gets that plug for Sears on the show. “Assuredly what the final score really was, the check is 
in the mail, and the part is on order Villains 4-3”

Back from the break the Villains celebrate their loot an Russell grabs a knife, when he pulls it out of its sheath a note falls out, 
he laments not noticing it was not a part of the knife but rather a piece of paper. Boston Rob picks up the note and then reads
it out loud, telling everyone the general location of a hidden immunity idol. Rob then laments that he didn’t keep his mouth shut. 
Saying he didn’t know any better cause he played Survivor in a simpler, no-hidden idols time.

Russell becomes obsessed with the idol, even with all the Villains declaring that the idol shouldn’t be hunted for, since nobody 
should have such an edge, and if you do go for it, you’ll be voted out. Russell tells the Villains he’s going ‘off for a walk’ and 
rushes off to find the idol. Boston Rob tells Sandra to find Russell…And she spots him off where the idol was said to be, 
she declares Russell to be a ‘stupid ass’ and tells the tribe Russell is in fact idol hunting. Rob says he’s signed his death warrant
with his stupidity, and the rest of the camp agrees.

At Hero camp, they are told by the producers to open their coffee pot to find a clue for the Hidden Immunity Idol at their camp…
Or they accidentally stumble across it…I’m leaning towards the former.

Anyhow, this triggers a mad scramble, the end result of which is Tom finds the idol and Amanda sees that he found it, 
so Tom has it, but does not have the element of surprise.

Back from break its immunity challenge time, and it’s the challenge from last year where a guy nearly died. The challenge is one person 
is the boss, they are strapped into a giant ball and then rolled by 2 blindfolded team-mates. Once they make it to the end of the track, 
they then must direct 4 other blindfolded team-mates in solving a ‘move a ball around a maze and then into a hole’ puzzle.

This is a battle of ‘who has the most awesome person in the game’ which much like puzzle solving, is bad for the Heroes, 
because the Villains have Boston Rob, who is made from pure Awesomium. Rob is of course the captain of the Villains, 
Tom since he’s screwed if the Heroes lose, and thusly has a very vested interest in winning this, steps up for the Heroes.

Phase 1 would seem to benefit the Heroes as it’s James, who’s a powerhouse, and Rupert, who’s physically imposing himself, 
pushing Tom, Vs the Villains who counter with Tyson and the “Improved from his last season” Coach, pushing Rob. The Villains 
shockingly win the foot race portion of the event and get Rob in position to work the puzzle. Tom makes it about 20 or so 
seconds later (again if we trust the edit.)

Rob and Tom call the puzzle and both sides get very close to finishing it, the Heroes even have their ball hit the lip of the hole 
and then spin out, but in the end the Villains win Immunity. If the edit is to be believed both teams were within seconds of victory. 
While Rob did a good job captaining, this contest was really won by Coach and Tyson out hustling Rupert and James giving the 
Villains the lead time they needed to hold off the Heroes.

Rob celebrates, Pavarti tries to high-five or hug him, but he’s kind of paralyzed in the ball and sheepishly says 
‘I can’t do anything’ and the Villains get the Immunity Idol and shamble off, never to be seen again this episode.

Cirie tells us the Colby/Tom faction MUST BE DESTROYED!

Back from the break, JT decides to save Colby and Tom, and to vote out Candice instead, declaring her to be untrustworthy, 
he using his charms to sway Amanda who then goes to Cirie, who promptly beats her to a bloody pulp, reminding her that Colby 
and Tom voted her out last time, and that they can’t be trusted. Cirie laments how stupid Amanda is. Cirie lays down the law of a 
split vote to thwart idol playing, 3 on Colby, 3 on Tom, so Tom and Colby can only cast 2 votes. Which will impact nothing.

JT now questions if he wants to play the game with the deeply honorable Colby and Tom (who have begged him to keep them 
around after he stabbed them in the back and voted out Steph last time) or to play with such an evil cunning opponent as Cirie. 
If he votes Cirie, that makes it 3 Tom, 3 Cirie, 2 Colby and she goes home due to the idol. JT lies to the camera that he’s all 
broken up over what his play will be.

