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The Teabagger Pledge 

I, __(Teabagger's name here)__, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society 
and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following: 

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights. 
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public. 
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. 
Also, I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of 
and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following: 

· Social Security 
· Medicare/Medicaid 
· State Childrens Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP) 
· Police, Fire, and Emergency Services 
· US Postal Service 
· Roads and Highways 
· Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA) 
· The US Railway System 
· Public Subways and Metro Systems 
· Public Bus and Lightrail Systems 
· Rest Areas on Highways 
· Sidewalks 
· All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations) 
· Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!) 
· Public and State Universities and Colleges 
· Public Primary and Secondary Schools 
· Sesame Street 
· Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children 
· Public Museums 
· Libraries 
· Public Parks and Beaches 
· State and National Parks 
· Public Zoos 
· Unemployment Insurance 
· Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services 
· Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State, or Federal Government (pretty much all of them) 
· Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them) 
· Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions) 
· Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking 
· Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies 
· Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies 
· If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care 
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C. 
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to: 
· Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History 
· The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments 
· The government-operated Statue of Liberty 
· The Grand Canyon 
· The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials 
· The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery 
· All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC 
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare. 
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America. 
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, 
Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and all others paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army. 
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice. 

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will destroy my socialist Social Security checks. 
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance while I live. 

SWORN ON A BIBLE and SIGNED this day of __________ in the year ________. 


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