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Trip Report - Party at the Palms
 September 16, 2006

The BIG night was Saturday.

At The Palms, the "Do Not Disturb" sign looks like this.

Going to get the keys to the room, Playmates were everywhere.
Well, actually I saw two, and neither of them was Kari Ann Peniche,
the Playmate signing autographs at The Palms Playboy Store.

Like a dork, I assumed the room would be ready at 3, so I told people "3:30."
Well, I got the keys around 3:30 and with no time to set up, we had a crowd,
but we had no ice, no cups, no name tags, the TVs were off etc. - not the 
sis-boom-bah kick-off I was hoping for.

But then everybody pitched in, flipping on TVs and making name tags and getting ice.
And remember how they said the room would hold 65 people? 
They had a dozen chairs.
I think sometimes these big casinoes* are like the federal government - too big to control.

We were on the 26th floor - a smoking floor.

           A couple of stars from "Lost" dropped by, Matthew Fox and Terry O'Quinn.

Poker Time
Eventually the extra table and chairs came so we got ten at each table and dealt the cards.

        Table One with their backs to us:  Michelle (BartCook), Chicago Jim and Zen Ferret

     Table Two with Chicago Jim and ... Wait! Chicago Jim played both tables?

 Gallery of Rogues - Mike the Dealer, The Daily Brew, The Hollywood Liberal
 Humboldt Bob, Pontiac Tom, Suger Moes from DC, Scott from Alabama and some old guy.

I wasn't doing too good (and I'm a great player) but meanwhile The Brew, who can't play a lick,
was amassing chips like he worked for an oil company.

We were speed-playing the tourney because people wanted at that tequila!
My stack was getting small, I knew I had to make a move on The Brew soon.
The next hand was A-4, not a great hand, but not the worst, either.

The flop came A-7-4 so I made the smart move and went all in.
Then The Brew screws up and calls me - turns out he accidentally had A-7.
Oh well, I kinda gave that to him cause I had to get the tequila ready.

Poker winners:
Third Place - The Brew
Second Place - The Humboldt Kid
The 2006 Pokerfest Winner - Walt the Contractor

Tequila Time
After the orientation period, after the poker game, it was time for tequila.

I envisioned a classroom setting where I, El Tequilier Barto, would instruct 
the young grasshoppers in the lastest rhino-exhalation techniques, but this was 
a lively, bustling crowd - it was difficult getting everyone's attention at once.
The plan was for Tommy and Tally to recreate Ginger & Fred's best dance routines 
and sing a few songs to entertain the non-poker players, but if you read Tally's 
story yesterday, that didn't happen. We lost our chance to record some BCR.

I brought Live Garbage Keepsake DVDs to give to everyone who attended, 
but I don't think that announcement ever got made so we still had (I guess) 
most of them at the end of the night. We also brought 50 gleaming gold 
Bartcop shotglasses to give away.  Those got found :)

Fud's girlfriend, the fabulous Diane, dropped by (she was in town), but I couldn't
get the crow's attention to introduce her. One dude next to me (who I talked out of 
driving drunk) heard that she was Fud's gal and said, "Dude, Fud is The Man!" 

Note to Newbies:
Fud runs the Bartcop Live Chat over at
(Go there right now, someone is there) and is a mod at the Bartcop Forum.

So the crowd gathered 'round and we popped open the bottle of Don Eduardo.
(It goes without saying that all tequilas were Anejos). 
We poured half-shots of that for a while.

Next came the super (but regular) Chinaco - yum.
We poured half-shots of that for a while.

After the Chinaco came the Herradura, a crowd favorite, then the Patron.
Things were getting more looser.

Now & then I'd look for somebody and they'd be gone. Sometimes people would
disappear into one of the Celebrity Suite bedrooms (Britney Spears's honeymoon bed) 
and do something. I'm not sure what, but they always came back happy. 
Maybe somebody was giving out back rubs. 