Tribal, which I never watch the ultra-leading questions of Probst because he’s a meddling scumbag, it boils down to him 
basically yelling at the Heroes “You’re all idiots if you vote out Colby or Tom, and I’m not just saying that because I have 
a huge man crush on them” votes are cast.

Tom busts out the idol, and it does go down 3 Tom, 2 Colby, 3 Cirie, and Cirie is sent packing. 
The Heroes look all sorts of confused, and so it ends.

NEXT WEEK: Russell goes for the idol some more, cause he’s stupid, and Rob assures us 
all he’s getting booted for it, and Candice says she wants to join Colby and Tom.

Russell is a grade A moron, since he thinks an idol will do anything but get himself voted out in 2 votes, 
and JT is now dancing through rain drops.

Russell found idols left and right last season, but he found them without anyone knowing he did it, having surprise was a 
big advantage, and he also had solid alliances in his tribe. This time he’s looking for the idol and making himself an outcast, 
what does the idol do for him, get rid of Boston Rob? Then what? Nobody’s going to be happy about that and they’ll gun 
for him the next time. He’s grossly over-valuing the power of the idol.

He would have to find it and really sway people that him having it is game changing, right now he’s supposedly in an alliance 
with Parvarti and Danielle, but that only gives them 3 in a 9 person tribe, even if they used the idol to KO Rob, they would be 
on the wrong side of a 5 on 3 majority, and nobody wants to be there.

Unless, apparently, you’re JT, who just put himself into a 3 person minority against a 4 person majority. JT must think he can 
explain himself such that this will all work out. Amanda is screwed, since Cirie was her biggest ally and she just went, so odds are 
she’ll run to James to save her. Rupert was caught off guard also. So now we have JT/Tom/Colby Vs Rupert/James/Amanda/Candice, 
only the previews say that Candice wants to switch sides, not knowing at all that JT’s been gunning for her all this time. If JT accepts her, 
then it’s a done deal, Amanda goes home next, then with the tribe down to 6, if JT wants he can get Rupert and James to boot his hated 
foe Candice, and then still have the numbers at 5 to kick James or Rupert out if need be. This would make the Heroes the most 
misogynistic tribe ever, voting out all their women in order.

Meanwhile what happens to the Villains once they see the new Heroes tribe? Well Pavarti’s stock goes up about 1,000 points, 
as the feared ‘fans Vs favs alliance’ is now clearly being shattered on the Heroes side, she’s not nearly the merger threat she was before, 
while Coach’s stock drops about 500 points, since the brains in the Villain camp (Boston Rob and Sandra) will know that if Cirie went out,
then her alliance was broken, so who’s got the game to do that? Rupert, James and Colby, are morons, Amanda’s a follower, she’s made 
2 final Tribal. Tom doesn’t hold court, since he lost season mate Steph on the last vote. Candice is background noise at best. 

That leaves JT as the mover and shaker at Hero camp, and his fellow season players were Coach and Tyson. Tyson’s a cutthroat 
who’ll play to win, but Coach is a sappy moron who’s also a follower, he’s a threat to flip to JT come the merger and be all 
‘playing with the strongest, Iron Sharpens Iron’ etc etc.

The question then becomes, how much pull does the tribe think Russell has, they know he’s with Pavarti, his alliance to Danielle 
may or may not be as known, do they just split Pavarti/Russell anyhow and flush the idol that way, does Rob pull Pavarti aside 
and tell her it’s a split vote between Coach and Russell and get the idol out that way? Do they just all vote Pavarti and hope 
Russell’s paranoid and uses the idol? Do they all vote Coach and hope the same thing? Do any of them just try to get the 
friggin’ idol just so Russell can’t use it? I honestly hope not to find out for a while, since I love the Villains and hate the Heroes, 
I hope the Villains win countless immunity challenges in a row and just crush this season.

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