Political Humor
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Political Humor
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Message from the Ediotr:
bartcop.com has been struggling in obscurity for
many years. Due to the frank opinions expressed
and the utilization of the language most Americans use, commercial
sponsorship is impossible to obtain.
In November, I took the leap and asked readers to send in contributions
so bartcop.com could,
as our new President-select might say, "Grow
the pie higher."
So we took all that money and sent it to Salon.com
since they were the most visible "mainstream"
political site that accepted advertising. They rejected the first
banners we sent to introduce ourselves,
but we were able to agree on the banners that possibly brought
you here.
BartCop is a recovering Catholic afflicted with ADD and an IQ
of 64, but we have a lot of fun.
We try not to take anything too seriously, and we caution readers
not to use bartcop.com as a
research tool or a reference catalog. Like Rush Limbaugh and
the Devil, we mix lies with the truth.
We update several times a day, and we generally have very short
articles.
I have the attention span of a ferret on Jolt, so larger, in-depth
articles are linked.
I learned to read using Superman and Batman comic books, so we
have lots of cartoons.
Unlike most one-person political pages, you can debate the boss
here.
Some web sites, like that snivelling coward at
rushonline.comboast
about how correct their political
positions are but in reality they are afraid to debate,
so they cower like little scared bunnies.
We are afraid of nobody because we know we are right.
So enjoy the site, and let me hear from you.
Remember, we're here to have fun.
By the way, I do know how to spell editor.
That's a joke.
By the way, you might ask,
"Why spend all that money (Salon.com
is not cheap) on a single day's
worth of advertising?"
Well, today is America's last day under an elected President.
I thought it was worth it.
How does it feel?
...knowing your new president went AWOL for almost two
years during wartime
and America's whore press refuses to ask him where the hell he
was?
Great "Liberal Media" Quotes
"Clinton gave a policy speech tonight
instead of his usual warm, personal speech.
He did this because he knows
the American people are telling him,
'Here's your hat, Mr President, sorry
you have to go...' "
-- Jeff Greenfield, Senior Distorter
- CNN, after last night's speech.
Greenfield, you're either too stuipid to work in a newsroom or
you're a whore.
The people aren't asking Clinton to leave, the 22nd Amendment
demands
it.
Clinton is still at 65 percent approval.
Neither of the new guys have reached that high, once we got to
know them, anyway.
How many times did we hear Republicans who attended Demo Con
2000 say,
"I sure am glad we don't have to run
against him a third time."
You must know this, yet you imply America is pushing him out the door.
For what reason did you put your personal, hate-Clinton views
over the views expressed again and again by the majority of Americans?
Was the truth not sufficient, Jeff?
Are you trying to win back some switched-to-Fox News ditto-heads?
God help our country...
From: Tina Fey
Subject: Honor and Dignity
Did you hear Ricky Martin will sing at the Inaugural?
Yeah, he's doing a concert at the Lincoln Memorial.
Bush promised to restore honor and dignity to the White House.
So what does he do?
He hires a former soap opera actor to sing "She Bangs" under the Great Emancipator.
George W. Bush's Eggnoggural
Address
by Margaret Shemo
...great column, Margaret.
Not everyone is happy with
the installed president.
We asked Sunny from the WWF her opinion of appointed President
Smirk.
How does it feel?
...knowing your new president's minders would rather haul
Snarl out of his hospital bed
immediately after heart surgery than trust President Butt-Head
to act on his own?
From: mmusselman@woh.rr.com
Subject: Love your site
I like your site, read every new issue,
even though I don't agree with most of it.
Can you tell me, why you disagree with
a tax cut?
mussel
Mussel, we must blame Reagan and what George Herbert-Herbert
Bush called "Voodoo Economics."
Reagan and Bush spent America close to bankruptcy. Even with
the Clinton miracle,
we owe a tremendous amount of money that is costing us millions
per day in interest.
We should have tax cuts the minute we're no longer in severe debt,
but that's not going to be anytime soon.
Debt is debt, whether it's a family or the government.
If a family making $40,000 a year owes $10,000 to credit cards,
then gets a raise to $60,000,
it makes fiscal sense to decrease their debt before planning
that big trip to Disney World.
We're on the same side - everybody wants a tax cut.
But let's plan that trip to Orlando after we lower our
debt.
It's the smart move.
Nonauguration Day
If you're in Washington Saturday,
Especially if you're in costume or plan to be arrested.
Bonus points for holding a bartcop.com sign,
maybe one that says, "Buck
Fush"
How does it feel?
...knowing your new president is so stupid, he thinks,
"the executive branch interprets the
law?"
Mail Bag
From: jrogers@wichitausa.com
These are momentous times.
On January 20th for the first time in history,
the gentleman administering the oath to
President Select George W. Bush will be the same
person who appointed him to the office:
Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist.
J. J. Rogers
How does it feel?
