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Mike's Survivor Review 

SURVIVOR: Heroes Vs Villains

Episode 4: The Heroes keep sucking

We open at Hero camp, where Colby, who had spent the past forever telling Tom that he was mentally 
checked out and pretty much done with Survivor basking in the glory of JT’s siding with him and Tom to 
get Cirie out and save them. “JT is a hero” he declares, because Colby’s a sucker for such statements. 
Rupert on the other hand, is outraged. He’s not so much on the “JT is a hero” bandwagon as the “JT is 
a backstabbing traitor” bandwagon. JT babbles incoherently to the tribe that what he did was in their 
best interests, not his, blah blah blah.

Its morning and JT spends his morning lying his ass off to Amanda about the fact that he’s totally solid 
with her still, in spite of his betraying her the night before. Amanda’s all “He lied to me, it’s game on now!”
in a promo, as if the game hadn’t been on from the moment they got on the island. Amanda is on the whole, 
pretty much devoid of game, so her threats are meaningless.

Credits take us to Villain Camp where Coach is doing Coach-Fu with the Villains, Sandra and Courtney 
share ‘what a joke this guy is’ glances, as they humor him by doing his rituals. Russell, who couldn’t care less 
about even making the attempt at being socially graceful, returns to his dirt pile where he’s been digging for the 
Hidden Immunity Idol. He finds it and now celebrates the fact that he’s a complete social outcast in his tribe, 
but hey, he’s got an idol.

Reward challenge time, and it’s for chocolate…Which when you’ve been on a diet of crap for two weeks, 
is sure to make your stomach just about explode in agony. The Heroes weirdly refuse their small amounts of 
‘whet your appetite’ chocolate, which leads to a rather testy exchange between Colby and Probst, and then 
Rupert talks about how refusing the chocolate will show the Villains that the Heroes MEAN BUSINESS and 
are focused! Russell smacks Rupert down by declaring the Villains clearly are the more focused team, since 
they win everything, Russell may be loathsome, but he’s right here.

The challenge is part rugby scrum, part basketball, as half you tribe fights for balls in a mosh pit to then hand to the other
half of your team to shoot them into hoops. First team to score ‘two’ (Note: Again Jeff is not on camera saying this) wins.

The opening fight for the balls has James blow his knee out. The Heroes are not allowed to sub Colby in for some reason, 
but they go on to score the first point of the challenge anyhow, with Amanda scoring the point.

Round 2 has Tyson scoring for the Villains, the main action here is Rupert was wrestling with Jerri and ended up smashing 
her face first into a support pillar. Boston Rob goes after him and Probst has to get everyone to settle down. Rupert says 
“I did not mean to do that!” as Jerri gets up and blows him off. To hell with Dirty, Woman Beating Rupert. (Note: I honestly 
don’t think he knew the wall was there when he turned his body with her, but I hate him, and like a Republican, I’ll use any 
excuse to attack Rupert.)

ha ha

Round 3, Jerri, fresh from being mugged by Rupert, scores the game winner for the Villains, take that Heroes, and awful Rupert! 
Defeated yet again! The Villains head off to magical chocolate land, while the Heroes are once again banished back to their camp 
with only failure, and without James, who could be sent home with his blown out knee.

We’re back and now the medical staff look all concerned and serious about James knee, they say they have no idea what kind 
of damage he’s done to it, and so they’ll give him a splint and see if he can walk, if yes, he stays, if no, he leaves. Said dramatic 
walking attempt will not be shown to us.

We’re now at Villain chocolate party, Russell celebrates the crippling of James and the eating of chocolate. Jerri says she’s going
to be sick from pigging out on chocolate. The Villains get a side reward of this awesome pool in the middle of nowhere where they 
have a swim and bask in the glory of always winning everything. Boston Rob brings up the fact that Russell has the hidden idol, and 
then interviews that he’s never played with one in the game before. The producers seem to love constantly airing promos of Boston Rob 
being just totally baffled by the nature of the Hidden Immunity Idol. This seems like some ham-handed attempt to build drama or 
foreshadowing for Rob’s defeat at the hands of the Hidden Idol.

