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Last Chapter - Trip Report

Ok, so it was a three night stay in Cali and we had stayed two nights at the half star No-Tell Motel in Seaside
and somehow I talked her into spending our last night in the Big City.

We had the free killer breakfast at the No-Tell and I'm talking about real bacon and real sausage & stuff.

I hate it when some hotel crows about how great their "free breakfast" is, and it's stale donuts and cereal boxes.
This wasn't quite the Bellagio Sunday Champagne Brunch, but it was real and it was free so we complied.

I hearby confess to a champagne brunch at The Bellagio.
It was probably 2004, the last year I made money...

Things got real dry after Kerry took his dive for his loving Bones brother Der Fuhrer..
I mighta lost more than Kerry did in November '04.

We still needed a place to stay in the Big City so I dialed up William Shatner at

They offered me four stars at North Beach so I put in $99.
We got a nice room at the Sheraton Fisherman's Wharf.

I can't tell if that's a good deal or not, but we needed a place to stay so I said "F  it," and we had a room.
Maybe I paid too much - next time I'll put in $59 and let them turn me down.
Then I'll put in $69 - is that how you do

So after our big breakfast, we headed back to Gilroy to see Perkel again.
Homage was paid, bows were issued, etc, after all - Perkel put me on the Net back in '96.
I'd still be financing cars and arguing with Vic the Racist if it hadn't been for Marc.

From there, we headed into the Big City.
When we're in the Big City, there are two things that must happen:
We drive over the Golden Gate and we go to Tommy's Mexican Restaurant.

I didn't know the best way to get to the Golden Gate Bridge, so we took 19th Street.
Driving on 19th street is atrocious - but I enjoy that kind of driving.

Some of the most fun I ever had was driving the Loop in Dallas at 90 MPH.
That, and negotiating the streets of Manhattan was a ton of fun.

It was bumper to bumper with cars coming within inches of each other at 40 MPH.

We stopped at the Shell station to fill up - damn it was cold and windy.
This is the corner of Golden Gate Park - where the hippies started the cultural revolution.

Then it was on to the bridge and the bay.

I don't guess I'll ever get tired of seeing that.
Maybe if you live in San Francisco the fog gets tiring, tedious and ponderous but we loved it.

Who can take pictures and drive safely at the same time?   Tequila boy can.

We couldn't see much of the bay, but the driving and the camera were keeping me busy, anyway.

Once we got on the north side, we got back on Highway 1 and headed towards Muir Beach.

They had fuuny sand at Muir Beach.

The sand looked sunburned - any idea what causes that?

I know all about sunburned sand, Bart!

At Muir Beach, we shared a relaxing moment and stared at the water.
It might've been a little too relaxing because I became nervous about getting back in that thrilling traffic.

But we pressed on - because our next stop was Tommy's.

Tequila bars

I'm old, and I've been at this a while - whenever you see them brag, "We got 200 tequilas?"
They're lying.

They have 25, and that particular tequila you ordered is the only one they're out of.
Oh, but they have plenty of Cuervo Gold.

I saw a Tommy's banner that said, "I'm lucky, I live within
walking distance of the greatest tequila bar in the world."

The waiter wore a shirt that said, "My tequila bar can kick your tequila bar's ass."

It's all true.
Tommy's is Yankee Stadium and The Vatican and Binion's Horseshoe all rolled into one.

Shit, I forgot - I have pictures...

Tommy's - from the street, it doesn't necessarily look like The Greatest Place on Earth.
But I've been there four times and you have my swear-to-Koresh word on that.

I said ten years ago, "I'd like to die on a barstool at the tequila bar at The Venetian in Vegas."
But they stopped serving Chinaco, so I looked for a real tequila bar and I hit the motherlode here.

Maybe when the end is near, we'll go to San Fran and I'll get one of my unused credit cards 
and just go hog f-ing wild at Tommy's for 2-3 weeks.  Hell, the food is really good there, too :)
I'll run up a $3,000 tequila bill and let the banks try to collect from my estate :)

Stepping out of the patriotic red Checy, it was, I guess, 
a regular San Francisco July day - it was 60 degrees and breezy as hell.

Sidebar:  My favorite Mark Twain quote (next to his electric bill rant)
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

Mrs. Bart dressed like she was starting the Iditerod.
I was too manly to wear a jacket because this is JULY and July is supposed to be hot, right?
Let's just say I'm glad the light changed quickly so we could cross.

 The sight of that sign takes my breath away.