...knowing thirty days before he was "elected,"
your new president didn't know Social Security was a
federal program?
Great Republican Quotes
"I harbor no illusions that George 'The
Reaper' Bush would grant me a commutation of sentence."
-- Tim 'Government is the Problem' McVeigh,
to the Buffalo News
Isn't it ugly when Republicans turn on each other?
Mail Bag
From: ajcortez@mindspring.com
Did you ever notice the same people who
tell us to "get over it" in regards to the election
are the ones still hung up on the Civil
War?
AJC
How does it feel?
...knowing your installed president has three convictions,
and his Vice President has two?
This is the banner Salon.com rejected
Is it really too extreme?
But I would like to thank Donya and the people at salon.com
They're a good group, even if they print that swill from David
Horowitz.
Shout-out to Ann Coulter
She found out how to get free french fries for life.
How does it feel?
...knowing your new president holds the western hemisphere
record
for most state-santioned killings in modern history?
This Just In...
From CNN News...
Robert Novak, long-time veteran of Washington's political scene,
shocked old friends
and colleagues when he said he would abandon his decades-long
sacred crusade for tax cuts
and switch his energy to a more important matter - spearheading
the grassroots Republican
movement to de-fund the Secret Service protection provided for
Hillary Rodham Clinton.
"I'm old," Novak told Wolf
Blitzer, "and time is running out."
"This woman will be protected from harm,
until she dies a natural death,
unless we take action
now. It is outrageous that this protection will continue."
A great column from onlinejournal.com
It's a cakewalk for Ashcroft
and other Bush picks,
as Senate Democrats roll
over again
-- By Larry Chin
Excerpt:
The polite and effete Democrats who did manage to peep out questions
squeaked out
the wrong ones, and worse, tossed patently ridiculous softballs
at Ashcroft such as:
"Will you defend Roe v. Wade, Senator Ashcroft?"
"I will enforce the law," he said.
"Thank you, what a great, great man you
are. By gosh, I believe ya."
And it's over.
How does it feel?
...knowing your new president can't give a "no" answer
to the question,
"Have you ever committed a cocaine felony?"
Round 2: Ashcroft wins over a
Democrat
Georgia's Zell Miller says he'll confirm Ashcroft
By Alicia Montgomery
Jan. 18, 2001 | WASHINGTON -- On Day 2 of his
confirmation hearing, Attorney General-designate
John Ashcroft spent eight hours on the hot seat
of the Senate Judiciary Committee. Even as they grilled
Ashcroft about his stands on abortion, gay rights
and the environment, some of the most dogged
Democrats seemed to be ready to concede that
the fight against his nomination was a lost cause.
They had good reason for throwing in the towel.
Georgia Democrat Zell Miller became the first in his party
to pledge to support Ashcroft when his nomination
reaches the floor of the Senate. Miller specifically addressed
charges that Ashcroft is a racist. "I would not
vote to confirm someone who I thought was a bigot or would
hamper the cause of African-Americans,"
Miller declared. "I believe him when he says he will ... enforce the laws of this land, even those he disagrees with."
Say, a year from now...
there's a flare-up in Bosnia or some other hot-spot, and we tragically lose some troops.
Would that be Clinton's fault for
getting America entangled in that awful quagmire?
Or would it be President Smirk's fault
for not protecting them better on his watch?
The reason I'm asking is ...I remember Somalia.
Trust me, I don't want this to happen, but
Bush will lose some troops.
And when he does, people like me will remind
others that Commander-in-Chief Clinton
never sent a man into battle that didn't
come home safely to his family.
Go ahead, read that sentence again, and don't be afraid to repeat it.
Clinton never sent a man into battle that
didn't come home safely to his family.
...I just wanted to mention it before
Bush's first military disaster
How does it feel?
... knowing your president is so stupid, he's stumped for an answer to "Good morning?"
A recent BartCop rant on John Ashcroft
Correction
In the last Issue, Volume
393 - The Feder Enema, there was an attempt at humor that
suggested the possibility that, if one tortured certain
words and made certain wrong-headed
assumptions that one could be led to believe that
I had sex with Deborah Shelton that night.
This is not true.
While it's true I met Ms. Shelton at a K-Drag convention that
was so slow there was no way she
could escape talking to me alone for ten minutes, there
was no sex of any kind between us and
my attempt at humor should not be construed as a signal that
sexual activity of any kind occurred.
bartcop.com regrets the misunderstanding.
How Does it Feel?
...knowing the Republicans have successfully stacked the Supreme
Court so that it is now
the Republican Guard? How do you feel that by the nomination
of Ashcroft, the Republicans
have announced on no uncertain terms that they've only just begun?
...and that the Democrats in congress have, and are prepared to let them do it?
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Read the Previous
Issue
It had everything - outrage, sarcasm. innuendo, satire
but no enemas.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble,
Dude.