Pavarti and Russell talk about the Idol that Russell has. He tells Pavarti she’ll be riding his coat-tails, not knowing Nat did that last year
for a million dollars. Russell wants to blindside Boston Rob (Which gets a totally edited out of context “Yay!” out of Pavarti. Honestly, 
she wasn’t even looking Russell’s way and it made no sense for her to say that, die lying producers, die.) and he needs another ally. 
Pavarti says Coach should be his target, declaring him a ‘scared puppy’.

Russell, who’s TOTALLY CONTROLLING THIS GAME and is KING RUSSELL…Quickly follows Pavarti’s orders and runs 
over to Coach.   Coach, who’s always at the ready to get over-dramatic and sappy, is just blown away by how awesome Russell is 
with his pledge of giving Coach the Hidden Idol if it ever came to that. He goes so far as to kneel before Russell in fealty. Coach in a 
promo declares that he’s now loyal to the bitter end with Russell, because Russell said that maybe, sorta, kinda somehow, if it really 
needed to happen, Russell would debate handing him the idol.

It was funny that coach declared "I'm a very loyal person" mere seconds after throwing his mentor, Boston Rob, under the bus.  

Back at Hero camp, people debate James, Dead or Alive, and the answer is…ALIVE!  James returns and everyone’s happy, 
except Tom, it seems. James is gimpy on one leg as he shambles back to camp just in time for. Immunity Challenge! 

Three groups of 2 people are blindfolded, while 1 person directs them around a course to find 10 tetris style puzzle pieces, 
and then use those pieces to build a cube with a logo on them (for the Heroes, a sun and palm trees, for the Villains, a skull with crossed torches.)

Doesn't it seem like the challenges are DESIGNED to injure people?
They blindfold these people and have them locate large, heavy objects to carry over a field while blind.

This, after making the girls play rugby with the boys.

The Villains have Jerri be their eyes, and James, due to being a cripple, is the eyes for the Heroes. 
This starts off with the Villains getting a lead in the early gathering, but they end up falling one piece behind 
by the end of gathering and the Heroes begin frantically working on building their puzzle.

The Villains get back their final piece and instantly fly into Villains Crush Puzzles mode. I know everyone gives Boston Rob a ton 
of credit, myself included, but Russell takes off his blindfold and he instantly grabs a base piece and puts it in place. Sandra was right 
about a corner piece, and yells when everyone else finally figures out she was right, Danielle (sitting out due to the Villains numbers advantage)
says “Work as a team!” and Sandra says “They told me no!” which should have been the title of this episode the way she says it. The Villains 
as a team just seem to work better together than the Heroes. I mean in the challenge where it was ‘one person runs everything’ it appeared to 
be a very close race between Tom and Rob at the end, and Rob only won it because the Villains had the lead in the physical part of that challenge, 
so I have to guess that the Heroes just can’t work together and the Villains can.

The Villains crush the puzzle and win again, because that’s what Villains do, they win. Learn a lesson, kids of America, those who are edited 
to look like jerks on reality shows are smarter than those who are edited to look good on them (this applies triple to Rupert).

James declares Tom to be the problem and vows to destroy him. James is hilarious because he spent all episode on the Steph boot screaming 
and yelling that she was a cancer because her tribe lost every challenge, now he wants to vote out Tom, the guy who led the tribe that won 
every challenge. James is Republican-like in his shifting reasons for doing anything.

Back at Heroes camp we get to watch everyone play Survivor very poorly. Candice and Rupert begin things by having an epic battle of stupid. 
This battle begins by Rupert telling Candice he wants Tom gone and Candice wondering why James should stay in the game on one leg. 
To make this even dumber, they have this conversation in front of JT, who’s clearly playing everyone for fools.

Candice is an outsider to both major alliances (Rupert/Amanda/James Vs Tom/Colby) who only gets Tom and Colby to a 4-3 loss if JT 
doesn’t go with her, but with her vote, Rupert/Amanda/James have majority and have control. She should be thrilled that anyone but her is 
going home and just say ‘yes, your plan is the right one’. She should never offer up a plan of her own, since Rupert is in an alliance and if 
she draws Rupert’s ire, he might well vote her out.