I remember someone saying this was just like Jesus's Miracle at Canaan, 
when somebody asked why we waited so long to bring out the super-hooch.
Plus, by now, the party was getting a little rowdy.

The "Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart" chant (from BCR) broke out a couple of times.
(Humboldt Bob again.) It's weird to be high on tequila and have people chant your name.
I should change my name to "Impeach that Bastard!"

"Impeach that Bastard! 
  Impeach that Bastard! 
  Impeach that Bastard!"

Now it's time to bring out the big tequila guns.
The crowd liked tequilas 7, 6, 5 and 4, but they knew 3, 2 and 1 were better.
We were about the open our Number 3 tequila, the mas fina Don Julio 1942.

Honorable mention:
Not only did Humboldt Bob bring party hats and hand-buzzers for everyone, he spent $123 
to bring us a bottle of this for the pre-party Friday night.  Smartypants asked why my trip reports 
were so lame this time, and it's because I have to make all this up because nobody remembered 
what happened until we got home and saw the pictures. 

After sipping this first rung of the ultra-luxury tequilas, someone, almost apologizing, said, 
"Bart, this is better then your Chinaco."

Well, yeah, at $123 a bottle, it should be better than the $50 Chinaco.
Chinaco is what we poor folk drink on birthdays, anniversaries and some election nights.

After we all did mini-shots of that, and the crowd agreed it was THE best so far,
we dragged out our Number Two contender, the bottle of Don Julio REAL.

We passed out mini shots of this - I don't have words for the crowd's reaction.
We toasted to Mexican Independence Day with our Don Julio Real!

 This is Marc Perkel - he has the Church of Real

But now it was time for the Coup de Nancy Grace.

I brought some Catholic cruets to minimize any possible spillage. 
Get all your Catholic paraphenalia at in St Louis,
right next to Ted Drewes Frozen Custard!

                            Pouring the good stuff into the Catholic cruets.

We waited until each of us had some, then we all drank together.
There was silence, followed by the "Ooooh," after the best tequila ever.

All during the evening, we committed a little gamble, too.
We got a Yellow Pad and marked out 38 lines, one for every 
bucket on a Roulette Wheel and sold squares for $10.

The best part about this was one of us was going to win, (not some handjob in Florida)
and it was tax-free and the house didn't get a cut - and it was cheat-proof.
More on that later.

So, as midnight drew near, we finished off as much tequila as we could handle,
and some people had a little more than that, ...but I won't mention any names...

We all piled in the Palms elevators and met at the central Roulette wheel.
Once we had everybody's attention, we agreed the next spin would be ours.
And spin it did, and you'll never guess who won.

But before we go, I need to thank some people.

Thanks to Chicago Jim for all the help that weekend and all year.
He has the patience of Pickles Bush - I'm not always a peach to deal with.
I guess Jim is the  consiglieri.

...cept we don't kiss when we meet - we just hug :)

Thanks also to ZenFerret and Diane for being our "people on the ground."
They brought the cokes, the chips, the dip and some much-needed stability..
Matter of fact, Diane was The Bank for the Roulette Lottery - thanks!

Bob from Eureka or Humboldt or San Clamente, thanks for all you brought.
Thanks to Pontiac Tom, Alabama Scott and Idaho Gil for coming a long way.
We had a people from Texas, Oregon and Washington State. John Galt claimed
he couldn't make it, but I think maybe he was afraid I'd straighten him out :)
Thanks to everyone who came.  I hope you had a good time.

Thanks to Mike the Dealer for being the Table General.
Mike ran the tourney like an Irish cop. (That's a compliment)

The party was finally over and we split up and crashed.

We'll do this again, in a different city with a cheaper room.
There are plans for a Texas Tequilafest this winter 
when Del Castillo is in da house.   Can we get luxury tequila in Texas? 
Plus, Rude Rich might host Bartcop Pokerfest Jersey in the Spring.

Oh, and the reason I said thank Koresh the Roulette spin was cheat-proof?
MarcPerkel won the $380

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