I ordered a shot of Sombrose Anejo - and it has a possibly funny story.

At the super-great Tulsa liquor store that used to sell Chinaco Anejo for $31.95,
they tried to sell a sharp dude like me a mystery years ago and I had to try to solve it.

They were selling Sambroso Silver for $35
They were selling Sambroso Reposado for $40
They were selling Sambroso Anejo for $235

As happens so often, I'm like ...WTF?

Why is the Anejo $200 more than his brother Reposado?

So I went to the woman behind the counter and I said, "Is that the right price?"
She looked it up and assured me it was the right price on the Sombroso Extra-Aged Anejo.

I asked her, "Is there any restaurant in Tulsa that serves Sambroso Extra-Aged Anejo
because as big a tequila fan as I am, I'm not going to gamble $235 to see if that tequila is worth it."

She asked, "How much do you want?"

And I said, "I just want to taste a shot before I'd consider commiting to that much money."

She said, "We don't sell shots - this is a package liquor store."

I said, "I understand that - I just want to taste a shot before I consider that crazy purchase.
Can you tell me the name of a local restaurant that sells Sambroso Anejo so I can try a shot?"

She said, "We don't sell shots - this is a package liquor store."


There are times when it's fun to be the smartest man in Oklahoma,
but there's lots of those other times, too.

Back to 2009...

This older guy (not often at my age) comes up to us and says,
"That tequila you ordered is $35 per double shot."

Again, that's part of what makes them the best.
A double shot at Tommy's lasted me over an hour.

"There's about one shot left in the bottle, we'll let you have it for $17.50.
 ...and would you like to take the bottle home as a souvenir?"

I didn't think we could get on a plane with a fancy glass bottle so I said "No, thank you.".
After he left, I got to thinking that might've been f-ing TOMMY - Mr. Tequila, himself!

When we entered, this old guy kinda directed some people to greet us.
I'll bet I met f-ing Tommy and didn't even know it at the time.

When Chinaco introduced their 30 Year Anniversary ultra-tequila, ($450 a bottle at
in case somebody wants to Gift Ol' Bart.

Remember  35 of us sharing God's Liquid at The Palms in Las Vegas in - what year was that?
They premiered God's Liquid at Tommy's because that's the Greatest Place on Earth.

I got some shaky pictures of  Tommy's interior.

This is the see-thru wall that is behind you if you're sitting on a stool at Tommy's bar.

This is Tommy's bar.

Have you ever seen a more beautiful picture in your life?
When Tommy's says, "Yes, we have that tequila," they're telling the truth.

Uh-oh - I just got an erection looking at that picture.

Wish this was clearer...damn iPhones.

Line 5, they sell double shots of Tres Cuatro Cinco for $120 - never tried that.
Line 9, they sell double shots of Sammy's Cabo Uno for $35 - great stuff, no kidding.
Later on Line 9, they sell double shots of Chinaco Emperador for $80 - that's what God drinks...

And the smell is lime-tastic! 
Limes, Mexican food and more limes - for the newbies who mix their tequila with something.

So, we were finished with dinner and our tequila.
Mrs. Bart, by the way, had her favorite - a margarita with Corralajo Reposado.

  That's really what the bottle looks like.

A great tequila will come in magical bottle - and you get a story!!

The food was great and that double shot of Sambroso Extra-Aged Anejo was among the best ever.
As were we paying our bill, I asked the waiter if we could purchase the tequila snifter.

They said yes, and it was only$5 - Woo Hoo!
I had a new, 2009 official tequila snifter from the Tequila Vatican!

Our last day in California was coming to an end so we headed to our  hotel.

I really like those foggy streets...

We were hoping to get a beautiful view of the San Francisco Bay and Alcatraz.
Why was I expecting that?

That X is our $99 hotel - but no, we couldn't see anything.
Why didn't the Sheraton build a 12 story hotel and charge extra for the great view?

We flew out the next morning - went straight to Denver this time - thank you, God.

When we got home, Rusty the cat kicked my fancy tequila snifter off the counter.
I didn't even get a chance to try it at home (sniff).

    "Yes, I broke it, but I didn't mean to..."

But we had a great time and before long we'll have more free miles with Southwest.
and maybe well get back to Tommy's Mexican Restaurant someday and get another snifter.

Why don't more people take two free trips a year with Southwest Airlines?

Thanks for reading all the way to the end.
You contributed at least five clicks today - I hope I get a spike in the ratings :)

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