Rupert by the same token, needs to see that JT is a snake oil peddler and Candice is a doomed outsider who would kill to be a part of a 
solid alliance, of course this will never happen, because Rupert’s an idiot, Amanda’s a follower, and James doesn’t even try to play the 
social game, he mostly just gives orders and hopes they are obeyed come voting time, none of the three of them see that just pulling in 
Candice cuts off the need to trust JT, who’s already betrayed them before.

In a moment of clarity, Rupert declares that if an injury should get you voted off, he should have been voted off ages ago. Thanks for 
finally admitting that you big idiot! Let’s get Sugar back on the island STAT. She’s no more annoying than you are and she’s far easier on the eyes.

Candice’s stupidity is quickly shown as such as Rupert now lobbies for her to go home with Amanda they then recalibrate their 
boot order to 1. Tom 2. Candice.   See Candice, this is what you get for telling an alliance member “I’m not so sure about your plan, 
perhaps you should vote out an alliance mate.” 

Meanwhile Rupert and Amanda get to worrying about JT, because again, being MENSA members they can’t grasp the fact that their 
three person alliance isn’t strong enough to control the vote without JT. And they clearly have no earthly idea how, in a tribe with 7 people, 
two of which they are allied against (Tom/Colby) one of whom they can’t trust at all (JT) and one who’s just twisting in the wind (Candice) 
where they could ever, in a million years, come up with the forth vote they need to boot Tom. The Heroes are like Democrats trying to 
cobble together votes for a bill.

Now both the Tom/Colby alliance and the Amanda/James/Rupert alliance lie around and whine about how JT’s working both sides, 
and talk about hoping he’ll go with their side. Of course they could hold their fate in JT’s hands, or they could all just decide that he’s 
playing them, and he’s clearly got the most game out of anyone in the Heroes tribe, and boot him out to rid themselves of his endless 
plotting and scheming, but because they are all idiots, they just allow JT to decide who stays and who goes.

Tribal, or as it’s known “Where the Heroes end up at the end of every show” happens. 
Words are spoken, lies told, and we get to the votes.

Its 5-2 Tom is sent home, only he and Colby voted out James. Tom is sent packing, and the Heroes continue their death spiral into ruin.


JT’s just insane, if his end game after last week was to vote out Tom this week, then why the betrayal last week? He’s low man on 
the totem pole for the Rupert/Amanda/James alliance. The next vote will clearly be Candice or Colby, but the real question is, once 
that’s done, does the Alliance keep JT around?  Will his ties to Coach and Tyson worry them over keeping Colby, who’s useless, 
or Candice, who may betray them, but has no real pull with the Villains, is this any better than it would have been if he’s just stuck with Cirie? 
I don’t know, but the fact is, he’s clearly made himself look a lot less trust worthy.

As for the Russell/Boston Rob throw down, it seems like a really weird series of events here, if Russell honestly flips Coach, then that 
could flip Tyson and Jerri and give Russell the majority to boot Boston Rob, but the thing is, are Tyson and Jerri going to be cool with 
throwing out Rob, over say, Courtney, or Danielle? I mean you’re asking to toss out somebody who the tribe sees as a huge advantage 
in challenges, and for what?  To make Russell feel good about himself?  That doesn’t seem like a good reason. And if Coach doesn’t flip 
Jerri or Tyson, than you only have a 3 person bloc voting against a split voting alliance of 6, all you can do is force a tie and a re-vote 
which will get Pavarti booted and then Russell follows right after.

The only way this works out for Russell is if his scheming with the idol gives him a majority that allows him to win a vote over Boston Rob 
without the idol. It’s more the threat of the power than the power itself that is his major advantage. If he needs to use the idol at this Tribal, 
than he’s done in two votes, I not, he’s pulled off his coup and has the majority with the Villains.

Of course all of this is moot if the Heroes don’t ever win another immunity challenge, 
and winning those is something they seem completely incapable of.   

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